What do I do?

[Prior23 0]

Hey guys,

I am going on my first skydive this weekend and my family and girlfriend have accepted it, but once she found out that I wanted to make it a hobby and do it more often, she broke down and lost respect for me and thinks that I am picking it over her and that I don't care that I make her worry.

I know you guys have struggled with this and experienced this probably worse off than I have. What can I do if this is something I feel in my heart I want to do when someone else can't understand that and is hung up on that little chance that something can go wrong and I could die.

Please help.
Thanks

B.A.S.E. #1734

[davelepka 4]

Why don't you and your girl slow down a notch, and see if you even like jumping to begin with?

Even then, give it a few jumps to see if it sticks, or if your brain gets the better of you and scares you away from the DZ forever.

If you make it past that, then yes, you will have to choose skydiving or your girlfriend.

[JohnDeere 0]

Make your first jump and see what you think. Go from there. The way I see it is , if she cant except what makes you happy the she's not the right one If you like it try and inform her that you can do alot of things to make the sport as safe as it can be, but you cant get rid of all the factors that can kill you. If theres no kids or a rig that you can fix this problem pretty easy!

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!

[linebckr83 3]

If you stick around, slowly educate her about it. My girlfriend thought it was cool right off the bat, and is doing a tandem next month. Of course she is going to worry some, that human nature. But she trusts me and knows that I am aware of the risks.

"Are you coming to the party?
Oh I'm coming, but I won't be there!"
Flying Hellfish #828
Dudist #52

[f1racer696 0]

i dont have a lot of experience in this area cause my parents and stuff were pretty okay with it. but my friend had this problem. and he just did it behind everyones back. haha.

maybe not the best solution and might get you in some trouble. but maybe try to educate them about the sport. convince them that it really isnt as dangerous as they think or something.

maybe pull the whole, "your being selfish because you wont let me follow my dreams" card. although that might not work.

oh dude DUde DUDE BRO DUDE. omg DUDE! ummmmm. i forgot....

Dudeist Skydiver #61

[danielcroft 2]

It sounds like you're not getting much of an option but to choose unfortunately.

I ride motorcycles and it makes me happy (as does skydiving) but my wife never asked me to choose (I started riding after we met). We have to compromise because that's what relationships are about but someone demanding you choose is more about their own insecurity than anything else.

My wife started skydiving before me (after we were married too) and she loved it, of course I worried about her (and still do) but I wouldn't want to take something away from her that makes her genuinely happy. I also came to realize what she went through with me riding.

I've since started skydiving too (obviously) and we have issues just like you'd expect a couple to have. If you can't get through the communication and insecurity issues (that's just standard relationship stuff really) then you may have bigger dramas than jumping from a plane.

The flip side is that the sky will always be there, you don't have to rush into it.

The plain fact is that you can die on every and any jump. That should be a consideration and you also face the possibility of severe injury. There are lots of sports like that and there are lots of mundane things you can do that can get you killed. Skydiving enriches you crossing the street doesn't (most of the time).

[Prior23 0]

Thank you everybody who responded. I talked to her and I think she understands how much this could mean to me and what kind of happiness it could bring me.

If you guys have anymore stories about your struggles with loved ones and skydiving it would really help to see how you handled it.

Thanks

B.A.S.E. #1734

[DrewEckhardt 0]

Quote

Hey guys,

I am going on my first skydive this weekend and my family and girlfriend have accepted it, but once she found out that I wanted to make it a hobby and do it more often, she broke down and lost respect for me and thinks that I am picking it over her and that I don't care that I make her worry.

Hopefully she's worried because she loves you. In some cases it's just about control.

Provided that you two have yet to create additional responsibilities by breeding, if she's reasonable and not controlling she'll accept what you need to do to stay happy regardless of how silly it may seem to her.

If not you have choices to make.

My girlfriend stuck around after seeing Dwain Weston go in ten feet away (you can hear her screaming on the Discovery Channel's Fearless - the Jeb Corliss Story. Her view was not edited like yours will be). She also saw broken bones BASE jumping (skydivers don't hurt themselves as often). She knew the sorts of things I did before we became a couple.

Long after that and getting married she nursed me back to health after breaking my tibia+fibula and still having horrible nerve pain after eating 120mg of hydrocodone every day. And took care of me after the bone graft.

That may be the sort of woman you are looking for.

Like all relationships it'll still be about compromise (I have over a million dollars in life insurance and accidental death coverage to offset any problems and limit the sort of potentially stupid things I do) although there's some more reasonable balance than all or nothing.

Quote

I know you guys have struggled with this and experienced this probably worse off than I have. What can I do if this is something I feel in my heart I want to do when someone else can't understand that and is hung up on that little chance that something can go wrong and I could die.

While chances on the first one aren't interesting (Tandem skydives are statistically much safer than average), about one in a thousand active skydivers die each year (30 out of 30,000 USPA members, where USPA membership is required to jump at most drop zones and and skydiving events) which becomes a few out of a hundred after a career.

Suffering from above average chances of testosterone poisoning and being young make it worse for you (I apologize for making those assumptions if you're a lesbian and/or happened on skydiving later in life than most of us).

While small that's not 'safer than driving' as some people spin it.

You can (but may choose not to) reduce the risk factors through conservative canopy choice (most fatalities are pilot error, so avoiding the metaphorical fork-tailed doctor killers (high performance airplanes that kill people with the money to fly them but not the needed experience) helps).

Either she can accept that or not.

It's also a personality thing. I know a disproportionate number of skydivers and BASE jumpers who were cocaine addicts, outran the police on motorcycles for fun, race cars, drive ambulances, or get involved in companies before they're profitable. If it's not skydiving it may be one of the others.

[GLIDEANGLE 1]

TRY Skydiving a few times before you pick this fight.

If you find that you really want to continue jumping, you have lots of options:

1. Demonstrate by your actions that you care about being a safe skydiver. Several ways to do that are:

-study skydiving deeply
-get more coaching and training than the minimum required.
-Buy and jump conservative equipment (RSL, AAD, docile - large canopy, helmet, shoes, etc)

2. Try to get her to jump (just get her to observe at DZ first.

3. Remember that actions speak louder than words.

4. Make a careful assessment of which is more important to you, her or jumping.

Remember that there is no hurry here. You might find it helpful to cut a deal between you two about the above for a specific number of jumps before you make a decision.

Good luck. Relationship stuff can be very hard (especially if you are getting laid regularly)!

The choices we make have consequences, for us & for others!

[kallend 1,651]

Nothing in life is without risk. More people die getting out of bed in the morning, or sitting on the toilet, than die skydiving.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[danielcroft 2]

Quote

If you guys have anymore stories about your struggles with loved ones and skydiving it would really help to see how you handled it.

The way you handle any conflict (big or small) in a relationship - talk about it, understand each other and compromise. If the compromise becomes unreasonable for either party rinse and repeat. If that fails, time for big decisions.

That's all true unless you're in a relationship with a redhead or any other unstable person...

[kmills0705 0]

Quote

Hey guys,

I am going on my first skydive this weekend and my family and girlfriend have accepted it, but once she found out that I wanted to make it a hobby and do it more often, she broke down and lost respect for me and thinks that I am picking it over her and that I don't care that I make her worry.

I know you guys have struggled with this and experienced this probably worse off than I have. What can I do if this is something I feel in my heart I want to do when someone else can't understand that and is hung up on that little chance that something can go wrong and I could die.

Please help.
Thanks

Your 18. Chances of the relationship lasting are slim to none. If she reacted this way about an "idea" she is obviously immature and selfish. Dump her now.

"You only live once. And if you do it right once is all you need."

Kim Mills
USPA D21696
Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I

[Harryson 0]

Sign up for NETFLIX and rent the entire series DEAD LIKE ME.
I see dead people.
It's a race.

Watch together.

[Southern_Man 0]

Just one piece of advice, if in the course of talking to her she gives you any sort of ultimaturm and says you have to choose between her and skydiving, dump her ass immediately and keep jumping. Ultimatums set up horrible relationship dynamics. Sounds like she might be headed that direction.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[timmyfitz 0]

Quote

i dont have a lot of experience in this area cause my parents and stuff were pretty okay with it.

I never asked my stuff if it was OK for me to jump. I guess that's why my stuff is always pissed at me.

[Hellis 0]

You got some good advises here, but if all of them fail use mathematics.
Tell her this:

To be 100% safe, you only need the parachutes to work 50% of the time (50% on main, and 50% on reserve).
But the facts is, they only fail in 1 of ~400 times.
So im supersafe honey!

Now if she belives this, keep in mind that you can get away with ANYTHING so skydiving might be a smal price to pay for that freedom.



Good luck on your skydiving career.

[IanHarrop 37]

Just bring her to the dropzone a few times and stay for the bonfire. One of the things you will quickly learn about a dropzone is this...

"At a dropzone you don't lose your girl friend, you lose your turn"

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[emmiwy 0]

+1 to pretty much all previous posts.

I have also encountered a few individuals who have expressed some concern with my skydiving habit. Not quite to the same level as you and your girlfriend's relationship but all the same beast.

The newbie skydiver in me would tell you, "Do what you love and f*** the rest". If she won't even try to understand why you want to skydive then she isn't worth your time. Making you choose between skydiving or her without trying to educate herself about how the sport works, safety issues, etc. just gives me the impression that she is a controlling; she just wants you to do what SHE wants instead of compromising what YOU want. Do you think this makes for a healthy relationship?

When you actually do the tandem, start the AFF and you begin to really understand why you want to pursue it, risks involved, how to handle malfunctions, etc. then you'll have better grounds for convincing her that the sport is not as dangerous as she may think it is.

Lastly, the fact that you are asking people's opinions [albeit complete strangers on the Internet] about this tells me that you care about her and the relationship as much as your own interests. Good for you, give yourself a pat on the back--that shows some emotional maturity and I think you'll make the right decision when the time comes.

Have fun this weekend!

[Prior23 0]

Yeah I totally understand when you guys say I need to try skydiving first to see how it goes over and then we can really make a true assessment. The only reason I wanted to post this before I started skydiving is because I know if I love it as much as I am expecting to I will have a hell of a hard time not getting addicted to it.

I explained how much things like this mean to me and there's not many things in my life that are more important than my love ones and my adventure side of life. We have reached an understanding and I think she will sleep easier when I am out making a hobby.

B.A.S.E. #1734

[DiverMike 5]

Quote

Your 18. Chances of the relationship lasting are slim to none. If she reacted this way about an "idea" she is obviously immature and selfish. Dump her now.
"You only live once. And if you do it right once is all you need."

+1

For the same reason I jump off a perfectly good diving board.

[kallend 1,651]

Quote

Quote

Your 18. Chances of the relationship lasting are slim to none. If she reacted this way about an "idea" she is obviously immature and selfish. Dump her now.
"You only live once. And if you do it right once is all you need."

+1

Right, DUMP HER NOW.

Once you're a skydiver, girls will simply be falling over themselves trying to get to you.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[baum 0]

+1 again

even though i have only done tandem a few times. my first jump i made when my fiance was out of town. I booked it and didnt tell her until i got done and i emailed the pics to her. Look at what i did today! I also never told my family due to them "trying" to talk me out of it. I think it was the decision i made.

[linestretch 0]

I would be more concerned w/ how this is all playing out...regardless of liking your first jump that you haven't even done yet. If she pulls this crap with this....it will crop up again with something else. 'Choosing skydiving over me'....that's the warning right there. I'd run. (that's 2 divorces talking!)

my pics & stuff!

[fastphil 0]

She's making the right decision; it's not like you're going to have time or money for her anymore anyways...

[agrafov 0]

Your 18. Chances of the relationship lasting are slim to none. If she reacted this way about an "idea" she is obviously immature and selfish. Dump her now.
------------
It's really easy when your're just 18... and she's just a girlfriend... and it's just about skydiving....
Much more difficult when you're close to 40... and she keeps 'wife' title... and kids are mixed into the equation... and you also LOVE to ski, kayak, scuba, etc... and in fact it has very little with her concerns about sport safety, mostly very vague idea of hers that 'you are picking it over her'...
that's a REAL trap!!!
so, 'cutaway' before it's too late...