Nataly 38 #26 January 2, 2013 Quote I'm amazed at some of the problems couples have worked through and how they refused to be solely influenced by the negativity and overbearing ridicule of cynics. I agree with this. Working things through (or not) is a very personal decision, and depends not only on circumstances but on the people making the decision. With the limited information we have, it's impossible to give relevant/precise advice, except for some of what has already been voiced so far: think about how *you* feel and whether you are *both* prepared to work through it. If you do decide to work on it, maybe you can see this as an opportunity to revisit the relationship as a whole - not just this single incident... Try to both think about what does and doesn't work in the relationship, and what needs to be done to "correct"/improve this. Take each-others' feelings very seriously. Unfortunately, I'm not saying anything excuses his behaviour, but he might turn around and accuse you of neglecting him, not being supportive enough, et cetera, et cetera... It might seem crass for him to say *anything* negative about you at this point, but he might have some valid issues with you too. Here is the most difficult part: if you really care about this relationship, you will need to make huge efforts to take in his point of view as well... Hurting him back or "punishing" him or ignoring the things he needs from the relationship is not a recipe for relationship success, irrespective of what he has done... It might make *you* feel better, but it will almost definitely hurt the relationship further. If you choose not to stay together, well, then do whatever helps you heal... If you try to make it work, know that sadly, it's NOT up to him to grovel and apologise and fix all the damage - because even if he bent over backward to do EVERYTHING possible to fix things, it also takes quite a bit of effort on your part to accept his apology and forgive him and move on... Whatever you decide, it's not easy. Hang in there. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #27 January 2, 2013 Quoteok, not sure if this is the place but what the heck. I really would like some honest opinions. What is your opinion of a girl that stays with a guy that has cheated on her?? I don't want to say more, I just want your opinion on just the basic bare info. Sometimes honesty is easier from strangers that don't know either person. The whole point is not that he'll do it again but that he disrespected you and thought so little of your relationship that he did it in the first place. The easy and safest option is to walk, but having said that is there something fundamentally wrong with your relationship which helped cause this and can be changed? IMHO: Don't waste your time trying to rehabilitate a bum, there are tons of decent men out there, don't you deserve one?When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #28 January 2, 2013 Quote Quote So what do I think of someone whom stays in a relationship with a cheater? Regardless of man or woman, I think it speaks volumes of their self esteem. Sometimes that is true, yes. Sometimes it's not. It does speak volumes about their self esteem, sometimes in a negative way, sometimes not... Years ago I had a good friend who was cheated on in a very hurtful and damaging way. I knew the couple well and though it hurt to say it & hear it, I told my buddy to walk. Same cliche lines I'm reading here...'if it happened once' etc. He toughed it out, got them counselling, saved the relationship...they are together 30 years now and have one of the best marriages I've ever seen. They communicate open & honestly, they care deeply for each other. I was wrong...he saw her as the love of his life and rebuilt the foundation to something stronger than it was before the transgression. He had high enough self esteem to disregard what others were saying he 'should' do and did what was right in his heart. I did learn too...keep my opinions to myself in matters of the heart regarding others decisions. As an outsider ya can't gauge someone else's true feelings and motivations. ~Slick Willie's wife stayed while Arnold's wife dumped him. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #29 January 2, 2013 Quote best pot yet Bro It's mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kcjen24 0 #30 January 2, 2013 QuoteNever settle for "good enough" when it comes to your primary relationship. This... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #31 January 2, 2013 as of the last time we talked, it was the I guess I didn't love him enough and my heart wasn't big enough to work it all out. Maybe its a fault in me, but cheating is something I thought I could work through but I can't. I forgive him, but I would also have to see this person that he cheated on me with on a regular basis and that's just to hard for me. But, I refuse to leave this amazing sport over it, I'll do my first tandem and continue from there, whether it be tandems and tunnel time. I love everything about this sport and I will find someone that can truly appreciate all that I am and have to give, with no excuses.No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kcjen24 0 #32 January 2, 2013 Quote it was the I guess I didn't love him enough and my heart wasn't big enough to work it all out. Please clarify because this statement leads me to believe that HIM cheating has now turned into YOU taking responsibility for the failure of the relationship for not loving him enough? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #33 January 2, 2013 Quote Quote it was the I guess I didn't love him enough and my heart wasn't big enough to work it all out. Please clarify because this statement leads me to believe that HIM cheating has now turned into YOU taking responsibility for the failure of the relationship for not loving him enough? Yes, he is the one that cheated. He is the one that is responsible for the breakup of your relationship. It is a personal decision to stay or go that I do not make any judgements on for other people."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #34 January 2, 2013 That's one of the last things he said to me, we talked today. Was that he thought that my heart was bigger then what he see it is now, because if I really did love him like I said I did I would stay and work through it. That's where the I didn't love him enough, came in.No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #35 January 2, 2013 Quote Quote best pot yet Bro It's mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it. Bloody classic When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #36 January 2, 2013 QuoteThat's one of the last things he said to me, we talked today. Was that he thought that my heart was bigger then what he see it is now, because if I really did love him like I said I did I would stay and work through it. That's where the I didn't love him enough, came in. A Dickhead, dump him. Stay with this prick and you'll be wearing baggy clothes and no make up in under a year so you don't 'encourage other men' and in another year explaining to your friends that he only hits you when you upset him and that he loves you really. He sounds like POS abuser, RUN RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!!When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blueblur 0 #37 January 2, 2013 QuoteThat's one of the last things he said to me, we talked today. Was that he thought that my heart was bigger then what he see it is now, because if I really did love him like I said I did I would stay and work through it. That's where the I didn't love him enough, came in. That's a classic defensive turn around move. He is swinging the blame and guilt squarely onto your shoulders. DON'T LET HIM WIN!!! You have a huge heart in that you wanted to forgive him. Move on, you deserve better than that.In every man's life he will be allotted one good woman and one good dog. That's all you get, so appreciate them while the time you have with them lasts. - RiggerLee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #38 January 11, 2013 Quote I guess I didn't love him enough ...and the truth will set you free. Quote my heart wasn't big enough to work it all out. Maybe its a fault in me, but cheating is something I thought I could work through but I can't. No fault...you tried and that is more than I can say for most people. as I said, when the pain subsides there will be a chance to prove the love was true...in my experience that can take as little as 1 day or 10 years... ...you'll never get quick fix advice from me. God Bless your sweet heart... Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bertt 0 #39 January 11, 2013 Let it go. There are more fish in the sea.You don't have to outrun the bear. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #40 January 11, 2013 Quote Let it go. There are more fish in the sea. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgA2xo0HYrE ...btw, I'm a Pisces.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldwomanc6 38 #41 January 11, 2013 That put a smile on my face And the last 5 seconds. [swoon] Grown-up Link [/swoon] lisa WSCR 594 FB 1023 CBDB 9 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #42 January 11, 2013 Quote Quote Let it go. There are more fish in the sea. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgA2xo0HYrE ...btw, I'm a Pisces. Can I get my head out of the water and back up into the clouds where it belongs?? or I hope it doesNo matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #43 January 11, 2013 Dump the cheater and find a skydiver guy that treats you right. You look really cute in your picture and you seem cool in your posts. I think you'll only be alone as long as you wanna be. I can imagine the single guys are lining up right now. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #44 January 11, 2013 Quote Dump the cheater and find a skydiver guy that treats you right. You look really cute in your picture and you seem cool in your posts. I think you'll only be alone as long as you wanna be. I can imagine the single guys are lining up right now. Thank youNo matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #45 January 11, 2013 I just might be asking the impossible out of someone I want to date though.Just skydive, please enjoy free flying and wing suit,be willing to get your tandem license so you can take me on a few tandem jumps, oh and tunnel time,must want to go to the tunnel with me and help me learn there. Plan at least one vacation a year to a boogie somewhere. Oh and of course be faithful and honest and under 40. No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #46 January 11, 2013 QuoteYou look really cute in your picture I know, right? I would've been all over smoochin' them rosy cheeks in her last profile pic... I mean, I'm all about forgiveness and trying to make it work if possible, but seriously....what an asshole. (You guys know what I mean...)Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #47 January 11, 2013 Quote Quote You look really cute in your picture I know, right? I would've been all over smoochin' them rosy cheeks in her last profile pic... I think you should be PM'ing her. I had to out swoop a bunch of guys to marry Vskydiver. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #48 January 11, 2013 Quote Quote Quote You look really cute in your picture I know, right? I would've been all over smoochin' them rosy cheeks in her last profile pic... I think you should be PM'ing her. I had to out swoop a bunch of guys to marry Vskydiver. I know I was hinting...but I'm just a flirt. My time has come and gone - my offspring sprung. I have a huge burden ahead of me and I would never invite anyone to share it with me...I have to go it alone on this one and it'll take everything I got unto the point of death.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #49 January 11, 2013 Quote Quote Quote Quote You look really cute in your picture I know, right? I would've been all over smoochin' them rosy cheeks in her last profile pic... I think you should be PM'ing her. I had to out swoop a bunch of guys to marry Vskydiver. I know I was hinting...but I'm just a flirt. My time has come and gone - my offspring sprung. I have a huge burden ahead of me and I would never invite anyone to share it with me...I have to go it alone on this one and it'll take everything I got unto the point of death. a burden shared is alot smaller then carrying it by yourself, and you don't really ask someone to help carry a burden they offer. Just a thought. No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #50 January 11, 2013 Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote You look really cute in your picture I know, right? I would've been all over smoochin' them rosy cheeks in her last profile pic... I think you should be PM'ing her. I had to out swoop a bunch of guys to marry Vskydiver. I know I was hinting...but I'm just a flirt. My time has come and gone - my offspring sprung. I have a huge burden ahead of me and I would never invite anyone to share it with me...I have to go it alone on this one and it'll take everything I got unto the point of death. a burden shared is alot smaller then carrying it by yourself, and you don't really ask someone to help carry a burden they offer. Just a thought. Ya, well if you're up to wiping my grandmother's ass, living in a hut, saving orphans and killing sick fucking religious extremist in Nimule, then send me a PM.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
