What is my problem with these AFF jumps?

[kimmer 0]

OK Michele-I posted about my jump like you told me to. We'll see what happens :)
Guys, I had my first attempt at my level 4 AFF today. I was so close to not jumping today, but I had to. Just got that nagging feeling of being pissed off at myself if I didn't jump. Know what I am talking about?
I am always nervous, but this time, I was literally shaking and ready to burst into tears before I even had my gear on. I just knew I was screwed.
My JM was fantastic and can't even describe how much I appreciate his help. He did everything he could on the ground and on the plane to make me relax, but it didn't work. By the time I was out the door, my head was too far up my ass to even do a decent arch. I was spinning, couldn't find a focus point, or get my damn arms to move. My attempts at banked turns went straight to hell. (You'd think that 3 times on level 3 with those damn turns would have done something!) I was so disgusted with myself in the air I just stopped trying. What the hell happened-I have absolutely no clue.
Luckily my chute pulled and all was great. Even stood my landing. Whoopty freakin do. My jump was still terrible. My confidence is definitely taking a beating with all these AFF jumps that I keep failing.
Wonderful friends and my JM tried to comfort me on the ground, but my anger with myself made me ignore them all. (Sorry about that by the way guys).
Even debriefing with my awesome JM was bad. I even started crying a bit. What the hell?! What a chick I am.

That's a quick summary of my miserable level 4. I don't exactly know what, but I am sure I learned something from this jump. I am furious with myself for screwing up so bad.
I'm going out to Perris again on Sunday to put myself through this hell again. Wish me luck.
By the way, thanks to all of you who responded to my other post about needing encouragement. It was my first time doing so (at Michele's urging) and I couldn't even imagine how many incredible people would take the time to write and support me. Your words mean more to me than you know.
Luv you all.
Kimmer :)

[cloud9 0]

Quote

I'm going out to Perris again on Sunday to put myself through this hell again. Wish me luck.

Hey Kimmer the only thing your really doing wrong is not enjoying your jumps. Enjoy everyone of them. Your going to find that screw ups on jumps are just a part of the sport. Even after 100's of jumps you may find yourself low on a formation or corking on a free fly. So just enjoy it as long as its a safe jump its a great jump. Don't worry about minor mistakes. Now go back out there on Sunday and have fun that's what skydiving is about!
Some fun eh!

[skymedic 0]

That is what helped me. once I started enjoying this sport instead of trying to prove I could do it I really fell in love with it. Smile while you are in free fall. It works wonders for your confidence....
Marc

[chronistin 0]

Hi,
i really like to read your (and micheles) stories - reminds me of my own fear & trouble, not so long ago. and you write well, both of you.
as for the fear, it will go away, suddenly or gradually, that's different for everyone. it helped me to accept the fear (like saying, "yes, i'm scared, but i'll do it anyway" instead of "i don't want to be afraid"), and then, on jump fifteen, it went away. i was more scared than ever on the ride up (long break, unfamiliar dz) and braced myself for the final gust of panic when the door opened (because thats
what always happened), but it didn't come. Instead, all my fear went away and i was just standing there, for the first time able to calmly look out of the door. i was smiling a whole week after that.
I've been nervous since, but never scared.
as for the troubles, the magic word really is "relax!". when my JMs told me to relax, i didn't understand them. i always thought they were referring to my tensioned mind. took me 30+ jumps to find out that they actually meant the body. the arch is not a body position you have to hold: just relax and it comes naturally. let that belly hang out, the rest follows by itself.
hope it helps (but probably it won't, and you'll have to figure it out all by yourself, like i did in spite of all the nice & experienced people trying to help me)
keep it up, and, yes, that's right: don't forget it's supposed to be fun!
Greetings
Chronistin || Andrea

*************************************
http://www.wortwerkstatt.at/skydiving

[DZBone 0]

Key, kimmer!
One thing you can try if you aren't already is deep breathing, yoga-like. Draw it in through your nose (3-4 seconds), hold it (3-4 seconds), let it out through your mouth (3-4 seconds).
Helps dissipate adrenaline, endorphines, whatever.
Remember, you are activating your fight/flight response. Some physical activity will help also (jump up and down, whatever, just move), but at some level, it is going to help you be sharper for the "fight" you are about to get into. Use the energy to your advantage.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[sinister69 0]

Lot of good advice here Kimmer. Like they said, enjoy the freefall. Everything will click into place. Cya Sunday
Blue Skies!
Sinister69
http://home.pacbell.net/n1elson1

[Michele 1]

Kimmer, I was there. Here's what you left out.
-YOU- pulled the chute. In your description, somehow magically your parachute left the pack and appeared over your head. Not a likely event (lol). YOU pulled.
YOU pulled stable, or you might have had line twists (so the spinning stopped at the end).
YOU pulled at the correct alti.
I watched YOU cavorting up there, playing under the chute. Sin and I were so proud of you. You did circles, you did side to sides, you played.
And - YOU LANDED TIPPY TOE PERFECT. No plf for you, hon, on your feet.
So your head wasn't as far up your ....it was out, you were thinking, you were safe. Geez, aren't these things worth anything?
Just something to think about (not like *I* wasn't told all of the above recently by this august group....and still have to remind myself regularly.)
Luv ya, hon. And proud of you. Ciel bleu-
Michele

[Rhonda66 0]

Hiya Kimmer -
I know how it feels when you blow an AFF jump - hell, it took me 12 jumps to get through it. It will be worth it though when you go back to Perris and you nail that Level 4 next time and before you know it you'll be done with AFF and then the real fun can begin. Relaxing is by far the best thing you can do. I know it's hard to do, but once you get rid of the anxiousness and the brain lock associated with the fear, then you can really concentrate on the task at hand.
I was so pissed with myself too every time I failed a level and I wanted to give up and forget the whole thing so many times, but the funny thing was that I knew I was hooked for life when everytime I was away from the DZ I felt as if I should be jumping and I'd look at the sky and think what a perfect day it would be to make a jump. I know you must do the same thing - I know that you must be mad because you feel like you let yourself down like I did and that the old-timers and the people in videos make it look so easy that you can't understand why it isn't, but just remember that any skydive that you walk away from is a good one - you pulled, you landed and therefore you are on the right track. How much do you think you can possibly learn after just a few jumps? Take it easy on yourself girl....you're gonna be psyched when you're cleared for that high solo and you're halfway there already!
Maybe this will help you to relax and maybe it won't, but one of my JM's said this to me and it changed my outlook 100% - The air isn't going to hurt you...remember that...by now you are pretty comfortable with the gear you've been jumping and have some faith in it so just think that the air isn't going to hurt you when you leave the plane - you have almost a full minute to do nothing but think about flying your body and getting it right. What are you so worried about when you leave the plane? Don't be thinking a full minute ahead to your opening and eventually to the landing - Let it come in phases and you'll be fine - it definitely helped me to relax more and get through AFF - now I laugh at the way I brainlocked back then and how I made it so much harder for myself than it had to be...
Good luck!
Rhonda

[Albatross 0]

Kimmer,
I am glad to see that you went with Michele. She told me about the concerns that you were having and I understand. I ahve to call my mom every monday morning and tell her that I am alright so that she doesn't call the cops to check on me and I am almost 30. Your level 4 went fine. You had a a few minor problems in the air but one major one on the ground. You have let this thing psyke you out. I am in total agreement with everyone that you need to just relax and let the air cradle you when you are in freefall but more importantly you must be ready to jump before you get in the plane. We all have had to fight this deamon and still do after a scare but if you look really carefully you will see that the deamon is only you and your self doubt. You are competant to do the only critical thing on a skydive PULL. Now you need to master your mind and body one step at a time. I gave this advice to a student of mine who was overwhelmed by tought running through her head. Sit down and practice one skill over and over at home until you are sure that you have it. It will feel natural and instictive then move on. You can not think or paractice in the air so do it on the ground. When you have practiced and are sure that it is going to go well, then jump.
If you jump and things don't go perfectly relax and get ready to do it again. I will tell you that of the last 40 RW jumps that I have made only 1 went just like it was planned on the ground and I have done this alot more than you have. Morral is don't expect perfection just expect things to get a little better each time and to have fun. I hope to meet you soon.
Chris
Ready, Set, GOOOOOOO
Albatross

[Julie 0]

Hi Kimmer
It's funny how we all seem to focus on what we feel we did wrong, and completely forget what went right, and what YOU did right...remember that. I had that royal screw-up and really didn't want to get back up in the plane (even though I went right back up the same day). Well, Saturday I was back. I was imagining everything that could go wrong. One thing I did was practice A LOT on the ground. I caught myself visualizing my jump, complete with action, which did catch the eye of more than a few people! Anyway, had my best jump yet...the practicing really does work :) Even landed on my feet!!! YEAH! Anyway, don't beat yourself up too much, try to remember what went right and how that felt.
Albatross...I had to laugh at the calling your mom and you're almost 30...I'm 40 and have to call at the end of each jump day...it doesn't end :)
hey...how can I get faces IN my message?
HAVE FUN!
Julie

[RedBull 0]

Hey Kimmer!

After I failed level 4 twice, my confidence had taken a beating, too. On my third attempt, I got a new JM I had never seen before.
He told me two things:
1) You have plenty of time to do what you need to do during the dive, so don't rush, just relax, and [BR]
2) (this may sound goofy) Play the theme song from "Rocky" on your head as approach the door and exit.
I listened to him finally got my spinning problem under control. During the last ten seconds of freefall, we just fell about three feet from each other, looking at each other and smiling. It was the first time I had any real control of my heading.
So, long story short, don't rush it, relax, and inspire yourself, even if you need silly things to do it.
Chronistin is right about tension in your body. Don't fight the air, let it shape you body.
Michele was right on, too. You did a lot of things great.
good luck on Sunday -- I know you'll do well
-me

[Michele 1]

Ill let Kimmer tell her story, but I had to jump in and tell you all how f*&^*g proud I am of her. She jumped today, and...well, it's her tale, but she did perfectly!!!!!!!!!!!
YAYAYAYAY Kimmer!
ciel bleu-
Michele