airtwardo 6 #1 December 7, 2007 Don't leave a grocery bag containing popsicles in the car for two days. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zing 2 #2 December 7, 2007 Remember kids ... all the good advice you've gotten in life came from someone who was speaking from experience.Zing Lurks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #3 December 7, 2007 The dogs seem to like the other stuff in the bag...so I guess there IS a bright spot! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #4 December 7, 2007 mmmm sticky Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_Copland 0 #5 December 7, 2007 Like if your stomach hurts don't try and force a fart out, you may get more than you bargained for. Not that i've ever done that.1338 People aint made of nothin' but water and shit. Until morale improves, the beatings will continue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #6 December 7, 2007 Quote Like if your stomach hurts don't try and force a fart out, you may get more than you bargained for. Not that i've ever done that. It's Called: Prairie doggin' ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_Copland 0 #7 December 7, 2007 I call it shitting your pants 1338 People aint made of nothin' but water and shit. Until morale improves, the beatings will continue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #8 December 7, 2007 Quote I call it shitting your pants you WOULD! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ExAFO 0 #9 December 7, 2007 "Sharting."Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_Copland 0 #10 December 7, 2007 So seriously... have you ever shit your pants? If you admit it first i might work up the courage to say i have... but i haven't yet.1338 People aint made of nothin' but water and shit. Until morale improves, the beatings will continue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #11 December 7, 2007 Quote So seriously... have you ever shit your pants? If you admit it first i might work up the courage to say i have... but i haven't yet. Nope not me...had a jumpin buddy that did on a dive once...he logged it "Dumped High" ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_Copland 0 #12 December 7, 2007 Oh that was bad... 1338 People aint made of nothin' but water and shit. Until morale improves, the beatings will continue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zing 2 #13 December 7, 2007 A few years ago on a jump run, the cabin filled with the aroma of eau de skydiver, but this time the stink stayed with the airplane after the jumpers left. Turns out two jokers got into a competition about who could fire the rankest fart. One of the assholes let go with one of the chunky variety and it dribbled down his legs and left a trail on the floor all the way to the door. I explained to the phantom farter that he wasn't going to need to wash his jumpsuit, because he wasn't ever getting on my airplane again unless the shit got cleaned out of the airplane first.Zing Lurks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DFWAJG 4 #14 December 7, 2007 My lesson: don't put off paying the phone bill for 3 months. OOPS! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #15 December 7, 2007 Quote My lesson: don't put off paying the phone bill for 3 months. OOPS! Can ya hear me NOW?! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,398 #16 December 7, 2007 Quote Don't leave a grocery bag containing popsicles in the car for two days. Could have been worse; A local sheriff told me the story of one of the deputies in his dept showing up one morning all teary-eyed and wiping his nose: Sheriff: "What happened?" Deputy: (sniff, sniff) "I left my pepper-spray locked in my parked car." (sniff, sniff) Sheriff: "Now what did I tell you about doing that???" Deputy: "You said to never do it." Sheriff: "Your squad car, or your personal car?" Deputy: "My personal car." Sheriff: "Good!" "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zing 2 #17 December 7, 2007 Ya gotta stretch the string tighter for those soupcan phones to work.Zing Lurks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sartre 0 #18 December 7, 2007 Quote Like if your stomach hurts don't try and force a fart out, you may get more than you bargained for. Not that i've ever done that. Awe Andy, you can get away with saying the grossest things.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #19 December 7, 2007 Quote Ya gotta stretch the string tighter for those soupcan phones to work. Fishin' line and use BIGGER buttons! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gato 0 #20 December 7, 2007 When I was 19, I worked as a prep cook at a Chinese restaurant. One afternoon, the owner walked into the kitchen and handed me a 10"X10" cardboard box and said, "Here, put these through the grinder a couple of times." I opened the box and realized they were red pepper pods; yes, the really, really hot ones. So I ground them up and stored them, and went back to what I was doing before. A few minutes later, I had to take a whiz, so I went to the bathroom, did my thing, and washed my hands afterward. Then I went back to the kitchen and started prepping some chicken for frying. It was at this point that the kitchen seemed to become very warm. Then my pants started to get warmer. I suddenly realized what was about to happen, and I sprinted back to the bathroom. Next I was standing at the sink with my pants around my ankles, splashing cold water on my willy as fast as I could, screaming and laughing at the same time. I heard the owner laughing from inside the kitchen - he had been watching for my mistake the whole time. The lesson: Wash your hands BEFORE and AFTER you touch yourself, kids.T.I.N.S. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gene03 0 #21 December 7, 2007 Up here in the Midwest we call it, "I gambled and I lost". Usually happens on the first load on Sunday morning. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes (Polish writer, poet and satirist 1906-1966) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefallfreak 0 #22 December 7, 2007 Owwweeeehhh!!!!!!!! TripleF "Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
denete 2 #23 December 7, 2007 QuoteLike if your stomach hurts don't try and force a fart out, you may get more than you bargained for. Not that i've ever done that. Sounds like you'd get the same thing that Twardo got in the bag...but in your pants instead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #24 December 7, 2007 Quote Quote My lesson: don't put off paying the phone bill for 3 months. OOPS! Can ya hear me NOW?! That line only works on me. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #25 December 7, 2007 Quote Quote Quote My lesson: don't put off paying the phone bill for 3 months. OOPS! Can ya hear me NOW?! That line only works on me. Can ya READ me now??! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
