pajarito 0 #26 January 15, 2007 QuoteAll humans sin in one way or another. So we all go to hell? No. It is not God's will that you go to hell. That's the point. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #27 January 15, 2007 QuoteQuoteThe time of the end of the world is debatable (no one knows). However, you will die and face judgment for everything you've done. If you had a special earpiece that recorded every thought that has gone through your head in your lifetime, would you be willing to let the world listen to it? God knows your every thought and everything you've done. The world aside, you're Judgment Day is coming soon. Nope. Sorry. What? You're not going to die? You've also not lied, stolen, and blasphemed? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unformed 0 #28 January 15, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuoteThe time of the end of the world is debatable (no one knows). However, you will die and face judgment for everything you've done. If you had a special earpiece that recorded every thought that has gone through your head in your lifetime, would you be willing to let the world listen to it? God knows your every thought and everything you've done. The world aside, you're Judgment Day is coming soon. Nope. Sorry. What? You're not going to die? You've also not lied, stolen, and blasphemed? Yes, I'm going to die. Yes I have lied. Yes I have stolen. Yes I have broken every commandment there is. Although I try to live my life as pure as I can, on my morals. And God can suck my balls. The "Nope. Sorry" refers to this. QuoteGod knows your every thought and everything you've done. The world aside, you're Judgment Day is coming soon. No matter how much you keep repeating it, it doesn't make it true. And no matter how much you keep repeating it, you're not going to convince us otherwise. And actually what you're doing by repeating the same thing over and over and over and over and over again is reminding us why we try to stay away from Christians anyways, even if we do conscientiously understand that you don't represent the average Christian, just the born again, self-righteous crowd.This ad space for sale. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #29 January 15, 2007 QuoteYes, I'm going to die. Yes I have lied. Yes I have stolen. Yes I have broken every commandment there is. Although I try to live my life as pure as I can, on my morals. You're standing in front of a Judge. You're guilty of murder and rape. You're about to be sentenced. Your last words to the Judge are "I know I'm guilty Judge but I try to live my life as pure as I can, on "my" morals." Do you think that's going to pay the price for your transgression of the Law? The "Nope. Sorry" refers to this. QuoteGod knows your every thought and everything you've done. The world aside, you're Judgment Day is coming soon. QuoteNo matter how much you keep repeating it, it doesn't make it true. And no matter how much you keep repeating it, you're not going to convince us otherwise. You're right. "I" can't convince you or any other. Only God can do that. QuoteAnd actually what you're doing by repeating the same thing over and over and over and over and over again is reminding us why we try to stay away from Christians anyways, even if we do conscientiously understand that you don't represent the average Christian, just the born again, self-righteous crowd. If one is truly "born again of the spirit", he/she will not be "self-righteous" and will be very aware of their sinful nature. You're not "saved" or "born again" because you're a good person. You're saved because you realize that you're a very bad person who's been forgiven. Repentance and faith. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unformed 0 #30 January 15, 2007 Quote You're standing in front of a Judge. You're guilty of murder and rape. You're about to be sentenced. Your last words to the Judge are "I know I'm guilty Judge but I try to live my life as pure as I can, on "my" morals." Do you think that's going to pay the price for your transgression of the Law? There is no Law. There is no Judge. There will be no Trial. You can believe it all you want, because it makes you feel like your life has some purpose. You can think there's another eternal world waiting there for you. You can think there's somebody out there who truly unconditionally and eternally loves you. Unfortunately, it's a belief made to make us feel better. Our lives have no purpose. There is no other world. And besides the few people who we know and love in this world, nobody really cares what happens to us. When you die, you'll be (I assume) buried and join the earth. When I die, I will be cremated and join the earth again. QuoteYou're not "saved" or "born again" because you're a good person. I'll rather be a good person. I'll rather marry a good person. I'd rather have friends who are good people. And I'd rather have children who are good people. I don't give a rat's fuck what happens to me after I die, because...get this....I'll be dead.This ad space for sale. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #31 January 15, 2007 QuoteI'll rather be a good person. I'll rather marry a good person. I'd rather have friends who are good people. And I'd rather have children who are good people. So would I. However, there's a big difference between your perfect world scenario above and reality. Just look in the mirror (The Ten Commandments). QuoteI don't give a rat's fuck what happens to me after I die, because...get this....I'll be dead. The Greatest Gamble is to say "there is no hell." That is a tragedy and sad to hear. Sincerely. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Butters 0 #32 January 15, 2007 Is no thread safe from pajarito preaching religion, judgement, and eternal pain and suffering? PS: Wasn't this supposed to be a thread containing religous jokes?"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unformed 0 #33 January 15, 2007 QuoteIs no thread safe from pajarito preaching religion, judgement, and eternal pain and suffering? PS: Wasn't this supposed to be a thread containing religous jokes? He's not pushing it down our throats. No, sir.This ad space for sale. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #34 January 15, 2007 QuoteIs no thread safe from pajarito preaching religion, judgement, and eternal pain and suffering? One must be convinced of the disease before he will appreciate and appropriate the cure. QuoteOnly the sick need a physician. Mark 2:17 Quote“They will never accept grace until they tremble before a just and holy law.” --Charles Spurgeon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
unformed 0 #35 January 15, 2007 Please stay out of this thread. It's going back to being about jokes. What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to the lake of everlasting fire. What does Hannibal Lector call a Jehovah's Witness? Free delivery! What do you get when you cross a Mafioso with a Postmodernist philosopher? Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.This ad space for sale. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Butters 0 #36 January 15, 2007 QuoteQuoteIs no thread safe from pajarito preaching religion, judgement, and eternal pain and suffering? One must be convinced of the disease before he will appreciate and appropriate the cure. QuoteOnly the sick need a physician. Mark 2:17 Quote“They will never accept grace until they tremble before a just and holy law.” --Charles Spurgeon One must be convinced of the disease before he will appreciate and appropriate the cure. What if the disease is your religion and the cure is ... PS: Were you sent by God to test my (and many other peoples) patience?"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiles 0 #37 January 15, 2007 QuoteSHIT HAPPENS in various world religions TAOISM: Shit happens. CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens". ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?) JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit? ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah. COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people. CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad. PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training. SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list. ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens. UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts. RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else. JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US? REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate? MYSTICISM: What weird shit! AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit? ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit! NIHILISM: Who needs this shit? AZTEC: Cut out this shit! QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit. FORTEANISM: No shit?? 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit. VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you! NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening. DEISM: Shit just happens. EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is. SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind. BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind. SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere. HINDUISM: This shit has happened before. WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen! HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice. THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens. DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born. SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays. JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon. MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens. HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens. BAHA'I: It's all the same shit. STOICISM: This shit is good for me. OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you. EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault. REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down. FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time. CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away. EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit. DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today. RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit. CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad. MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge. RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money. http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/shit-happens.html SMiles Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #38 January 15, 2007 QuoteWhat will you do when you have to stand in judgment for every thought and deed in this lifetime? Just to save you a lot of effort. I'll be dead and decaying. I won't be judged by anyone, I won't be anywhere. Just dead. Organisms strive to exist. They fear non-existence. "Why are we here?" "What happens when I die?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Where did the world come from?" The problem is that those questions trouble you. You have a need for those answers. You get simple answers from simple people that are soothing. You will probably never be comfortable with my answers because religion provides one emotional need - control of life. When you get past the need for (deity) to protect you, you will no longer need religion. Once you get past those fears, you will understand. I have had more religious discussions than you can imagine. I was married to a JW for 8 years. "Since you won't discuss it, you are not open-minded." People cannot conceive that others have considered the other persons side and rejected it as myth. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,647 #39 January 15, 2007 Quote***SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions ... SMiles you missed: CHURCH OF ENGLAND: Sit down and have a nice cup of tea, dear, you'll soon be feeling better.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #40 January 15, 2007 LMAOWhen an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiles 0 #41 January 15, 2007 QuoteThen, they told my friends that we didn't need to go to college because the "end was near" and we wouldn't need it. Then, they told my sons friends the same thing 20 years later. For 20 years... Have you ever asked your friends/or son's friends: 1. Do they believe the watchtower society is God's organization? ...their answer would be "yes." 2. Why do they believe the watchtower society is God's organization? ...they answer along the lines...."because of what the watchtower society is teaching today"... The only way an organization could be God's organization would be if God appointed it as such. JW's believe that the watchtower society received that appointment in the spring of 1919 in fulfillment (watchtower theology) of Matthew 24: 45-47 Their teaching is that Jesus returned in 1914 to begin his second coming or "invisible presence" in fulfillment of Matthew 24:3. Then in 1918 he began to make an examination of all the religions claiming to represent him to see if any of them had been faithfully and discreetly providing true teachings of the Bible (spriitual food at the proper time) during his absence. They say that the only religion he found doing so was the watchtower society and therefore Jesus appointed them over all his earthly interests in the spring of 1919. So- Jesus would have made his decision in 1919 based upon what was being taught up to 1919. So- when a JW is asked "why do you believe the watchtower society is god's organization?" the answer is "because of Jesus' appointment in 1919 in fulfillment of Matthew 24:45-47." There is only 1 way to know if the watchtower society is God's organization and that is by examining the same record of the watchtower society's teachings that they say Jesus examined in 1918-1919. Re: what they were teaching in and before 1919 is not what they are teaching today. The organization that does exist is 'the watchtower organization' which is not governed by Jesus Christ from heaven but by elderly men from Brooklyn, New York. The moment JW's believe that Jesus made that appointment in 1919- they become captive of that belief, captive of the illusionary concept that all of God's direction to mankind comes only through the watchtower society/organization/the governing body of Jehovah's Witnesses....it dominates and controls the thinking of those who write the literature as well as the witnesses who read it. re: book anatomy of an illusion captives of a concept by: Don Cameron SMiles Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #42 January 15, 2007 QuoteI have had more religious discussions than you can imagine. I was married to a JW for 8 years. I'm sorry to hear that but it tells me a lot. Jehovah's Witnesses in a Nutshell False Prophecies of the Jehovah's Witnesses Years ago, that probably would have turned me off to religion too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unstable 8 #43 January 16, 2007 I LOVE THIS THREAD - brings back a lot of good memories. Anywho, it's getting waaaay too serious. Can we go back to just telling jokes about the J-dubs and the Mormons? SOOO much more entertaining. 1. The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah's Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated! - Jan McInnis 2. I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. - Bruce Clark 3. Two missionaries of the Church of Latter-Day Saints were walking down the street when they ran into two Jehovah's Witnesses coming directly at them from the opposite direction. The elders stopped, and one of the Jehovah's Witnesses said, "We don't move for false witnesses." One of the Mormons said, "We do," and they went around them. 4. King James Version of the Bible: $20 Book of Mormon: $0, by request Copy of the Koran: $30 Rosary: $10 Artificial Lamb's Blood for Pentagram: $5 a gallon The horribly confused and terrified look on the face of the next Jehovah's Witness who you open the door for: Priceless edited for spelling mistakes=========Shaun ========== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unstable 8 #44 January 16, 2007 Okay - here is a good question for ya.... Which one would you prefer... 1. J-Dubs - you have to spend all day Saturday and most of Sunday proselyting for the rest of your life... 2. Mormons - Two years full time (7 days a week not counting your 1/2 day off) for the guys or 1 and a half for the ladies - all day everyday, but only for your specific amount of time. I would choose the latter - that way you can Skydive when you get back - I think it would be nearly impossible to be a j-dub skydiver. Being a Mormon skydiver is way easier - just don't drink beer and not jump on Sunday. Another joke - So 2 Mormons walk into a bar..... =========Shaun ========== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #45 January 16, 2007 QuoteQuoteI have had more religious discussions than you can imagine. I was married to a JW for 8 years. I'm sorry to hear that but it tells me a lot. Years ago, that probably would have turned me off to religion too. Religion turned me off to religion. My mom was a Baptist sunday school teacher for 25 years. My father was a Methodist deacon, my grandfather a Lutheran one. My uncle was a preacher for the Church of Christ. I lost interest in attending church before I was 19. It is not just the JWs. From the standpoint of psychology, they are the most frightening and damaging to their membership though. Their isolation from participation in the normal events of society is used to control the members. At the same time, destroy their ability to develop normal social skills. "You can't dine at the table of demons and dine at the table of God." "You shouldn't have 'bad associations' (i.e. any non-JW)." Given that, the Catholics/Jews/Baptists used to promote the same ideas, but they had a wider social network at that time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unstable 8 #46 January 16, 2007 Your jokes arn't very funny. =========Shaun ========== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #47 January 16, 2007 QuoteIs no thread safe from pajarito preaching religion, judgement, and eternal pain and suffering? PS: Wasn't this supposed to be a thread containing religous jokes? Dude, I don't know what you are talking about. reading his born-again bullshit that he can't help but force all over everyone's face is making me laugh my ass off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #48 January 16, 2007 QuoteQuoteWhat will you do when you have to stand in judgment for every thought and deed in this lifetime? Just to save you a lot of effort. I'll be dead and decaying. I won't be judged by anyone, I won't be anywhere. Just dead. Organisms strive to exist. They fear non-existence. "Why are we here?" "What happens when I die?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Where did the world come from?" you forgot the most important question: "Where should we have lunch?"____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #49 January 16, 2007 Quoteyou forgot the most important question: "Where should we have lunch?" When you achieve enlightenment, then your desires for lunch will fall away. The question will not exist. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 0 #50 January 16, 2007 Ah, but: Where would Jesus have lunch? (And what would he order?) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
