mardigrasbob

lies all lies! --------------

I was talking about murder of innocent Americans. We in America have juris prudence, we have flush toliets, and sewage treatment. Hell, my dog eats better than most of the world, It that evil? Should we all just take a vow of poverty, and let the weeds grow. I feel confident that the bleeding heart crybabies will not give up their Volvos or their Double Choco Lattes to help correct this injustice, but will sit at their keyboards(created by Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) and bellyache. It is one thing to say "thats wrong" than it is to know what's right! ----- By the way great dialog! ---

If my brother killed 3,000 innocent workers and airplane passengers, I would gladly apply the electodes myself. I agree that war is 'despicable' but those people, children included, did nothing to deserve being murdered on 9/11/01. I sincerely doubt that the enemy captured on the battlefield suffered any ill treatment that they wouldn't gladly inflict on every American. How would your views differ if were a terrorist casualty? ------------- Blue ones!

Hang on one damn minute, I never said squat about children. On the other hand; putting a high voltage anode on a terrorist's testicles in order to prevent another attack is a perfectly acceptable tactic. I have no doubt that many vile things were done by the US military and CIA. I personally have no problem with that. Those bastards have not mounted a successful attack on American soil since that terrible morning almost three years ago. Something is being done right! -------------- Official count of victims of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks Associated Press April 1, 2002 NEW YORK : 2,830 World Trade Center : City officials say 150 are missing. The medical examiner's office has issued 883 death certificates. An additional 1,797 death certificates have been issued without a body, at the request of victims' families. Includes all passengers and crew on hijacked planes : American Airlines Flight 11 : 92 United Airlines Flight 175 : 65 WASHINGTON : 189 Pentagon : 125 American Flight 77 : 64 passengers and crew PENNSYLVANIA : 44 United Flight 93 : 44 passengers and crew TOTAL : 3,063

Sorry for the repost but it fits -----------------

I was watching Kill Bill 2 and saw Daryl Hannah pull up in that black '79 trans-am. "I had one of those!" was my comment. "What happened to it? was the reply. I let it fall to pieces in my front yard while I ployed all my money into a new Javelin & Triathon. No Regrets.... well maybe a little! ---------------

Is this supposed to qualify as an "American joke"? I think it's more like "thread drift." Couldn't you substitute any other two nationalities for that joke? Maybe a Bavarian wrestler to use the "pretzel hold," I'm thinkin'... Adds a little more "truth" to the joke. And, um, is it supposed to be common knowledge that having one's balls bitten gives one a burst of strength?! Not so sure about that... Still lookin' for truth in humor... - Jeffrey, Please go jumping this weekend! I'll pay for one slot. My jokes may not be original, fair or even funny. Most were mearly pasted from other sites, but your ragging on them shows a lack of altitude. Get your knees in the breeze my friend! -----

There wasa movie w/ Tim Hutton and Valerie Bertinelli(VanHalen). After-school special I think. He's a new student and hunter. She rebukes him for killing Bambi. He then explains, very graphically, how the calf was prepared and slaughtered to make the veal cutlett she was enjoying at that moment. It was very cool. Anybody remember it? -------

www.vhemt.org/ -----------------

ANTI-HUMAN QUOTES "Man is the most dangerous, destructive, selfish, and unethical animal on earth." --Michael W. Fox, vice president, Humane Society of the United States, as quoted in Robert James Bidinotto, "Animal Rights: A New Species of Egalitarianism," The Intellectual Activist, September 14, 1983, p. 3. "Humans have grown like a cancer. We're the biggest blight on the face of the earth." --Ingrid Newkirk, national director, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PeTA), as quoted in Reader's Digest, June, 1990. "Humans are exploiters and destroyers, self-appointed world autocrats around whom the universe seems to revolve." --Sydney Singer, director, the Good Shepherd Foundation, "The Neediest of All Animals," The Animals Agenda, Vol. 10, No. 5 (June 1990), p. 50. "If you haven't given voluntary human extinction much thought before, the idea of a world with no people in it may seem strange. But, if you give it a chance, I think you might agree that the extinction of Homo sapiens would mean survival for millions, if not billions, of Earth-dwelling species ... Phasing out the human race will solve every problem on earth, social and environmental." --"Les U. Knight" (pseudonum), "Voluntary Human Extinction," Wild Earth, Vol. 1, No. 2, (Summer 1991), p. 72. Torturing a human being is almost always wrong, but it is not absolutely wrong." --Peter Singer, as quoted in Josephine Donovan, "Animal Rights and Feminist Theory," Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society, Winter 1990, p. 357. "Animal liberationists do not separate out the human animal, so there is no rational basis for saying that a human being has special rights. A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy. They are all mammals." --Ingrid Newkirk, national director, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PeTA), as quoted in Vogue, September 1989. -------

Only if I could wear alligator boots, eat a veal cutlet and watch a cock-fight! ----------

Here is some more info on Cara. Sweet Dog! ---------------

Don't fret folks. The poor Dems will have to quiet down for a few years, then Clinton vs. Powell! lookreachpull.com/victory.html -------------

Two Pakistanian guys wanted to become more American. The first guy decides to make a bet to see who can become the most American after one year. One year later, the two guys meet. The first guy says, "I drive a Cheverolet Truck, my son plays baseball for the school, I own a house in a respectable neighborhood, and I drink Budweiser." The other guys says, "Fuck you, Towelhead!" ------ At the Olympics Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending. Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!" ----------

Yes, please move the event to summer; like maybe early August. These October events are too cold! -----

In honor of the Olympics and in the spirit of healthy competition between nations of the world, I will now attempt to simultaneously offend as many nations as possible with one joke. Quiet in the Stadium, please: American Thick. Arrogant and self centered. African American Thick and violent. No dress or music sense and a deep seated inferiority complex. Irish American Thick and violent enough to give money to terrorists. Just enough sense to leave their last country when the food ran out. Hispanic American Coming to America didn't help much. Still poor, still uneducated, but now they don't understand the TV. Native American Too stupid to leave when the modern Americans arrived. Too stubborn to die. East Coast American Probably a Lawyer. 'Nough said. West Coast American Clearly does not understand the word 'Earthquake'. Does understand the phrase 'double-decaff'. Mid-West American Stupidity runs in the family, if you know what I mean. Good banjo players though. Canadian Obsessed by Ice Hockey, otherwise American. Scottish Live in a permanently cold and wet environment, yet only discovered underwear a century ago. Irish Drunk, violent and too stupid to emigrate when the food ran out. Welsh Such an easy target, you can think of something. English Sexually repressed. English (Essex) Errr, *not* sexually repressed. Just lacking in taste. Scandinavian Even less sexually repressed than Essex girls. Better looking though, and more taste, apart from Ikea. Americans Still stupid. Just thought I'd mention it again. Think a "World Series" with teams from only one country is normal. Belgians Dull. French Smell of garlic. Italian Lazy, smell of garlic. Greek Incestuous, lazy, smell of garlic. Polish Unclean, incestuous, lazy. Don't smell of garlic, but you wish they did. German No sense of humour. Started the war... ...and lost. Americans Can't spell "Potatoes". Still stupid. Don't mind losing a war, so long as it's televised. Chinese Spik stlangely. Err, sorry, I mean: Speak strangely. Japanese Speak strangely, and are bound by such strict codes of conduct they'd rather disembowel themselves than apologise; hence some still glow in the dark. Australians Drunk. Screw sheep/kangaroos/dingos/anything. Want to sleep on your floor if you live in London. Russian Stupid and drunk. Sort of like an Australian American, I suppose, but without the sense of humour... perhaps a German Australian American? New Zealand Never heard a New Zealander joke, so, err, *dull*. But not as dull as the Belgians. Mexicans Exist purely to make the Americans feel less stupid. Say things like "Hey greeengo, we don' neeed your steeenkin' abuse". Get shot by baddies in cowboy films. And American Border Guards in real life. Spanish Had a great empire before the English did, now pathetic. Portuguese Had a slightly smaller empire than the Spanish, now even more pathetic. Swiss Sense of humour like a German's, but make better chocolate. Arabs Wear tea towels, national sports are buggery and losing wars. Hence quite like the Germans apart from the tea towels and the buggery. Well, as far as *I* know, anyway. ---------------

An American, wearing Bermuda shorts, T-shirt, and a baseball cap, walks into a café, chewing on gum. He sits next to this French guy who is trying to enjoy his breakfast and is not in the mood for small talk. The American, aware of the Frenchman's mood, tries to be smart. He sees the man eating a roll with jelly and decides to remark on that. "You French people eat the entire roll of bread?!" he says in an astonished tone. "Yes," replies the Frenchman and resumes eating. "Not us," says the American. "We only eat the inside and then throw the crust in a container, process it and sell it to the French as croissants." The Frenchman calmly ignores him and continues to eat. "Eww..." says the American, "You eat your bread with that jelly?" "Yes," says the Frenchman. "Not us," says the American, "We only eat fresh fruits. Then we throw the peal in a container, process it and sell it to the French as jelly." "Really?" says the Frenchman, "And what do you do with your used condoms?" Taken aback, the American says, "Uhh... we just throw them away." "Not us," said the Frenchman, "We throw them in a container, process them, and sell it as gum to the Americans." -------------- AMERICAN SOLDIERS In World War I, American soldiers were called "Doughboys". In World War II, they were called "GIs". In Korea, they were called "Dogfaces". In Vietnam, they were called "Grunts". In Desert Storm, they were called "Storm Troopers". Today, they are called "Tali-whackers". -------------- Wounded American-- A wounded American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq tells the nurse: "How I wish I could kiss the American flag if I am going to die!" Nurse, extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism: "Actually, I have the American flag tattooed on my bottom. You may kiss my ass, if you don't mind it." Soldier: "Of course I wouldn't mind it. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish as a patriot American." The nurse took off her panties and the soldier kissed the flag. Soldier: "Thank you, nurse. Would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?" ----------

A seal walks into a club. ONLY IN AMERICA Only in America... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America... Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America... Do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke. Only in America... Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America... Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage. Only in America... Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America... Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. And in America a school teacher can get fired for having a Bible on her desk. Only in America do we have several unread Bibles in our home, while most of the rest of the world is begging for just one copy. Only in America do I offend people by wishing them a Merry Christmas. Three men were sitting in a bar, one was French, one Itailan, and one American. The Frenchman said "Last night I made love to my wife four times, and this morning she kept telling me how much she worshipped me." So the Itailan said "Well, I had sex with my wife six times last night, and this morning she was too exhaused to speak." The American remained silent, so the Frenchman smugly asks "So how many times did you have sex with your wife last night?" "Once." the American replied. "And what did she say this morning?" asked the Itailan. "Dont stop!" ---------------

A British gentleman and a French lady with a lap poodle are sharing a compartment in a train with an American soldier. The soldier gets up to open the window and bumps into the French woman. He starts to apologize, but she berates him as rude and clumsy. After a few minutes of this he calmly reaches over, grabs her poodle by the scruff of the neck and throws it out the window. Beside herself with rage, she demands that the Brit come to her assistance. “Certainly, madam,” he says, turning to the American. “I beg your pardon sir, but it appears that you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.” The Brits also have a few jokes about the Americans, though they tend toward the polite. “The world needs to go to war every once in a while, if only to teach you Americans a little geography,” --------------------

Here are some jokes from foreign countries that often bear the brunt of many American jokes. (Don't flame me. I'm an American.) Q: Why does it take 3 Americans to change a lightbulb? A: One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough lightbulbs until one is found that isn't defective. Q: How can you tell it's midnight at an American airport? A: When you see the 8:00 PM flights taking off. Q: Why do American 18-year-olds take sex education courses? A: So they can learn what they've been doing wrong for the past five years. Q: What do Americans call a TV set that goes five years without need of repair? A: An import. Q: How can an American be certain that the car he's just bought is actually new? A: When it's recalled by the factory. [Note - reportedly from MAD Magazine - ed.] Top 10 American Jokes 10. You think most Indian teenagers are pure and chaste. 9. You think everyone in the world knows about the O.J. Simpson case. 8. You can't believe the world wide web exists in India. You can't believe Delhi has had phone services like call waiting and the other fancy stuff you get here for the past three years and you can't believe there have been ATM (like MAC) machines in Indian cities for more than 7 years. 7. You like Broccoli. 6. You find cricket to be boring but watch golf, bowling or curling on TV. 5. You express sarcasm with "Yeah, right." 4. When you see anyone at all pass by you on the road, you greet them with a "Howz it goin", "Whassup" or "How you doin" and keep walking on. 3. You say "interesting" when either you don't care or think it is weird. 2. You refer to India as a Third World Country. 1. You understood, enjoyed and could relate to every joke in the Humor Page More: How can you tell when it's two hours after a terrible American automobile accident? By the arrival of the Ambulance! What do you call a letter mailed in Dallas on a Thursday, and arriving in Ft. Worth a week from the following Monday? "Special Delivery"! How can you tell when you're on an American beach? By the oil slick in the water! What is the record for the number of late-night strolls through an American urban ghetto? One! How can an American be certain that the car he's bough is actually new? When it's recalled by the factory! What happened when the American doctor made a house call? The patient died of shock! What do American unions call walking off their jobs, striking unlawfully, and crippling an entire city? "Collective Bargaining"! What's black on the inside, white on the outside and polluted? Any large American city! more.... WHAT IS AN AMERICAN? We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car. We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs. We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour. Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes. We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don't know half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner." We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time. We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild. We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm. In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business. We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwich. We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it. We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power. We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car. We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces. The top ten replies to "cheese-eating surrender monkeys": 10. How many Amerikans does it take to prosecute a sex crime? Answer: 535--435 in the House, 100 in the Senate 9. How do Republicans reduce unemployment? Answer: By prosecuting oral sex. 8. How do Republicans increase unemployment? Answer: They cut spending on Monica Lewinsky. 7. How many times did employers fire Saddam Hussein? Answer: Only once, the CIA paid for the rest of his work. 6. How many wives does the average Amerikan husband have? Answer: 10, 1 at home and 9 in Utah. 5. How does the Amerikan womyn avoid the singles bar scene? Answer: She marries her kidnapper. 4. How many Amerikans does it take to catch and prosecute child-abusing polygamists? Answer: No one knows: it's never been tried. 3. How many Amerikans does it take to buy a gallon of gas? Answer: 250,000 to seize it and one to pump it. 2. Why do Amerikan wars always come in twos? Answer: The first one creates terrorists and the second one does too. 1. Amerikans, the "Cheez-Whiz-eating Lewinsky addicts." ------------------

www.rivervet.com/patton.htm I'm Back! -----------------------

Done!

Just this! -----

Oh, he being supervised alright. About twenty people are watching him right now and wishing he would shut the fuck up! I agree disapline must be early and consistant. Children understand and expoit false threats. I could yell at my mother, but if I looked sideways at my Dad! The number 1 rule though was: Do not show your ass in public! ----------

At this very moment, in the parking lot, there is a little boy standing thru his mother's car sunroof thowing a conniption because his video game is not working! The mother, who in the doctor's office next door to me, is to no avail, trying to calm him thru kind words. I am sorry; my child would only do that once! I am interested in your views on the current trend of reasoning with a brat! -------------