Average times per week in committed relationship?

[Southern_Man 0]

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Using sex (or no-sex) as a weapon is the reason my first wife became my ex-wife. Even the marriage counselor told her it was killing the marriage.

Like I said, I'm not saying it doesn't happen - just that it's not the norm.

You're certain of that? Or are you presuming? How many surveys of men married, say, 15+ or 20+ years do you base that on?

Well, the perception of it being used as a weapon would be very subjective, so you would likely have to survey both the men and the women separately I would think.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[Nataly 38]

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Using sex (or no-sex) as a weapon is the reason my first wife became my ex-wife. Even the marriage counselor told her it was killing the marriage.

Like I said, I'm not saying it doesn't happen - just that it's not the norm.

You're certain of that? Or are you presuming? How many surveys of men married, say, 15+ or 20+ years do you base that on?

I'm basing it on the fact that most people don't deliberately hurt the people they love.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

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Well, the perception of it being used as a weapon would be very subjective, so you would likely have to survey both the men and the women separately I would think.

BINGO!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Andy9o8 0]

Do you mind? Turn in your card.

[Andy9o8 0]

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Using sex (or no-sex) as a weapon is the reason my first wife became my ex-wife. Even the marriage counselor told her it was killing the marriage.

Like I said, I'm not saying it doesn't happen - just that it's not the norm.

You're certain of that? Or are you presuming? How many surveys of men married, say, 15+ or 20+ years do you base that on?

I'm basing it on the fact that most people don't deliberately hurt the people they love.

Which bears absolutely zero correlation to women using the withholding of, and deigning-to-grant, sex in marriage as deliberate punishment-vs.-reward tools of manipulation of their husbands. This is especially so once their children have been born and thus their biological clocks have been slaked.

Anyhow, aside from professional relationship counselors, I don't think anyone, male or female, who hasn't been married at least 10 (consecutive!) years is qualified to weigh in on this. Otherwise, it's just advice from whuffos.

[skymama 35]

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Which bears absolutely zero correlation to women using the withholding of, and deigning-to-grant, sex in marriage as deliberate punishment-vs.-reward tools of manipulation of their husbands. This is especially so once their children have been born and thus their biological clocks have been slaked.

Assuming the couple still has a good relationship overall, I think it's less "manipulation" and more "you were suck a jerk, reading this magazine and drinking this glass of wine is way more appealing than having sex with you".

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Andy9o8 0]

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Which bears absolutely zero correlation to women using the withholding of, and deigning-to-grant, sex in marriage as deliberate punishment-vs.-reward tools of manipulation of their husbands. This is especially so once their children have been born and thus their biological clocks have been slaked.

Assuming the couple still has a good relationship overall, I think it's less "manipulation" and more "you were suck a jerk, reading this magazine and drinking this glass of wine is way more appealing than having sex with you".

See? Even this good woman validates my point. Thank you ma'am.

[Nataly 38]

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Do you mind? Turn in your card.

But that's precisely the point... He may think she is (deliberately) "witholding" sex - she may simply be upset and not *feel* like having sex... The intent is very different. In the second case, the reason for the lack of sex may in fact have nothing to do with him...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[skymama 35]

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See? Even this good woman validates my point. Thank you ma'am.

I'm not validating the manipulation, it's just simply a case of not being turned on.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Andy9o8 0]

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See? Even this good woman validates my point. Thank you ma'am.

I'm not validating the manipulation, it's just simply a case of not being turned on.

But that's the beauty part of it for women - they don't have to be turned on. They can think about zombies and still get the job done. No-can-do for the men.

[Nataly 38]

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Anyhow, aside from professional relationship counselors, I don't think anyone, male or female, who hasn't been married at least 10 (consecutive!) years is qualified to weigh in on this. Otherwise, it's just advice from whuffos.

Whatever, dude... This issue will never get resolved because no one can know for sure what someone else is thinking - not even an "expert"... All I can say is I've known myself my entire life... And if I look at my own behaviour as an example, I have never - not once - witheld sex as a punishment, but I have often lost the desire for sex when I was upset (even when it was not at all the guy that I was upset with). To me, the behaviour is the same (no sex), but the intent is very different. To me it seems normal to not feel like having sex with someone you are upset with. To me it's NOT normal to use sex as a weapon. But hey - you're right... I have no way of *proving* that I am normal!!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[oldwomanc6 38]

Precisely! One thing I don't think that many men understand is that women need to feel close emotionally before getting close physically (when in a long-term relationship). She's not going to feel sexy if she's upset for whatever reason. Lets face it, we're not wired the same as men.

I'm not saying that some women don't use sex (or lack of) as a punishment, but I don't think that couples who have been married 10, 20 or more years get there by using sex at all.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[jhh166 0]

I will say what ever pleases both. It is your job (male or female) to please your partner, even if you are too tired , busey or whatnot. There are times where it may be a couple times a day and I feel worn out but if she wants more .. than so be it. Thats what we do in a relationship. I know she is not the biggest fan of me waking her before I go to work but she makes that sacrifice sometimes just for me...

[kallend 1,635]

I have no way of *proving* that I am normal!!!

[JohnMitchell 14]

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You're certain of that? Or are you presuming? How many surveys of men married, say, 15+ or 20+ years do you base that on?

Survey of one says everything's fine. Some women don't play that game.

[shah269 0]

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Some men "withhold" conversation from women

I'm sorry this is just funny....conversation on the same level as sex.....ah yeah ok! If you say so!

Holy shit that's funny......sigh....oh proof that god had a good sense of humor!

But seriously since I'm going to my therapist because my mom is making me go....don't ask I'm fracking Persian I do what mom says or I get whacked in the back of the head which I have plenty of times and that woman wears rings!....and well she was my marriage counselor for my x wife and I's one and only session she feels she can talk to me about marriage and my concerns with being married again.

Anyhow long story short she was telling me about a few women in relationships who were pissed at their husband over something or another had with held sex from their husband as punishment and (this is the part that makes me LOL) had long since forgotten what that point of anger was but they were going to still withhold sex from their otherwise loving and caring husband. The woman is great! I love her! She is brutally honest and says that she blames a good 70% of divorces on women withholding sex because they have no idea why!

And I'll be honest with you, that scares the shit out of me!

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Some men "withhold" conversation from women

OMG that's so funny it's not even funny!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[JohnMitchell 14]

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I'm not validating the manipulation, it's just simply a case of not being turned on.

That's when the man just needs to step up his game a bit. . .

[JohnMitchell 14]

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I will say what ever pleases both. It is your job (male or female) to please your partner, even if you are too tired , busey or whatnot.

I think relationships work the best when you're trying to put their pleasure ahead of yours. If it's reciprocated . . .

[skymama 35]

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That's when the man just needs to step up his game a bit. . .

I totally agree! You're a smart man, Mr. Mitchell.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[gonzalesna 0]

Not gettin' enough sex? That's what hookers and blow are for!

Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

[Nataly 38]

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Some men "withhold" conversation from women

I'm sorry this is just funny....conversation on the same level as sex.....ah yeah ok! If you say so!

Holy shit that's funny......sigh....oh proof that god had a good sense of humor!

Erm... Nope... It's proof that you don't understand women.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[gonzalesna 0]

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Some men "withhold" conversation from women

I'm sorry this is just funny....conversation on the same level as sex.....ah yeah ok! If you say so!

Holy shit that's funny......sigh....oh proof that god had a good sense of humor!

Erm... Nope... It's proof that you don't understand women.

He must not have read the manual on women. Here's a link to see Chapter 1 of 50.

http://djkirkby.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Book.jpg

Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

[jhh166 0]

Yes sir, I agree!

[Nataly 38]

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He must not have read the manual on women. Here's a link to see Chapter 1 of 50.

http://djkirkby.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Book.jpg

Seems like it's only volume 1 of 100000...!

ETA: Some volumes are not available for reading by men... Because you should be able to *guess* what they contain!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[shah269 0]

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Some men "withhold" conversation from women

I'm sorry this is just funny....conversation on the same level as sex.....ah yeah ok! If you say so!

Holy shit that's funny......sigh....oh proof that god had a good sense of humor!

Erm... Nope... It's proof that you don't understand women.

Nope I just don't date women who have a low sex drive and women who understand that the best "conversation" you can have is after a good hour of loving!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!