Shopping Trauma - Longish

[CornishChris 5]

Finding myself with no bread or milk in the flat I popped down to my 7-11 to pick up a few provisions. I took the opportunity to purchase a selection of other items from their limited and local stock. Amongst a full basket of other items I bought nine yoghurts. I reasoned that while I was here I may as well buy a few. That would keep me going for nine days of a yoghurt a day or five days of two yoghurts a day (except for one of the days when I would have only one yoghurt) or eighteen days of a yoghurt (on average) every other day. There are several other permutations. Nothing beyond eighteen days though, as then you'd be over the use by date. In any case, I was sure that I would be able to eat all the yoghurts in time and by buying nine yoghurts all in one go I was not going to have to worry about yoghurt purchases for at the very least five days and only then in the unlikely event that I wanted two yoghurts a day. Which I very rarely do. I would say my average yoghurt consumption - when I have a fridge stocked with yoghurts - is two yoghurts every three days. I was anticipating not requiring to buy any more yoghurts for just under a fortnight.

I put the nine yoghurts in my basket and thought no more about it. Yoghurts aren't that important to me. I'm not obsessed with them and I don't think about them any more than the next lactose tolerant person.

Anyway, when I got to the check-out the check-out girl started taking items out of my basket and scanning them. She noticed the yoghurts and looked at me and said, "Someone likes yoghurts." I sort of made a grunting noise. It was true, I did like yoghurts, but I would say no more than the average person who likes yoghurts. She was clearly accusing me of liking yoghurts more than most people. In fact she was so amazed to see that someone might want to buy nine yoghurts in one go that she lifted the basket towards the girl at the next check-out and said, "Look at all the yoghurts."

As I've already explained I had decided to buy enough yoghurts to last for the next fortnight, which I think is entirely reasonable, but here I was being treated as if I had bought nine yoghurts and was planning to get them out of the bag the moment I was out of the shop and scoop them all into my greedy mouth, like I was some kind of yoghurt freak, rather than, as was the case, a normal yoghurt consumer who just wished to ensure a ready supply of yoghurts in his fridge, in case he got a perfectly normal craving for a yoghurt (maybe as a pudding, or a mid-afternoon snack).

In any case, I don't think it is her place, as a check-out girl to pass comment on my groceries. So what if I did like yoghurt more than the average customer? That was my business. I shouldn't be subjected to having my fondness for yoghurt held up for public scrutiny, nor to have my grocery needs discussed amongst the staff. What would she have said if I had been purchasing three large boxes of condoms - "Ooooh, someone likes sex"? What if I had purchased a month's supply of pornographic magazines - "Someone likes masturbating"? How about if I'd got a massive bumper pack of toilet rolls in my basket - "Blimey someone likes shitting"?
No, I would expect discretion. Just as I expect discretion about my (normal) yoghurt consumption.

Anyway it was only nine yoghurts, it's not that many. If I had a wife and a couple of kids, then that is only two yoghurts each (with one remaining for whoever wanted another- not necessarily me). What if I was having a dinner party with eight guests and decided that for dessert we would all enjoy a nice fruit yoghurt? Then I'd only be having one yoghurt myself - hardly the actions of someone who deserves to have that yoghurt consumption commented upon.
She scanned the nine yoghurts and then picked up some of my other groceries to see if there were more yoghurts in the basket. "I'm just seeing if there are any more yoghurts," she explained, as if a man having nine yoghurts in his basket was the most extraordinary thing that had ever happened to her. She saw that there were no more. "No, I replied, "There aren't. See, I don't like yoghurt that much."
She didn't seem convinced.
She then lifted out a bag of apples. There were at least nine apples in the bag. She didn't say "Someone likes apples," though.

I don't know why my yoghurt purchase was so noteworthy. Now, I've left the shop I am wishing I had taken the time to explain my justification for having nine yoghurts in my basket. That would have set her straight. Now I know that every time I pop into that shop, all the eyes of the staff will be on me and they'll be thinking, "There he is, Mr Nine Yoghurts."
Then if I buy even one yoghurt they're going to laugh at me. And if I don't buy any then they'll be thinking I'm getting a secret stash from somewhere else.

My life is ruined.

CJP

Gods don't kill people. People with Gods kill people

[LouDiamond 1]

Dude, take your meds and get a grip. Ever think she might of been trying to start a convo with you? Who knows, maybe she fancied a go and you blew it If I was you, I'd go back there and buy 10 yogurts the next time and if she asks you why 10 tell her ones for her

"It's just skydiving..additional drama is not required"
Some people dream about flying, I live my dream
SKYMONKEY PUBLISHING

[kai2k1 0]

GEEZ, next time i think i would order it off the web and have it delivered, i wouldnt put up with being questioined about my purchases of yogurt in line either. It sounds like they're profiling yogurt purchasers in your area, you should try to be more careful.

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[popsjumper 2]

Reminds me of my skirmish over 9 Caronas....I know how you feel and I want you to know that there are others out here who feel the same or similar.....we're listening, big guy.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[christoofar 0]

I feel for ya... I mean, everytime I go to Texaco it's "Hey Mr. Peanut Eating Cigarette Smoking Nutter Butter Gatorade Man!"

Why not "Mr. Gas Buying Lotto Ticket Scratching Nearly Naked No I Dont Have Change For the Air Hose Man!"

____________________________________________________________
I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle.

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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Yoghurts aren't that important to me. I'm not obsessed with them and I don't think about them any more than the next lactose tolerant person.

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She was clearly accusing me of liking yoghurts more than most people.

Frankly Chris, who cares if you like yogurt more than others? AND ~ why would it bother you if she thought that, anyway? You are a tad on the sensitive side, but that's ok.

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but here I was being treated as if I had bought nine yoghurts and was planning to get them out of the bag the moment I was out of the shop and scoop them all into my greedy mouth, like I was some kind of yoghurt freak

WTFH??? I don't even understand what you mean, but the thought of that is hysterical. I mean, I can hardly type anymore with all the tears blurring my eyes from laughing so hard! Wow, you type funny stuff, Chris!

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How about if I'd got a massive bumper pack of toilet rolls in my basket - "Blimey someone likes shitting"

OH MY GOD!!!! This post is just too funny!!!!

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My life is ruined.

Oh gosh...you are so cute. I am laughing so hard that I am crying, and the tears are totally streaming down my face, too. Thank you for this post.

Btw, what LouD wrote was pretty good. I'd say that you should totally do it! Surprise her with some yogurt...lol! She probably does like you, silly guy, and was trying to find a way to tease or talk with you.

Also, please don't take it so personally. The next time that you have to go grocery shopping, buy your freakin yogurt with you head held high, DAMMIT!!!

[Milo 0]

If you weren't so obsessed with yogurt you would have realized she was flirting with you. She wasn't really talking about the yogurt she showed to her co-worker, she was trying to get her co-worker's opinion of YOU. They see yogurt every day, while you only make it to the 7-11 once every 5 to 18 days, depending on how much yogurt you decide to eat.

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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she was flirting with you. She wasn't really talking about the yogurt she showed to her co-worker, she was trying to get her co-worker's opinion of YOU.

See Chris? She likes YOU!

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[Lainey 0]

Chris you have me laughing so much i'm crying, people at my work think i'm weird(er than usual). You have my sense of humor, the way you wrote that just had me in stitches.

thanks for the laugh, sorry for your mental anguish.

And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free - Death Cab For Cutie

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

Oh god, Lainey, I've begun to laugh/cry hysterically, again...PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Chris ~ Pleeeaaaase write more of these. You are just awesome!!!

[sunshine 2]

I kinda agree with chris. I dont' like when cashier's comment about my purchases.

I used to work in a grocery store. I must admit sometimes i wanted to say stuff to customers. Like when they bought hemmorhoid cream. "Gee, it must suck to be you." Oh the things that went through my mind.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[slug 1]

Hi Chris

Now that you mention it some customers at the check out stand behind me were making comments about me buying 6 qts of ice cream (1/2 off sale).

Just told them Ice cream was like toilet paper you never want to run out.

After reading your message I better check if theres a experation date on the Ice creaam. Never had to worry about that problem with T.P.

R.I.P.

R.i.P.

[FlyingJ 0]

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...making comments about me buying 6 qts of ice cream (1/2 off sale).

Of course you have to stock up. I mean, you can always freeze it.

Killing threads since 2004.

[Lainey 0]

haha i totally agree, Chris you've got to write more of this stuff, it may have been traumatic for you but it was just so funny for Rosa and I!

I do know what you mean though, sometimes when i'm having people over and i buy chips and chocolate and things i think, hope they don't think it's all for me... then i just think, nah they probably don't care what i'm buying... i think i'm in denial. i'd probably think the same things if i were in their position, wouldn't ever say anything to the customer though.
.

And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free - Death Cab For Cutie

[Evelyn 0]

ROLFLMAO

That was hysterical. Too funny! Can't wait to hear about your next shopping trip

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller

[slug 1]

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...making comments about me buying 6 qts of ice cream (1/2 off sale).

Of course you have to stock up. I mean, you can always freeze it.

Hi FJ

The freezer? Why didn't I think of that, But it's full of some of the toilet paper I've got in my stockpile.

Microwave oven works on paper just have to plan ahead

[CieloDiosa 0]

hahahahahahhahahahahahahah

i think im going to print this and show it to everyone

ur hilarious

~boogie ho!!
pull before impact!
L.A.S.T#14, PMS #309, Ci EL O DI O SA

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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hahahahahahhahahahahahahah

i think im going to print this and show it to everyone

ur hilarious

Hahahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaa...AGREED!!!

I just have to read this, again! Cornishchris, this is one of my favorite posts ever!!!

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[bertusgeert 1]

HAHA, thats pretty funny man, WRITE MORE

Ever heard of Warren Miller? Get his book man, its hilarious. It's all the same stuff and same style as what you just wrote.

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As jy dom is moet jy bloei!

[miked10270 0]

Of course CornishChris only mentions the 9 Yoghurts he bought. He was distinctly vague about the other items in his basket!!!!

Perhaps the sho assistant's "Look at all the Yoghurts" while showing her colleague the basket and contents was code for "This guy has 8 giant economy packs of condoms in his basket! Count them. Eight!!!!!!!! AND HE LOOKS HETEROSEXUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (After all, this IS Sydney - land of the cheap and the home of the poof!).

SO yeah... Concurring with other posters, CHRIS, YOU'RE A TWIT!! She wasn't just wanting to look into your shopping basket!!...

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[CornishChris 5]

Thanks for the responses guys. Here is one from a friend of mine called Ben whom I also sent that rant to. This I thought was a brilliant response:

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You are quite right. Your life has been ruined. And not even ruined for some good reason like having punched the prime minister in the face which would at least get you on the TV and buy you alot of credibility amongst the general population as well as your future inmates. But no, your life has been ruined by the harmless and mundane purchase of nine single servings of yoghurt.

But this is not a time for self-pity. This is a time for action. You need to march straight back down to that shop and confront the numerical yoghurt nazi about her concerns. "Why do you think nine is such a large number?" you can say. "There are only 8 real numbers which are actually lower than nine. It is, in point of fact, the ninth lowest number there is. If you were to meet a boy who was nine years old would you remark on how incredibly old he was? If I had nine hairs on my head would you think to yourself, 'that man has such a thick luxuriant head of hair'? No, you would think 'that man is a bald git'. And why? Because nine is a pathetic number which is not worthy of comment."

At this point she may try to explain and excuse her agressive attitude towards your completely normal shopping habits. Don't be put off. Remember it's YOUR life that has been ruined and she must listen to what you have to say. "So", you continue, "given that I am clearly not allowed to buy nine yoghurts without exceeding the check-out girl curiosity threshold, how many can I buy? Does 7-11 publish a list of items with the corresponding maximum number of repeat items to be bought in one visit to the shop in order to avoid harassment? It's not as though I came in here and asked to buy nine cars."

By now you should have attracted quite an audience and people may be staring at you. This is a good opportunity for you to make this check-out girl feel as small as you did that day she found it necessary to exagerate the enormity of your yoghurt fondness. Look around the shop and point at the girl and then tell all the shoppers some lies about her such as she eats puppies, or she deliberately gives old people the flu. Then you can walk out of the shop with dignity knowing that you are completely normal.

Ben

CJP

Gods don't kill people. People with Gods kill people