My tasteless joke that didn't go over so well....

[jeiber 0]

Ok, with all the excitement in the now deleted thread, I have to post my story. This happened about two years ago.

A friend of mine gave me these fake lotto tickets. You know, the ones that you scratch off, and they say you've won $50,000. A stack of them were sitting on the passenger seat of my SUV when my girlfriend opened the door and got in.

Now some background on the GF. We had just recently broken up, but were still kind of seeing each other. She constantly had money issues, had horrible credit, and basically lived paycheck to paycheck. She came from a pretty poor upbringing as well, so $50,000 was a life altering amount of money to her.

So as soon as she asks about the lotto tickets, the gears in my mind start turning, and I tell her, 'go ahead and take one, maybe you're luck is better than mine, I've scratched off dozens of those things and haven't won a thing'. I figure she'll scratch it off right there, and I'll get a good laugh. Well, we start having a heart to heart conversation, and we both forget about the lotto ticket. My cell kept ringing when we were talking, so I turned it off and forgot to turn it back on.

So she gets in her car and leaves, and I head home. A few hours later, I realize my cell is off, so I turn it back on to make a call. Low and behold, I have about 8 new messages. I check the messages, and hear her excited voice saying she won $50,000 from that ticket. I kind of chuckle, and listen to the next message. Now I hear her entire family in the background, just as excited as she is.

Turns out she told her mom and dad, sisters, daughter, friends, and she even called her ex-husband to rub it in his face. Relatives and friends were even calling their relatives and friends...

So, realizing I'm totally screwed at this point, I decide do have fun with this. So I call her and congratulate her, asking her what she's going to do with the money, etc. After about 5 minutes of hearing about how this is going to change her life, and how this is the best thing that's every happened to her, I ask her what it says about redeeming it...

So she turns the card over, and reads outloud something to the effect of, 'Winning tickets only valid in the North Pole. Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny must be present to win... bla bla'. She's still so excited, she doesn't even realize what she just read. I start laughing, and ask her 'Easter Bunny and Santa Clause?!'; silence at the other end of the phone. It finally registered, and she starts crying. "I gotta go..." [click] Ooops!

I know Funks and Wildcard can appreciate this!

BTW, don't ask how I know, but those fake lotto tickets are unimaginable fun in bars! Just leave it on the bar, then stand back and watch. Hours of fun, I tell ya!

Jeff

Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring!

[Scoop 0]

BWAHAHA!

I couldn't have done it, I'd have had to fled the country with shame. But great story!

[freeflir29 0]

Damn.............I need to get some of those and give themto my ex-wife for Christmas.

[BillyVance 34]

Serves her right for being so damn scatterbrained!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[willard 0]

And you didn't get castrated over that? Damn you is lucky! Better go buy some REAL tickets while your luck is holding out.

[SpeedRacer 1]

You are such an asshole.

(does it still count as a Personal Attack if it's actually the case?)

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[sharimcm 0]

Some guy left one for a waitress in college at a restaurant in Austin. She called all the news stations, and it was broadcasted live that she won $100,000. Then, the next day they came back and said it was all a joke.

"I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself

[kelel01 1]

That was one of the worst stories I've ever heard. I bet you'd be the kind of little league coach who would break a kid's leg if they were the weak link on the team.

Edit: grammar

[Buried 0]

that is great! where can i get some of those

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[wildcard451 0]

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I know Funks and Wildcard can appreciate this!

Now why'd you go and group me with that asshole?

Fucking classic btw.

[jeiber 0]

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I know Funks and Wildcard can appreciate this!

Now why'd you go and group me with that asshole?

Fucking classic btw.

LOL, I should have included Buried in there as well!

It's definitely a good one, but not as classic as the time her new boyfriend just happened to find very graphic pictures of her cheating on him with me.

Ya know, that story is worth reposting. I think I'm gonna have to dig that one up! Watch for it in the next day or two.

Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring!

[wildcard451 0]

Quote

Quote

Quote

I know Funks and Wildcard can appreciate this!

Now why'd you go and group me with that asshole?

Fucking classic btw.

LOL, I should have included Buried in there as well!

It's definitely a good one, but not as classic as the time her new boyfriend just happened to find very graphic pictures of her cheating on him with me.

Ya know, that story is worth reposting. I think I'm gonna have to dig that one up! Watch for it in the next day or two.

*golfclap*

We getting drunk and raising hell in dublin this year?

[selbbub78 0]

if you ever wanted to get back together, it's not gonna happen now.... damn... viscious


CReW SKies,
bubbles

"Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone
"The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote)
"The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM

[DJL 232]

That's hilarious. But it's sad that money has so much to do with someone's happiness.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[jeiber 0]

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We getting drunk and raising hell in dublin this year?

Hell Yes!!! I'm looking forward to it! If we can get a bunch of other assholes on a load, we could do an 'asshole way', you know, just a big round!

Maybe fly in canopy formation over the boogie, pouring beer, and telling people we were pissing? Ahhh, the possibilites are endless!!!

Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring!

[wildcard451 0]

Quote

Quote

We getting drunk and raising hell in dublin this year?

Hell Yes!!! I'm looking forward to it! If we can get a bunch of other assholes on a load, we could do an 'asshole way', you know, just a big round!

Maybe fly in canopy formation over the boogie, pouring beer, and telling people we were pissing? Ahhh, the possibilites are endless!!!

My only goal for dublin this year is to have spence NOT throw me out.

[kelel01 1]

Holy shit. Your avatar is hysterical.

[DJL 232]

Have you seen the video it refers to? http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3934651591022114445

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[Butters 0]

Did you see the Mad T.V. skit based on a fake scratch off lottery ticket?

"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch

[wildcard451 0]

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Have you seen the video it refers to? http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3934651591022114445

Hopefully, cause if you laugh at that without understanding the video, then you are going to have a seizure when you really get it.

[jeiber 0]

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My only goal for dublin this year is to have spence NOT throw me out.

Hell, last year we all thought we were going to jail for manslaughter... someone started a rumor that the raft we jumped landed in an intersection and caused a major accident... the two girls that were in the raft were packing their stuff and heading to Mexico!

Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring!

[jeiber 0]

No, missed it.

Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring!

[guppie01 0]

awww, Jeff that's bad!












but a lil funny too!!!!

g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

[livendive 8]

Mine was kind of like the one this morning. A few years ago, my mom was bugging me to marry the gal I was living with. She found out we had a trip planned to Vegas and made a point of telling me on several occasions that we better not be eloping (I was actually just going there to skydive). The day I got home I had an email from mom waiting for me asking me how the trip went, what we did, etc. I decided a bit of levity was called for, so I cut my face out of one picture I had, the girlfriend's face out of another, pasted them into a wedding photo I found on the internet, and photoshopped just enough to blend the necklines. I then replied with something along the lines of "Look what we did!" with the picture attached. Honestly, it wasn't a very good photoshop...her head was too big and her neck freakishly long. About 45 minutes later we BOTH got an email from my mom berating us for being so selfish and not letting our families share in our joy. That it hurt more than she could explain, but that she still hoped we'd be happy together...even if she'd constantly be reminded how we'd excluded her from something so important. The girlfriend emailed me with a "Holy shit! Is she serious?!", which immediately put the thought in my head that mom was just trying to turn the tables. So I sent something back trying to redirect the joke but got no reply. My dad called me a couple hours later, and he NEVER calls me. He said mom had called him crying, she'd had to leave work because she was too upset to function, and nobody had heard from her since. I say "since", because before she left, she'd forwarded my initial reply to every person in my extended family with a message along the lines of "See what David did? I'm at least as hurt as all of you that we weren't included...I thought I'd done a better job with him than this, but I guess all we can do now is congratulate him."

I ate MUCHO fucking crow over that one. In fact I still do on occasion (women and their inability to forget). Apparently marriage jokes just aren't funny to some people.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[jeiber 0]

Bwahahahah!!!

Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring!