Child visitations

[D22369 0]

1st . Sorry for intruding on the womens forum But I have a question that most guys probably couldnt answer:

My ex girlfriend and I have a child together, we havent formalized with the courts - visitations, and support, we have a private arrangement we both agreed upon, and it worked for over a year, But we had a disagreement on one weekend and she refused to let me have him for my weekend. After the weekend we sat down and discussed filing it with the courts. we came to an agreement on weekends-holidays-etc.
My question is: do we need to take it to lawyers or is their another option? perhaps a legal assistant could do the paperwork?
Thanks
Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

My understanding is that if you BOTH agree, you do not need lawyers.

Good luck...unfortunately I haven't seen one (divorce or custody) in my family that they both agreed.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[skymama 35]

My ex and I did our entire divorce and child custody arrangement with no lawyers. We filed everything in court on our own, and it was all fine and good with the judge. All my ex did was go down to the courthouse and they gave him the correct papers to file. Hope that helps.

edit: I am going to move this though. There are a lot of guys on here who have child custody issues that may be able to help.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[juanesky 0]

As Andrea put it, you can both agree on terms, and present it to a judge in family court, go to court and request some info. You don't need a lwayer if you are not fighting over each detail.

Good luck

"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

[lawrocket 3]

You can do it without lawyers. It can be done, though I wouldn't recommend doing it without clearing it with a lawyer first.

Too often, these agreements are made, and then there is a disagreement in the future. The agreement is vague on the terms and they could be construed two ways. So, after a lot of money spent for a judge to determine what the term means, we attorneys like when y'all do that.

Spending a little money now can save a lot of money in the future if things don't work out well.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Rainbo 0]

It realy depends on how your post relationship relationship is with your childs mother. Personally I would have it filed in the courts. You do not need a lawyer to do that. I have found that even if it is filed with the courts that there is very little the courts will do to enforce a visitation order.

My ex tends to use the children whenever possible as leverage and control. If the parent that has primary physical custody wants to with hold your visitation rights at the last moment they can. The police tend to not want to be involved if at all possible and will usually resort to "How do we really know it is your weekend?"

I have my kids every weekend most of the time. But, never am able to make plans because I never know what frame of mind the other is going to be in.

Your best bet is to try and maintain a good raport with your childs mother, otherwise look forward to spending more money that you could ever imagine just to be able to continue being a father, which is different than having a child.

Rainbo

Rainbo
TheSpeedTriple - Speed is everything
"Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting."

[freeflir29 0]

Uuhhhh....you're in Washington. That's one pain in the ass state. Anyway....look online for the forms. Most states these days have forms that you can download for just about anything. If you then take that form, filled out of course, to a lawyer for review everything should go OK and you can either have the lawyer file it or just do it yourself. That should save you lots of money.

[flyangel2 2]

Quote

But we had a disagreement on one weekend and she refused to let me have him for my weekend.

Are you paying any kind of child support? If so, she had no right to do this. You have parental rights, and talking with a lawyer and having the paper work filed in court will prevent this from happening again.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[littlestranger 0]

I agree with the statement that you can work out an arrangement without lawyers. The key is that the both of you have to always remember that the child comes first. Put aside your grievances and personal issues with each other and refocus on this innocent little kid that has nothing to do with the breakup of the relationship.

With that in mind working together will be alot easier.

[D22369 0]

Quote

Are you paying any kind of child support? If so, she had no right to do this. You have parental rights, and talking with a lawyer and having the paper work filed in court will prevent this from happening again.

I am paying child support, but as I understand it she is well within her legal rights to deny me visitations since our custodial arrangement hasnt been filed in the courts. Morally I think she is wrong, but hey! I am the ex

Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[Thanatos340 1]

I was in this exact situation 12 years ago. I ended up going to a lawyer and filing a "Petition to legitimize" with the courts. When I went to before the judge, Visitation and Child support were set (Actually my ex and I had already worked up an agreement and the judge accepted it.) This made the agreement an enforceable court order. Without this you have absolutely NO RIGHTS AT ALL in most states.
This cost me $500 in legal fees but that was 12 years ago so it may cost more now.

Also I noticed people asking about Child Support. Child support and Visitation are not related in any way. If you miss a payment, she cannot withhold court ordered visitation.
Also just because you are paying Child Support does not entitle you to any form of visitation unless it is court ordered.

Get a Lawyer!! File a petition to legitimize and get a visitation agreement ordered by the courts. Do not let petty squabbles between you and your ex jeopardize your right to be a part of your Childs life.

[flyangel2 2]

Quote

Also I noticed people asking about Child Support. Child support and Visitation are not related in any way. If you miss a payment, she cannot withhold court ordered visitation.
Also just because you are paying Child Support does not entitle you to any form of visitation unless it is court ordered.

You may want to check on that. There is also a rule with the number of over nights to weight in on how much child support is paid.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[Nightingale 0]

I think what he means is that if you skip paying child support, the ex still has to let you see your kids according to the custody agreement. You're going to get in trouble for not paying, but you and your ex are still bound by the terms of the custody agreement until it is revised by the courts.

[Thanatos340 1]

Laws vary from state to state but I have never heard of anything like that.

In every state that I know of, Child support is based strictly on Income (In Georgia it is set between 17% to 23% of Gross income based on factors such as debt and established standard of living).

Visitation is a separate issue completely.

My Brother is going through the courts right now with visitation issues. In his case, he has full custody of his 2 daughters and the mother has not paid child support in over a year. She does not have a job so there are no wages to garnish. He has tried repeatedly to deny her visitation until she gets off her ass and gets a job. The courts say NO. Visitation and child support are completely separate issues in Georgia (and most other states). One definitely does not guarantee the other.

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

I am paying child support, but as I understand it she is well within her legal rights to deny me visitations since our custodial arrangement hasnt been filed in the courts.

Go to court, get the child support amounts set in writing quickly.

Visitation? What is legal and what will happen are two different things. Visitation isn't really enforced that much. There is a Child Support division that will release the hounds of hell on you, but it is not called the Visitation division.

Child support is a local-decided court judgement that can be enforced by a federal agency (the IRS). Don't pay your CS and it shows up on your income taxes.

She doesn't let you have visitation? Good luck. My roommates kids live 3 states away now, but the CS is still the same.

The court isn't on your side either, so get everything you can in writing now.

[flyangel2 2]

Again, you may want to check, it's called "Parental Rights". And the child support has a numbers system that allows for so many over nights with the parent that is paying. Once that parent goes over the "number" of over nights, the child support payment is lowered. Hence having a visitation set up with the courts.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

My Advice:

Avoid attorneys at all costs except to have them look over and document your agreement.

I think the cheapest way to do what you are trying to accomplish (this is what you can do if you are getting a divorce, I'm not sure about if you're not married) but to get a divorce all you need to do is sit down with your divorcee and write up an agreement. If you have kids, it gets more complicated. You need to include, who pays who child support and that is generally based on income guidelines provided by the state and can be found online for your state and "Child Support Guidelines" You need to read it carefully because sometimes people don't understand exactly "what" is considered income for purposes of paying child support.

Also you need to include a visitation schedule for holidays and vacations, during school and who will have what type of custody. There is physical and legal and the definitions can also be found online. If there is any joint property that will need to be administered, bank accounts, retirement, KEOH, all that, any valuables, whatever, you get the idea.

If you are not married, I am not sure which of these apply, the basis for your motion may just be over child custody, visitation and support. I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY but my mom is and I can try asking her.

When you have included everything in your agreement, I would consider jointly choosing an attorney who specializes in family law to type up a legal document for the court. For a divorce it is called an Agreement Incident to Divorce. After the documents are prepared you should be able to go to a notary and initial each page and then have it notarized. That becomes the official document for the courts.

The document is filed and signed by the judge if it is approved. I think after that it gets submitted to become a decree.

Sorry to hear that you are going through that. It's never fun. Good luck.

Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires."

Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say."

[baa75 0]

Maybe in your state but these issues are very different by each state, as Thanatos340 said.

In PA the child support has absolutely nothing to do with visitation. They look only at your pay stubs and figure out how much is paid.

As for the original question...If you two can get along well enough to do it then file the papers yourselves but I would still have a lawyer look them over first just to make sure you aren't giving up something you don't realize.

Good Luck!

BettyAnn

Getting married? Check out my website!

[lummy 4]

Quote

In PA the child support has absolutely nothing to do with visitation. They look only at your pay stubs and figure out how much is paid.

Same in Ca, you can't deny visitation if the other parent isn't paying. On the other hand, CS is based on the percentage of time that the child(ren) is with each parent. So a parent that has visitation every weekend would pay less than a parent who has their kids every other weekend. IT's a one way relationship, amount of visitation helps determine CS, but CS doesn't determine visitation.

Having been there, done that and still gone thru court, my advice would be to leave NOTHING ambiguous. Spell it all out, including who is to do pick ups and drop offs. The less ambigous it is, the easier it is to enforce if there is an issue.
foe example, if your visitation is to have the kids home an hour before their bedtime, the police can't do athing about it because they can't take your word (or hers) that bedtime is really 8pm.

This is not to say that you and your ex can't change things or do things different as life goes on, b that depends on how well both of you communicate and get along. This is basically bottom line, you get into a fight and don't talk to each other for 6 months, you still have an order that is indisputable.

I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1