Relationship advice needed

[RachelRW 0]

My relationship has come to a crossroads. When my girlfriend and I started skydiving, we both agreed to go on a strict diet, mainly for health reasons but also for safety. I have had friends tell me privately that my weight was going to impede my skydiving. I really want to learn freeflying but I am told that my size would prohibit this. I have lost 35 pounds in 3 months so far and I hope to loose 90 more. The problem is, my partner refused to stick to the diet. She has gained weight if anything. I am truly concerned about her health and safety. I try and be supportive but whenever I bring it up she goes into a tirade. I feel shallow that I am going to let this issue divide us. Guys, you are experts at being shallow...Am I being too critical?
Rachel

[Lindsey 0]

<--not a guy, but.....She's grown, right? I suggest letting your weight issue be yours and hers be hers. Weight is not a good reason to screw up a good relationship....imho.

Peas!
Lindsey

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[Albatross 0]

First of all I resent being called shallow and then asked for advice. Not that it may not be true but I still resent being called shallow.
As for the relationship, most women don not like being reminded that they are failing to do something. Women tend to be their own harshest critic and bering reminded of something as personal as not losing wieght tends to strike a sensative note. Possibly try a different note and clear the house of "bad" food and praise her when she does well.
On ht eother hand, if you are not attracted to your partneer physically then the relationship is most likely in for hard times. Everyone has a physical need and you WILL have it filled and if your partner is not attractive to you someone else will fill the need dooming the relationship.

Chris

[hobbes4star 0]

listen you are going about it the wrong way.
my wife and i had grained a few pounds so i told her that i thought it would be fun to join the gym. you know it's something we could do together.
so we go and join after about 2 months of going together and getting fit she decided on going on the diet herself. even if she doesn't want the diet the gym is way better than any diet.
on the plus side your girlfriend will see it as a way to spend more time with you, and won't see it as "working out" she will see it as "doing something together" and that means that it is a "relationship builder".
just my 0.02 hope i am not offending anyone.

also you could tell her that you want to take up bike riding and go out to buy bikes together and ride them around they burn off weight too. two pluses to that
1. you are buying something together
2. you are doing something together..

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?

[seedy 0]

at least 125 pounds overweight - calling men shallow then asking for their advice
troll?

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

[wlie 0]

One more plus:

You'd be doing each other

[rgoper 0]

Quote

First of all I resent being called shallow and then asked for advice. Not that it may not be true but I still resent being called shallow.

albatross:

i read the first, and second, and your post on this thread, your mad because someone called you "shallow" well, it wasn't lindsey, so was rachael posting as you? are am i missing the boat here somewhere? it sounds to me like this is a personal issue between you, and your mate. in any event i know what both of you are going through. i'm 6' 3" at 240# i used to weigh in at 425# so i know a little something about weight control. neither one of you needs to be mad at each other, but consider the health issues of being overweight, type 2 adult onset diabetes, high blood pressure, etc...it's not good. i have to literally starve myself on a 2000 calorie a day diet to stay at my current weight, i road bike, mountain bike, and i weight train, plus i play my drums about 10 hours a week. staying healthy should not be an issue to argue over, but one which should unify the steps each of the two of you are taking to stay physically fit. i'm 43 years old, and a grandfather, live to be that old, stay fit for your families!

--Richard--
"We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist"

[RachelRW 0]

I am not a troll..People at Perris and Elsinore know me and my situation. Sorry guys, didn't mean to stereotype you, it was said in jest (kinda). Anyway, there are other issues too, this on is just the one that drives me the most crazy. I feel that this is not entirely a weight issue. I do love her and I think the thing that hurts me most is her lack of commitment to her word and the fact that she refuses to talk about it. It is more of an integrity issue.
Rachel

Rachel

[skymama 35]

It's not an integrity issue, it's an emotional issue for her and her alone. Nothing you say or do with help her with it. SHE has to decide to lose weight. But first, she needs to take an honest look at herself and figure out why she has let herself get to this point and why she continues to let food be an issue in her life. Eating is an addictive thing for some people, just as much as smoking or drinking is for others. It's a way that some people decide to deal with life, instead of facing things head-on.

And, yes, I am writing this from experience. I lost 60 pounds 2 years ago.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Jumperpaula 0]

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I have had friends tell me privately that my weight was going to impede my skydiving. I really want to learn freeflying but I am told that my size would prohibit this.

Im not a freeflier but could someone explain to me what his size would have to do with freeflying. People of all sizes do RW. They learn to "fall relative" and use jumpsuits and body position to do so.

Loosing weight is good if you want to be healthy, but Im not sure what it has to do with a newcomer to the sport learning a discipline. Sure it might be more challenging, but not impossible.

[rgoper 0]

it's human nature to look down upon "weight challenged" people. i've been on both sides of this fence, and i can tell you, weight does make a difference in people's attitudes of one another. do i think it's right? no, but on the other hand i think Anna Nichole Smith is disgusting. not because she's a "plus size" woman, but because she flaunts herself as if she were a 90 pound doll, that, and the fact she has no clue how to make a living other than suing her step son for her 91 year old dead husband's estate. well, i'm kind of getting off of the "weight issue" a bit!

--Richard--
"We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist"

[Albatross 0]

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i read the first, and second, and your post on this thread, your mad because someone called you "shallow" well, it wasn't lindsey, so was rachael posting as you? are am i missing the boat here somewhere?

Nah I was just kidding. I just think that it is funny how people stereotype men as shallow.
As for the rest physical fitness is a lifestyle and personal commitment. I agree witht he sentiment that people are putting out there. The weight is her issue, the lack of commitment to a goal with you is the big one in the relationship. Also your post makes it seem like that is a big issue for you. Good luck. I feel for you.

Chris

[seedy 0]

My apologies then. Looks to me that there are more important issues than the weight. That is just the one you are focusing on. You are harboring a lot of hostility that you need to work thru. No relationship can improve or even survive long in a hostile atmosphere. Even if you don't outwardly display the hostility, while you are seething on the inside, nothing your partner does will be satisfactory in your eyes. Trust me, I have been there and have had to work through it.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

[blondeflyer7 0]

The first thing you need to do is to tell her how beautiful she is and tell her that you are very concerned with her health and not the way she looks. Believe me women doesn't want to be told how much they need to loose just tell her how important she is in your life and be patient with her.

[Jasmin 0]

I'm with Blondeflyer!
I kept getting told I needed to lose weight, but I was an emotional eater, I ate whenever I was upset.
A lifestyle change and I've gone down a pant-size. More importantly I only eat when i'm hungry and I love exercising. Tae Kwon Do, walking and rock-climbing. I feel better, I'm fitter and a heck lot more confident (versus just appearing confident).Get the junk food out of the house and exercise your arse off in fun ways eg Tae Bo classes, dance classes etc. The more you exercise the less you'll crave junk food or overeat.
Diets don't work by themselves as you put the weight right back on as soon as you stop. If you want to lose it and keep it off, it has to be a lifestyle change.
Good luck,

xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

[blondeflyer7 0]

Please tell her how much you love her and that she's wonderful and you'll get results!!!!!! I promise

[rgoper 0]

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your post makes it seem like that is a big issue for you. Good luck. I feel for you.

to whom do you refer? your girlfriend or me? clarify if you would, before i set you staright, without actually have to. i have no issue with it. and if you were referring to your girlfriend, you have some issues that cannot be healed with Xenadrine. good luck.

--Richard--
"We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist"

[RachelRW 0]

Aside from her weight and lack of discipline, another big issue I have with her is her behavior at the dropzone. We are both relatively new skydivers and I am very humble and pretty much a listener. She acts like she already has a pro rating. She tends to be very abrasive to others at the dropzone and most people roll their eyes when she comes around because of her attitude. I don't know is this is just an overcompensation of artificial confidence to overcome her fears or true arrogance. She tends to be slightly arrogant at all times but it is at all new levels at the DZ.
I want to distance myself from her when she starts in with her loud sessions, whether it be on the Otter or in the packing area. I think she has confidence confused with arrogance. Anyone else have this problem with new jumpers or worse, your significant other?
Rachel

Rachel

[Jessica 0]

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Aside from her weight and lack of discipline, another big issue I have with her is her behavior at the dropzone.

You don't even sound like you like her. Why are you in a relationship with someone whose behavior you find embarassing?

Skydiving is for cool people only

[Lindsey 0]

I didn't go back and re-read your other posts, but these problems seem to be the kinds of problems people who are dating, but not in committed relationships have. It sounds like a good time to revisit what the relationship is based on and what kind of connection the two of you have. Most people don't all the sudden develop a weight problem, lack of discipline, and abrasive behavior when they start skydiving. You probably know what the REAL problem is, and I doubt it's those things....probably something a little deeper. Or maybe you've changed somehow, and you want her to change with you....but some good soul searching will probably yield the answer you're looking for.

Peas~
Lindsey

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[RachelRW 0]

Her behavior off the dropzone is tolerable, I do sometimes wish she was quieter but like in every relationship, you take the good with the bad. She is very eloquent and very outgoing. We have a blast when we go out and when we are alone. On the dropzone, she morphs into a overbearing annoyance. I guess I just see other peoples reactions to her and I am embarassed for her. This behavior very recently came to a head at the dropzone and she has become quite the topic of discussion.

Rachel

[BonnyBN 0]

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Her behavior off the dropzone is tolerable, I do sometimes wish she was quier but like in every relationship, you take the good with the bad.

I think the problem here is you Rachel... you didn't take the good with the bad in our relationship, did you? All of this sounds very familiar... now I know why you left!
Bonny

[Lindsey 0]

/me turns and tracks

[Michele 1]

Hi, Bonny and Rachel

I do believe that now is the time you both work it out privately, either in person or by pm's. I feel bad for both of you, and wish you both the very best. This isn't necessarily the place to take the conversation forward, though, o.k.?

Many hugs, and quick healing to you both-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[RachelRW 0]

It seems you have no problem discussing every aspect of your life on this forum, what is wrong with me discussing a significant lifestyle issue of mine? You have no idea how hard it is to deal with the issues I have of being overweight, hearing the comments and laughs from others when they think I am not listening. People of my size (getting smaller) are a huge minority (oxymoron?) at a dropzone. I am used to being singled out for my sexual preference in society, now it is my size at the dropzone. I cannot change my sexual preference but I can change my size. I dont care about what socity thinks but I do care what skydivers think. You should put yourself in my shoes as an overweight woman at the dropzone instead of the heroin-chic bodies all the rest of you have, then you would understand.

Rachel