Office Space

[jlmiracle 7]

We have guys in my office that feel the need to practice their golf swing (with a club). I get really irrated with them when they feel the need to swing it right behind me. I make them stop or move.

Also, even though it only happened once, a guy brought in a a rotting deer head.

Judy

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

[Michele 1]

I'm straight commission, and the only thing I can think of which annoys me about someone I work with is her laugh. She has the MOST annoying laugh. Piercing, shrill, and headache instigating.

Other than that, if someone annoys me, it's a brief moment, and easily dealt with...I tell 'em to go away. They usually do.

BWDave, here's what I'd do if I were in your situation, and really wanted to do something about it.

You really can do damange with the info you have on her.

Document her calls - you sit next to her...easy to do.
Document her internet stuff...ditto

Take one week's worth of documented information to your boss. Lay it out for him/her. Say something like "dunno if you knew, but she is using your equipment (computer, TS line, et cetera) to advertise herself on the internet for sexual purposes. I am not sure if she's getting paid, but prostitution is illegal, and this is creating a horrendous work environment for me. I'm not sure what you can do, however, so I will start checking with the police and the labor board to see what your options are."

Note the whole conversation in writing, and CC your boss's boss. Include the original documentation.

Trust me, this will really shake folks up, and shit will get done. At the very least, she will now be monitored for illegal activity while at work (prostitution), and she will be a total bitch to you. Document this, as well, because now you have "whistle blower" status (documented), and if you can demonstrate her actions are directly related to you doing something about your horrid work conditions, then you are protected.

At the most, she will get fired.

The negative is that you might get fired. But if you've demonstrated you were making a legit complaint, then you can sue them for firing you without cause, in retaliation, and with animus not based on work performance.

Good luck, and I really wish you the best. It's got to be really rotten going to work...

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[ZoneRat 0]

Quote

She has realized that she is overweight, lonely, probably dying and doesn't know what to do about it so she's taking out her frustrations about her own life on everyone else.

I'd guess those things are the results of a deeper/ older misgiving. Mental/ emotional habits entrained years before the lung cancer. She sounds to me like she hates herself. Smokes with one lung. Eats when overweight. Risky/ degrading sexual behavior. She doesn't need flowers. She needed therapy 20 years ago.

She may not have many ways to ascribe value to herself these days. Right now, as Skymama suggested, she may feel the race is run and she's not worth saving... except for her job. It's one thing she does well. Possibly why she steals other peoples accounts. If she can close them, she still has value in this world.

An act of kindness will likely not result in real possitive effect, but it'd be good for your soul, and be an interesting experiment... definately a better way to go than doughnuts... kind of mean, that. I regret suggesting it.

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophies.”

[Nightingale 0]

if she's talking "sexy" on the phone, you could file a harassment complaint.

it doesn't have to be directed AT you for it to be harassment. It just has to create an uncomfortable work situation.

[CrazyIvan 0]

Quote

if she's talking "sexy" on the phone, you could file a harassment complaint.

Nah!!!, I'd just play "Sweet Emotions" by Aerosmith


Lyrics:

Some sweat hog mamma with a face like a gent
Said my get up and go musta' got up and went

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[BigWaveDave 0]

Quote

I'm straight commission, and the only thing I can think of which annoys me about someone I work with is her laugh. She has the MOST annoying laugh. Piercing, shrill, and headache instigating.

Other than that, if someone annoys me, it's a brief moment, and easily dealt with...I tell 'em to go away. They usually do.

BWDave, here's what I'd do if I were in your situation, and really wanted to do something about it.

You really can do damange with the info you have on her.

Document her calls - you sit next to her...easy to do.
Document her internet stuff...ditto

Take one week's worth of documented information to your boss. Lay it out for him/her. Say something like "dunno if you knew, but she is using your equipment (computer, TS line, et cetera) to advertise herself on the internet for sexual purposes. I am not sure if she's getting paid, but prostitution is illegal, and this is creating a horrendous work environment for me. I'm not sure what you can do, however, so I will start checking with the police and the labor board to see what your options are."

Note the whole conversation in writing, and CC your boss's boss. Include the original documentation.

Trust me, this will really shake folks up, and shit will get done. At the very least, she will now be monitored for illegal activity while at work (prostitution), and she will be a total bitch to you. Document this, as well, because now you have "whistle blower" status (documented), and if you can demonstrate her actions are directly related to you doing something about your horrid work conditions, then you are protected.

At the most, she will get fired.

The negative is that you might get fired. But if you've demonstrated you were making a legit complaint, then you can sue them for firing you without cause, in retaliation, and with animus not based on work performance.

Good luck, and I really wish you the best. It's got to be really rotten going to work...

Ciels-
Michele

Good advice, although to be honest, I'm not really concerned about getting her fired, since I'll be gone in a few months anyway.

Even if I went through those steps, nothing would happen. The owner knows what she's doing, but he won't do anything about it. She's been here 15 years, he's only owned the firm for five. Plus she produces some decent numbers. The owner here has no backbone. She pretty much runs the show.

After a couple of years, I've just learned to laugh at her antics.

“If you hear a voice within you saying, ''You are not a painter,'' then by all means paint… and that voice will be silenced.” - Vincent van Gogh

[sammer 0]

We used to have a big fat guy in our office that would remove his socks and shoes and then start to "floss" between his toes with the socks. He would do this at least once every day, usually during lunch

Thankfully he was laid off some time ago...but the memory of him still haunts me.

[jlmiracle 7]

Quote

We used to have a big fat guy in our office that would remove his socks and shoes and then start to "floss" between his toes with the socks. He would do this at least once every day, usually during lunch

Thankfully he was laid off some time ago...but the memory of him still haunts me.

that is one of the nastiest things I've heard.

Judy

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

[LoudDan 0]

For offices, (this one is great). Get yourself a sheet of legal paper, some baby powder, and a hair dryer.

Put a sizeable amount of baby powder on the sheet of paper, and then slide it carefully under the bottom of the door leaving some to allow you to pull it back, fire up the hair dryer on high, and then pass it across the paper and bottom of the door a time or two. Retrieve the paper, and split.

Whoever owns the office will be perplexed as to what the hell happened, especially if the door was locked.

This brings smiles.

Coming soon to a bowl of Wheaties near you!!

[AggieDave 6]

If you want to do something like that, then you might as well do a "Babbo bomb." Take a can of babbo (or comet), the cardboard can kind, take a cherry bomb (or something of similar power), cut a hole in the side of the cardboard, put the explosive in it. Now, use some duct tape and close it up. Make sure that the fuse is free of the can and that it has room to burn into the can.

Light the fuse, toss in room, RUN!


When it goes, it shouldn't do much, if any actual explosive damage, BUT it will send the white powder EVERYWHERE. Never will the person actually get it out of every place and thing in the room.





Here's another one.

Take a roll of quarters and a pair of pliers (leatherman, etc). Take a lighter and heat a quarter (holding it w/ the pliers), get it red hot then slide it under a door. Listen for the "huh? Oh...OW, DAMN!"

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[SkydiveNFlorida 0]

My boss.... he talks... so . . . s . l . o .. w!! AHHH!!

I guess that's it. Understand that I don't work with many people since I work nights. I only interact with my boss for an hour.

Angela.

[Rdy2skydive 0]

I sit across from a woman who's about 77 years old and has been with my company for over 50 years. All day long I listen to her belch, fart and complain about her poor immune system. In addition to her bodily noises, she types at rapid speed on her electronic typewriter.

On top of all of this, she is not that computer savy (though she does try) and doesn't understand the concept of a screen saver. When she doesn't use her computer for 15 minutes, it locks and the screen goes black. Every time this happens, she starts yelling that her computer shut itself off - AGAIN!!!!! No matter how many times we tell her to just move the mouse around or press on the space bar she doesn't listen. Next thing you know, she is on the phone with our IT Dept demanding to know what is wrong with her computer and why it constantly shuts off. A tech guy will come to her desk and show her again what to do but the next day it starts all over again. Gotta love life in a cube farm

[CrazyIvan 0]

It sounds like the executives at my last job

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[SkydiveNFlorida 0]

Dude,... turn off her screen saver. That is SO annoying!

Angela.

[Layton 0]

nope i got the ultimate.when i was a kid an old woman in my neighborhood said that i was being a deviant(i wasnt then but i did grow into it later).so i got up early one morning and snuck over and got her paper before she up.i ran into the bushes and took a crap in her paper and then i called her later that morning and said "hey did you read that shit in the paper today?" she was screaming at her husband and i was laughing so hard i fell off the chair.***duck?what duck?

[sdgregory 0]

A guy at the office is always going into the lab and leaving amess, breaking tools and telling none, kinda smells funny and is just a jackass. Add to it no one is ever right except him.

Another guy eats sardines every day. Nice guy we get along so I asked him if I could have the can after he got done eating.

I then went into the schmucks office when he was in a meeting and opened up his computer case and set the sardine can in his case with the juice in it.

Then I closed the case and closed his office door.

Took two days to really reek his office and it took him six days to find it

[slug 1]

These are strange times I don't think any kind of white powder would be a good idea.

However those nice aromatic car freshners that some folks hang from their rear view mirrors come in can come in handy. I bought half a dozen and taped them under a guy's desk, chair, drawers, Damn anyone who walked into the guy's office started gagging and had tears runnng down their eye's.
The guy got used to it.

A sweet get even technique I came up with was a women who was a major pain in the butt. She was trying everything to lose weight. Pills, weight watchers, liquids lunch's etc.
I stated to take large bags of M&M's with peanuts to work and put them in a dish in a central area. Only one person ate them! Guess who? Everyone would snicker when they heard the M&M's in the dish clinking. After a while other folks were giveing me large bags of M&Ms so I had a steady supply to fatten up the diet lady.

The M&M's were just taking to long so I started to bring in 2 dozen donutes on friday's and place them in the central area. I would walk by the diet lady's desk with two at a time and she just couldn't help herself and would get two donutes also.

For some reason the diet lady was gaining weight in spite of her best efforts. The moral in the office did pick up for everyone except fot the diet lady.

The lady doing the swinging thing at work! Help her out! Her work number in truck stops rest rooms, gay bars, be creative.

R.I.P.