skylord 1 #1 July 16, 2005 Well, after a long journey, both regarding the sport and my own growth as a person, I am back, with an A license within reach. I promised to write about my experiences, and progress, and I will never, ever forget the support I've received on this forum dealing with everything from technical advice (arch hard) to the personal (door fear). So, I want to bring you all up to date on my training, and where I'm at. I'm the guy that for some reason, although terrified of heights, and being out of control, felt a real draw to skydiving right from the first tandem jump just a little over two years ago. I started AFF in late November, 2003, and progressed through AFF without much trouble (repeated level 2 and 6). You can read all about it by searching my posts on AFF, if you like. I was always bothered that I seemed so much older than almost anyone else (I was 45), and my mind would tell me I'm too old, too slow, and too rigid in my ways to really ever learn skydiving. I would wrestle with fear. Deep, visceral fear. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Is it a mid-life crisis? What if, what if, what if, what if........... I hated the door. Hated it. I stole the phrase, "Maw of Hell" and attached it to the damned door because it seemed to me that is exactly what it was. It was noisy, cold, windy, unyielding, and represented to me everything that scared me the most. There were a couple stand downs I made, during my training. One was a horrible bout of vertigo in January 2004 that had me hospitalized for a short time. I thought I had suffered a stroke or something, it was that bad. The other, after I got over the vertigo and passed AFF-7, was a torn rotator cuff in my left shoulder that had to be surgically repaired. What I never told anyone was that down deep inside, some part of me was happy to have an excuse not to skydive. No shame in being one armed for several months, that's good judgment to self ground, right? This way no one could accuse me of being a wuss. Well, I still dreamt. I thought about the joy of flight, the fun I had in the air, and how much even a few jumps taught me about myself. It was time for me to make a decision. Did I want to do this, or not? If so, I had to commit completely, and trust what so many of you told me in responses to my earlier posts. My reaction and feelings were normal, they are instinct, and mixed with reason will make sure I never take anything for granted in skydiving, and to above all, have fun. I made my decision. I took a weekend that started with tunnel time with a great friend and respected instructor, Shark at Elsinore. He was my AFF-1 main JM, too. Shark outlined my return to the sky plan, tunnel time, repeat AFF-6 dive, and AFF-8, my grad dive. I did it, and as you can read if you like, I got through my grad dive. But the air still scared me. Badly. I was confused, and concluded skydiving was not for me. It seemed like the door screamed at me, an enemy, using my lack of experience and knowledge to intimidate me, “You do not belong here!” It seemed weird to me that everyone seemed happy with my progress, but I felt like I completely sucked. Although I passed the technical standards, I had issues. I just was not that comfortable in the air. I wasn’t, and I didn’t want to fool myself anymore. This wasn’t for me. I was done, I had a solo dive under my belt, I could be proud, and while many of you encouraged me that it would only get better, I just kept getting more anxious. I welcomed my travel schedule, which precluded me from jumping at Elsinore for awhile. My epilogue was written: funny guy, what happened to him anyway? So my currency lapsed again. I would get messages from Shark, Skyyhi, and other friends. I longed for the sky, despite my fears. People missed me at the DZ, and I missed them. I missed the sense of community, and I missed jumping. That surprised me the most. Down deep inside, I needed to jump. How do I reconcile that with my gut? I made my decision. I am going to throw myself into this, I love it, I need it, and I’ll do what I have to in order to get there. I decide to ignore a voice I have had within me since I was a child, you CAN’T do this, you AREN’T good enough, something BAD will happen. I set up a skydive weekend. Tunnel time and retrain with Shark on Friday, recurrency 6 and 8 dives on Saturday, and jump like mad from there. I even scheduled a Tunnel Session with Elsinore Gravity on Sunday morning. I did the tunnel Friday, and was up nearly all night thinking about my jump the next morning. I envisioned the jump, I lived it a hundred times. Suddenly the alarm clock goes off, time to go. Shark meets me on Saturday, and we’re on the next load. He is great at relaxing you on the ride up. This is just a repeat of what I already did, 360s both ways. At 11,000 agl, it is time to get the helmet and goggles on. I’m scared. This means the door will open soon….. Everyone on the load starts doing the secret handshake shit, and my goggles are so fogged up I can’t see my own nose. The door opens, and hell begins to speak to me. I want to ride the plane down. What excuse will I use? If I can get down, I’ll walk away and I’m done with this bullshit. Yes. But……. I want to jump. I really do. I want to do the float exit, I want to be outside, I want, I want, I want!!! I want to fly, I want the air to take me, I want to just get outside and I’ll worry about passing later. I realize I have the skills to……… time to go. So I do. Set up, check in with Shark, head up, ready, set, go! I flip the exit, but instead of panic, I laughed. I really and truly did! I relaxed, this is like the wind tunnel, and off I go into two 360s, the most stable I’ve ever done. Verdict: Passed! Up again, for the AFF-8 recurrency jump. I told myself that I would be aggressive on the maneuvers. Same stuff, but my goggles were not quite as fogged so I could see who was trying to fondle me. In the door, spot, Shark nods, and out I dive. About 2 seconds into it, I have an epiphany. Have fun. Repeat a hundred times, if you have to, have fun! Front flip, done. Barrell roll, done, (damn, I am REALLY having fun here!) 360, and dock on the Shark. I could not have believed someone like me could have had a dive like this! I mercifully let Shark go, turn to track and notice I’m at 6,000 ft. Stop maneuvers, lock on, wave off, pull, and I’m done. Tiptoe landing with zero radio. The next morning, I’m in the tunnel with Elsinore Gravity team member Lou. 15 minutes of working on a flatter and more responsive body position. I tend to overarch, not surprising since I only have 18 jumps, but we made progress, and from my perspective, if you can, get ALL the coaching you can early on. We docked, turned points (I think that is what it is called), and just had a blast. Lou was great, and while my two student tunnel mates were obviously pros doing all sorts of vertical/horizontal moves, I sucked. I spent the first two sessions just getting stable. He told me it was no problem, I was doing great, just relax. So I did a bunch of fun shit, follow the leader, fall rate, etc….. On the debrief, my tunnel mate was surprised I had only 18 jumps. We watched the video, and there I am, in a two way, doing nice tight 360s with Lou. Not bad, if I do say so myself! So, after the tunnel debrief, back to Elsinore. I get a jump ticket, and get on a load all by myself. I get my rig, pre flight it, and then my name comes over the loudspeaker to report to manifest. Shit, they know something I don’t that I screwed up and I’m about to be banned from the DZ and told to take up professional sports TV watching. I try not to cry, as I approach the window. “Hi, did you want to talk to me?” say I. The lady was apologetic, profusely so. She accidentally put me as number 24 on a 23 load Otter, and “Please don’t get mad at me, but is it OK if I bump you one load?” Goodness, yes, no problem! I did request a first class upgrade with my delayed flight. ; ) The call comes, and I board. There were mostly tandems, so it was a two way, another solo, and then me. I had never gone out so early on a load before. I was at the end of the starboard bench, at the door. We take off, and above 1,000, we open the door. Wow. That is the best seat in the house. I just sat there, talking to the two way and the solo guy about how much fun this is. For the first time, the door fear melts away, and I relax. This is really, really fun! We get to altitude, out goes the two way, and the other solo. I hear the tandems scream as they go out, reminding me of where I was at just a couple years ago. My turn. In the door, I am really, really relaxed about the dive. I am keyed up, no doubt, but I’ve self checked my gear three times, and I know I saw the Tandem video flyer check out my shit as well. Marie and her AFF-7 student are next, and she checked out my gear, too. Out goes my solo friend, watch, count, spot, looks good, and time to jump. I still do a count, it is a security blanket, I guess. I feel good! Ready, set, arch! I’m in the air by myself, I go a bit headdown, but I just arch, chin up, and I stabilize facing Lake Elsinore. This is a bit of Déjà vu, since on my AFF-1 jump I used the lake as my heading reference. Flying my new tunnel learned body position, I find I can turn MUCH faster, and feel like someone gave me power steering. Stable all the way, and I feel that I am controlling the air versus the opposite. Wow!! Dig the left elbow in, and around I go, dig the right, and around I go. WAY too much fun!! All I did was fly and have fun! Pull, and I had fun under canopy. My only concern was the shifting winds I saw before loading. They picked up prior to landing, and while well under student limits, I did learn about over flaring when I pulled down and landed a bit backwards. I collapsed the canopy, and walked in. So, my purpose in writing all this is simple. I love skydiving. It is scary at first, and it is a sport that requires full attention and top performance. Don’t let the door scare you. Listen to, and thank, your instructors. If I can get over it, anyone can. I am immensely blessed with having Shark, and other Elsinore DZ pros there, never judging me, and letting me progress at my own rate. So I’m jumping tomorrow and probably Sunday. By next weekend, I should be A licensed!! BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot1 0 #2 July 16, 2005 QuoteI am immensely blessed with having Shark. It's nice when students worship their Instructors. Now have him show you his spinning level 3 AFF jump when I was his Instructor..... Be safe. Edwww.WestCoastWingsuits.com www.PrecisionSkydiving.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shark 0 #3 July 16, 2005 Quote QuoteI am immensely blessed with having Shark. It's nice when students worship their Instructors. Now have him show you his spinning level 3 AFF jump when I was his Instructor..... Be safe. Ed Here's a Level 6 with Neil. Yeah, I took out the vidiot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shark 0 #4 July 16, 2005 Skylord, I thought you'd mention the "ramp check" that made the FNG pilot a little nervous. He'll probably renew his ALPA membership now. See you in the sky this weekend. Don't be afraid of DippyMoo, neither. Shark out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Avion 0 #5 July 16, 2005 You think you got power steering now? Just wait till you do a good leg turn in a bootie suit Cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #6 July 16, 2005 Beautifully written... thanks for sharing. Congrats on getting back into the sky! I look forward to your "I got my A" post soon!"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #7 July 16, 2005 It was wonderful seeing you last week, Skylord...and even more wonderful to hear you're coming home to the sky. The sky missed you; and with the instructors we have at Elsi, you'll have your A in no time! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #8 July 17, 2005 QuoteHere's a Level 6 with Neil. Yeah, I took out the vidiot. Holy cow! My hero with a death mask!! This is soooo funny! Thanks for posting this! We all start somewhere! And now I MUST see the AFF-3 video. BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #9 July 17, 2005 QuoteSkylord, I thought you'd mention the "ramp check" that made the FNG pilot a little nervous. He'll probably renew his ALPA membership now. See you in the sky this weekend. Don't be afraid of DippyMoo, neither. Shark out. I did omit that, didn't I? OK, here it is: For those of you unawares, I work for the FAA. I am an air traffic controller, a real one, and I work at SoCal TRACON. Now, I am NOT in enforcement, or anything like that. That is a completely different branch. So don't get all nervous if I'm around. I'm harmless. Or am I???? So, upon my return to the skies, came a request to just screw with an innocent person. Shark hooks up with me, and tells me there is a new DZ pilot named Spence. Now, I'm already in my jumpsuit, but I have my FAA ID around my neck. Here comes our hapless victim. Shark introduces me to Spence, and IDs me as an FAA person. I whip out my ID, and tell Spence that I jump at Elsinore, but I like to work efficiently. So while I'm there jumping, how about a little ramp check? "Yes, sir!" says Spence, who has taken the bait, the line, and sinker and is running with it like an Enron executive from an audit. I ask for his pilot certificate and medical. The address is out of date on the pilot license. He blames the FAA. "How long do you have to report an address change to the FAA?" "Thirty days, sir!" That's right, bitch. So Shark gets into the act, and points out that Spence's Airline Pilot's Association (ALPA) card is expired. He defers to me about the significance of that, and I blew it. I could have run with that for weeks, but I dismissed it. Big mistake on my part. So we continue with the "Ramp Check". I advise Spence that I'll overlook his violation on the address change for now, but we need to go out to the airplane to review the required documents on an aircraft used in skydiving operations. He pulls out the flight manual, and I have a field day with shit I never saw before in my life. "This is a handwritten emergency checklist. Does it conform to the official Otter emergency checklist?" "I'm pretty sure it does." "Pretty sure doesn't cut it, and I suggest you place this in a plastic sleeve so it doesn't get damaged." "That is a very good idea." "Yes it is." So I then flipped through the Otter Flight Manual. Oh, look, here are some speeds. Let's ask a few questions. To be truthful, Spence nailed them all. But to have fun, I told him all of his answers were wrong, and I pulled a bunch of different speeds out of my ass. Spence was gracious when I advised him that I hoped he would review the data and that I expected better answers out of him next time. Oh, and this is on videotape, too. I couldn't stand it any longer. I then asked Spence for the location of the Otter Snorfel Valve. He looked at me for about two seconds, and then cracked up. The jig was up. So, in addition to all the skydiving shit I did, I now have a jump pilot who will now be looking to rudder kick my ass out of the airplane. It was all in fun, and frankly, I was really impressed with him and what he knew. Great job, and what a great sport! BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mockingbird 0 #11 July 17, 2005 What a great read, Skylord. Your name fits you GREAT! Hey, I started at age 50... I'll be out at the Perris wind tunnel next weekend; I hope it instills the same confidence in me that it did in you! P.S. See my signature--"happy knots"? Happy knots are what I feel in my stomach when the door goes up--- I may be scared, but I'm ecstatic!Blue skies & happy jitters ~Mockingbird "Why is there something rather than nothing?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyyhi 0 #12 July 18, 2005 Bob, too funny. . .I was just wondering if you were going to write another story for us to read. . .you should put all your stories into a book and give it to the guys at the school to read. . .I think Betsy and Lob would be in stitches. I am so glad you are FINALLY going to get that A license. . .________________________________________ Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ FGF #6 Darcy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #13 July 18, 2005 Thanks, Darcy! "A" license dive next Saturday, I think, then you can drag me all over the sky to your heart's content! I'm already writing my autobiography, "Tumbled From the Sky, Did I." BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Orange1 0 #14 July 18, 2005 Great post. Should be compulsory newbie reading on overcoming fears. Quotesome part of me was happy to have an excuse not to skydive How many newbies can honestly say that they've never been relieved at a weather hold for the same reason? Let us know once the A is official! Skydiving: wasting fossil fuels just for fun. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyyhi 0 #15 July 18, 2005 QuoteHow many newbies can honestly say that they've never been relieved at a weather hold for the same reason? I was NEVER happy for a weather hold. . .but for exactly the same reason. Once I made up my mind that I was going to do it. . .I needed to get it over with NOW. . .not sit and wait all day. . .ick. . .that just made it worse. I had to wait an extra to do my first jump and it was crazy. . . Bob, I am going to try to extricate myself from the desert next weekend and get out there and jump. I have GOT to. . .its an excel camp weekend and PERFECT time to take you up on a two way. . .lol.________________________________________ Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ FGF #6 Darcy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mdrejhon 8 #16 July 18, 2005 Heya... The door monster is gone for me too now. I now get more nervous before the door open (the opening relaxes me now after the 9K-10Kfeet anxiety), and more nervous performing in front of instructors. I just had my first 3ways this weekend! Think of funny stuff. Some of the skydiving rigs look like owls or faces. "Hoot" says the rig. And just joke with myself "It's just a fun relaxing solo skydive, nothing different, just two other people 'happen' to be jumping WITH me". My nervousness in performance anxiety is probably a 4 out of 10 rather than an 8 out of 10. Still gotta work on it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #17 July 19, 2005 QuoteBob, I am going to try to extricate myself from the desert next weekend and get out there and jump. I have GOT to. . .its an excel camp weekend and PERFECT time to take you up on a two way. . .lol. Wow, I can't even believe I'm almost ready for this! I'll be out Saturday early am at Perris for tunnel time, and then straight over to Elsinore after that. I should only have to do two jumps. I'm going to take Wednesday off, do a refesher packing course with Bill, try to jump a solo that day, and maybe my hop 'n pop. The solo will be my pack job. So get ready, skyyhi! You'll be taking my virginity away! BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #18 July 19, 2005 Mark, Thanks! There was a song I heard that had a refrain, "Take That, Monster!" While I think it had a different connotation, I loved the song. BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #19 July 19, 2005 I'd be honored to funnel a 2-way with you, Bob. In a couple weeks I hope. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #20 July 19, 2005 QuoteI'd be honored to funnel a 2-way with you, Bob. In a couple weeks I hope. Number One, It would be an honor for me, sir!! I cannot believe I'm almost there! DosBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #21 July 19, 2005 If you n Frenchy come to Perris on the afternoon of Saturday July 30, I'll jump with you both! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mockingbird 0 #22 July 19, 2005 What does "funnel" a two-way mean? Blue skies & happy jitters ~Mockingbird "Why is there something rather than nothing?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #23 July 19, 2005 Instead of being belly to earth and stable (like you planned) you end up in a pile of wriggling twisting bodies plummeting towards an unforgiving Earth. Very funny to watch from the outside, very common in low-time jumpers doing 4-way. and usually happens when someone messes up the exit . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #24 July 19, 2005 QuoteInstead of being belly to earth and stable (like you planned) you end up in a pile of wriggling twisting bodies plummeting towards an unforgiving Earth. Very funny to watch from the outside, very common in low-time jumpers doing 4-way. and usually happens when someone messes up the exit . In my case, I can funnel solos! An acquired taste, I know. But skillful nonetheless... "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mockingbird 0 #25 July 19, 2005 The term "funneling" rang a bell because I was looking at Callend's website (very interesting) last night. He teaches science and his website is all about physics and skydiving, and how people jumping together can get into each other's "burbles" (well, he used a more technical term but I can't remember what it is right now) and it can cause the person on top to actually fall onto the person whose burble he's in. That was the first time I'd heard "funnel" used that way and then Frenchy said "funnel a two-way"--- so I guess it's the same idea, huh? Blue skies & happy jitters ~Mockingbird "Why is there something rather than nothing?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites