jlkskycam

Okay - you may be right - I haven't seen the picture. You?

I'm gonna guess Valerie Bertanelli or maybe he was just channeling Diamond Dave in that shot.

In the air, there's been several but one of the better ones was after slinging off the CASA, over the formation just built, and the Kitty Hawk monument at Kill Devil Hills swam into focus.

And speaking of molecules, did you realize that with every fart impregnated breath you take, you are sucking molecules of somebody else's feces into your body? Hell, on hot days you're breathing in everyone's sweat molecules. Jumping over farmlands, gotta be wild and domestic animal molecules floating about and if you've ever jumped through the haze, industrial or otherwise, ya know - that vapor might have been liquid at some point and water? Fish fuck in water.

QuoteAsk the cashier nicely why he's being a "fucking commie". His response will probably be along the lines of "Get the fuck out of my store. I don't need to deal with your shit!" What are good ways of getting kicked out of other places?[/reply Got thrown out of a place - went inside to buy cigarettes but they didn't have the ones I normally get. No worries, got something else but told the guy, "Hey - if you get what I'm looking for, I'll buy 'em." He said he would take care of it, no problem, and I said thanks. This happened a few more times - I'd go inside, they didn't have what I wanted but I'd be assured they'd get it. Finally, about the 4th or 5th time I stopped in, tanked up, grabbed a case of beer and some junk food and again when it came to the cigs, no joy and the same guy who had been assuring me they'd take care of it was at the counter. I told him that if they couldn't get it, that was all right but I didn't appreciate (in those words) being told something, over and over, which was turning out to be just so much words. The guy starting cursing and swearing, calling me all sorts of names, cursed me out and told me to never come back again. Don't really blame him - I had basically suggested he was a big, fat liar - just not in those words - and he was.

Another true story: It's the night before the final TSL meet one year and our 4way is out barbequing, getting hammered, and having a great time. We eat up the food and throw more meat on the fire but one member of our team wants more and he wants it immediately. He starts reaching for some meat which has been on the fire for maybe a minute. He's told it probably isn't near done but, undeterred, stars devouring it anyway. As he swallows he comments, "Hmmm - I guess it wasn't done - oh well." The next day he's cranking these little, raw meat squeakers with devastating impact. I'm sitting opposite of him, up against the aft bulkhead and his uncontrolled wafts are striking me first and every time, I'd flinch back and make a face, which was later described as like being struck in the face by some huge, stinky fist. That evening, after the meet, it was determined that doing 8way the following year might be fun and the name of the team was all agreed upon, "Stink-Fist" - which provided great fun whenever manifest was announcing who was to be on the coming loads. "Stink...Stink...Stink-um-fist? Umm..Stink-fist, Otter four, 15 minutes."

I've been on a couple loads where someone farted, for the worst Tracey carries a can of air freshener and has used it... One year during a dz Christmas party, one of the "gifts' handed out was a can of air-freshener just for that sort of eventuality, and it was soon mounted in a special pocket, up gainst the aft bulkhed. The following weekend someone cranks a fart out, Newt the pilot yells for the new can of air-freshener, and said air freshener is unholstered and sprayed against the offending odor. "Smell better!?" we yelled forward to Newt. Newt yells back, "Smells like someone farted in a meadow!"

My spin - like shit (without the mess), farting happens. Part of the human condition. Some will take advantage of the opportunity for attention or to fuck with people - I know I have, but most of the time I neither try to force it or restrain it and if people start smelling it - I'll own up to it. What's more, if people start making a scene, especially if it was weak and they're just bitching, that's when the horns go up, the tongue comes out, and certain "Yeah, I'm the devil" gestures, might occur. That said, I'll crack the door if asked, no problem, and give props to others if they let one loose one which is particularly devastating. Oh, and - in my experience, I've jumped with a few girls who had been jumping since the olden-days of yore (60's and 70's) who, when they farted, 1) owned up to it, 2) we're not embarrassed or distracted by it or angry at other people's, and 3) produced some of the most stinky, eye-watering, and nasueating farts I've ever been impacted with. Something about girl-farts - like a fist to the face sometimes.

Always a fave: "Ho Ho Ho if it isn't fat stinking Billy Goat Billy Boy in poison. How are thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip-oil. Come and get one in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles you eunuch jelly thou."

Ya know - Mickey might be high because his girlfriend is fucking Goofy.

"And we sat in the Korova Milk Bar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova sold milk plus, milk plus velocet, synthemesc or drencrom which was what we were drinking. And this would sharpen you up for a bit of the old ultraviolence."

I don't have a problem with SUV's really - they're just vehicles, some are more gas efficient than others, good tradeoff for the space and what such vehicles afford drivers in a variety of conditions. But, those assmunches who feel they have to slow down to almost nothing for a frick'n speedbump or driveway??? Dipshits! You're in a freak'n SUV! Don't you see the commericals where they're conquering some vertical and rocky part of the wilderness somewhere??? Shocks and suspension taking the brunt as boulders the size of volkswagons (or near abouts), logs, tumbleweeds, and steep dry-washes bounce under and behind while the driver is humming along in an almost perfect aspect with the horizon. And these dorks slow down to almost a complete stop - some slower! I mean, there's bigger things in life to bitch about, sure - but if something low to the gorund has to creep over that bump or dip, no prob - don't wanna screw up your ride but these butched up suspension things? What's the deal!? I might mess up my heavy-duty suspension! That's my peeve (for the moment)

The weekend following 911 I attended a boogie in College Station. They already had leased one of Faiard's CASA's from Carolina Sky Sports. We didn't think it would be able to fly out but by Friday, I think - it managed to get clearance to fly. The pilots reported they had to fly a very tight corridor and ATC was very jumpy about *any* deviation - they were told to "center up" a couple times. We had the boogie, had a great time, the weather was great, didn't make a single jump. No permission for jumping. It was rough seeing a CASA sitting on the tarmac underneath blue skies.

Did you not see? He got hammered.. Chuck Norris is a fake. When Bush41 did his most recent skydive I worked the event (on the ground). I was on a camera out in the landing area shooting the Knights coming and keeping my eyes peeled for Bush. I spot a tandem, zoom in my camera, and it's Chuck Norris(!) Dave the Director (DtD): You see George? Me: I got Chuck Norris. DtD: The Chuckster! That's pretty cool! Me: Heheheheheh - he's strapped to a guy! True story!

It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain’t shinin’ ’cause the sky’s too tight I heard the scarey wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin’ ’long the side of me I’m mean ’n I’m bad, y’know I ain’t no sissy Got a big-titty girly by the name of chrissy Talkin’ about her ’n my bike ’n me... ’n this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery I noticed even the crickets Was actin’ weird up here And so I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, gimme summa that what yer suckin’ on... But there was no reply ’cause she was gone... Where’s those titties that I like so well ’n my goddamn beer! Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin’ twig, ’n up jumped the devil...he’s about this big... He had a red suit on An’ a widow’s peak An’ then a pointed tail ’n like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright I sweared I knowed it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, you sonofabitch! ’cause I was mad at him, Well he just got out his floss ’n started cleanin’ his fang So I shot him with my shooter Said: bang bang bang Then the sucker just laughed ’n said, put it away... You know, I ate her all up...now what you Gonna say? You ate my chrissy? titties ’n all! Well, what about the beer then, boy? were the cans This tall? Even her boots? would I lie to you? Shit, you musta been hungry! yes, this is true. Well don’t they pay you good for the Stuff that you do? Well, you know, I can’t complain when the checks come through... Well I want my chrissy, ’n I want my beer So you just barf it back up now, devil, Do you hear? Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the devil, Do you understand? just what will you give me For your Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little Contract here... yer goddam right, you son-of-a-whore, Don’t call me that That’s about the only reason ...gimme that paper...bet yer ass I’ll sign... ’cause I need a beer, ’n it’s titty-squeezin’ time Man, you can’t fool me...you ain’t that bad... I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had... Why there was milhous nixon ’n agnew, too... ’n both of those suckers was worse ’n you... Well, let’s make a deal if you think that’s true I mean, you’re the devil, so whatcha gonna do? (improvised dialog) Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say... That you want to make a deal with me... That’s very, very true I’m only interested in two things Yeah? See if you can guess what they are I would think...uh...let’s see, maybe stravinsky... I’ll give you two clues. let go of your pickle What? Let go of your pickle! I’m not holding my pickle Well, who’s holding your pickle then? I don’t know...she’s out in the audience... Hey dale, would you like to come up here and hold My pickle to satisfy this weird man out on the stage? I’m only interested in two things, and that’s Titties and beer You know what I mean? What? Titties and beer Titties and beer Titties and beer Titties and beer Titties and beer Titties and beer Titties and beer! Titties and beer! I don’t know if you’re the right guy? Titties and beer! Titties and beer! No! don’t sign it! give me time to think... I mean hold on a second boy, ’cause that’s magic ink! And then the devil let go of his pickle And out come my girl, there was her titties Flop-floppin’...all around the world She said I got me three beers and a fistful of downs And I’m gonna get ripped, so fuck, you clowns! Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff That’s when the devil, he farted And she went right over the cliff! The devil was mad, I took off to my pad I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

Disco Boy Run to the toilet, honey, Comb your hair Disco Boy Pucker yer lip, 'N check yer shoulder, 'Cause some dandruff might be Hidin' there! Disco Boy, You're the DISCO KING! Aw, the Disco-Thing Made you think Someday, That you Just might GO SOMEWHERE! Disco Girl! You're 'out-a-site'! You need a Disco Boy To treat you right He'll do a little dance; Take you home tonight (Leave his hair alone, But you can kiss his comb) Disco Boy! Run to the toilet boy, 'N comb your hair Disco Boy! Shake it more than three times 'n yer playin' with it (WOW!) While yer standin' there! (Well . . . ) Disco Boy! Do the Bump every night, 'til the Disco Girl Who's REALLY RIGHT Gonna fall for yer line, 'N feed you a box fulla Chicken Delight! Disco chit-chat; so demure! Pump that booty all across the floor! A disco drink A disco wink "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) "You never go doody!" (That's what you think) Doody Ah, go doody Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Doody You never go doody Ah, baby, doody No doody Doody Ah, baby, doody Disco Boy! You got one more chance To comb your hair again Disco Boy! They're closin' the bar, And she's leavin' with your friend! Disco Boy, That's the way it goes, So wipe your nose, 'N try it again, To get a little pussy tomorrow! Disco Boy, No one understands, But thank THE LORD That you still got hands To help you do that jerkin' that'll Blot out yer Disco Sorrow! It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right It's Disco Love tonight Make sure you look all right

Maybe for you...

It's the advertising. Haven't seen too many Guinness commercials where the message is, if you drink this stuff, hot chicks in bikinis will be all over you. Not sure why but I am reminded of once floating down the river in New Braunfels with some friends. We were hitting on a bottle of mescal and several high school aged girls floated by while flirting, "Heyyyy - Whatcha drinking??? "Mescal!" I yell back. "Mescal?" one goes. "What's that?" Naturally I replied, "Oh, it's like beer!"

Both. If you're bored, attempt, using hydraulic pressure, dexterity and technique, to 'guide' one cake on top of the other. Practice with cigarette butts.

Tried a few but I keep on going back to the tested, tried, and true Guinness - my frosty beverage of choice for those end of a long, hot summer day, dump at altitude, kick back, and enjoy the sunset.

"Dumb all over, A little ugly on the side..."

You mean, it went away???

Whaty're friends for? Her zipper was screwed up, we were getting closer to jumprun - it was only when I got my head down and took stock of *exactly where my mouth was * that I realized how surreal life had just become. And I did take the helmet off to do the deed, of course. Probably shoulda left it on since when she smacked me back to reality, it did get my attention. It was worth it. Oh yeah - no worries but there's no 'c' in Korshak, baby.

I've always said she's my favorite piece of 4way tail. True story - once upon a time while our team was climbing to altitude her zipper decided to melt-down and I found myself attempting to repair it. All too soon I had my teeth on the zipper, using them essentially as pliers trying to force the little zipper thingee to bend back closer together so it would zip the suit right. No shit - face down, in her lap. I whispered loudly in a cooing voice, "Close...so very, very close..." just before she swatted me upside my head. But, the zipper was temporarily repaired, if I remember correctly.

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