To whom it may concern:

[Casch 0]

To whom it may concern,

Are you trying to make me suicidal? Are you purposely trying to make my life shitty? I know there are hundreds of thousands of people out there with lives that don't even compare to the comfort level of my own. I understand that I am very well off in comparison with others. But on the inside I am empty. I have been empty for 4 years from this christmas. I am a shell, really. And it's because of you. You have been doing everything in your power to make sure the love I send is never returned.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why must my life be totally devoid of love and affection? I don't understand. Why is it that my best friend can hit the jack pot, right out of another relationship? It's not that I'm not happy for him, I am. I'm so happy that he has someone to love, someone that returns his love. I wouldn't wish my pain on anyone, ever. Yet I am jealous. Why is it that two people who are so close to the same person can recieve the equivalent of polar opposite relationship experiences?

Lets talk about Ashley. Who is she? And why does she do what she does to me? I know I don't love her now. I thought I did, but I don't. I was in love with the idea of someone loving me. That's exactly what it was, and I don't think it will ever be any different between her and I. I quit trying with her. She is just some sort of joke right? Just another one of your ploys to be sure that I maintain this emptiness, this nothingness in the core of my being? That's what it seems like.

Seems. That's a word I've been using a lot lately. Nothing is as it seems. Nothing is working out the way that it should. You know there was another girl I had feelings for. I know you know. But that was a joke too wasn't it? I can never be with her now, for reasons that don't need to be stated. What is your problem? Do you get some sort of kick off of doing this to people? How many are suffering because of what you do? Or is this something I did?

Am I doing this to myself? Am I sabotaging my own life? I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. Nothing is as it seems. I remember when things were clear. Yes or no, on or off, in or out. Black and white. I knew that things would never remain static. Life is not black and white. It can never be black and white. There are, and always will be, infinite shades of grey here. I'm sitting right in the middle. How long do I have to be here? Do I have a choice? I thought I was at a dead sprint in either direction. Maybe I'm sitting. Maybe I'm sleeping. Maybe I'm dead. Did you do this to me? Or did I do it to myself?

Josh.

[sarge 0]

Prose?

--
I'm done with the personally meaningful and philosophical sigs!!

[Casch 0]

Just my mind spilling out into words

[diablopilot 2]

Sorry to hear you've got troubles brother. Time heals, or at lest that's what I keep telling myself......

----------------------------------------------
You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[Casch 0]

Yeah, I'm not so sure time heals. I'm pretty sure it just makes you forget. I know everyone has their own troubles, I just didn't have anyone to share mine with tonight

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

Everyone's life and experiences will always be up and down. Love and relationships, even the best ones, are difficult.

My advice is to forget about serious "relationships"...his/hers, yours, theirs, whatever...for a little while. Focus on yourself, not your feelings so much, but focus on bettering yourself. Set goals and accomplishments in life. Then, when you are too busy being happy at what you're accomplishing (and when you least expect it), someone amazing will come into your life. It never fails.

[weegegirl 2]

I have to agree with VSG. When times are tough, it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We've all been there, and most of us will unfortunately be there again someday... whether it is losing a job, a loved one, or just being generally down in the dumps.

As hard as it sounds, nothing is going to get better until you believe it is better. So you just have to cheer up and get on with life. Life isn't going to stop and wait for you to smile again.

When I get really down, which trust me - I've been there, I get busy. Busy with work, busy with hobbies, busy with anything I can find. Don't sit at home in a dark room and watch tv or futz on the computer. That won't help at all.

Try having a relationship with yourself. Love yourself. (shoosh, dirty minded fools! ) Go take a class in something, try a new sport, work overtime and kiss ass at the office to get that promotion you've always wanted. When you are confident and happy with yourself, that dream flyboy or flygirl will come right out of the shaddows and wisp you away.

So... cheer up. We love yah!

[Glipazide 0]

Quote

To whom it may concern,

Why is it that my best friend can hit the jack pot, right out of another relationship? It's not that I'm not happy for him, I am. I'm so happy that he has someone to love, someone that returns his love. I wouldn't wish my pain on anyone, ever. Yet I am jealous. Why is it that two people who are so close to the same person can recieve the equivalent of polar opposite relationship experiences?

Josh.

Josh, I have a best friend that had a relationship like that, and believe me, its not always what it looks like on the outside.

My wife and I thought they had the dream marriage only to find out she had been running around. Now he has full custody of there kid.

Keep your head up, it will get better.

http://sexygirlabs.com/url]

[KamikazeKel 0]

See, you thought you had nobody to share this with, but really you did. VSG and the others are giving some really good advice. It may sound corny and ridiculous to you when you are in an unhappy frame of mind, but it is true: you need to love yourself first and then you will be loveable. And don't expect your happiness to come from somebody else, that is just giving too much of your power away. You have the power to choose who you are. So choose! Create for yourself the person you want to be. Don't try to figure out what somebody else wants you to be. It doesn't matter what anybody else wants you to be. What matters is you and your own dreams for yourself. Oh, and while I am being preachy, I may as well add, because you really sound sad, don't make any life or death decisions while you are in a sad state of mind. Okay?

Kamikaze Kel

[Snowwhite 0]

Casch, there are so many people out there who NEED you, you need to find them, and get busy helping them. REALLY right NOW. Go find a place to put all of that energy, and start helping people who don't have the comfort level that you do have. While this is going on, you will find that you will be developing relationships, meeting new people, expanding your horizons, in short, surprising yourself at what a good and needed person you are. The amazing thing is, others will see this too, and the person you are looking for will be one of them. I am sending you my cell phone number, call me.

skydiveTaylorville.org
[email protected]

[airtwardo 6]

Quote

I am very well off....

Quote

Then that ones' easy,

Hookers!


"I don't pay them to come over, I pay them
to LEAVE" ~Charlie Sheen

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Acensky 0]

Josh, I hope you are feeling better about life now. If you ever need to talk about stuff, I am always here. PM, IM, phone, I will be here for you.

Heather.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

[Casch 0]

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm fine. I just needed to vent some frustration/anger/what-not. I tend to let things build up, and being the non-violent type person that I am, this is how I vent. I write...for some reason or another I felt like sharing this publically. I really appreciate the PM's I've received, it means a lot to me that no matter where I am in life there will always be people for me to lean on. I am usually the one that gets leaned on, it's not often I need support from others.

Thank you all for your support. My best friend read this, said it scared the shit out of him. He honestly thought from reading this that I was considering suicide. I would NEVER consider such a thing, the thought has never crossed my mind. Suicide is the most selfish act imaginable, and no one has the right to take their own lives for such self serving purposes.

Anyway I wanted to both thank you all for your concern, and ease the concern of those that think I am, or was, considering the "easy way out". I love you guys

[wee 0]

edit: again
edited again: glad you weren't considering anything drastic.... no girl or guy is worth that! there's too many fishys out there. take care

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!

[Paige 0]

Quote

Everyone's life and experiences will always be up and down. Love and relationships, even the best ones, are difficult.

My advice is to forget about serious "relationships"...his/hers, yours, theirs, whatever...for a little while. Focus on yourself, not your feelings so much, but focus on bettering yourself. Set goals and accomplishments in life. Then, when you are too busy being happy at what you're accomplishing (and when you least expect it), someone amazing will come into your life. It never fails.

Best advice!

SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE Succeed in finding yourself and bettering you. The rest will come. Trust me, been through hell and back with r'ship, it will pass if you allow yourself to let it.

Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate
www.TunnelPinkMafia.com