An Homage to Aggie Dave's Land

[flyhi 24]

Rules for entering Texas

The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Texas: Learn 'em and Remember 'em.

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you, They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

11. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices.... salt, pepper and Pace Picante Sauce.

12. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice and plenty of it! You being "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant. You bring Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.

14. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards- it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so," Don't Mess With Texas". If you do, it will get your butt kicked by the best!

18. Also remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas"

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[sar911 0]

I didn't know that they were the rules for entering Texas. I always that it was the National Anthem !!!

[steve1 5]

Sounds like my kind of state. Steve1

[Slappie 9]

Here Here!! That's not just AggieDave's land! It belongs to alot of us skydivers around here...

"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

[Muenkel 0]

Time to move to Texas. What I love about Texas is they stand for everything that pisses off Massachusetts and Vermont.

Now I have to go hide.

_________________________________________
Chris

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Time to move to Texas. What I love about Texas is they stand for everything that pisses off Massachusetts and Vermont.
Now I have to go hide.

That was uncalled for. Massachusetts has Ted Kennedy. You shouldn't kick a state when they're down.

[SpeedRacer 1]

Quote

If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand

doves?? wtf?

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[moodyskydiver 0]

Amen and God Bless TX!!

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

[AggieDave 6]

WHOOP! Finally, someone gets it!

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[Muenkel 0]

Quote

That was uncalled for. Massachusetts has Ted Kennedy. You shouldn't kick a state when they're down.

LMAO! You know, my family is so large, we take pride in knowing our vote nullifies the Kennedy votes.

_________________________________________
Chris

[DTOXX 0]

LOL Living in California and being in the oil industry there is a fair amount of "feuding" between the natives and Texans. At my fathers funeral, in Killeen Texas, I was single handedly able to bring an entire bar to a stone cold silence.
It seemed that the George Stait song "All my Ex's live in Texas" was playing and I like others began to sing along. Well again being a Californian just had to take the oppurtunity to make a little dig. In the main line of the song which again is "All my Ex's live in Texas", I sang (as loud as possible) "All my Ex's are different sexes."
You could have heard a pin drop... My ass was then threatened to be kicked. I however was with most of my family at the time and well in the end it was explained that I did not know any better. I mean its not like I picked on their mothers or anything...

-------
D.T. Holder
SIMstudy

[ChileRelleno 0]

***You being "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant.


Its been my experince that good "Hooch" aka "Strong spirits" has been welcome in texas households for a long time... Must be talking for those hardcore Baptist...

ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414
Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868

[kingbunky 3]

19. Don't ever remind them that Alaska is a larger state, and probably has more oil.

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001