jokes wanted

[ditch9276 0]

hey all jumpers out there, please send me all your skydiving related jokes, you´ve in stock!!!!
Here´s the first one:
question: What´s the hardest thing about skydiving?
answer: The ground!!!
Thx a lot and blue skies for all
ditch

[huffermoose 0]

whats the difference between golfers and sky divers ??
golfers go "wack , shit!"
skydivers go "shit wack"
how do you know a good 4 way team from a bad 4 way team???
a good 4 way team will go wack!
a bad 4 way team will go " wack wack wack wack
ttfn moose

[notmmrw1 0]

You left the best part out...the best 4 way team goes whack, turns point, whack!!!!!
Free Bags are expensive..LOL

[PalmettoTiger 1]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is NOT for you.
For sale: Complete parachute rig. Slightly stained, never opened.
Blues, squares,
PTiger

[mountainman 0]

skydivers...good til the last drop
NEW AND IMPROVED!!!
http://home.woh.rr.com/brandonandlaura/

[AggieDave 6]

Quote

how do you know a good 4 way team from a bad 4 way team???
a good 4 way team will go wack!
a bad 4 way team will go " wack wack wack wack

And a GREAT 4-way team will go "WACK, turn point, WACK!"
AggieDave '02
-------------
Blue Skies and Gig'em Ags!
BTHO t.u.

[wingnut 0]

first jump student are cramed into a little c182, first student is hooked up to the s/l and the jm askes him if he is ready to jump, he says yes, door opens and he is like "hell no". they close the door and rotate the other jumpers around and the other two jumpers jump with no problem. the first jumper gets back to the doorand the jm asks him again "are you ready to make a skydive?" student replies yes. doo opens and skydiver gets out on the strut. at this point he decides he wants to come back in. the jm says your going to jump or i'm going to f@ck you up the a$$......the jm is telling this story on the ground and every body wants to know what happened so he tels them " yey, he jumped, only at first though."
heard that one after the first jump course but before i jumped. i try to tell it to wuffo's but they don't understand ya can't get back in the plane once outside.

"if dreams are like movies, then memories are like films about ghosts"-counting crows

[DBTECH 0]

*This is a brand new emergency parachute that is under warranty. If it doesn't work, bring it back.
*Buyer/user beware; Seller is not responsible for injuries or death, resulting from use, misuse or abuse of this parachute. Seller also claims no specific purpose in mind, or out of mind whatsoever for this parachute. Seller proclaims; No warranties or guarantees of any kind expressed or implied for this parachute.
*Hernia size is directly proportional to peak opening shock.
Dave Brownell

[PalmettoTiger 1]

whuffo: What happens if your parachute doesn't open?
jumper: I use my reserve parachute.
whuffo: What if that doesn't open?
jumper: Right before I hit the ground, I hold my left arm way up.
whuffo: Whuffo?
jumper: Altimeters are expensive! You want to save them if you can.
A tandem master deploys the parachute, which immediately develops a lineover. As he tries to correct it, the passenger is giggling and says "Wheeee! This spinning stuff is cool!" T/M decides he can't fix it, so he chops and deploys the reserve. Nauseated by the sudden drop, the tandem passenger looks back at the T/M and says "Boy, I hope we don't do that again!"
Blues, squares,
PTiger

[ditch9276 0]

No more jokes in stock???

The only rings that are worth wearing, are those of my 3-ring-system!!!

[WhirledWeb 0]

this is stolen (and slightly edited) from speedracer...

Q: Why are there so few gay male skydivers?

A: It's too hard to separate them from their tandem masters!

...

(oldy, but goody)

Q: Why do so few blind people skydive?

A: It scares the hell out of their dog!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't be afraid of death,
be afraid of the unlived life.

[flyingferret 0]

The obligatory (although borderline jokes):

You know you cannot skydive in the rain?
Yeah?
Yep, cause you fall on the pointy ends

See that guy over there?
AggieDave?
Yeah, he falls like a safe with rounded corners covered in neoprene being ridden by 10 midgets

To students:
Just hold your breath, the oxygen is too thin.

There is a POPS jumper. Let's just say his name is Kimbo. He loves to jump, has jumped since Christ was a mess cook. But his eyesight is not so good these days.
So, one day hanging around the beer light, the other guys are telling him about a POPS member that just started jumping there, his name is Doc. He has freaking great eyesight for a POPS member. "You ought to jump with him, you would never get a bad spot!"
Fuller, I mean Kimbo, likes this idea, so the next day he manifests with Doc. The are talking about the old days on the way to alttitude. 2 minute warning comes. Frap hats go on.
Door! So, Doc sticks his head out, looking down to spot. Kimbo is all excited, "Alright, this old fart can see the ground." Doc pulls his head back in and looks around.
Kimbo says "Where is the spot?!"
Doc looks at him and goes, "I can't remember!"

--
All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI.

[WhirledWeb 0]

hehehe... the pointy ends.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't be afraid of death,
be afraid of the unlived life.

[mardigrasbob 0]

Happened on commuter flight from St. Louis to Quincy years ago:

8-10 skydivers board the plane carrying rigs.

WUFFO lady asks: "are those parachutes!?"

Smart-ass skydiver reply: "Yeah, Didn't you get one?!"




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[Skymonkey13 0]

Now ya got me confused, Bob.

Is it "Wuffo". or Whuffo"?

[mardigrasbob 0]

Quote

Now ya got me confused, Bob.

Is it "Wuffo". or Whuffo"?

wuffo :
Skydiver slang for people who don't parachute; from: "Wuffo you jump outta dem planes?"! Also spelled "whuffo".
http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=536095;search_string=whuffo%20wuffo;#536095
I think Whuffos have move hair!

[mardigrasbob 0]

A skydiver returned home late one evening. His wife was quite upset and demanded to know why he was so late. He explained what had happened to him on the way home from the drop zone:
"I was driving home and saw a car stopped beside the highway. A woman was out trying to change a tire, so I stopped to help. Her spare tire wasn't in very good shape, and I wanted to make sure she got home OK, so I drove along behind her. Once we got to her place, she invited me in for a drink. One thing led to another, and before I really knew what was happening we were in her bed having sex. Finally I realized how late it was and I left, jumped in the car and hurried home. I'm sorry I'm so late."

"Don't lie to me, you son-of-a-bitch," his wife said. "You stayed and made another jump, didn't you?"

-----------

Why SKYDIVING is better than sex !

1. You can have six skydives a day and still want more.
2. Finding partners for skydiving is much easier - physical attraction is not as important.
3. Skydiving is much safer, no diseases and no kids.
4. Finding good partners is much easier - everyone knows in advance how good a skydiver you are.
5. It's socially acceptable to do 4-ways, 8-ways, 16-ways...
6. Everyone involved is usually satisfied or not with a skydive.
7. You can ask skydivers if they've put on weight without offending them.
8. You rarely get told by your partner(s) that they've had enough.
9. Solo skydiving is not embarrassing.
10. Everyone is ugly in freefall.