rhino 0 #1 May 18, 2002 O.K. Everyone.. I just got the Friend of the Court recommendation back and I am not thinking straight.. I was offered every other weekend from Thursday to Sunday night. First right of refusal if she works. That means I get the option of taking him before anyone else does. 1 month during the summer. And IF I move closer I can have him 1 weekday.I got this CANDY ASS HALF ASSED FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT @#$#@$@~#R~@#$R Recommendation that is fucking bullshit!! 2 fucking years I have done every god damned thing I have been asked to do and then some. I am venting here.. She gets primary custody because she has ESTABLISHED a custodial environment. NO SHIT!! BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TAKING IT UP THE ASS BY THE SO CALLED FAMILY COURT SYSTEM!crap, crap, crap...... deep breath....I am faced with a problem.. I need opinions and different prospectives badly.. I can still take the case to trial at the end of the month. I don't know how much good it will do going against friend of the cu-court.. At this point I have lost ALL faith in this court system and I don't know if the reward will be worth the additional $15,000 to take it to trial..My son is at stake though? I am trying to figure out the quickest way to the end result which is being a full time dad.. Do I take it to trial and give it one last stand? Or do I fake taking it to trial, try to get more than the foc recommendation or slowly chip away over the next few years with change of circumstances.. I don't know guys.. I need help here. Advise.. Anything.. It is like the foc investigator didn't pay a damn bit of attention during the interview.. I feel like I am being hung out to dry because I am a man.. I have never REALLY felt this way until now..I am also considering a discriminatory law suit against foc and this court in particular.. This is not over..Rhino Blue Skies ..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
steve1 5 #2 May 18, 2002 Hang in there Rhino. I'll bet someone on here can advise you legally what to do. I know the legal system is bull shit when it comes to men trying to win a custody battle. It's also not fair that it takes so much money to go to court. I wish I knew more about this sort of thing. I know it's got to be tough on you and your son. Steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #3 May 18, 2002 I'm hanging man.. I'm hanging onto the knot at the end of my rope.. lol Blue Skies ..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #4 May 18, 2002 Hang in there! I can't advise because I don't know "crap" about the family court stuff. As already said, someone here will have the info you might need or be able to use.J Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #5 May 18, 2002 So what's the deal? Trial or not?? Anyone have ideas? Blue Skies ..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rgoper 0 #6 May 18, 2002 Rob:your only recourse of action right now is to make a motion to "modify" custody of the child, and then, the court will make a decision on what happens after that. your talking to a man that's "been there done that" i hate you have to go through this, it's never easy. go and log on to http://www.fathers.org for more information and support.Richard"Gravity Is My Friend" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #7 May 18, 2002 Sorry man, can't offer you any good advice, but hang in there - you'll be cool !! There's no tomorrow - you ain't gonna live it for me - The Offspring Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jumperpaula 0 #8 May 18, 2002 Quote slowly chip away over the next few years with change of circumstances.. You can file for amendment anytime. I had a mediated agreement, then two years later, refile "motion to modify" and.. start all over. Of course circumstances will be different in a few years. started drinking way too early today Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deleted 0 #9 May 18, 2002 First off, I totally agree with the post that said go to www.fathers.org as it will give you alot of information you can use on your behalf.Now, for the reccomendations (from experience).Fight! Go to court! You must!I thought along the lines, like you said, about chipping away, over 11 years ago. Biggest friggin mistake I have made my entire life.I didn't have the funds to pursue it through the court system, and she ended up with full legal AND physical custody. In the order visitation was written as "mutually agreeable visitation". Yea, Right. That basically means that if I want to see my 1st born son, I have to ask, like months in advance, and even then, she can change her mind at any time for any reason. This is the reason I have been unable to see him in a little over 2 years. (Yes, I'm finally dragging her, kicking and screaming, back into family court).Basically man, DO NOT GIVE UP, at any point, or any time. The long term effects of stopping now, if even for a short time, set a precedent for the future procedings. Once she has custody, the only was to get it back is to PROVE her an unfit mother. Does the child have clothes, food, and a roof? If the answer is yes to all 3, and the custody has already been determined, you'll never get it back.And people wonder why I got ordained....Rev JimA-39869"It's just what I do..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gale 0 #10 May 18, 2002 I'm sorry that I have no legal background with which to base advice but I would like to say this:Please fight for your child. You love them, and you want to be with them, that's a wonderful thing. I know it seems impossible to keep going, but I wish someone had cared enough about me to fight for me and I'm guessing you child will at least appriciate the fight even if they don't get to appriciate you in person as much as you would like. Stick to your guns, get help, and fight. More power to you. Good luck.GaleIsn't life the strangest thing you've ever seen? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gravitysurf808 0 #11 May 18, 2002 Sorry to hear Rhino....in addition to the previous link you might check out ADAM http://www.mens-divorce.com. Being a former Michigan boy I know they are headquartered in Southfield ( not too far from you) and they have locations all over Michigan. Might have info that can help...Keep up the fight. That's a great looking kid you got there.Good Luck!"This is the 4th time I've been late for work this week!!...and it's only Tuesday!" ...Cheech and Chong Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
steve1 5 #12 May 18, 2002 Rhino,Another thing that might help a lot is to talk and vent to someone. This Forum might help a lot. It's no fun being at the end of your rope. It's a lonely damn feeling. Also when your out there jumping be careful. Sometimes being angry and fed up, can be a dangerous time. I spent many of my younger years not really giving a rip what happened. Take care of yourself man. Your Son needs you. Steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #13 May 19, 2002 I woke up this morning REALLY feeling like fighting.. I cannot let this slide. This whole thing started with a lie on my x's part. I can prove that she used and took advantage of the court. I can prove that she is a liar. It all started with her running from Tn, filing a false ppo in Michigan. I can attack the beginning. Show the court who she is and maybe the judge will get pissed for being played the fool?I am brianstorming here.. I am leaning towards THE FIGHT IS ON!!!I appreciate everyones point of view.. I could use a little outside motivation.Rhino Blue Skies ..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chickenhawk420 0 #14 May 19, 2002 Chill, toke, exhale... when it comes to children and law courts it seems that its always the father that gets shitted on. Hang on in there though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #15 May 20, 2002 I'm chilled... Gotta re-group and think things out...I'm going to look at the case history for that judge tomorrow.. That will give me a better idea of how realistic going against FOC rec is?Of course reality is what you make it? Rhino Blue Skies ..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrose7 0 #16 May 20, 2002 Rhino,Keep fighting. It sounds like you really love your child, and I think it will be worth every penny to get more time with your son. You have to use the things that you know about her. You probably know her worst side--use it. best of luck keep your head up,maryThe mind is like a parachute--it works better when it is open. JUMP. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fred 0 #17 May 24, 2002 QuoteI'm going to look at the case history for that judge tomorrow.. That will give me a better idea of how realistic going against FOC rec is?Since nobody's said it, invest in a lawyer. Only somebody familiar with the system is going to be able to help you evaluate the merits. You can't make these kind of evaluations yourself, and you need the help of somebody who knows the system.It seems like you've already made this decision, but definately fight for your kid. It's your child, and it's worth every penny you have. Cash in your 401K if you have to. Even though you might be able to nickle & dime for him over the next decade, you really only get one chance at a custody hearing. Do everything you can to guarantee that he gets the best childhood he can have. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #18 May 24, 2002 The first thing to do is think about what's best for your son. If his mother is a cruel, awful, person who abuses him, do whatever it takes to get him away. If she's a good mother, or even a not half-bad mother, tread carefully. The more animosity you build between you and her, the more battles that take place, and the more stress that's created will all be detrimental to your son's childhood. Basically, I'm saying try to remember what's best for him. If he has a good life with her, and you're just upset that you can't see him as much as you want, it might be better for you to get over that and have the best relationship you can with him based on the circumstances. Devote your energy toward him, not the courts. If on the other hand he's in a dangerous or unhealthy environment, get him no matter what.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmcguffee 0 #19 May 24, 2002 I agree with PhillyKev. The most important thing to do at this point is whatever is best for your son. I don't know what that is but once you settle down from the initial anger you will figure it out. He is a good looking kid. Take care of him first."Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #20 May 24, 2002 I'll second PHillyKev's recommendations... It's not about you, but what's in the best interest for your son. Regardless of what your and her history is, is she a good Mom?Going into court and bringing up every little thing your EX has done to you will more often than not come across as being vindictive and angry and will probably backfire. A FOC brief will be extremely hard to fight since the very nature of FOC is to give a neutral 3rd party opinion. You did meet this mediator, didn't you? That was where you should have made your case in a non agressive, what's best for the child(ren) manner.IF you really think your Ex is an unfit mother, document as much as you can in realtime. DETAILS, DETAILS DETAILS... leave out the conjecture and opinions. Point out the ways you tried to compromise and come to agreeements on things and decisions you made that were in the child's best interest.Good Luck, you will need it....It's not impossible.... Take it from me, I have my kids full timeOne shot... HEY!!! Mas Tequila!!!! Two Shots HEY HEY!!!! Three Shots....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #21 May 25, 2002 I agree with Lummy and Philly Kev, but just to add to that....Times are changing and the courts are not 100% biased towards mothers.My brother in law (ex) has full custody of my niece and nephew. They live outside Detroit, and went through the whole "friend of the court" process. Bottom line, my sister remairried and thought it would be perfectly OK to move her kids out of state, clear across the country and away from their father. The FOC determined (and the judge agreed) that she was not acting in her kids' (ages 7 and 13 at the time) best interest. My brother in law really did not have his s#$% together when he went through all this, (under-employed, etc) and still won. Its been tough on the whole family, but fortunately, my brother in law is a decent guy and lets us see the kids when we can. Good luck and be the best dad you can be no matter what the outcome. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rgoper 0 #22 May 25, 2002 i'm surprised your under this impression that the "system" is sorta "equaled" out, sorry, but it's not. statistics will prove my statement is truthful. one of these days, i'll share a "horror" story with you. but i can't right now because of legal reasons. it's not the way you think at all.Richard"Gravity Is My Friend" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #23 May 25, 2002 Richard,I don't have kids or any first hand experience with custody cases- I'm the first to admit that. I'm not saying the system is perfect, fair or "evened" out. Only that it does seem to be changing, and the situation with my sister and her ex seems to support that. maura Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blondeflyer7 0 #24 May 25, 2002 Well get a load of this........'I' was the one abused in my relationship and the judge said in open court that if my daughter wasn't as young as she was HE would have full costody!!!!!! Don't worry I'm not giving up!! That control freak WILL NOT run over me! My suggestion is to do what is best for your son! He is what matters! Love him unconditionally and never give up. He'll appreciate it in the long run. Always remember, no matter what happens, everything always works out, even if its roller coaster rides. Hang in there! I feel you! I hope for the best for you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GroundZero 0 #25 May 25, 2002 Rhino,Your son is the focal point. After a bitter divorce, it took me quite a while to decide that my daughter was the most important thing in my life, not the ex-wife... this helped me understand that the most important thing for my daughter was a (seemingly) loving relationship between her mother and father. As hard as it was, I have developed a very "do-able" relationship with my ex and my daughter recognizes and appreciates it. I don't know your son's age, I guess he's very young. After a prop strike (on my arm), an airplane crash and then my wife departing the country (with my 18 month daughter), I remembered a phrase my mother told often, "Every dog has his day". I guess another version of "what comes around, goes around". Someone said earlier, Tread lightly...". I know how hard it is to be conciliatory. In time, the worthy will get their just deserves... you WILL get your son if it is to be... Do not fuel the battle in the courts, we guys don't have a chance there. Begin a reconciliation with the mother, not for the future with her but for the future with your son.... remember, she is the mother and needs to be there too. Don't deprive your son of his mother, your son needs you both. Your job is to make that happen, even if that bitch can't comprehend the idea. You've got a lifetime ahead of you and your son is looking forward to that. You will share the joys (even if it is with that bitch). My ex and I get along very well, we're both remarried. My Annabelle loves us very much, she's very happy and that's what it's all about. I feel for you man, I know your pain. We are the adults, we take the pain and protect our children as they are the primary concern. Be the first one to recognize your son's needs without being prompted by the "court". You have already displayed the true father-ly love for your son. Recognize what it takes and show him... it'll be much easier for all in the "near" future. Remember these words.... " Every dog has HIS day." You will win if you so choose. Leave the courts out of it. The courts do not understand, you do and that will prevail. It's early in the game, take care of your son, even if it costs you personal distress at this time. Our lives are long, make the best of it for ... him...Regards, sincerely,Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
