The Last Mile

[ChrisL 2]

My little dog-boy walked the last mile yesterday and my wife and I are completely distraught and guilt ridden.

He was an 11 year old Jack Russel terrier and he was the biggest little dog in the world.

No shit.

We got him as a 10 week old puppy in a pet store. We were stupid and didn't know any better. This store (we discovered later) got a lot of their dogs from puppy mills and disreputable breeders.

We saw warning signs right from day 1 as he was hyper-alert from the minute we brought him home.

He was everything you ever heard about a Jack Russel x10 with the added bonus of mental illness.

He had such a sweet side, but his origins had already broken him. Behaviorists (we tried that) told us It was clear that he had been separated from his mother almost immediately from his mother after he was born and they just ship em off to pet stores en masse.

Its all about the money right? Forget the fact that these are LIVING creatures with feelings.

After we bonded with him he developed the worse separation anxiety I'd ever seen. He would absolutely panic if he sensed either my wife or myself were going to leave, even if it was just leaving the room. Not long after he reached physical maturity that panic started to turn into aggression and he would start snarling and barking and would try to grab your pant legs in his teeth to stop you. More than once the teeth
got more than fabric.

Benson never walked anywhere. He went at a dead run even if it was a journey of 3 feet to grab his favorite toy. He never hopped down from the sofa or the bed, but launched himself out and landed 4 or 5 feet away at a full gallop.

He also couldn't be house broken and he spent most of his adult life wearing a diaper. He wrecked several couches and rugs.

We tried behaviorists, tranquilizers, anti-anxiety meds, training, running, crating. you name it, we tried it.

Nothing had any effect at all. He was unstoppable.

We called him "The Juggernaut" and made light of it because we just couldn't cope with the idea of putting him down.

To us, dogs (and cats and other animals) are not just toys or belongings or property to be disposed of if they don't work out the way we want.
they are living, breathing, feeling creatures just like we are. the only real difference is the lack of ability to reason, but that doesn't make them any less in my eyes. they are the way god intended except in cases where we (humans) screw them all up.

I couldn't make him pay the ultimate price for something that was not his fault. I just couldn't do it. He loved and trusted me and the notion of having him put down felt like a betrayal of the worst order.

So we lived with this for over 11 years, over the course of which he grew slowly worse and while we didnt notice it, our lives slowly became warped around the behavior of this little dog.

Neither my wife nor myself could hear the sound of a doorbell or keys jingle or another dog bark without cringing and waiting for the ensuing chaos.

We developed routines that allowed us to work around his actions, like if my wife wanted to get up to go to bed I'd run him outside for a pee so she could leave the room. When I left for work in the morning she would take him upstairs so he wouldn't attack me or the door.

Oh yeah, he attacked the doorknobs when you went through a door. We sold our last house and had to replace every doorknob inside the house
before we turned it over to the new owners because they were all ruined. Scratched, dented, chewed.

He absolutely had a sweet side too. He used to sit with me at night just the two of us and he was warm and sweet and adoring.

Some of you may know this is one of those breeds that tends to bond mostly with one individual who is "their person"

I was his person.

He loved me and trusted me and in those moments
at night he was as sweet and loving and cuddly and warm as anyone could ever hope for.

Unfortunately, in the last year or two he has been growing worse and more aggressive and the panic phase has shortened and now he would go straight to aggressive if he thought anything was up.

He got away from my wife a month ago when I was leaving for work and got me real good on my leg and hand. the hand bite got infected within 4 hours and I had to go to the ER and get IV antibiotics and a tetanus booster. When he snaps like that I have to grab him and hold him down while my wife muzzles him and then I hold him until the fit passes.

Both my wife and myself have several permanent scars on our legs where we weren't fast enough to avoid getting bit, and when he bit they weren't just little nips. He bit hard and drew blood.

He had started turning on our other pets too. 2 cats and another dog.
the other dog is a female Chinese crested hairless. She is very delicate boned and has no fur so she was at grave risk of a serious injury from him.

So yesterday, after an 11 year roller coaster ride of of stress, anxiety, and chaos, he walked the last mile.

We are heart broken, torn with sorrow and guilt. We cried for hours last night, and no amount of telling ourselves that there really was no other choice and we had to protect ourselves and our other animals is making even the slightest dent in our grief.

We let him down. We failed him in the worst way.

I couldn't fall asleep because he was not curled up against my feet where he slept every night for his entire life.

Benson entirely filled our house 24x7 with insane, chaotic energy for 11 years. This morning it was so still and quiet it just felt surreal.

I'd give almost anything to see him come tearing up to me when I get home.

His greetings when I got home were absolutely the best. He was so over-the-top happy to see me when I get home it would melt even the hardest heart.

I cant believe my little dog boy is gone. The ordeal is over and I'm not even a little bit relieved.

__

My mighty steed

[Krip 2]

Hi Chris

Sorry for your loss

We try and thinkof it as crossing the rainbow bridge Rather than the last mile
Puppy mills,Pet stores and backyard breeders I hope those folks find themselves on the rainbow bridge going to the special section to deal with the problems they created.

R.

[Skyrad 0]

Thats sad.

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[Fullmoon 0]

That is so sad you and your family are going through this. You guys did everything you could for him. Sending good thoughts your way.....

[Zenister 0]

Quote

To us, dogs (and cats and other animals) are not just toys or belongings or property to be disposed of if they don't work out the way we want. they are living, breathing, feeling creatures just like we are.

You gave him 11 years he wouldnt have gotten from anyone else. Be Proud of that.

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[ILUVCHUTERS 1]

I'm sorry.

Please don't feel guilty. It sounds like you did everything you could for him his entire life, you loved him, and you never ever gave up on him. That's not something to feel guilty about.

Dogs have a special way of working themselves into your hearts and lives. They leave us too soon, but the presence they create while they're here is irreplaceable.

[wolfriverjoe 1,351]

Quote

I'm sorry.

Please don't feel guilty. It sounds like you did everything you could for him his entire life, you loved him, and you never ever gave up on him. That's not something to feel guilty about.

Dogs have a special way of working themselves into your hearts and lives. They leave us too soon, but the presence they create while they're here is irreplaceable.

/\
.l This

My heart goes out to you. I just posted about my little dog.

You did everything you could. You went well above and beyond what most everyone would do. You loved him and he loved you, even though he couldn't (yes, couldn't) show it properly.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[Tink1717 2]

I'm sorry for your loss. My dog is my closest companion in my life now and fopr the forseeable future. The thought of losing her is every bit as bad as the thought of losing a child. My sympathies and vibes for you.

I need to second the notion here that your guilt is not valid. This was set in motion long before you were ever involved and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. You went WAY above and beyond the call of duty and showed super human dedication ion the way you altered your lives to accomodate your dogs disability. There are very few whpo would have even went half as far as you and you are to be commended for it. Take some time, heal and then get a new dog. You won't regret it. A home without a dog is an empty nest indeed.

Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off.
-The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!)
AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717

[ChrisL 2]

Thanks all for the supportive comments.

I have a gigantic hole in my heart and my home, and on top of that my mom passed away unexpectedly only 3 weeks ago.

I'm not much for whining usually, and generally work through whatever it may be without wearing my heart on my sleeve, but this has been a really hard month and a few caring comments from some of you folks here really has helped.

__

My mighty steed

[wmw999 2,146]

I'm so sorry about your mother; nothing can make that feel better right now, can it? And losing your dog only makes the holes worse.

But not only did you love him for 11 years (which is a long time in dog years), he knew he was loved by his person, that's clear. And when he was no longer able to live in this world, you helped him to move on to the next one as easily as possible.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Shell666 0]

You gave your little buddy the BEST life he could have ever had!!

It's so hard to let those little furkids go when you know, deep down in your heart, it's the best thing for them.

He's at the Bridge hanging with our other furkids and he's happy and healthy and will see you there.

HUGS to you and your family. I know how hard it is to let them go. But it is the most selfless thing you can do.

'Shell

[BillyVance 34]

Have you seen the movie Marley And Me? I thought it was a great one... involved a couple who adopted a dog, who turned out to be the dog from hell. But they made do with it regardless. Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson starred.

There are plenty of real-life pet owners who share your pain. You're not alone.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban