Wednesday Funny!!!!!!!!!

[Casie 0]

I thought this was hilarious, hope it hasn't been posted

IT TAKES A TEXAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!

On a recent flight from Chicago to Houston, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up at the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane. Then a Texan stands up at the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ......one button at a time. No one moves. ....he removes his shirt. ...... muscles ripple across his chest.......

She gasps..........

He whispers: ......

"Iron this, and get me something to eat...."

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[yoink 321]

!

[Brains 2]

Actually, i told her to iron this, and MAKE ME A SAMMICH!!

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

Actually, i told her to iron this, and MAKE ME A SAMMICH!!

That's my line - Dammit!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Casie 0]

Quote

Actually, i told her to iron this, and MAKE ME A SAMMICH!!

Don't you mean......MAKE ME A SAMMICH and where's my BEER

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[turtlespeed 212]

And it better be OPEN this time too!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Casie 0]

Quote

And it better be OPEN this time too!

I'm guessing ya want that hhhuuummm thing to go along with that too; huh???? Guys.....they're soooo high maintenance

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[turtlespeed 212]

Well, Y - EAH - and better bring me the remote too.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[flypunk 0]

I hope you meant where is my Shinner...

...

[Casie 0]

LIFE
Is all about ass,
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
or trying to get a piece of it.

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

LIFE
Is all about ass,
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
or trying to get a piece of it.

You forgot sucking

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Casie 0]

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered , my problem is this. I love my fancee and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[Taylor610 0]

Now that is some funny stuff!!!

I knew I liked you for a reason!

[ACMESkydiver 0]

This is about Texas men? What about the "Where's my pot-pie, woman??"

Oh and watch for them tornados...they like to pester them trailer parks a darn site...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[turtlespeed 212]

You don't speak TEXAN!

Women here don't say "Where's My Pot Pie?"!

They say here, honey, have a Shiner.

and

Damn, you got a purdy truck, can we ride in it?

Gheese - coupla hours in Texas and she knows it all.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Did you see my boobies?? I posted 'em!!

Now technically, they are mine because I own that picture...they are not mine that sit on my chest, those are sacred and few men can view those without going into a Hallelujah break-down...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Viking 0]

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5
passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best
NBA basketball player; the Lakers need me, I can't
afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the
plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the
wife of the former U.S President, a Senator from New
York, and a potential future president And I am the
smartest woman in American history, so America's
people don't want me to die." She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm the
Senator from the great state of Massachusetts". I am
also going to be my parties nominee for President. So
he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, President George W. Bush, said
to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I
have lived a full life, and served my country well, I
will sacrifice my life and let you have the last
parachute."

The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left
for you. America's smartest woman took my schoolbag."

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Rock on...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[seekfun 0]

This one got me giggling...

"...there is a there out there..." - Tom Robbins

[seekfun 0]

Another Wednesday Funny...

Quote

Bush Posts Classified Ad For 90,000 Troops
WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to relieve the burden on his overextended armed forces in Iraq, President Bush placed a four-line classified ad in the Monday edition of 75 U.S. newspapers. "WANTED: motivated, dedicated, obedient people looking for career in growing field of nation liberation," the ad read. "90,000 jobs avail. F/T days, nights, weekends. No exp. necessary. Will train. Arabic a plus. Starter pay, solid bnfts." To further boost military enlistment rates, Bush plans to post the job offer at employment offices in 300 cities across the country.

This is, of course, satire.

It's from THE ONION, America's Finest News Source

Blue skies this coming weekend everyone,

topher

"...there is a there out there..." - Tom Robbins

[Cajundude 0]

Quote

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered , my problem is this. I love my fancee and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

[Casie 0]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door..
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.."

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[grega 0]

HAHAHA

"George just lucky i guess!"