Suavel 0 #1 October 22, 2006 I wasn't sure if I should've revived the elder topic, so I start again, a phoenix of text. If anyone remembers me asking for advice on a college entrance essay on skydiving, here it is! In it's semi-completed form. I am happy to accept criticism and critique. Is this what colleges want? Is this an original essay or is it the same thing they see over and over, only with "skydiving" pasted over "visiting grandma's house"? It's about a page long: ------------------------- “Skydiving” or “Why I Jump Out Of Perfectly Good Airplanes” When I first tell someone that I skydive, I immediately receive a barrage of questions and comments ranging from simple acceptance to the more complex declaration of my insanity. Skydiving is portrayed as a daredevil activity, a crazy-man’s death wish. I, however, know skydiving in another, more intimate way: A life-changing sport. I made my first skydive at 16, a tandem jump with my uncle. I was strapped to his front and, as my grandfather told me, “All you gotta do is kick and scream!.” I remember very little from that first jump, just little pieces here and there. I do know that it was one of the more significant experiences of my lifetime. It opened my eyes to a world of adventure, campfire stories, long road trips to drop zones (where skydivers do what they do best), and above all, fun. That first jump opened my eyes to the world of the skydiver. There are as many ways to see skydiving as there are skydivers. Skydiving is a sport. Skydiving is a job. Skydiving is a hobby, a lifestyle, an addiction. Skydiving is a fast paced dance between any number of people; weaving over, under, around the others. Skydiving is an exact science of fall rates and air flow, controlling freefall to the inch. Skydiving is a chance to see the world. Skydiving is jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet above ground level. To me, skydiving is a passion, a diverse sport full of emotion. There’s nothing like dropping off of the plane and diving down to dock on a formation; feeling the wind over your body, resisting at just the right place and time to turn, roll, slide and ultimately fly your body. Then comes the snatch of the harness as the parachute unfurls and halts your fall from over 120 miles per hour to a mere float. This jerk, followed by the lofty flight to the ground, is as anticipated as a child’s Christmas. The task then moves from flying your body to flying the parachute, or canopy(the term used most affectionately by skydivers). Canopy flight takes it’s own place in skydiving. It is arguably the most fun and definitely the most important aspect of the sport. In fact, many expert skydivers purchase smaller canopies for more extreme flight potential. Less experienced jumpers, like myself, consider canopy flight an exciting ride to the ground. Every skydiver, regardless of skill, develops a bond to his canopy, and I am no exception. My parachute is an embarrassing array of blue, orange, pink, yellow, and black in alternating stripes across it’s arc and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The canopy responds to my every input, diving, turning, swooping across the sky in an impressive display of unwieldy color. The open parachute is the welcome picture of safety and comfort to every skydiver. Even the term “canopy” paints a picture of warm protection. Skydiving is the only thing that I have yet experienced that has allowed me to focus absolutely on the single thing I’m doing. There are no wandering thoughts, no stray ideas, there is only complete and total concentration. Some Buddhists spend months in silence on tops of mountains to experience complete calm, what they call zen, when they ought to put on a parachute and jump. A monk in my own right, I spend time in the sky to reach my calm. I like to call it zen skydiving. ---------------------------- Thanks for reading, guys! I also have to write another essay for a Scholarship program, any ideas? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpinfarmer 0 #2 October 22, 2006 Not bad! I like it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jarrodh 0 #3 October 22, 2006 I was excited to see this post on the forum because finally I found a thread I can respond to and give advice on (my low jump numbers usually prevent this). Im a college student so I know exactly what's supposed to go into an essay on an application. Your essay was really quite good and I found little that would need changing. First off definetly title the essay "Skydiving" or "Skydiver" and not "Why I Jump Out of Perfectly Good Airplanes, for your essay doesnt directly respond to this question. Second I would change this part... Quote Skydiving is a chance to see the world. Skydiving is jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet above ground level. to something like "Skydiving is a chance to see the world from 14,000 feet above ground level." Little else needs changing. Good Essay and good luck on your entrance. Blue Skies2 BITS....4 BITS....6 BITS....A DOLLAR!....ALL FOR THE GATORS....STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jarrodh 0 #4 October 22, 2006 Actually my second tip in retrospect isn't really needed. I misread your original sentence. My bad. Blues...2 BITS....4 BITS....6 BITS....A DOLLAR!....ALL FOR THE GATORS....STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Froggy 0 #5 October 22, 2006 QuoteFirst off definetly title the essay "Skydiving" or "Skydiver" and not "Why I Jump Out of Perfectly Good Airplanes, for your essay doesnt directly respond to this question. Doesn't the last paragraph actually answer the question? To me, it sounds pretty good... -------------- We were not born to fly. And all we can do is to try not to fall... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 259 #6 October 22, 2006 I know nothing about essays for college entrance, but I gotta say that's one of the best explanations of skydiving that I've ever read. Good job. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hobojoe 0 #7 October 22, 2006 I really like it! Anything inspiring about skydiving is always a good read. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator 3 #8 October 22, 2006 I really like it. Well done. I say you should submit it to uspa and get htat sucker put in the parachutist.. but once it is in print, beeeeerCLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08 CSA #720 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StevieBoy 0 #9 October 22, 2006 I enjoyed the read, the best part for me was " I made my first skydive at 16, a tandem jump with my uncle. I was strapped to his front and, as my grandfather told me, “All you gotta do is kick and scream!.” Nice workit deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #10 October 22, 2006 QuoteI know nothing about essays for college entrance, but I gotta say that's one of the best explanations of skydiving that I've ever read. Good job. Yeah, what she said. Very, very nice - you really have a wonderful tone and rhythm to your writing. Grammatical nit-pick: "Canopy flight takes it’s own place in skydiving." Should read its, not it's."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suavel 0 #12 October 22, 2006 Quote I enjoyed the read, the best part for me was " I made my first skydive at 16, a tandem jump with my uncle. I was strapped to his front and, as my grandfather told me, “All you gotta do is kick and scream!.” Nice work My grandfather really did say that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #13 October 23, 2006 I think he was meaning that there was some confusion on the "his" in: ""...I was strapped to his front and..." Confusion the "his" with grandfather, and not the uncle. Nice though! Good luck on your app, where are you applying to? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suavel 0 #14 October 23, 2006 Emory University and University of Alabama in Birmingham(UAB). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
udder 0 #15 October 23, 2006 Why do universities want you to write non-topical essays to get in? Seems like a fucking rediculous entry requirement if you want to study pure math. Or physics. Do all uni's require this? Nice essay btw"In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frynsky 0 #16 October 23, 2006 Thats great! And all this time I thought I was "sky scum" only to find out I'm a freaking "skydiving monk"! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewEckhardt 0 #17 October 23, 2006 QuoteWhy do universities want you to write non-topical essays to get in? Seems like a fucking rediculous entry requirement if you want to study pure math. Or physics. Scientists need to write grants to get paid. Engineers need to write documentation and make business cases to customers and management who aren't as technical in the same ways. Annecdotally, I've found a strong correlation between software engineer's technical performance and how broad+deep their other interests and telents are. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StreetScooby 5 #18 October 24, 2006 Nicely done We are all engines of karma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
