Is It Me or Him? Frustration!

[Rhonda66 0]

Ok, here goes -
I was in Eloy last week with my hubby. We hadn't jumped in six months (since just before Sept. 11). I have 200 jumps over 5 years, which shows you how infrequently I get to jump. He has 400+ jumps over about the same amount of time.
We started off by belly flying and I was really rusty, which I think can be expected, but I was having fun anyway.
He started giving me a hard time because he was doing video and he wanted us to freefly, which he is half-decent at, but which I've never done. I also have a hard time diving out of the plane still because I always somehow manage to turn back and face the plane on the way out because that's easiest for me.

I said I would just solo and pointed out that we were supposed to be jumping for fun - that we aren't training for the Olympics or something like that, but he was mad so I told him to go freefly himself and I'd solo for awhile and then maybe we could jump again together later when I was back in the swing - I also had a new canopy, which is really all I wanted to concentrate on at the time.
So finally we do another jump together and when I asked him what we were going to do (assuming we would do our usual belly fly) he says "we're freeflying" - I froze up like a student and really started to panic because the plane was loaded with freefliers and they exit the plane after the belly fliers and I was really afraid to be in the air with all of these freefliers around us because I knew I would end up on my belly and I know you can't do that when you're freeflying.
Fortunately, we ended up at the back of the plane with one two-way behind us and I told them that we were going to attempt a freefly and warned them I would probably wind up on my belly and asked them if they would prefer to go first. They said no, but they said not to worry about it because they would give us plenty of time - we also ended up on a go-around so we really had plenty of time before exits - I just want to stress that I would not even have exited the plane with him if I felt that anyone would be put in jeopardy myself. I would have solo'd or rode the plane down before doing that myself.
What happens on the jump isn't important, but of course I ended up back on my belly and my hubby was pissed - the situation ruined the vacation pretty much....
Now, what I'm wondering from you guys is
1. Am I an idiot because I can't freefly or exit the plane in a perfect dive with 200 jumps? I mean, am I slower than other skydivers in learning, and wanting to learn, this stuff?
2. Was it reasonable for my hubby to push me like that or am I justified in feeling that he was a complete asshole who put our lives, and possibly other people's lives, in jeopardy?
In my opinion, that's not how you learn new disciplines in this sport and I was, and still am, really pissed off at him for pulling that on our vacation...
Thanks for your input.
Rhonda

[axe96bam 0]

I think you were in the right. You will most likely not be a good freeflier from jump number one. It usually takes time.
Alex

[freeflir29 0]

Nahhh....For once I will say the woman is right here... Just like the rest of life...don't do something you aren't comfortable with. Especially in skydiving. I think you are probably being a bit "over sensitive" about the dangers of free flying though. There are inherent dangers but don't let it ruin the fun. All in all......I think it sounds like there are way more issues than just this...."I only have 145 jumps so I always carry a JM so he can pull for me."-Clay

[n2skdvn 0]

tell your hubby you are not ready to free fly take your time
if he is mad at your perfomance in the air tell him to chill
freeflying is fun but also adds to the danger speeds can be alot higher
dont do anything you dont feel comfortable with .
this sport is fast enough dont rush it.
havre fun be safe.
if ya can't dodge it RAM IT !!!!!!
click me

[Beachbum 0]

One thing that has been stressed to me many times since I started jumping is to learn new things at a pace that is comfortable for ME ... from that viewpoint, I can understand you being a bit p.o.'d with him! Now ... from a husband's side ... it may be that he wants to freefly ... and just REALLY wants you to be able to do it with him, so is pushing you .. maybe more than he should ... don't have any clue as to communication between you, but I'd just point blank ask him about it!
As long as you are happy with yourself ... who cares what the rest of the world thinks?

[ChromeBoy 0]

Rhonda,
With 200 jumps and all of them being belly of course you are not wrong to feel nervous. Especially with the time lapse in the jumps. I too have a small amount of jumps, a little over a hundred, and did not even attempt to start freeflying until my 100th jump. It takes a few jumps to get your stable sit position.
Should your husband push you? That is between you and him. Whether freeflying or belly flying it is all about seperating yourself from the airplane, falling and having fun. You were right to notify everyone about your skills so they could determine exit order, etc.
Should you all still be in a fight about this? Don't let skydiving or anything around the sport upset you. Life is too short.
Anyways, I will be in Boston next week. I might go to Jumptown on Saturday. Is it a good dz? Is it mostly freeflyers or bellyflyers or both?

[Rhonda66 0]

Hi -
I'm not at all afraid to freefly, but I have no idea how to right now so I didn't think that was the right time and place for it - I would have felt a lot better about it at my home DZ.
That really was the only issue - my hubby takes it very seriously and he wants us to freeefly because he's "bored" with belly flying. It's no refection on our relationship. I just feel pressured to freefly now when I haven't even gotten belly flying down 100%. I think he thinks that somehow pressuring me will help me to do it faster, but I know I'll do it when I'm ready for it...
Rhonda

[skybytch 259]

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1. Am I an idiot because I can't freefly or exit the plane in a perfect dive with 200 jumps? I mean, am I slower than other skydivers in learning, and wanting to learn, this stuff?

Nope. Everyone learns at their own rate, and I know some people who have no desire to learn to freefly. He has twice the jumps you do in the same time frame - it's natural that he's going to be better at it than you are. He can't expect you to be really good at this if you only get to do 40 jumps a year...

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2. Was it reasonable for my hubby to push me like that or am I justified in feeling that he was a complete asshole who put our lives, and possibly other people's lives, in jeopardy?

Reasonable? Perhaps. Sometimes we can all use a little push to do new things. You did warn the two way following you that you might end up on your belly so I don't think you presented much of a danger to them.
Considerate of your feelings and desires? No. But what can you expect...he's a guy...
pull & flare,
lisa
"But our reality is in fact entire illusion!"
-Gregory Benford

[Rhonda66 0]

Jumptown's my home DZ!
Yea, they do a good mix of both - I'd say about equal. Last time I knew, we had a Caravan up there cuz we lost our King Air :(
There's a lot of good, friendly people there with skill to jump with you too.
Perhaps we'll see you there - I'm thinking about taking a drive next weekend....
Rhonda

[SkySurfSnow 0]

I'm no expert on these things, but he probably just wants to share his joy in what he's doing with you and is pushing too hard...he wants you to be there with him.
Talk to him about it and let him know how you feel.
I'd consider myself lucky just to have a SO that's able to appreciate that I skydive.
Good luck

[n2skdvn 0]

tell him you need to progress at your own speed dont let him push you into somthing you dont feel comfortable with
i love free flying but i dont force anyone to do it
go at your own pace its your life
have fun be safe
if ya can't dodge it RAM IT !!!!!!
click me

[Rhonda66 0]

Yeah, but what freaks me out and makes me mad is that we just happened to be put at the back of the plane with only one group behind us and I took the initiative to speak to them and he was also mad that I did that....
Honestly, I felt that it was more of a guy thing and that he didn't feel "cool" doing belly flying and exiting first with the belly fliers - I think he just wanted to be in the front of the plane with the guys from Arizona Freeflight, etc. - that's what makes me mad about it.
Rhonda

[Divadiver 0]

Rhonda:
Hmm, sounds like to me you need to get yourself a good looking coach with patience and tell hubby that you'll be working hard at doing your darnist to be able to freefly with him. Then don't pressure yourself about learning everything and how fast you learn it, you have fun at it girl!
I've seen a lot of manipulation taking place at the DZ between bf's and gf's, ask yourself why he'd want to put you down and make you feel inferior. You're absolutely correct about trusting your feelings and watching out for your and others safety.
Someone once said the stupidest thing you could every do was doing a skydive for someone else other than yourself. I'll one up you on that - the stupidest thing you could do is letting someone keep you from skydiving!
Diva (just me .02 cents)

[billvon 2,471]

>1. Am I an idiot because I can't freefly or exit the plane in a perfect dive with 200
> jumps? I mean, am I slower than other skydivers in learning, and wanting to
> learn, this stuff?
No, you're not an idiot. I could barely belly-fly well at 200 jumps, and I couldn't freefly at all - in fact I still suck at it. Some people are awesome at 200 jumps, but they're rare.
>2. Was it reasonable for my hubby to push me like that or am I justified in feeling
> that he was a complete asshole who put our lives, and possibly other people's
>lives, in jeopardy?
He was being an asshole. However, it's up to you to do what you feel safe doing, and to not put other people at risk. It sounds like you have better judgement than your husband, so make sure you put that judgement to good use. If he doesn't want to listen, don't jump with him any more.
>In my opinion, that's not how you learn new disciplines in this sport and I was,
> and still am, really pissed off at him for pulling that on our vacation...
If I were you I would make it clear to him what you are OK with and what you're not OK with, and that when you say you're not going to do something, you're serious. You have to follow through with this, though - don't let him talk you into stuff after you've said no.
-bill von

[Rhonda66 0]

That's what scares me - I don't want to read too much into it or try to analyze it, but where do I fit in when he doesn't care that I felt too pressured (and I told him that) - I feel like we're competing a lot of the time and it's really taking the fun out of it - I think it may be time for a jumping separation for a while - part of me tells me that's part of the problem - since I got off AFF I have ONLY jumped with him while he has jumped with other people when I can't jump.....
Rhonda

[Jumperpaula 0]

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- my hubby takes it very seriously and he wants us to freeefly because he's "bored" with belly flying.

Odd, he takes his skydiving serious but in 400 jumps he's bored learning to belly fly?
I jump at a fairly slow pace too, just closing in on 500 jumps in 4 years, and now is the time in the sport for me when I truely feel like a highschool freshman - just now mature enough to be teachable.
The way I see it, your together at home, together at the DZ and you don't necessarily have to be on every load together too.
Tell him you respect his desires to freefly and learn, but your not ready for that yet. My BF has always respected my decisions in the sport, including winds and clouds, loads, canopies and overall comfort level. In Skydiving , Im one - we are not two.
.......but after all, he's a man
Fly Your Slot !

[rhino 0]

All the more reason to skydive more.. If he gives you a hard time tell him it's his fault you want to get so much better.. Go to the wind tunnel put it on his credit card, make 100 jumps put it on his card.. He kind of opened a can of whup ass on himself..
joking.. lol
Just talk to him.. Tell him not to do that shit again or else Rhino
Semper Fi .....
http:// www.aahit.com

[freeflir29 0]

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he takes his skydiving serious but in 400 jumps he's bored learning to belly fly?

I got bored with belly flying at about jump # 25 or so.....
"I only have 145 jumps so I always carry a JM so he can pull for me."-Clay

[Rhonda66 0]

Thank you - that really helps and makes me feel a lot better. I felt like I wanted to quit after that, but I will push on - and you're right, I won't jump with him if he keeps up that attitude....
Thanks,
Rhonda

[freeflir29 0]

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I won't jump with him if he keeps up that attitude....

Next time just tell him he won't be getting any tonight if he keeps it up. Sexual blackmail works.......
"I only have 145 jumps so I always carry a JM so he can pull for me."-Clay

[Rhonda66 0]

That's how he is too.....I can respect that, but just because he could do stand-up and head-down at 50 jumps doesn't mean I have to.....I'm happy taking it slow and learning on every jump - for me, it is a miracle just to be a skydiver and to love it as much as I do.
Rhonda

[Rhonda66 0]

You obviously don't know my hubby - He is a VERY unique one :) I don't know if it's good or bad yet :)
Rhonda

[Jumperpaula 0]

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Honestly, I felt that it was more of a guy thing and that he didn't feel "cool" doing belly flying and exiting first with the belly fliers -

It's all in the Attitude!
Fly Your Slot !

[GrumpySmurf 0]

No one should ever force you in a situation you don't feel comfortable with, in the end - it's your life on the line should something go wrong, and being in the position of 'I told you so' from 6 feet under (or in the hospital) because you corked into him or someone else won't do you any good.
There is pushing yourself to improve, and then there is pushing yourself into a situation where you think it is unsafe - safety first, fun second. Sounds like you made the best of the situation - I say if he still kicks up a stink, toss him on the couch.
As long as you have the desire to learn, who cares about the pace at which you do so - it's not the destination that is important, but the journey itself.

[freeflir29 0]

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He is a VERY unique one

Uh Oh.....I hope not unique like "Chromeboy" Some people go that way......
"I only have 145 jumps so I always carry a JM so he can pull for me."-Clay