God help me

[phatcat 0]

God help me
Well, it’s now or never. I just emailed Skydive Hutchinson with some questions and said that I’d be there this weekend. If anybody remembers me when my nick was “Dirtsucks,” I did a lot of whining about money and my lack of it. Then I finally got enough and went to the DZ to jump, but chickened out. After feeling worthless and pathetic about it I changed to my new nick (just didn’t like the other one) and posted a thread about fear. I got I lot of responses, and I thank all of you. The subject of fear has come up a few more times lately, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I went for a drive just to think for awhile, basically about why I’m driving my car around when it’s an absolutely gorgeous day out and I should be at the DZ. I’ve made so many excuses, usually about money, but I think I finally figured it out. When I screwed up my level 4 five times 2 years ago, it was because as my confidence went away, fear took control and that’s why I rode the plane down on my sixth try. And it’s been in control ever since. I finally figured out why I need to skydive so bad. It’s about not being just another person who puts limits on themselves, based on fear. I want to be better than that, and for awhile, when I was doing AFF at Baldwin in WI, I was. But I fucked up, and now I’m just a normal person again who doesn’t jump out of planes because it scares me. Problem is, I had a taste of what it’s like to be a person who goes beyond just being ordinary, and it felt real good. Being ordinary again is what’s been killing me for so long, I just can’t stand it anymore. So I’m going to the DZ this weekend to jump. If I fail, then I’m going to live the rest of my life resenting whuffos who will never understand what it’s like to live life instead of just existing, and resenting myself for becoming one of them again.
I’M NOT GOING TO FUCK THIS UP AGAIN!!
Josh
"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar" - Helen Keller

[Michele 1]

Josh,
The only way you fuck up is to not realize you have. You realized it, you are taking steps to change it. This is not a fuck up.
This, my friend, is courage.
I am behind you 100%. O.K., 150%. Alright, honestly, 1000%.
Kick ass.
ciel bleu-
Michele

[Albatross 0]

Josh
Listen to Michele. We all have our doubts at some time but this is about just what you said... being the person you want to be. We are all scared to jump from time to time. Now is the time to be brave and face your fear and jump. You can leave the sport but don't be driven out. Blue skys are waiting and somewhere in them is the person that you want to be. Search for the courage to find him.
Ready, Set, GOOOOOOO
Albatross

[DickMcMahon 0]

Josh:
Everybody screws up. That's how you learn. You probably
screwed-up going to first grade when you were 6-years-old.
If you didn't, you're weird.
The "fear" thing is another matter. A seasoned skydiver
once told me that ALL skydivers have fear ... but won't admit it.
I don't understand it. This is a strange sport. Skydiving is
all I think about during the week, but then on the drive to
the DZ on weekends, my heart starts pounding and I keep
asking myself "why am I drawn to this insanity of jumping
out of airplanes?"
DICK
http://www.dickmcmahon.com

[Emma 0]

You won't fuck it up again. Every time you jump it gets easier. You'll always have some fear but that's ok, in fact, it's normal.
Stepping outside your comfort zone is scary, but as you obviously know, if you don't do it, you're going to regret it.
As the ad men from Nike say, just do it!
Hope to read your posts on here when you get your Cat 8
Emma

[n2skdvn 0]

just a little phrase(its on the back of my truck)"LIVE YOUR DREAMS"... good luck and blue skys.
have chute. will fall.

[ClayFowler 0]

Everybody has fear sooner or later. The challenge is to control the fear. If you dont control it, it Will control you. Confidence in the equipment and knowledge of the subject is essential. I guess you can call me lucky. I was a jumper with the US Air Force. You havent felt fear until you are at 800FT, in the dark, on a C-141 with 139 Army joes, waiting to step off into the darkness with 150 lbs of equipment strapped to you. I cant tell you how many times I got butterflies when I heard "Outboard personnel, Stand Up!" Many a night did I say to myself, "I just dont want to do this." But, I always went to the door without hesitation. That was relatively easy, because it was my job and I had a mission to do. Dont think I havent stopped on several rides to altitude and asked myself why I was out jumping for the hell of it? Cause I love it. Thats why! Your fate is in the hands of God. No matter what choices you make in life. When it's your time to go you'll go. I would rather burn in under half a chute than slip in the bathtub. Just my choice
"I want to fly like a silly angel, Lean for the sky, straight into the sun"-Fuel
Clay

[drosenberg 0]

As a small anonymous corporation would put it “JUST DO IT”. Blue Skies and safe landings,
David
See my photos and video

[phastasphuk 0]

I had some problems with fear during my AFF to. I tried to shut the fear out of my mind, but only too have it back to me in freefall, thus tensioning up and screwing up the level, then go directly up again and do it perfectly.
One of the JM noticed this, he was not my regular JM and this was after our first jump. Basically, what he told me was the best advice I ever got during MY AFF.
He told me not to try to shut out the fear, but to embrace it. If you try to shut it out it will come back when you least need it, in the air. He told me to visualize every aspect of the dive on the ground(smell, noise, plane, ground, height, fellow jumpers, whatever) to get used to it and at the same time train your body what to do when these fears come to you. Which in my case was to arch.
This is what helped me during my education, not all the pats on your back and the "you'll be fine the next jump".
Hope all goes well with you.
chris
How would you like too stick with me
How much do you love to freefall

[wildblue 4]

Let's all "say a little prayer" for Josh...
(in unison)
"Dear Lord, please don't let josh fuck this up"
(immediately followed by a safety briefing....)

[Snowflake 0]

As a wiseman once said "you'll get used to it before you get over it". Fear heh.......I'd call what I was feeling the fiest 5 levels sheer terror, but once I learned to RELAX it was all good. It is totally unnaturaul to jump out of a plane, but once your body learns that you are not commiting suicide and that you are in CONTROL of the ride it'll ease up. Remeber if a dive starts to go bad relax, arch, smile, and start over
JG

[phatcat 0]

Damn! No jumping this weekend. I just got a reply back from Rose (DZO skydive hutch) and said I would have to take the FJC again. I sort of figured that, but it turns out the next class isn’t until the 18th of August. No big deal, though. After I turned in my vacation request to my boss (which I guess I don’t need now) I told him what I was going to do. He was surprised and during the conversation he said “that’s like the most dangerous thing you can do!” I just said “Um, yeah” and left it at that. I guess I’ll have to get used to it. Thanks everybody, it’s good to have the support.
Josh
"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar" - Helen Keller

[MarkM 0]

Um, feel free to fuck up.
From my own observations skydiving is a sport choked full of fuck ups, so you should fit in just fine with us.
And in skydiving when you fuck up, you're usually doing it 2 miles up at 120mph with no plane so you're at least fucking up in style.

[harro 0]

All the good advice has gone. All I can say is have fun, you know what too do, go out there and do it!
Have fun and bloo skies
Freemind, freesky, freebeer, freefly, freesex

[freaksister 0]

Quote

Re: God help me [Post#: 30916 / re: 30834 ]

Let's all "say a little prayer" for Josh...
(in unison)
"Dear Lord, please don't let josh fuck this up"

HAHA - that makes me laugh because two weeks ago I was at Skydive Dallas with Pyke and Bwilling, two of my closest jumpin' brethren, and Pyke, knowing how much I suck at RW, tells me on jump run: Now, April, DON'T FUCK THIS UP!!
Of course, Bwilling and I were laughing and the JMs on the load who know me were laughing too...Needless to say, the FIRST thing Pyke said to me upon landing was: YOU FUCKED IT UP!! And I did!! But not in a dangerous way, or anything like that! I just royally fucked up the exit and then did all kinds of crazy dumb shit during the rest of the dive! HEHEHEHE It was almost funny to see them trying to figure me out...
My point is: As I have said before, I have almost always had a big fear problem, and basically the only thing that kept me in the sky sometimes were my friends encouraging me to jump, telling me that they KNEW I could do it! You can do it too Phatcat! I do remember you as Dirtsucks, BTW. Glad you haven't given up - some of us do know how hard it is sometimes! Even when you overcome that you will still fuck up skydives, as I am living proof! But it becomes funny after awhile!
Sis

I'm not crazy because I take the right pills everyday.

[wildblue 4]

Quote

YOU FUCKED IT UP!! And I did!! But not in a dangerous way, or anything like that! I just royally fucked up the exit and then did all kinds of crazy dumb shit during the rest of the dive! HEHEHEHE It was almost funny to see them trying to figure me out...

The complete fuck-ups are usually the coolest, most fun, most memorable dives I have! :)