To Fight it or Not?

[vonSanta 0]

Yah Deuce, I sorta agre with you. On the other hand, if getting along with his ex during his kids childhood means not seeing his daughter and her ex trying to move him to the periphery and replace him with this new guy, I say fight it.

Of course there needs to be lots of communication with the child about what is going on and why. She needs to be asked for her opinion. It's just that if she spednds the majority of time with the mother, she can easily poison/guide her mind/choices.

Truly a bad situation, but I'd go for fighting it if the mother is unreasonable. It's not just her child.

This is one area where women have the upper hand. Even if they're a worse parent than the father, they almost always get custody .

Santa Von GrossenArsch
I only come in one flavour
ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

[Skyrose7 0]

I say fight for your daughter. If you don't at least talk to her and she doesn't see you on the holidays, she may think you don't care (especially if you don't talk to her about it). You deserve to be in your child's life and share holidays with them. Everyone remembers the holidays...not the day after. Fight for your rights!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The mind is like a parachute--it works better when it is open. JUMP.
MaryRose

[skyyhi 0]

As a single parent, I say you need to fight for your rights. . .but I do understand why you don't want to. Talk to your ex again and tell her if she continues to push this issue of you not seeing the daughter on the holidays then she will be forcing you to seek legal assistance. By the way, you do not need to hire a lawyer to enforce a custody agreement already in place. All you need to do is document the infractions and seek out the district attorney. Trust me, your daughter will know you fought for her and it will be worth the relationship with her in the long run. She is also old enough to know she is being manipulated by her mother. When your daughter is 12, she will be allowed to speak for herself in court. Never give up. . .

Darcy

________________________________________
Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ
FGF #6
Darcy

[jmpnkramer 0]

FIGHT IT ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BITCHES GETTING THEIR WAY IN COURT WHEN IT COMES TO THE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A MAJORITY OF WOMEN ARE JUST NOT REASONABLE WHEN THERE IS A SPLIT-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN A PART OF YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE THE WHOLE TIME. THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU OR YOUR FAMILY TO SUFFER.

THE DAY AFTER IS NOT THE SAME AND NEVER WILL BE. STARTING SOMETHING NEW 11YRS LATER IS NOT REASONABLE AS SOMEONE SUGGESTED HERE!

YOUR EX DOES NOT SOUND VERY INTELLIGENT AS IT IS. HER ARGUEMENT IS THAT THERE IS TOO MUCH TRAVEL TIME. WHAT IS SHE DOING IF SHE GOES TO BOTH HER OWN FAMILY AND HER NEW HUSBAND'S? THAT IS STILL 80+ MILES ROUND TRIP!!! WHY DOES SHE NEED TO GOTO BOTH HER AND HER HUSBANDS FAMILY?

COURT IS NASTY THERE IS NO DOUBT BUT YOU NEED TO FIGHT IT. AT 12 YOUR DAUGHTER IS OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE AND TELL THE JUDGE WHAT SHE WANTS. SHE WILL ALSO BE YOUR PROOF THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER.

AND YES EVERYONE I AM SHOUTING BECAUSE THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOMEN GET AWAY WITH MURDER WHEN IT COMES TO KIDS. IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT WAY!!! PERIOD!!!!

IF THERE IS A COURT ORDER THEN FRY HER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MERCY ON HER.

YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH, SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a final note I know that not all fathers are good but not all women are either. It does not matter if the woman is bad though. It is ridiculous. Yes, court is expensive but in this case it is worth it.

I have a daughter who no longer knows me. I still pay my child support through the state. The reason being that I do not trust her. I now have two states trying to collect for the same child because all the women that work for those agencies are corrupt as well.

The reason my daughter no longer knows me is because I was in the military and an arrangement could not be met. I could not even make it to the divorce and so therefore I basically got screwed. My ex has moved around and changed states and has tried to say that I did not pay. Luckily I have all the records and so does the state she was living in at the time. She has kept my daughter from me and I would not try to introduce myself now because it would cause turmoil for my daughter.

Your case is different because you have been there the whole time. Please do not let your ex get her way!

Laters,

KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!!!

The REAL KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!

"HESITATION CAUSES DEATH!!!"
"Be Slow to Fall into Friendship; but when Thou Art in, Continue Firm & Constant." - SOCRATES

[wmw999 2,146]

Quote

I was so pissed in my parents divorce when they would fight between themselves using me or my brother to get what they wanted

Read the answers -- this is what the kids who were in that situation almost universally say. Who is the holiday for -- you or your daughter?

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[skymama 35]

Not all women are bad ex's. My ex has a girlfriend but won't be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with her. I invited him to spend it with my family. Do I really want him there? No, but it's the right thing to do for the kids and it will make them happy. That's all that matters.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[WrongWay 0]

I'm not a father, but I do know what's right and what's wrong. This is bullshit, and you should fight it.

Good luck to you.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[jlmiracle 7]

Fight for her. You are not being selfish, your daughters mother is. If you have an arrangment already, she should follow it. By her wanting all the holidays can give your daughter the impression that holidays aren't as important to you.

Now, I don't have any kids but my brother as been through several battles with his ex-wife. Usually she would file a restraining order against him during the holidays so he couldn't see the kids until after the court date, which was usually after the holidays.

Good luck, fight for what is right.

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

[PhreeZone 15]

There is one thing that I've noticed is that a lot of the people that are arguing to fight have never had to be the one thats being used in the middle of the fights. Most of those people have never lived through a divorce so while they are entitled to their opinions... they are really worthless compared to the opinions of the kids or parents they have gone through this situation in the past.

Ask kids of a very clean divorce their opinion and then ask kids of a messy divorce and odds are the majority of the messy divorce kids have cut almost all ties with one parent later in their life. The kids that went though hell in the divorce usually have to pick a side even if they don't want to and that affects how the non-choosen parent treats them in the future. Its a downward sprial from that point.

In 6 years it will be a mute point once she gets her drivers licence and tells the families exactly who shes going to be seeing and when since things will operate on her schedule at that point. Is it worth the fighting for no more then 12 days out of about 2190?

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[rfarris 1]

After my wife and I divorced we went through some similar issues. I wont go into them but, to make a long story short, through several years of using that stupid divorce decree as leverage, and threats to take each other back to court over silly shit, we realized (mostly she), that our kids were getting older and were starting to be more affected by our mud slinging.

My opinion on holidays, they suck. Why, because I too was the kid who got dragged around from house to house during those dreaded holidays. Believe me, it leaves a lasting scar on you. And now, my kids are doing the same thing. But my ex and I are starting to understand that and we put what our kids want before what we want. If they want to wake up christmas morning at their mom's then that's where they'll be, and vise-versa. If they want to eat thanksgiving turkey with me at my mom's house because she makes the best rolls and deviled eggs, then that's where they will eat. Don't get much easier than that.

Go back an reread Phreezones reply(s). He's right on.


edit: pluraled zone's reply.

[themitchyone 0]

I agree that having your daughter taken around to different families sucks... although as adults we still go through this. IMO, I think if your daughter is 11, you should speak with her about this situation. She probably doesn't want to go a strange new family either. If she doesn't want to go, fight it. And BTW, I do think your ex is being unreasonable.

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girl's sports such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing." - Homer Simpson

[blueskyserenity 0]

I agree with PhreeZone. Compromise is a big issue here and if she is not willing to compromise about splitting the actual holiday itself, then the whole eve or day after can be dovoted to you. In my family we have always had a Christmas Eve Tradition and traveled on Christmas day. When I think back on those holidays I think about the time spent, the food or gifts, not about the calendar date. If she will agree to a whole day before or after I would go for it. Like PhreeZone said, who wants to have 4 Christmas' and Thanksgiving's on the same day? However, celebrating holidays sequentially and extend the merriment over a few days for your daughter seems like more fun for all. Good luck. Always fight for your daughter. You are her dad and she loves you and I'm sure realizes w/ new hubby around that some things will inevitably change. Make sure these changes are positive for her sake

I like coconuts. You can break them open and they smell like ladies lying in the sun!

[blueskyserenity 0]

Wow skymama, you are a big person to invite your ex, but you're absolutley right. The holidays are for the children and what makes them happy. Being new to this whole single parent thing and coming up on the first holiday season alone, I want my kids to enjoy it. I've been invited to Thanksgiving with the ex-inlaws b/c it's his holiday this year, but don't know if I'm quite ready for that yet or if I ever will be. Emotions are still pretty raw though. Wish me luck!

I like coconuts. You can break them open and they smell like ladies lying in the sun!

[Layton 0]

let the NEW family see her the next day.also she is 11 and can make up her own mind on this one issue i think.i fought my ex for years over this kind of shit.finally i told her to read the decree we are gonna do what the judge says.***where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?

[JoeyRamone 0]

Dude it is you child. Do whatever you got to do to see her.