happythoughts 0 #51 September 24, 2003 QuoteYeah, like when 2 people agree to just be "friends with benefits" but 1 of the people actually ends up liking the other one. That can get really bad. Yep. Exactly. That is an example of a rule change. Any time the feelings change, a little honest discussion needs to happen. That can be tough. Better to put brakes on something early and deal with little hurts than wait and deal with big hurts. That said, it is very hard to do. "Friends with benefits" seems to work better when the relationship was deeper and backed off, rather than the other way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #52 September 24, 2003 QuoteQuoteDid anybody set up a "This is not considered cheating" type thing, but then after such an event happened changed your mind? (Did that make sense at all?) I have seen this happen in two cases. "We're going to be apart at college for a long time so we'll date others and it's ok..." and people with open relationships. There is a seminar (really) for these topics and the first thing that they tell them is that they will be surprised how much jealousy emerges, even though each understood the ground rules. Nothing quite like that little "Test." We cannot hate or love something about another without hating of loving that same thing about orselves. IE - if it was a big issue w/ the one that got upset....I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pegasus 0 #53 September 24, 2003 IMHO, when you are married or engaged to be married, anything that takes place with someone other than your s/o is cheating. As just boyfirends & girlfirends the field is too widely open to put much of a barrier on it. I am really open minded about alot of things, and I dont consider playful flirting cheating, AS LONG AS both participants know that it is all in fun and there is nothing serious meant by it. I have been married for 6 years now and would not cheat on my s/o for all of the money in the world. Sure I look at other guys & flirt harmlessly, but would never cross the threshold. Especially when there are kids involved, the only outcome possible is everyone getting hurt, including the kids. My philosophy has always been that if you want to be with someone else bad enough to consider crossing the infidelity line, then you should be man enough or woman enough to face up to your partner with the truth BEFORE HAND. Sure it will hurt them, but not nearly as bad as dishonesty and infidelity. Just my 2 cents... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunnydee123 0 #54 September 24, 2003 You tell them you little almost sit flyer you.....Well said! Dreams become reality, one choice at a time... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pegasus 0 #55 September 24, 2003 Thx D! U such a good buddy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #56 September 24, 2003 I thought we weren't going to talk about this Sunshine!! Shhhh -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dove 0 #57 September 24, 2003 QuoteI think Foz was agreeing with that - and that Dove was the one questioning it. Nope. Not questioning it. Just stating my opinion. It's pretty obvious from all the sex/definition polls today that everyone has their own rules and definitions. What works for one couple may not work for another. What breaks one couple up may not even ruffle a single feather for another couple. To each his/her own. Fall in dove. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
txblondie 0 #58 September 24, 2003 Everything kissing or more... But here's something else. There's a difference between a passing thought and actually THINKING about someone else. So, even if you really want to be with your significant other, then even though you may have lapses where you look at other people and think, wow, I wonder what that would be like. But this should not be a lingering thought that you really consider for any period of time. In my opinion, that would suggest that you really weren't whole-heartedly committed to your relationship and really shouldn't be in one. ***************************************** Blondes do have more fun! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflybella 0 #59 September 24, 2003 QuoteNope. Not questioning it. Just stating my opinion. I didn't mean to speak for you , Dove. Thought I was clarifying. Yes, to each his own. Some couples 'agree' away the cheating aspect by having open relationships - some swap partners. All of that is ambiguous and personal. What isn't ambiguous is cheating. You're cheating if lead someone to believe one thing- then do another. Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbrian 0 #60 September 24, 2003 Everything except 'thinking about' and 'masturbation'. Unless of course, it's mutual masturbation. Then it's definitely cheating. For instance, if on day 1, you agree to be monogomous with someone, then you're cheating when you run off to a stranger's tent on day 2 for a quickie. In a world full of people, only some want to fly... isn't that crazy! --Seal Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #61 September 24, 2003 Kissing, oral sex, intercourse, etc...those are all "cheating" in my book. I wouldn't do them with another woman and I expect my girlfriend wouldn't do them with another man. I can't speak about open relationships, because I've never been in one. I just wouldn't be all that interested in a relationship that wasn't even good enough to justify monogamy. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #62 September 24, 2003 the best way I can manage to describe my OPINION is: Would I be upset if my wife had this emotion, this action, etc. I figure if I wouldnt like her doing it... I best not be doing it! Its a terribly vague concept, but seems to be working.Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #63 September 24, 2003 Forget this question about cheating...............Why is it that we cannot go to our girlfriend/boyfriend and ask for permission? Why would that be so hard? Anyone have or had a relationship such as this? "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #64 September 24, 2003 QuoteCheating is LYING! Plain and very simple. I agree. Cheating isn't what you are doing, it's what you are hiding. You can have sex with someone else in an open relationship and not be cheating. Have sex behind your partners back and you are. never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dove 0 #65 September 25, 2003 QuoteI agree. Cheating isn't what you are doing, it's what you are hiding. You can have sex with someone else in an open relationship and not be cheating. Have sex behind your partners back and you are. So doin' it doggie style is cheating? Fall in dove. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #66 September 25, 2003 QuoteQuoteI agree. Cheating isn't what you are doing, it's what you are hiding. You can have sex with someone else in an open relationship and not be cheating. Have sex behind your partners back and you are. So doin' it doggie style is cheating? LMFAO....you go Dove!I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #67 September 25, 2003 QuoteQuoteI agree. Cheating isn't what you are doing, it's what you are hiding. You can have sex with someone else in an open relationship and not be cheating. Have sex behind your partners back and you are. So doin' it doggie style is cheating? never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #68 September 25, 2003 QuoteYeah.....if you are with someone - you are with them! If you feel the need to look elsewhere for "satisifaction" of any sorts...then maybe you should rethink being with one person...... .. I would see this as a very simplistic view of a relationship. There is no one person who can provide all your needs in all areas, to assume that your SO can, is putting way more on them than any one person can accomplish and it's doomed to failure. Now as far as cheating goes, it would depend on the type of relationship. A complete monogamous relationship (of which I'm in)only my wife. This does not mean i can't have female friends, it just means I can't get jiggy with them.You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflybella 0 #69 September 25, 2003 QuoteSo doin' it doggie style is cheating? Wait...I'm supposed to be hiding that?! Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #70 September 25, 2003 QuoteQuoteSo doin' it doggie style is cheating? Wait...I'm supposed to be hiding that?! I really dont know anyone who wont own up to doggy style. Cuz its not the style it the hole of preference when not cheating.... right? why did I even post that crap? Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflybella 0 #71 September 25, 2003 Quote why did I even post that crap? Smile why did he even post that crap? Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lazyfrog 0 #72 September 25, 2003 Yes I was thinking about mutual....---------- Fumer tue, péter pue ------------- ourson #10, Mosquito Uno, CBT 579 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
321seeya 0 #73 September 25, 2003 So what if your signifigant other is participating in an online affair and having Cyber Sex with someone while your gone on vacation...And it happens to be a time when your not home for a couple of weeks..and they wind up calling them..But has never physically met them? (In a Carrie from "Sex in the City" Voice) Is Cyber Sex Cheating or is it the same as jerking to a website? BASE 3:16 - Even if you are about to land on a cop - DONT FORGET TO FLARE! Free the soul -- DJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lazyfrog 0 #74 September 25, 2003 for me not...---------- Fumer tue, péter pue ------------- ourson #10, Mosquito Uno, CBT 579 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflybella 0 #75 September 25, 2003 Would your SO be upset? If so, don't do it. If not, jerk away. Does it really matter what it's called...? Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
