Duckwater 0 #1 February 28, 2006 Isn't taking a shit like rolling the dice? Somtimes I think it is going to be a healthy little turd and it turns into this smelly monster. And, when you think you are going to have the nastiest beer shit ever, it is like little lamb droppings that are scentless??? I one had a shit after I ate about 10 helpings of mashed potatoes at Grandys on an all you can eat plate. I took a shit the next am that didnt feel like much until I looked. (we always look). I swear, it was an unbroken, single pole about 16" long that went into the hole at the bottom of the toilet (which propped it up) and it stuck out of the water like the Rock of Gibraltar. I have been trying to re-create it ever since with no success. What is your greatest shit story? -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #2 February 28, 2006 And here I thought you were refering to "gossip"... cause... that's what I think when someone says "talking Shit" But regardless... please continue you're discussion... Edited to add: wait... That's "Talking Smack" my mistake... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #3 February 28, 2006 Quote What is your greatest shit story? -- I do talk alot of Shit.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefallfreak 0 #4 February 28, 2006 See attachment....lol. (for you that know me, you will understand...for those that don't.... it just may offend your eyes....lol.) TripleF "Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
apollard24 0 #5 February 28, 2006 LMAOFBreathe out so I can breathe you in... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #6 February 28, 2006 Why is this men only? Or are you one of those who has been brainwashed into believing that women don't shit? "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
apollard24 0 #7 February 28, 2006 QuoteWhy is this men only? Or are you one of those who has been brainwashed into believing that women don't shit? I shit, it shapes into hearts every time Breathe out so I can breathe you in... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micro 0 #8 February 28, 2006 all I gotta say is this... ya wanna talk about taking a shit or ya wanna do something about it? DO NOT CLICK IF YOU GAG EASILY. (NSFW, btw...) http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo I miss Lee. And JP. And Chris. And... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duckwater 0 #9 February 28, 2006 Quote Why is this men only? Or are you one of those who has been brainwashed into believing that women don't shit? Tongue How many times have you or any other woman discussed with friends or co-workers, in detail, the shit you just took? Get the fuck out of this thread!-- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #10 February 28, 2006 QuoteWhy is this men only? Or are you one of those who has been brainwashed into believing that women don't shit? Women don't shit...they poop jellybeans _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #11 February 28, 2006 You'd be surprised... Fine, then, I won't share the poop list with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #12 February 28, 2006 I have decided to disown you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xenaswampjumper 0 #13 February 28, 2006 ***Why is this men only? Or are you one of those who has been brainwashed into believing that women don't shit? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- way to go girl......you beat me to it!!!!!!!!!! till later have fun & love each other seeya mb65johnny gates.... In skydiving, the only thing that stops you is the ground.............. PMS# 472 Muff #3863 TPM#95 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ViperPilot 0 #14 February 28, 2006 You ever have like a 90/10? Where there's a 90% chance you're NOT going to make it. One time I was driving home from work, feeling fine, and then all of the sudden..BAM! It felt like 5 bowling balls were trying to escape out of my ass. I just thought "Oh fuck" and floored it...I was about 3 min from my house. I hit the gas and got there in about 1.5 min (felt like 15). I pulled up to the house, car diagonal in the driveway, threw open the door, left the door wide open, car running and sprinted through the garage into the house, all at the same time unzipping and wrestling out of my flightsuit (which is not as easy as you'd think when you're frantically squeezing your ass cheaks, while trying to run and open doors, jump over dog, etc). Wife gave me a huge WTF look as I ran into the bathroom, and it all started blasting out as my ass was about 6-9 in from the toilet seat. Needless to say, it was the most relief I've felt in a long time. Think Dumb and Dumber times 10. Then there's the ones that wrap around the toilet bowl...it's gotta be longer than my leg! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlkskycam 0 #15 February 28, 2006 QuoteIsn't taking a shit like rolling the dice? Somtimes I think it is going to be a healthy little turd and it turns into this smelly monster. And, when you think you are going to have the nastiest beer shit ever, it is like little lamb droppings that are scentless??? I one had a shit after I ate about 10 helpings of mashed potatoes at Grandys on an all you can eat plate. I took a shit the next am that didnt feel like much until I looked. (we always look). I swear, it was an unbroken, single pole about 16" long that went into the hole at the bottom of the toilet (which propped it up) and it stuck out of the water like the Rock of Gibraltar. I have been trying to re-create it ever since with no success. What is your greatest shit story? -- -Not- my greatest shit story - saving it for the novel (heh) But - at my first dz where I learned, there was a good friend of mine who came up with a really crazy game/tradition called, "The Keeper Game." I can't remember the exact qualification which made a turd a "keeper" or not - I think the rules said it had to be at least 12" long or have a 12" circumfrence was also acceptable. In any case, if you discovered you had indeed accomplished such a feat (of derring-doo), you were supposed to not flush, but step out of the bathroom (once you had finished and washed your hands, ect.) and ring a special bell - thus informing the rest that a "Keeper" had come into being - which was the cue for interested parties to inspect, admire, and/or otherwise comment upon. No one ever actually made a "Keeper" announcement but we discussed it several times. Later, a whole knew genus of terms were thrown about to describe different types, the the "Ghost," "Ranger," and "Snake Charmer (usually harmless)," as examples and many of these different types were later described on various websites - I think one was called the "Shitlist," or something. The whole thing was definitely a bad-weather-bored-skydiver, kinda affair. Okay - here's my favorite shit - maybe not the most impressive but it was memorable. In Frankfurt, Germany, on the main square in the center of town there is or used to be a Burger-King which was apparently built into an old, multi-story post office - flagstones, old-world charm, - really a nice building for fast-food. I went inside to take a dump and the bathroom was upstairs. I get to the stall which is facing a large window and it is open. I sit down, get down to business, and in the process enjoyed this really grand view of the plaza. Ah, memories... -Jerry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MF42 0 #16 February 28, 2006 When I was 11 years old I got shipped off to summer camp for a couple weeks. I was nervous about spending all that time living in close proximity with a few hundred complete strangers, and the nervousness was a contributing factor to a fairly severe case of constipation starting the day before camp and continuing through the first two days. I've always been kind of slow to make friends, and so was on speaking terms with only two other kids when my bowels had finally had enough and o-ring failure became a very alarming possibility. Barely made it to the communal toilet just seconds before my scrawny 11-year-old 90 pound body blew what looked and felt like 10 pounds of compacted shit all over the bowl. It was shocking. It was public. It was mortifying. But I quickly realized that other 11-year-old boys also love joking about shit, and I was actually a kind of instant celebrity for crapping the largest load some there had ever seen. They all loved it. Matt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrRick 0 #17 February 28, 2006 QuoteIsn't taking a shit like rolling the dice? Somtimes I think it is going to be a healthy little turd and it turns into this smelly monster. And, when you think you are going to have the nastiest beer shit ever, it is like little lamb droppings that are scentless??? I one had a shit after I ate about 10 helpings of mashed potatoes at Grandys on an all you can eat plate. I took a shit the next am that didnt feel like much until I looked. (we always look). I swear, it was an unbroken, single pole about 16" long that went into the hole at the bottom of the toilet (which propped it up) and it stuck out of the water like the Rock of Gibraltar. I have been trying to re-create it ever since with no success. What is your greatest shit story? I was taught not to take anything that is not mine so i never take a shit but most days i will leave one. -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nutz 0 #18 February 28, 2006 What a way to start the day! A good shit story or two. LMAO BTW "Don't! Get! Eliminated!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dumpster 0 #19 February 28, 2006 In High School - Locker room - Unbeleivable turd. This one kid dropped a loaf that must have been three feet long - It all coiled up in the toilet - Like a snake decided to take a nap in there. It was an amazing sight. We tried charging people a quater to behold it. Some one speculated about the Guinness book. It wouldn't flush. So we kept laying turds on top of it. (there was only one shitter in the locker room - Small school) Had to be at least fifty pounds of crap lying in the bowl by that time. Eventually the janitorial equivalent to a HazMat team had to be called in. Then later on - at Air Force basic training - One kid was so uptight he didn't shit for a week. When he finally did he made history - A gigantic, nasty mess that can't even be described as a turd. It was some sort of huge toxic pile of sludge. I think some one took a picture. The T.I. was close to evacuating our dorm because of the stench. Fortuantely it did flush, unlike the stinking Anaconda of a turd in High School. Easy Does It Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #20 February 28, 2006 QuoteWhy is this men only? Or are you one of those who has been brainwashed into believing that women don't shit? Exactly. I'll share. <---has no shame I was having several "green days" and looked up on the web possible causes. It just so happened I had my annual physcial a few days later. When asked the question of "normal bowels" I replied yes, but green, but I don't think there's anything to worry b/c as far I can tell it's due to the purple dye used in my whole-grain blueberry bagels I eat for breakfast every morning The nurse was almost in tears laughing...then the doctor confirmed that yep, that'll do it And that's my storyPaint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #21 February 28, 2006 Sangiro really doesn't pay me enough to do this job sometimes. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
daniel_owen_uk 0 #22 February 28, 2006 I am personally a big fan of the "Bowl Wallpaper", this specific turd is usually one that only occurs during times of chronic illness, it's the liquid dump that erupts with such ferocity it covers every last part of the ceramic so no white can be seen. __________________ BOOM Headshot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meridianjumper 0 #23 February 28, 2006 Hey, I will share this one with everyone. It is all about poop. I mean EVERYTHING you ever wanted to know about it. Check it out. http://www.heptune.com/poop.html Blue Skies, Jeremy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #24 February 28, 2006 QuoteIn High School - Locker room - Unbeleivable turd. This one kid dropped a loaf that must have been three feet long - It all coiled up in the toilet - Like a snake decided to take a nap in there. It was an amazing sight. We tried charging people a quater to behold it. Some one speculated about the Guinness book. It wouldn't flush. So we kept laying turds on top of it. (there was only one shitter in the locker room - Small school) Had to be at least fifty pounds of crap lying in the bowl by that time. Eventually the janitorial equivalent to a HazMat team had to be called in. Then later on - at Air Force basic training - One kid was so uptight he didn't shit for a week. When he finally did he made history - A gigantic, nasty mess that can't even be described as a turd. It was some sort of huge toxic pile of sludge. I think some one took a picture. The T.I. was close to evacuating our dorm because of the stench. Fortuantely it did flush, unlike the stinking Anaconda of a turd in High School. I was on a BASE jumping trip and one of the guys took an unbelievable shit. I don't know what the deal was, but that was really one badass turd that he laid out. No way was this fucker gonna go down without a fight. That thing must have survived 20 or 30 flushes before it finally went down! I've got a picture of it in my logbook and will post it tonight! Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Douva 0 #25 February 28, 2006 Sitting here trying to remember if I have a story worth sharing, it suddenly hit me--the Switzerland story. In the summer of 2003, I spent a month backpacking around Europe with my sister and her roommate. I knew before I left that I had little chance of making it through a month of foreign food and foreign restrooms without getting diarrhea at least once. It finally happened in Switzerland. In what I still consider one of my greatest personal examples of Murphy's law in action, we were staying at the only hostel I encountered in my entire four week trip that had a coed bathroom. The problem first struck at the top of the Schilthorn, after a long day hike. I hoped I'd be okay by the time the gondola got us back to the hostel, but I had no such luck. So, every fifteen minutes for about two hours, I'd pass a row of cute girls washing their faces at the bathroom mirror, walk to the back stall, squat on the seatless toilet, and proceed to clear the room. The next day, while looking around, I discovered that the unmanned gondola station thirty yards from the hostel housed a private restroom with a seat. C'est la vie.I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
