Confucius Jokes - lets hear em!!!

[mamajumps 0]

Some of my favorites are:

1) Man who stand on toilet is high on pot

2) Man who goes thru turnstile sideways is going to bangkok

3) He who plays with self is going to pull boner

[novacaine 0]

Man who lives in glass house gets changed in basement!!

[BillyVance 34]

I always liked the Chinese Torture Test joke. I don't want to butcher it by memory, but it was hysterical.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[airdvr 197]

Man with 1 watch always know time...man with 2 never quite sure.

Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time

Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house

Virgin like balloon: one prick, all gone

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[wildWilly 0]

It is good to meet girl park
It is better to park meat in girl

growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

[Tuna-Salad 0]

Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Millions of my potential children died on your daughters' face last night.

[BillyVance 34]

All I had to do was google it...

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s easy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read:

“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[mamajumps 0]

ROFLMAO!!!!!

[dunesurfer 0]

Man who fart in church must sit in own pew
Man with hole in pocket always feel cocky

[Broke 0]

He who sits on toilet too long gets ring around the rosie

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[Nutz 0]

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger.

"Don't! Get! Eliminated!"

[normiss 622]

Man who sleep on train track have split personality.

[lawrocket 3]

Infant boy born to unmarried parents who conceived him in car with automatic transmission is a shiftless bastard.

Man who cross country twice without showering dirty double crosser.

Man with athletic finger make broad jump.

Dumb man climb to to get cherry - wise man spread limbs.

Women's panties not best thing on earth - but next to it.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who marry woman with small breasts have right to feel low down.

Man who go to bed with stiff problem have solution in hand.

Woman who sit in judge's lap get Honorable Discharge.

Girl who sit in bookie's lap get hot tip.

Girl who sit on carpenter's lap get hard tool.

Man with venereal disease have hot rod.

Secretary screwed on desk become permanent fixture.

Butcher who back into meat grinder get behind in orders.

Man go without sex long enough take matter into own hands.

Masturbation may come in handy.

Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

Man who put cock in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.

Man with tool in woman mouth May not necessarily be dentist.

Couple on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who marry Richard must kiss Dick.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter

Man young when he snatches kisses, old when he kisses snatches.

Man who loses key to lady's apartment get no new-key.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

Schoolboy who play with schoolgirl during wrong period, get caught red-handed.

Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who fish in other's hole often catch crabs.

Passionate kiss just like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.

Man who put rooster in Ice Compartment take out Stiff Cock.

No difference between man and mouse - both end in pussy.

Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.

Man with double jointed back wear smile on face.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who get kicked in testicles left holding bag.

Man who eat many prunes have good run for money.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Darius11 12]

Quote

All I had to do was google it...

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s easy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read:

“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”

Dude thank you for that. I just laughed my ass off and i need it today.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[sickandtwisted 0]

Man who argue all day get no piece at night.

Skymama stalker #69!!!!

[Gene03 0]

Woman who fly upside down in airplane have crack up.

“The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes (Polish writer, poet and satirist 1906-1966)