flyingferret 0 #1 April 13, 2005 A nice pleasant thred after today's fare. And OH so true. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Driving In Dallas -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- For all of you who may be wanting to visit or move to Dallas, there are a few driving rules that must be observed: First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL--US, not DAL-IS. Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.If you are in Denton or Collin County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray". There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that. All directions start with, "Get on Beltline or Get on Loop 12" ...which has no beginning and no end. The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday at lunch. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth." If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD. Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman. Or Turtle Creek, which turns into Preston Road which turns into Highway 289. It also ends in Sherman. If asking directions in Irving, Garland or East Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed. A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. Don't get on the Dallas North Tollway unless your car is capable of doing 90mph. While on the tollway, don't even THINK about stopping in the Tolltag lane at the toll plaza. In fact, don't even slow down. You will get run over. You WILL get stuck in traffic. This is simply a fact of life. For this reason, don't leave the house without a full tank of gas, a change of clothes, a day's supply of food and water, and an inflatable raft. You might want to bring something to read; the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica is recommended. While you are stuck in traffic, use caution when opening your doors. Opening your driver's door to empty your ashtray could land a motorcyclist in your front seat. It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. You can also drive north or south on I35 East and West. Highway 121 North runs East and West. And even though all other odd-numbered highways in the nation go north and south, highway 183 runs east and west; the opposite is true for highway 360. Don't let this confuse you. LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap." If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is Spring, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round. If it is Fall, the Texas State Fair is going on. So don't be alarmed if you have to switch your car's climate control from heat to A/C and back to heat all within 4 hours. If you go to the Fair, pay the $5.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard', run over him. All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas. With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in Dallas. Quit whining. Try to keep up.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
beowulf 1 #2 April 13, 2005 QuoteA nice pleasant thred after today's fare. And OH so true. Yup definitely true. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 15 #3 April 14, 2005 Damn.... I've been here long enough that I actually know where almost all those roads are. My hotel is on Beltline I actually saw someone use a turn signal today. It was a DART bus as it went across 3 lanes on Beltline to make a left turn Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
beowulf 1 #4 April 14, 2005 Are you going to be at Skydive Dallas this weekend? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 0 #5 April 14, 2005 QuoteAre you going to be at Skydive Dallas this weekend? Yes, yes he will be. If I have to drag him there kicking and screaming.Sky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justinb138 0 #6 April 14, 2005 QuoteDamn.... I've been here long enough that I actually know where almost all those roads are. My hotel is on Beltline I actually saw someone use a turn signal today. It was a DART bus as it went across 3 lanes on Beltline to make a left turn Beltline in Dallas, Irving, Cedar Hill or Grand Prairie? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #7 April 14, 2005 NICE! You left out this: "If you actually need to go to Frisco shoot yourself, or atleast stay off of 121 or 289, even then a shot to the head might be better." "If you think that construction on 75 central will end, I've got some beach from property in Northwest Oklahoma to sell..."--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 15 #8 April 14, 2005 None of the above. Addison.Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #9 April 14, 2005 Dude, Addison is a total cake walk compared to Richardson on central, Frisco on 121 and Plano on heroin...--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justinb138 0 #10 April 14, 2005 QuoteDude, Addison is a total cake walk compared to Richardson on central, Frisco on 121 and Plano on heroin... or 635 anywhere.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
racer42 0 #11 April 14, 2005 Oh God...last time I was there it took me an hour and half to navigate out of DFW.L.A.S.T. #24 Co-Founder Biscuit Brothers Freefly Team Electric Toaster #3 Co-Founder Team Non Sequitor Co-Founder Team Happy Sock Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 15 #12 April 14, 2005 I know, I used to work off Campbell in Richardson. Now I work off of Preston in Plano I drove down to DFW on 121 and 635 the other day just for the thrill of living on the edge Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ahegeman 0 #13 April 14, 2005 And if you're driving to Skydive Dallas on 75N, watch out for cops on all the Allen overpasses. @$%@ers.--------------------------------------------------------------- There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. --Dave Barry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #14 April 14, 2005 Dude, if you want a serious rush/near death experience, ride a motorcycle down central! I made that mistake once, only once, now I take back roads to go through "Dallas" on my bike to get home to Sherman.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justinb138 0 #15 April 14, 2005 QuoteAnd if you're driving to Skydive Dallas on 75N, watch out for cops on all the Allen overpasses. @$%@ers. Had a little meeting with the Allen PD lately? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #16 April 14, 2005 Dude, Allen PD have serious hard ons for catching speeders on 75. They're almost as bad as Plano's motorcycle cops sitting in the shadows next to the center barrier. I'm so glad I've never been pulled over in either town for speeding, not only that but if you do the speed limit you will end up in a wreck due to someone rear ending you.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ahegeman 0 #17 April 14, 2005 So you're familiar with them, then? I got busted by a Plano motorcycle cop hiding in the shadows under the 15th st overpass a few months ago, then just after my 90-day deferred adjudication was up I got busted in Allen. I've been driving for 13 yrs, since I was 14 and never gotten a ticket until I started driving 75 to SDD. Those cops are sneaky.--------------------------------------------------------------- There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. --Dave Barry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justinb138 0 #18 April 14, 2005 QuoteDude, Allen PD have serious hard ons for catching speeders on 75. They're almost as bad as Plano's motorcycle cops sitting in the shadows next to the center barrier. I'm so glad I've never been pulled over in either town for speeding, not only that but if you do the speed limit you will end up in a wreck due to someone rear ending you. I've never had any trouble with Allen, but the Plano PD are just plain evil. I can't count the number of times I've seen them with an officer on the overpass running radar w/5 or 6 cars waiting to pull people over on the side of the highway... I've seen a few wearing bright orange vests (dressed like a construction worker) on the side of the highway radaring cars too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #19 April 14, 2005 Quote So you're familiar with them, then? I grew up in Sherman, we'd drive to Plano to do anything. Even with the family before I turned 16 we'd drive to Plano for anything. QuoteThose cops are sneaky. Damn straight they are! Some of the most hard-core traffic cops in DFW. The only ones worst are in Melissa, just up the road a bit. Those cops are really bad about setting up speed traps.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justinb138 0 #20 April 14, 2005 Quote Damn straight they are! Some of the most hard-core traffic cops in DFW. The only ones worst are in Melissa, just up the road a bit. Those cops are really bad about setting up speed traps. I see them waiting right outisde the town where the speed limit changes... I've narrowly avoided them on a few occasions.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mouth 0 #21 April 14, 2005 I so don't miss living in Irving. That traffic to DFW is only surpassed by traffic anywhere near Fort Lauderdale, FL. I think I like back woods Georgia. -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kingbunky 3 #22 April 14, 2005 geez, change a few street names and it sounds like montreal!"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart." MB4252 TDS699 killing threads since 2001 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #23 April 14, 2005 THAT is freaking classic. DART busses are the bane of ... well ... everything.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #24 April 14, 2005 Yeah, but Addison has leopard print spandex and a city funded gym....I mean come one...-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Steel 0 #25 April 14, 2005 QuoteI so don't miss living in Irving. That traffic to DFW is only surpassed by traffic anywhere near Fort Lauderdale, FL. I think I like back woods Georgia. Living in this area and taking 75 from Mckinney to Richardson daily, I think most of the people here are whiners, when it comes to traffic. See I am originally from the NYC area. I have also lived in the Miami/Fort Lauderdale area. There is no question that there is no place in the U.S. where the traffic compares to what one faces when they drive into NYC. When traffic is measured not by the rush hour but by the few hours of the day when there is not bumper to bumper, such as is on the West Side highway in NYC, that is serious traffic. Its decent between midnight and 5 am, and sucks at any other time.If I could make a wish, I think I'd pass. Can't think of anything I need No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound. Nothing to eat, no books to read. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
