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Greg

Now I get it!!!

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OK, no offense intended here, I thought this would be an appropriate place to share this:
Ausssies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box.
Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans.
Canadians: Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English."
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day," "mate," and a heavy accent to everything they say

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Wollow on about how some of their past citizens were once outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
Canadians: Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways and avoid assimilation.
Americans: Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly and dump their old ways.
Brits: Encourages immigrants to go to Canada or America.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great commedians, like John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!
Brits: Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because they don't understand subtle humor.

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Hehehe. Those were good. Thanks!
We have a lot of Brits in our office so I forwarded it on to one of them.
FWIW, given the slant of most of them I would hazard a guess they were written by an Aussie, but they aren't too far off the mark anyway. ;)
BTW. Hey skreamer, you need to supplement those with "South Africans". :D
------------
Blue Skies!
Zennie

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Hmmm...
I see that the Natives are sounding a bit restless:P.
Many many people have Immigrated to GREAT Britain in the past. Indeed we had so many that we had to get rid of our criminals at one point just to make room. Fortunately Australia was a bit wmpty at the time. there was another time we got rid of all our Psychos - Hello South Africa:P. Everyone without a sense of humour was sent to Canada. Everyone who couldn't SPELL "humour" was sent to America :D. Actually, the ones we sent to America were so thick they didn't even know that Tea is supposed to be made with Hot, Fresh Water, not Cold, Dirty, Boston Harbour water!!!
Still, some of them have made it back (despite our best efforts in general). Particularly the New-Zealanders! Fortunately, once the New-Zealanders realise that ALL our sheep are diseased & can't date, they bugger off back home (so Foot-and Mouth is good for something!).
As for all the Australian TV shows on UK TV... WE only show them to p!$$ off the antipodean population of Earls Court. We thought it'd get the returning convicts to go away, instead it only gives them something else to moan about besides the beer, the weather, & the lack of date-able sheep!
As for Canada (which I balieve Greg is)... Canada is a country similar to it's population... normal at the bottom, but largely empty at the top!
Mike D10270.

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Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

WRONG... We'll drink anything with alcohol in it if it's COLD.
Ooroo
Mark F...

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ha ha come up to ramblers

Wish I could..... Wouldn't mind having a "Session" with Mad Cow. Followed by a LENGTHY conva..convales...recovery period of course...:-)
I'm off to try out a new home this weekend.. Total Control at Colac. (The barwon heads bullshit gets to me...;-( ) Heard anything about Colac ? Seems to be a real small FRIENDLY relaxed C-182 DZ which suits me perfectly. Of course the fact that they don't do a million tandems helps as well...:-)
Ooroo
Mark F...
Say g'day to cow for me will you... ta...:-)

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Greg --
Thanks for the great start to my day.....Laughed My F****** A** Off ! (not actually rolling on the floor, but I did bust out with a loud guffaw that momentarily startled my co-workers .....)
The rest of you folks are either retarded, criminally insane, or just plain nuts -- thanks for making this site as great as it is !!
The PLF Sultan

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