Letter from Human Resources

[Sebazz1 2]

Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the
course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to
complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however,
realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express
your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list
of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No fucking way.
TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be shitting me!
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the fuck?
TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This shit won't work.
TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat shit and die.
TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
Fuck it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.
TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.
TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a prick.
TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting bitch.
TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Thank You,
Human Resources
SEBAZZ.......

[TheMarshMan1 0]

LOL, thats hilarious!! I hope they never come up with something like that where I work!
"If I could be like that, I would give anything, just to live one day, in those shoes..."

[ChromeBoy 0]

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100% And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And, look how far...
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118% will take you

[coconutmonkey 0]

So in stead of:
Who gives a fuck.
Try:
Pucker Up.

[skyhawk 2]

it has do be switched around so its what is said first then what should be said
Opinions are like a-holes everyone has one, the only one that does you any good is yours and all that comes out is shit

[Michele 1]

How about
INSTEAD OF:
You're a fucking moron
TRY SAYING
Our communication skills need to be re-evaluated...
Ciels and Pinks-
Michele
If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...
~enya~

[wildblue 4]

Try saying:
"I'll get right on that"
Instead of:
"Fuck off!"
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving

[dbattman 0]

Try:
'This needs to be discussed."
Instead of:
"Another fucking meeting?"

[Pammi 0]

LOL! Got that yesterday too. Printed it and took it to work. They all made copies and spent the day actually trying to use it until my friend decided it was too hard and just said "Fuck off! That's easier to remember!" haha
New pin jewelry!