Career Military and Divorce

[SARLDO 0]

This is B/S:

Long story shortened:
I am a career military person who was married for 18 years. My ex-wife decided it was over and left. I wasn't all that tore up about it but hurt none the less as 18 yrs is a long time and hard to give up. Now, because of the "former militay spouse protection act", I will be giving up nearly 50% of my military retirement to her. TOTAL B/S!

I give her alimoney (1,200.00 a mo), I gave her everything she wanted from the relationship, I even had to sell our house and give her 1/2 the profit, now this.

I always figured I would stay military for as long as they would allow me too (23 yrs so far) but now I have to get out and find another job as I can't afford to live on 1/2 of my retirement.

BTW, the supreme court ruled that military retirement IS NOT divisable by state courts but Congress passed a law (retroactively dated one day prior to the SC ruling) saying it is considered mutual property and is divisable. WTF? I don't remember her being out to sea for all that time or going through all the hell I had to endure in my early enlisted days. Ex deserves alimoney per the court because she couldn't establish a career due to moves every three years? fine by me. 1/2 my retirement (even if she remarries)? How is this even remotely fair?

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" ~Samuel Clemens

MB#4300
Dudeist Skydiver #68

[lawrocket 3]

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1/2 my retirement (even if she remarries)? How is this even remotely fair?

What's the difference between half of a house and half of your retirement? She get's half of it for the time that you were married to her.

If she has a retirement, you should get half of hers. Retirement is an asset just like a house, car, bank account, etc. The money for the house came from the same toil and hell that the retirement came from, as well.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[kallend 1,651]

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1/2 my retirement (even if she remarries)? How is this even remotely fair?

What's the difference between half of a house and half of your retirement? She get's half of it for the time that you were married to her.

If she has a retirement, you should get half of hers. Retirement is an asset just like a house, car, bank account, etc. The money for the house came from the same toil and hell that the retirement came from, as well.

My ex got 55%.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[SARLDO 0]

So it's OK that I devoted my adult life to this career, essentially taking myself out of the running for a decent civillian career (too old per some people) and now have to support her because she wanted to leave? BTW, she has no retirement that I can tap later in life. The house? She didn't work for 2 of the 3 years we owned it, but I gave her half anyway. I paid all of her roth IRA (that she has since cashed out of). etc, etc, etc... it goes on and on.

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" ~Samuel Clemens

MB#4300
Dudeist Skydiver #68

[pop 0]

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So it's OK that I devoted my adult life to this career, essentially taking myself out of the running for a decent civillian career (too old per some people) and now have to support her because she wanted to leave? BTW, she has no retirement that I can tap later in life. The house? She didn't work for 2 of the 3 years we owned it, but I gave her half anyway. I paid all of her roth IRA (that she has since cashed out of). etc, etc, etc... it goes on and on.

Gay people are lucky they cant marry each other.

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[AWL71 0]

I agree that those laws are a crock. If a spouse decides to up and leave for no reason then they should only be entitled to what they brought to the marriage. A friend of mine is going through a similar situation. He has 2 young kids and his wife got the 7 year itch and left him for another man. Now he is divorced and only gets to see his kids on the weekend. Hardly seems fair. He should get custody. She is the one that left for no good reason.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

[TrophyHusband 0]

i spent 6 years in the navy and am now married to a woman in the air force. i can tell you from experience, the grass ain't so green from this side of the fence either, and my wife rarely has to leave town, although she works 80+ hours a week, so sometimes she might as well be gone. whether your wife deserves 50%, i don't know without the details. if she fucked around on you, she shouldn't get much, but otherwise she is entiltled to something.

"Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama
www.kjandmegan.com

[Zipp0 1]

If you stay active long enough, maybe she'll die.

I'd never retire if my wife did that shit.

--------------------------
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the Earth down.

[peregrinerose 0]

Didn't she give up a lot too, when you were at sea, not home for her, you worked long hours. Did your time in the military negatively impact your marriage due to the lengthy time away?

I'm not saying that she deserves 1/2 of your retirement, but she probably does deserve a part of it. From the military families I've seen, the non-military spouse gives up a great deal too.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[SARLDO 0]

She gave up working for about 1/2 the marriage and I still give her $1200.00 a month in alimoney.

She had a 5 yr old that I adopted and raised and we had one son together. They are grown and gone now.

She didn't give up much while I was on all those deployments. I got my allowance on deployment and she stayed home and didn't work, but had no trouble not saving any money. She finally decided to go to work and wound up a bank teller then loan officer. I always made about 85% of the total income even when she did work. I just don't see why I have to suffer for giving the military 23+ years of my life. If this started happening to more female retirees, I bet the law would change.

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" ~Samuel Clemens

MB#4300
Dudeist Skydiver #68

[Para_Frog 1]

The system is designed to punish the man in divorce/custody/child support. Period.

The only thing any ex-wife of mine gave up during a deployment was the poo-na-na.

Sat on their asses spending my money, getting laid, and getting fat.

Cash your shit out and retire down south...say Argentina.

- Harvey, BASE 1232
TAN-I, IAD-I, S&TA

BLiNC Magazine Team Member

[peregrinerose 0]

You are thinking solely in terms of money. What she 'gave up' isn't so easy to put money terms on... time with you, a stronger marital bond than is possible with you at sea, a partner in raising both kids while you are away from home.

You're pissed, but life probably wasn't all roses for her either.

I still think 50% is freaking entirely too much. 5-10% maybe, 50% is overboard.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[kallend 1,651]

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I agree that those laws are a crock. If a spouse decides to up and leave for no reason then they should only be entitled to what they brought to the marriage. A friend of mine is going through a similar situation. He has 2 young kids and his wife got the 7 year itch and left him for another man. Now he is divorced and only gets to see his kids on the weekend. Hardly seems fair. He should get custody. She is the one that left for no good reason.

"No good reason" according to whose side of the story?

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[Rookie120 0]

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My ex got 55%.

How the hell did that happen?

If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck!

[akarunway 1]

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1/2 my retirement (even if she remarries)? How is this even remotely fair?

What's the difference between half of a house and half of your retirement? She get's half of it for the time that you were married to her.

If she has a retirement, you should get half of hers. Retirement is an asset just like a house, car, bank account, etc. The money for the house came from the same toil and hell that the retirement came from, as well.

LOL. Both mine got 100%. I just walk away. If if it FLYS, FLOATS OR FUCKS it's cheaper to RENT it.

My ex got 55%.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[kallend 1,651]

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My ex got 55%.

How the hell did that happen?

Her lawyer was more articulate than mine.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[jgoose71 0]

My ex will get a piece of my retirement when I finally hang it up also. I understand the argument that a military spouse gives up her life to support her husband. She is unable to make a carreer for herself because of constant changes of duty station and all that.

However,my ex wife had me standing on the carpet in front of my commanding officer because of her financial stupidity, spent thousands on drugs, the list goes on.

The legal system is broken now. All this no fault crap is designed to punish the bread winner. All you can do now is hope Darwin gives you a hand. The only reason my Ex is still alive is because she uses my kids to get a paycheck. Its a shame because my kids don't deserve the life they are stuck with right now.

"There is an art, it says, or, rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Life, the Universe, and Everything

[Rookie120 0]

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Her lawyer was more articulate than mine.

That line was priceless! I like that.

If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck!

[lawrocket 3]

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All this no fault crap is designed to punish the bread winner.

All this no-fault crap results in attorneys like myself losing out on $30k in fees on a divorce proving whose fault it is.

From a purely selfish standpoint, I'd like to see the no-fault system eliminated, myself.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[warpedskydiver 0]

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The system is designed to punish the man in divorce/custody/child support. Period.

The only thing any ex-wife of mine gave up during a deployment was the poo-na-na.

Sat on their asses spending my money, getting laid, and getting fat.

Cash your shit out and retire down south...say Argentina.

Make that Belize

I have a friend who retired from the british military, he went through a very nasty divorce, she got everything she asked for through her solicitor.

He now lives in India and she cannot touch any of the money he stashed for a rainy day.

He said her mom told him to never trust the no good slag.

And that was her mom speaking!!!

[Jasmin 0]

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He said her mom told him to never trust the no good slag.
And that was her mom speaking!!!

The kids of my ex-grandmother said exactly the same thing...I just wished my grandfather had had the option of bugging off to India when they turned out to be right

xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

[SARLDO 0]

I don't have a problem supporting her (within reason) but that should be done in the form of alimoney, either permanant or short term. Neither do I have a problem splitting marital assets. However, military retirement income is a benefit of service. I didn't take away from my family to invest in it so why should she benefit?

Q: A person does say 8 yrs in the military with the intent to make it a career. Marries. Divorces 7 years later. 6 yrs later, retires with 21 yrs of service. Ex-spouse is entitled to a percentage of the retirement income, even if no alimoney was awarded in the divorce and even if they get remarried. This is right?

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" ~Samuel Clemens

MB#4300
Dudeist Skydiver #68

[warpedskydiver 0]

Heck some people even go after VA disability benefits, I ask you, who bears the scars,and who should have the money?

Not that there is much of it.

[warpedskydiver 0]

I feel sorry for the old chap, I hope he does not have to live in council housing now.

[JerryBaumchen 1,068]

Hi SARLDO,

Well, the same happened to me except I was US gov't employee.

1. Your future earnings (the increase in money you make from COLA's, promotions, etc) will be excluded from the XX% calculations (but only if you challenge it). My ex only gets 26% of my retirement but was awarded that magical 50% as of the divorce. We were married for 24 yrs, 20 good ones and 4 of pure H***.

2. Alimony is state-dependent. It took me 10 yrs (Oregon law) to terminate mine.

3. Don't think about going to another country to avoid it; it is paid by the feds & directly to her, no matter where you are located.

4. Given time the wound will heal. I know mine has.
Oh, BTW I ended up the single-parent of two teenagers when she left. They are now both college graduates (all on my dime) and doing very well in life.

Also, in Oregon (and you'll love this one) she can remarry, divorce him/them and come back at any past husband for alimony. At least the courts put a stop to THAT problem for me.

Stay positive, life does get better; I know,

JerryBaumchen