boinky 0 #1 January 26, 2005 SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with ................................................................. "a recipe." What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts. Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real father. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick.. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo." Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. What's the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good ridesNina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeJumper 0 #2 January 26, 2005 What do you call the useless skin around a vagina........a woman! The Original Cabana Boy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #3 January 26, 2005 Yeah..those are funny __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #4 January 26, 2005 OUCH!!! A little bitter, are we? Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeJumper 0 #5 January 26, 2005 LOL! No, I'm not bitter, I was just adding a joke to offend everyone. The Original Cabana Boy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #6 January 26, 2005 QuoteYeah..those are funny Oh...oh....oh....this is excellent! Maybe the moderator will put a lock on my posting? I've never had any of my threads locked before! That would make my day PERFECT!!! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gmanpilot 0 #7 January 26, 2005 What's the difference between a tornado and an Alabama redhead? Not a fuckin' thing......sooner or later they're gonna get your trailer._________________________________________ -There's always free cheese in a mouse trap. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #8 January 26, 2005 Ohhhh.....I like that one!!!Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 1 #9 January 26, 2005 Ok...guys...this stuff is really really hurting me..... I threw my back out...and it hurts to laugh.... She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #10 January 26, 2005 Mine is out too... hit an icy patch walking into work this morning and wrenched it good... sciatica SUCKS!! Somebody pass the heating pad, please.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #11 January 26, 2005 Difference between a C**t and a Pussy?? Pussy is what you fuck C**t is what owns it. REALLY FAST!I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peej 0 #12 January 26, 2005 That's brilliant! Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefal 0 #13 January 26, 2005 As long as we're trying to offend everyone... here are a few rather tastless favorites: Women: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change it, and one to suck my di(k. ADD kids: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a ligh bulb? ... Wanna go ride bikes? Hindu/Indian: For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We have naively thought it had something to do with their religion. The true story has just been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington. When one of these women gets married, on her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, or a motel in Florida. Cat lovers: What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half of a cat. And my personal favorite in the women/all round tastless catagory: A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery so her husband can enjoy the tightness of her youth, so she shaves, cleans up, and goes to the doctor for the procedure. She wakes up to find three roses on her bed, so she asks the nurse who sent the roses. The nurse says, “The doctor was really happy to have such a clean work area, so to show his appreciation, he sent you a rose. Then your husband came in with a rose, stating that he cannot wait to dig into that nice tight love patch.” “What about the third rose?” asks the patient. “Oh, that’s from Ed in the burn unit. He wanted to say thanks for the new ears.” I had a friend from LA (that's "lower Alabama") tell me a few racial jokes, but they're so bad I don't even want to list them here. "Ignorance is bliss" and "Patience is a virtue"... So if you're stupid and don't mind waiting around for a while, I guess you can have a pretty good life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gravityizsexy 0 #14 January 26, 2005 HAHAHAH Way too funny!!! People are looking at me weird.... too bad, that was freakin' hilarious "'Someday is not a day in my week'" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quattro4Life 0 #15 January 26, 2005 i suppose its not that bad if you make fun of both catholics and jews in the same joke, so.... A priest and a rabbi are having drinks at a bar. The priest says "Hey, I've got this sweet little 12-year old altar boy back at the parish. Wanna go back there and fuck him?" The Rabbi says "....Out of what?" -bI'm not the percent you think survives, I need sanctuary in the pages of this book... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
linny 0 #16 January 26, 2005 Does anyone else have the problem where they can NEVER remember jokes? I've heard so many good ones, and not one has stuck. My fav so far: The Priest/Rabbi one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
