Atlas

First one is a picture of my big dog during a thunder storm. She is the most annoying dog you'll ever find when it comes to thunder. She gets scared, shakes, sheds, and climbs in your lap (She weighs about 45 pounds..). Not a lap dog! The second picture is of all three dogs having taken over the couch. The furball on the bottom is Hannah, above her, the dachsund with alien eyes is April, and we all know Sandy :) Great dogs, and almost always in the mood to play.... except when they're on the couch. They are the only three females that like watching anything us guys want to watch :P

High: Waking up. Low: Going to sleep.

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An Attempt... kinda messy selection of the sky, but it gets the point across. And the 60k limit is killer on picture quality :( If you like.. just take the original.. Auto levels, auto contrast, and auto color it. Run it through a curve, and move the curve slightly up and to the left so it makes a bit of a an arc (small or until you find it looks nice). Then select the entire sky, and color balance it. Then invert selection and color balance it too.

According to dictionary.com they misspelled millennium http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=millennium bastards.

It's unfortunate that good news doesn't get as many responses as bad news. The reason being, in my opinion, is bad news is easy to defend / argued about. Good news has to be taken as it is, so all of these argument hungry people don't have anything to say. :) But thanks for posting it, I never read news sites, simply for the reason that 90% of the news is crap. Edit: I read slashdot instead :)

I'm 99 Inches tall, have 320 pounds of Diesel muscle, 10 tattoos, 8 of which are gang related. I have killed people, I belong to a gang, and my mouth isn't purty. I can run the jailyard. Hah.

I'd have to say the biggest giveaway was when one of the doctors (researchers...) said she was doing it as often as she could. Yeah, that's professional :P

Heh, that was if the entire roll was turned around. Not just one or two people :) Meaning that rarely would a man pursue a woman, but women would be the ones who asked for phone numbers, and the ones who asked for / arranged dates. 99% of the time.

Another note.. a friend of mine has a toilet seat that will NOT stay up. You have to hold the lid and seat up with your knee while you do your business, so that way when you're finished, it will always be put down :)

I'm with skybytch on this one. I put the seat and the lid down when I'm finished. Unfortunately I am having to break my uncouth roomate into that habbit. Oh well :)

A friend in need. Cliche(accent), but it's my philosophy.

What do you call a Norwegian car? A fjord -------------------------------------------------------- What did the 0 say to the 8? "Nice belt" -------------------------------------------------------- What do you get when you cross a Chinese guy and a Mexican? Someone who steals a car he doesn't know how to drive. -------------------------------------------------------- What do you get when you cross a Pollack and an Italian? An offer you can't understand. -------------------------------------------------------- Potentially & Realistically A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that. So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?" The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag." ---------------------------------------------------- What's the definition of innocence? A nun working in a condom factory, thinking she's making little sleeping bags for mice. ---------------------------------------------------- A trucker, who makes a habit of hitting lawyers he sees on the side of the road with his rig, stops to pick up an old nun. After they've put on some miles, and have run out of small talk, he sees a lawyer on the side of the road, walking with the traffic. He instinctively heads for him, but at the last second - realizing he's in the presence of a person of God - jerks the wheel away, bumper narrowly missing the man. He exclaims "Sorry I almost hit that lawyer back there, I don't know what came over me!" To which the nun replies "It's ok, my son, I got him with the door." ---------------------------------------------------------- What's hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet in the middle, begins with a C and ends with a T? A coconut. --------------------------------------------------------- A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man, "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn't hear, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's easy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read: "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post." ----------------------------------------------------------- The unthinkable happens in the saccharine land of Disney: Mickey and Minnie decide to divorce. They present their cases to the judge, who says to Mickey, "Mr. Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Your wife seems quite sane." Mickey says, "I didn't say she was insane, I said she was fucking Goofy!" --------------------------------------------------------- A doctor was with a patient, when suddenly she cried out, "Doctor--kiss me!" "I can't, ma'am," he said. "Though you're very beautiful, it's against the code of ethics and law." Still the woman cried out, "Doctor! Please--kiss me!" The doctor shook his head. "Ma'am, I'm sorry. I can't kiss you. I'll lose my job!" The woman cried out one last time, "Please! For the love of god--kiss me, doctor!" "Goddamn it, woman!" the doctor chastized. "I can't kiss you! I'll get fired and lose my licence!" "In that case," the woman said, "stop fucking me!" ----------------------------- On his dying day, Mr. Jones's wife was sitting by his bedside stroking his clammy hand and whispering comforting things as he moaned and writhed in agony. "It's alright," she was saying, "...go to god now, you have no more worries..." She gave him a sip of warm broth. "No, no, I feel terrible! I've don'e terrible things, o my darling Anna!" He whimpered in his fever, clutching his burning belly. "Shh, shh," replied his wife. "Have a little broth, it will help." "Let me he explain...I...I...slept with your best friend." "Shhh," said Anna, only nodding calmly. "I know..." She held another sip to his trembling lips. A little offended at her lack of reaction, he continued fervently: "And your sister!" "Shhh, I know. Have some broth." "And your mother!" "Shhh, I know. Just drink your broth" "I've had sex with almost ten women during our marriage! And...and..." "Shhh, I know...that's why I poisoned your broth." ------------------------------------------ a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap. The shrink says to the guy, "I can clearly see your nuts." ------------------------------------------- A duck walks into a bar and says "You got any bread"? The Bartender said "No sir we don't, we don't serve bread, only alchaholic and soft beverages sir." The next day the duck is back, "Got any bread?" "No sir" says the barman "No bread" The next day the duck comes back "Got any bread?" "Look" says the bar man "If you come in here asking for bread again, i'm gonna nail your beak to the bar!" "Got any nails? said the duck "No" said the barman "Got any bread?" --------------------------------------------- By the way.. The Duck Joke is going to be hilarious when I get the chance to tell it to someone :) (And no, that last joke is not The Duck Joke, it's a duck joke *grin*)

At one point I was driving along and came across a truck with a bumper sticker that said: "Master Baits, For the fisherman that fishes alone." Easily applicable to a T-Shirt :)

You can't forget the eternal words of Louis from "Revenge of the Nerds" It was on this morning, on comedy central :) Girl:"Wow, you were so good. Are all geeks as good as you?" Louis:"Yes" Girl:"Really? Why..? (In a pleasured voice)" Louis:"Because all jocks think about are sports, and all we think about is sex" And it's true ! *grin*