Andy9o8 0 #51 August 3, 2009 Please see post # 32. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tolgak 0 #52 August 3, 2009 QuotePlease see post # 32. One doesn't have to be a king to realize that tyranny is happening. The mother is being unreasonable, and actually working against her cause in being controlling like that. The mother seems willing to dish out a life-long punishment for a crime that will be committed no matter what. As far as we know, classes aren't being failed nor is class being skipped. If the child is willing to receive an education, how much do you really care for the child if you're willing to and have no need to take that gift away? A more reasonable approach for the mother is not to hold the offspring back from what she's clearly interested in and hell-bent on doing... but to make sure that the interest is approached in a safe and responsible manner. From what I've seen, the people my age that have received "no"s throughout their childhoods end up loosing motivation for other things while retaining motivation for their original interests. The people that are forced into activities have little passion for them, as good as they may be. The people that receive "yes"s throughout their childhoods are a mixed bag. The kids that are encouraged by their parents to follow their interests end up being very motivated people for many things they do and have very good skills in their early interests. The earlier the treatment begins and the longer it lasts, the more extreme the result. At college age, independence and personal growth has to be encouraged. It's the first taste of independent life for many people and if there's still a parental force holding one back in such an extreme way, energy that would go towards school and learning how to live as an adult instead goes towards combating the parental limit.Dropzones are terrible places for inspiration. What does one think when one looks up for a sign only to see a bunch of people falling? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,148 #53 August 3, 2009 Sorry, but the people providing the money (be it an employer, the US government, or parents) get some say in how it is being spent if it's not stated as being a pure-up gift. In this case, the mother is saying that it's not a pure-up gift. It's her right. It's the daughter's right not to accept the money with the conditions, just as it's her right not to take a job with unacceptable conditions, quit a job that develops unacceptable conditions, etc. Of course, if she were to decide to join the military, there'd be at least as many restrictions on behavior, and a minimum time commitment before she could change her mind. It's part of the transition from childhood to adulthood. The mother is not telling her daughter that she's not allowed to skydive; she's just saying that if she wants to get the education paid for by the mother, these are the conditions. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chubba 0 #54 August 3, 2009 QuoteSeems to me like shes being a selfish control freak for hell knows what reason... Could be this... QuoteSeems to me like shes being a selfish control freak for hell knows what reason... possibly this... QuoteSeems to me like shes being a selfish control freak for hell knows what reason... In all probability it's this... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sangi 0 #55 August 4, 2009 But why would she forbid skydiving? Is it that she fears her daughter might get injured and that her studies would suffer from that? A question to the daughter: did you pick medicine on your own, did you want to go into that branch, did you feel interested in that or were you kinda forced by your mother? A lot of parents force their kids into medicine, cause they want them to make big money (which would benefit the parents) and so they could brag to others that their child has such a special specialty.."Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today." James Dean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Inspired 0 #56 August 4, 2009 QuoteBut why would she forbid skydiving? Because once you start, it's all you can think about. It's almost as evil as falling in love. Makes studying a whole lot more difficult. QuoteA question to the daughter: did you pick medicine on your own, did you want to go into that branch, did you feel interested in that or were you kinda forced by your mother? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that she's interested in veterinary medicine (hint: look at her homepage). Did her mom force her love of animals on her? Or, perhaps her mom doesn't want to see her do anything which might distract her from the dream she already has. Not all moms are evil. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ocb217 0 #57 August 4, 2009 I don't know her reasoning for it. That part of her life is rocky and I don't think I will get a straight answer as to why, but as Wendy said, this is one of her requests in return for funding my college. She doesn't restrict me from much other than jumping from a plane so I'm trying to respect that -- it must be particularly important to her. And yes, I am working toward a career in veterinary medicine. They did not choose it and at times have encouraged other oddball paths, but they support my decision and they are proud of my accomplishments.Audra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #58 August 4, 2009 Well, in that case, your money would probably be best spent on tunnel ratting. Tandems are a nice taste, but they're not going to help your progression much at all. But learn to kick ass in the tunnel and you'll kick ass in the sky. Flying your body in the tunnel is harder. PM me if you need coaches or contacts or just post in the tunnel forums for more info. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sangi 0 #59 August 4, 2009 It's still weird you abide to her rule.. If I were you, I'd do that behind her back.. It's not her call to forbid what you do with your own money for fun, seems very wrong to me, specially when she doesn't give you any reason as to why she's forbidding you, again seems very selfish, prolly must of had some bad experiences in the skydiving sphere herself and prolly got some complexes left now, for which you have to suffer now..."Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today." James Dean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost47 18 #60 August 4, 2009 Quote It's still weird you abide to her rule. It's totally not weird. Mom has money. Mom says, I'll give you this money as long as you don't do solo skydives. Daughter can say, okay, and take the money, or say, I don't like that condition, keep the money. Why in the world is it right for her to lie to her mom? Her mom can have any reason she wants, stupid or not stupid, sensible or nonsensical. It's her mom's money! Now, nothing stops her from trying to convince her mom that she's wrong about skydiving, or skydiving once she decides she doesn't need or want her mother's money anymore. But if she's accepting money from her mom, and that money is explicitly conditioned, then she's accepting that condition by accepting that money. OP doesn't seem like the type to lie to her mom (which, IMO, is a good thing), and even if she were, she's likely to get caught at some point, and that trust would be very hard to rebuild. To the OP: I second what others say -- try to talk to your mom and see if you can alleviate her fears, but if she insists, there's tunnel and there's tandem. Once you're on your own, you can make your own decisions as to what risks you're willing to take. And maybe once your mom sees what joy skydiving can bring, she'll be more supportive. Mine hasn't been, but perhaps yours will Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sangi 0 #61 August 4, 2009 Oh well, too bad for her then. Not fun to watch and the skies and not be able to be there then "Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today." James Dean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,148 #62 August 4, 2009 This post probably has something to do with why her mom is concerned. Also consider all of the "my instructor hit on me and he's so hot" and "my latest DZ boyfriend" posts. Why on earth wouldn't she want her daughter to finish school first? Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost47 18 #63 August 5, 2009 QuoteAlso consider all of the "my instructor hit on me and he's so hot" and "my latest DZ boyfriend" posts. Why on earth wouldn't she want her daughter to finish school first? Well, it's not an either / or thing -- I currently work 50 to 60 hours a week and still manage to spend a full day at the DZ most every weekend. I'm definitely working harder now than when I was in school. So OP could probably do both skydiving and school if her mother would still pay for college. I'm not saying there aren't dangers to skydiving -- both skydiving-related and DZ-related. But OP is in college. Hormones galore. In any case, without knowing the full story, it's hard to judge whether OP's mother is making sense or not. The point I was trying to make is that OP's choices should be reject her mom's money or accept her mom's money with her mom's conditions, but try to get those conditions rescinded or changed by talking to her mother about whatever her mother's concerns are. Not take the money, lie to her mother, and skydive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 0 #64 August 5, 2009 Quotetry to get those conditions rescinded or changed by talking to her mother about whatever her mother's concerns are. A reasonable thought; but in post #6 the OP noted, "My mother is from a family of skydivers and grew up at a dropzone, so she has seen the worst of things and this is the agreement she is comfortable with." That being the case, there probably isn't a whole lot about either the sport or the scene that Mom doesn't already understand. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ghost47 18 #65 August 5, 2009 QuoteThat being the case, there probably isn't a whole lot about either the sport or the scene that Mom doesn't already understand. Well, we're all spinning our wheels here without knowing what the mother's concern actually is, but even if she knows everything about what happens in skydiving, it doesn't mean that OP can't allay her fears. For example, say the mother is worried about the shenanigans around the bonfire after beer light -- OP could make a deal that she'll always leave the DZ before then. Or she's worried that OP will become obsessed with skydiving, and will drop out of school. OP could make a deal that she'll quit skydiving if her grades drop below a certain point. Or whatever. Or maybe there's nothing that can be done, because mom won't budge. But there's no harm in trying, I don't think. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 0 #66 August 5, 2009 Not to keep spinning wheels, but as a dad myself, I'd bet that Mom considers her willingness to agree to tandem jumps - as opposed to no jumps at all - to be "budging". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Inspired 0 #67 August 6, 2009 Sangi, I think this is a case of: You don't even know how much you don't know. I'm not talking about skydiving... I'm talking about life. A close and loving family is worth far more than all the gold in Fort Knox, and certainly more than all the skydiving jumps you could ever make. Having the trust of those you love is priceless. It would be foolish to risk that. Unfortunetely, it seems as though you don't understand this. And for that... I feel very very sorry for you. I hope that someday, before it's too late, you'll understand what I'm talking about. It took me a few decades to fully understand. I hope you'll at least give it some thought. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sangi 0 #68 August 6, 2009 Some loving from the family when they're trying to be control freaks with with no good reason, I thought if you truely love someone, you give them freedom, not shackles... "Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today." James Dean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #69 August 6, 2009 Quote Sangi, I think this is a case of: You don't even know how much you don't know. I'm not talking about skydiving... I'm talking about life. A close and loving family is worth far more than all the gold in Fort Knox, and certainly more than all the skydiving jumps you could ever make. Having the trust of those you love is priceless. It would be foolish to risk that. Unfortunately, it seems as though you don't understand this. And for that... I feel very very sorry for you. I hope that someday, before it's too late, you'll understand what I'm talking about. It took me a few decades to fully understand. I hope you'll at least give it some thought. very good post... Inspiring,,, in fact... As the parent of two 20-somethings children , i can only add that this is NOT a skydiving issue, but an issue of family dynamics,,, and it's not anyones' place here,,, to dictate that the Mom is being "mean" or unreasonable... By her own account the O P states that she's had a love for animals for years, which has led to a course of study in the veterinary sciences... That goal is a far greater one than the "joy" from a few AFF skydives.... it's no ones' place to intrude into that issue, and advise the OP to " go behind her back " or "do what YOU want, it's YOUR life"....A parent accepts the Huge responsibility of raising that child,, from the moment the child becomes part of the family, (in fact, from the moment of conception)..A child is assured financial support to to a certain age and emotional support up to and beyond adulthood, which is NOT determined by a number, but by an attitude. Some Kids are responsible at 16, some at 26, some, never.... A college education is not a right.... and payment of tuition, by the parents, is NOT an obligation...AFAIK... If they can help,, fine, if they set conditions, that's fine too...and not for anyone outside the family to critique'... I've been a parent, and i've been a son.. and unless each one here, who is chastising the Mom, and encouraging the O P to be deceptive, has seen the issue from both sides... then they cannot fairly advise ANYthing,,, other than adherance to the wishes of the Mom... it's real basic....... IMHO papa jimmy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sangi 0 #70 August 6, 2009 Still sounds like shit being restrained at the age of 20 and still listening to what your mommy tells you to do.. No freedom for your child, but shackles. It's as if she's going to lose her whole life and career if she takes up skydiving, it's like she can't study and skydive in her free time... yeah right, BS IMHO. Also Quote For example, say the mother is worried about the shenanigans around the bonfire after beer light -- OP could make a deal that she'll always leave the DZ before then. If that's one of the reasons why she's worried, then she should take her kid out of college too, cause oh boy what shenanigans there are at college.."Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today." James Dean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #71 August 6, 2009 Perhaps MTV could start a new reality show: Sangi knows best Seriously though, I don't think it is such a bad thing for parents to set conditions for their monetary support. I may not agree with them, but it is the parent's right to exert some control over the child's life until the child is completely sef-sufficient. OP, you're doing the right thing not to lie to your mom. If you went and skydived behind her back, you'd seriously jeapardise the relationship with your mother. In my eyes, you'd also prove that you're not an adult yet. Anyone who wants their parents to stay out of their affairs should not take their parents money. Who knows, showing that you can abide to the conditions your mother set you might even help your mother relaxing the condtions of the money grant - in time. For the record; I'm 29 and no, I do not have children. "That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
timmyfitz 0 #72 August 6, 2009 Sangi, I'm curious as to how old you are? Many of your post on this website make you sound like you are about 15 or 16 years old. Not just this thread but many others. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #73 August 6, 2009 sangi..... buddy i love ya' and you're a good example of the wonder that IS DZ dot com.... we live in a wild and widely diverse world... and this site connects us,, from the Americas, to Europe, from east to west, and to well below the equator to the great amazement that is Australia..AND S.Africa...(cheers peej )Variety is abundant and differing opinions are many.... You ask "why should a 20 year old do what the Mother stipulates"??? hahah i am gettin' into my late 50's and i still DO what my Mom asks... especially if it is a sensible request.. BUt you're correct, in that i may NOT have been so quick to comply decades ago, when i WAS in my 20's..Funny how time and life's journey, changes how we think about things... As others have noted, your posts are telling, can be "strongly opinionated" which is neither here nor there. I guess what matters is,, you're free to express those ideas, right or wrong, for or against....here on this site... amazing thing , the internet...thanks all ,,, for the fun and vigorous dialogue, here in the forums.. it's why i check in, from time to time. skydive safely, skydive often, skydive with friends jmy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
