Funny barracks stories...

[Stewie 0]

I'm sitting here on CQ taking care of all the kids in the barracks tonight and was thinking back on how barracks life was for me.

I remember things like hiding girls in wall lockers, the etiquette of pornography rotation and respecting your roommates' self-love needs at certain times. When I was an E-3 at Bragg, I was enjoying some "alone time" with Jenna Jameson (this was a while ago) when my roommate walked in. I had forgotten to lock the door, rookie mistake I know.

I crouched over in a feeble attempt to hide my soldier that was at full attention, while Jimmy just stood in the doorway with a look of shock on his face (poor Mormon kid). After about three seconds I said, "Dude, I don't know how long you're planning on standing there, but if you think I'm gonna leave Jenna hanging you're wrong." I have never seen a door slam so fast!

So regal me with you stories of barrack humor...I'm freakin' bored.

I did get 3 jumps at Hollister today though I guess my life is pretty good.

"Fuck that. I'll take a good ass-pounding over a bj any day." -- pyrotech

[mnealtx 0]

Quote

if you think I'm gonna leave Jenna hanging you're wrong."

"So, no shit, there I was, flogging my bishop...."

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[Jbag 0]

"taking care of all the kids in the barracks"--the issue with living in the barracks. doesnt matter who you are or how old you are, you become second class immediately in the military. yup, little bitter from the old days. rant over.

IHYD

[Gawain 0]

Some of our most entertaining times in the barracks for me was when we had inspections (this was at Fort Campbell). Our squad leaders knew who was squared away and who wasn't. My roommate and I would leave "pleasing" magazines out for ours, he'd bop-in, look around, pick up the magazine...page through it..."oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! You good!" and out he go.

One other guy in our squad was always struggling to keep things shaped up, but his roommate was from another platoon who was simply a soup-sandwich from top-to-bottom. SSG *** would go in, cuss him out, cuss the roommate out, smoke them and come out giggling because he knew the score.

The last guy in our squad to get inspected was always last, because he'd always put on some kind of show. SSG *** banged on the door this one time, I saw the light go out from under the door, I heard a loud boom of music come on. SSG *** was looking all sorts of confused, he opened the door, the room was dark, SPC *** had put on this multi-color party light which was spinning light all around the room, had "Eye of the Tiger" playing on his stereo, and he was doing elevated one-armed push-ups off the f**k**g bed with his t-shirt sleeves all rolled up and tucked to the shoulders, just as SSG *** opened the door. One of the funniest things I've seen in my life. SSG *** could barely stand up he was laughing so loud. Our PSG came by to see what was up and it just got better. He tried to put on the show, "What the f**k kind of inspection is this sh*t!!" type thing...that lasted all of a few seconds and he was laughing and walking away.

Man that was funny...

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[bullin82 0]

This story also takes place in Bragg. There i was on CQ (where all good stories begin) when the CQ from Aco called us saying that our men were being very loud. At the time we had the old 1950 barracks and since our Co was so small we were in a diferent building than our CP. I was sent over to see what the fuss was about and noticed a large line down the hall and into the stairwell. As i followed the line many people grummbled at me for cutting in line. Once i made it to the front of the line it went into a room were i noticed my first "barracks train" and i was totaly amazed at the sight. Sadly i had to report it and it was then broken up

[DavidB 0]

Let's see... First, in boot there was the blanket party for the dud(e) in the bunk above me. What a thrill it was to awaken to what felt like an earthquake, surrounded by skivvies & a forest of legs.

Then there was the time someone infested the enlisted quarters on board ship with pubic lice.

I lived off base for mental health reasons.

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[shropshire 0]

Quote

I lived off base for mental health reasons.

Snap..... Way more fun too.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Nataly 38]

Well.. There was the time my Sgt came in for a surprise inspection.. I think he was more surprised than me when he found my secret stash of sex toys!!

He didn't say a thing.. Just looked completely dumbfounded and walked right out of the room!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[LaRusic 0]

Well i have a few from times in PAT platoon waiting to do my ql3 course after basic.

I learned that a C02 fire extinguisher will chill a case of beer in about 30 seconds. the cord on a washing machine is not strong enough to support it while hanging it out the window of the 3rd floor laundry room, nor is cord on the dryer strong enough to do the same thing. The monday morning after a "train" is broken up is 100 times worse when it is the sgt maj's daughter.
Artillery simulators will bring the MPs to the shacks pretty quickly when set off under someones car. And smoke grenades do a shit load of damage when put in someones car

The Altitude above you, the runway behind you, and the fuel not in the plane are totally worthless
Dudeist Skydiver # 10

[millertime24 8]

One of the many stories/shennanigans Ive seen;

We constantly have to remind people (TCN escorts) to lock their trucks when they park them here at the pit just because we dont want anyone going in there and taking shit out (like med kits, fire extinguishers etc...). Now when someone forgets to lock a vehicle (usually someone new) we open it, put it in neutral then push it somewhere. These trucks are made by some Chinese company called Greatwall and are little more than a go-cart made to look like a truck. Then we tell that person that we saw a bunch of TCN's pushing their truck off towards Baghdad and watch the unholy fear and panic.

Muff #5048