turtlespeed 212 #1 October 29, 2010 A friend of mine passed this along to me - I thought I would share. I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power' ------------------ Top tip; if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday. ------------------ I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.' ------------------ A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry fatty, you’re bound to lose it eventually.' ------------------ Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!' ------------------ I have a new chat up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?' ------------------- Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away.' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best! ------------------- I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and “Mexicans” were not the correct answers. I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #2 October 29, 2010 Good stuff! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyrider 0 #3 October 29, 2010 I'm pissed, nothing offended me.....Wait...........Does that mean I was offended? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #4 October 29, 2010 That would be offensive!Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
base283 0 #5 October 30, 2010 "offence" Spellcheckers rock dude. I aint gonna read your rant because you have not displayed this simple task. Take care, space Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #6 October 30, 2010 Quote"offence" Spellcheckers rock dude. I aint gonna read your rant because you have not displayed this simple task. Take care, space Bwahahahaha Let's re-cap, shall we? Just so your superiority complex can fester a bit more: offence US, offense [əˈfɛns] n 1. a violation or breach of a law, custom, rule, etc. 2. a. any public wrong or crime b. a nonindictable crime punishable on summary conviction 3. annoyance, displeasure, or resentment give offence (to) to cause annoyance or displeasure (to) take offence to feel injured, humiliated, or offended 6. a source of annoyance, displeasure, or anger 7. (Military) attack; assault 8. Archaic injury or harm 9. (Team Sports / American Football) American football (usually preceded by the) a. the team that has possession of the ball b. the members of a team that play in such circumstances offenceless US, offenseless adj Furthermore . . .I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
base283 0 #7 October 30, 2010 Dude, I busted ya. Maybe I read it tomorrow. Take care, space Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #8 October 30, 2010 Quote Dude, I busted ya. Maybe I read it tomorrow. Take care, space Study your grammar first.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
base283 0 #9 October 30, 2010 You spelt grammer wrong Take care, space Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #10 October 30, 2010 Quote You spelt grammer wrong Take care, space Uhhhm, I believe you did.In America, it's spelled "grammar." I'm not sure how it's spelled in Germany. Auf wiedersehen. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #11 October 30, 2010 Quote Quote You spelt grammer wrong Take care, space Uhhhm, I believe you did.In America, it's spelled "grammar." I'm not sure how it's spelled in Germany. Auf wiedersehen. Even after we kicked their ass TWICE - they still haven't learned how to speak correctly.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christelsabine 1 #12 October 30, 2010 Quote .... Even after we kicked their ass TWICE - they still haven't learned how to speak correctly..... Mate, you guys did not bring the alphabet to Germany, your fellow countrymen still are trying to unravel it. Many of them Germans do speak and write a better English than your own brothers and sisters dudeist skydiver # 3105 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #13 October 30, 2010 Quote Many of them Germans do speak and write a better English than your own brothers and sisters Doubt that. Most of mine have PhD's or Master's Degrees. I'm the least educated of the bunch. Sure, not everyone has great grammar in our country. But I think the original question was Turtle's spelling of the word "grammar." Don't make us come over there . . . again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skipbelt 0 #14 October 31, 2010 what about the bum who hadn't had a bite in over a week ? so i bit him ! also was someone whining about spelling , and posted spelt ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #15 October 31, 2010 Quotewhat about the bum who hadn't had a bite in over a week ? so i bit him ! also was someone whining about spelling , and posted spelt ? Spelt is a correct word, it's a type of (wheat) flourYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christelsabine 1 #16 October 31, 2010 Quote Quote what about the bum who hadn't had a bite in over a week ? so i bit him ! also was someone whining about spelling , and posted spelt ? Spelt is a correct word, it's a type of (wheat) flour Spelt is a correct word: Past tense of "spelling" in British English. Oddly enough, it's used by the Americans, too dudeist skydiver # 3105 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
