Divorce & Custody Battle With A Sociopath - Advice Please

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Can any of you guys give some advice on divorce and custody battle issues with someone who is believed to be a sociopath?

Information links:

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

http://www.damninteresting.com/the-unburdened-mind

Obviously, this isn't for me but I'm sure the person seeking this advice is going to be reading every piece of advice you can give.

Thanks so much.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[Andy9o8 1]

First, she must speak to a lawyer - and absolutely, positively nobody else but a lawyer, preferably one who specializes in divorce, with regard to all legal issues. Then, during consultations with the lawyer, she should ask the lawyer all the "how should I deal with him when he..." questions.

If the lawyer says, "You DON'T deal with him, or you'll do yourself and the kids more harm than good, so let ME deal with him," then that's the answer. If the lawyer says, "Here's what you should do when dealing with him", that's what she should do.

The lawyer should be Meeting #1. She may be inclined to take the advice of good friends or relatives, or trusted therapists or psychologists, etc.; but believe me - if she does anything without clearing it with her lawyer first, she could unwittingly worsen her and the kids' position.

I cannot stress this enough.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Thanks so much for your advice.

BTW, my friend is a guy. If that matters....

Always be kinder than you feel.

[rivetgeek 0]

I agree, have him talk to a lawyer before yelling, promising, or even talking to her more. Custody battles generally tend to go in the mothers favor unless there is a clear and obvious reason she is unfit. A lawyer will know what experts to consult and how he can make his case as strong as possible.

~Bones Knit, blood clots, glory is forever, and chicks dig scars.~

[grimmie 179]

a tragic boating accident would seem best...

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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a tragic boating accident would seem best...

Always be kinder than you feel.

[warpedskydiver 0]

Find a Lawyer who is an actual Psychiatrist.


Anything the sociopath says or does in their presence will bury them.

[davjohns 1]

I don't know what state your friend is in, so I can't give legal advice. However, as an attorney who has done hundreds of divorces, I will tell you that the only thing that matters is what can be proven in court. Documentation is everything. Are there police reports where she was violent? Are there medical reports from where she is prescribed anti-pyschotic meds? Has she threatened or harmed the children?

So many questions. Yes, he needs a divorce attorney. He needs to start a log and keep notes. He needs to collect documentation or note what documentation is available so his attorney can subpoena it.

If you can't prove it, it didn't happen.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[Andy9o8 1]

Quote

Thanks so much for your advice.

BTW, my friend is a guy. If that matters....

It doesn't matter a lot, but it might matter a little. Fair or not: if she starts an angry confrontation where they both get into it, especially physically (even just throwing stuff or punching walls), frequently people - most importantly, police, social workers and judges - often tend to give the woman the initial benefit of the doubt. Your friend does not need that shit. He needs to steer clear of her as much as practicable and do what his divorce lawyer tells him to do.

And Davjohn's points are spot on, too.

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

Can any of you guys give some advice on divorce and custody battle issues with someone who is believed to be a sociopath?

Information links:

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

http://www.damninteresting.com/the-unburdened-mind

Obviously, this isn't for me but I'm sure the person seeking this advice is going to be reading every piece of advice you can give.

Thanks so much.

I have all klinds of opinions and advice -

All I have here for you is

1) Lawyer
2) Good Lawyer
3) If in doubt, go to option 2

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[wolfriverjoe 1,485]

#1 Lawyer Lawyer Lawyer.

#2 Document Document Document.

Double check with Lawyer before following any of this.

Start a diary/journal/log. Dates, times, places, things said.

No alone meetings. Always have witnesses.

Recording devices can be your friend.
In Wisconsin I can legally record all incoming or outgoing phone calls without telling the other person.
Putting a small recorder in a pocket.
Putting a videocamera in your own house.
To repeat, check with the Lawyer before doing any recording.

True sociopaths are pretty rare. They are master maniputlators.

But if you know it, and know what to look for, they can be spotted. Especially if they don't know they are being observed.


I'm hesitant to ask this, but...
Do you know her?

Part of me wonders if he isn't inflating her behaviors to get sympathy.
As in "I'm never going to get custody of my kids. She's a sociopath and is just going to tell lies..." and so on.

And if she really is one, then this is exactly the response she wants.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[Glitch 0]

I think everyone is approaching this the wrong way. Here's what should do, according to me. Have him buy an 8 ball, some baggies, and the fixings of a nice dinner and perhaps even a bottle of wine. Have him invite the sig other over for a quite dinner so you can talk, and perhaps come to an agreeable settlement.

While she's getting plastered on the cheap wine, he needs to take the 8 ball, minus enuff blow to have laced her dinner with, and baggies and stash them in her car where they'll easily be found. As soon as she pulls out, he should call the po-po and id himself, state the situation clearly, and that he's afraid for his kids/public welfare considering the condition she's in and his suspicion that she's plastered on drugs or something. When she gets pulled, she'll get tagged with DWI, possession, intent to distribute, and prolly a couple of other minor charges. He'll get custody, the assets, and won't have to pay alimony.

Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born...

[shropshire 0]

# 1 Shotgun
# 2 Spade
# 3 Quick lime

Priceless.....

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Andy9o8 1]

Quote

Recording devices can be your friend.
In Wisconsin I can legally record all incoming or outgoing phone calls without telling the other person.
Putting a small recorder in a pocket.
Putting a videocamera in your own house.
To repeat, check with the Lawyer before doing any recording.

In some (not all) states, making an audio recording of another person, even over the phone, and/or even in your own home, without that person's permission, is a criminal offense.

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

# 1 Shotgun
# 2 Spade
# 3 Quick lime

Priceless.....

Silly limey -

Wood Chipper - they always forget the wood chipper

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[shropshire 0]

Lazy git .... you just don't like hard work - no work ethic.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

Lazy git .... you just don't like hard work - no work ethic.

If you hadn't forgotten the chipper last time, I wouldn't have had to dig the bastard up and run him through and THEN clean up the chiper with bleach!

Hard work my arse!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[wolfriverjoe 1,485]

Quote

Quote

Recording devices can be your friend.
In Wisconsin I can legally record all incoming or outgoing phone calls without telling the other person.
Putting a small recorder in a pocket.
Putting a videocamera in your own house.
To repeat, check with the Lawyer before doing any recording.

In some (not all) states, making an audio recording of another person, even over the phone, and/or even in your own home, without that person's permission, is a criminal offense.

I only know that it is legal to do that in Wisconsin.
Just out of curiosity, what about surveillance camers (like on the outside of a house)?

Other states have different laws.

That's why I said several times - Follow the advice of your Lawyer

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[shropshire 0]

yeah .. sorry about that.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

Quote

# 1 Shotgun
# 2 Spade
# 3 Quick lime

Priceless.....

Silly limey -

Wood Chipper - they always forget the wood chipper

And then the muriatic acid. Hey, you gotta get rid of the DNA!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Andy9o8 1]

Quote

Just out of curiosity, what about surveillance camers (like on the outside of a house)?

Off the top of my head, I'd think it's probably legal in many states*, as long as they record video only, and not sound; once they record sound, that gets us back to the discussion about sound-recording that I referred to up-thread.


(*If you'd like me to research all 52 sub-federal jurisdictions, just deposit a $1,500 retainer into my paypal account. )

[craveman 0]

Try no marriage.com

[lawrocket 3]

Quote

I don't know what state your friend is in, so I can't give legal advice. However, as an attorney who has done hundreds of divorces, I will tell you that the only thing that matters is what can be proven in court. Documentation is everything. Are there police reports where she was violent? Are there medical reports from where she is prescribed anti-pyschotic meds? Has she threatened or harmed the children?

So many questions. Yes, he needs a divorce attorney. He needs to start a log and keep notes. He needs to collect documentation or note what documentation is available so his attorney can subpoena it.

If you can't prove it, it didn't happen.

As an attorney who has done 100 or so divorces myself, I would also suggest seeing an attorney on this.

This poster is correct - it doesn't matter what happened. What matters is what can be proven.

IN that regard, it may be advisable to speak to an attorney about getting a custody evaluation. in that case, a mental health professional may be appointed by the court to evaluate and make a conclusion to the court. If the other parent is a sociopath the evaluator will pick up on it.

But take this into consideration - there are two parents for this child/these children. Lucky - your friend better get himself into some therapy, etc., to learn how to effectively co-parent. Like it or not, your friend is joined forever with the mother of his child and better learn how to handle it.

The last thing I'd like to hear about is the kid hating the dad because he kept the child from the mother.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[GaVak 0]

Hopfully the case isn't tried in GA; they tend to rule in favor of the mother unless a) there is some very good evidence or b) the father has very good lawyers.

Unfortunatly my brother had neither of these things, so the ex-wife gets to keep the child AND the girlfriend she had on the side (yes, you read it right) while he has to pay child support and fight to see his son.

Life doesn't need reasons, just participants.

D.S.#21