Funny Doctor Stories

[wmw999 2,150]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA.

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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA.

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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA.

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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR.

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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI.

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A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, th e staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." and finally..

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A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling wa s, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
(Dr. wouldn't give his name)


Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[ladyskydiver 0]

Good ones.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[wildcard451 0]

Yup....entertaining to say the least. Made me crack up

[skyjules 0]

HeHeHe, funny stuff

***Free bird Forever

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

Thank you, Wendy.

(I have to print this page and show it to my father, who is an ob/gyn!)

[happythoughts 0]

I'm not a doctor, but I play one in bars.

[DaGimp 0]

the doctor tell you to ...."Relax"....nothing that follows can ever be good

"Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas

[ScottMcC 0]

I'm a med student, and was talking to one of my patients in the hospital, who is an elderly black lady. I get done with my exam and ask her if there's anything else before I go, and she asks if she can see a gyne doctor, because "my GINNEY itches!" (that all caps word is pronouced so that it rhymes with vagina)

[wildcard451 0]

Quote

I'm a med student, and was talking to one of my patients in the hospital, who is an elderly black lady. I get done with my exam and ask her if there's anything else before I go, and she asks if she can see a gyne doctor, because "my GINNEY itches!" (that all caps word is pronouced so that it rhymes with vagina)

I'm taking my OBGYN shelf exam tomorrow.....that just made me fall out of my chair laughing. Thank you for the laugh

[mccurley 0]

A female docter who use to jump at Gananoque, I don't remember her name, told the story of a woman who gave birth in the elevator of the hospital she was working in.
The wowan was very distrest and crying. When asked why she was so upset she responded with something along the lines of not being able to do any thing right.
The doctor said to her "You shouldn't be so concerned about it. Last year a woman gave birth on the front lawn"
This generated more crying as the woman responded
"That was me"!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watch my video Fat Women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRWkEky8GoI

[jahk 0]

One evening doing a D&C for a miscarriage, the OB/GYN put the patient's feet in the stirrups, then asked her to drop her knees to the sides.

In her sedated state, the patient turned to me and said, "That's what got me here in the first place!"

Judith

Imelda Marcos just wanted some cute shoes that didn't make her feet hurt. Why's that so hard to understand?