Embarrassing Stories

[Andy_Copland 0]

That very neary become an ironic twist, had to google embarrassing to learn the spelling

Anyway i'll start, i was fed a lot fo false information by what i can only describe as parents who obviously didnt love me enough to correct me.

I was playing football in school when WHACK, straight to the bean bag. Well everyone is laughing and im laying there holding my nuts... well teacher asks me if im OK and i tell her the ball just hit me in the Kidneys

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[mnealtx 0]

Well, YOUR balls probably bounced off your kidneys, anyway!!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[waltappel 1]

Quote

That very neary become an ironic twist, had to google embarrassing to learn the spelling

Anyway i'll start, i was fed a lot fo false information by what i can only describe as parents who obviously didnt love me enough to correct me.

I was playing football in school when WHACK, straight to the bean bag. Well everyone is laughing and im laying there holding my nuts... well teacher asks me if im OK and i tell her the ball just hit me in the Kidneys

Fuck, that's funny!!!

Walt

[Andy_Copland 0]

Oh come on.Do i have to bury myself into the ground toget some stories out of you lot!

OK again, misled by mother about where i came from. She used to always tell me i was the only one born naturally so i asked what she meant and thought nothing of it until i was talking with my first ever bestest best friend. Anyway i told him about how i came out my mums bum and he educated me how it actually happened. I was so sure my mum wouldnt lie to me so we argued for ages, i even went around his house where HIS mum told me the truth infront of his slightly older HOT sister.

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[waltappel 1]

Well, this really isn't all that embarrassing, but it is kind of funny.

When my brother (he's one year older than me) and I were small, he told me he was going to piss all over me. I did not know what that meant, so I asked him and he refused to tell me.

So, I went straight to my primary source of great information--our mother.

"Mom, what does 'piss' mean?"

"Where did you hear that?!!!!"

"Noel said he is going to piss all over me. What does 'piss' mean?"

"It means wee-wee"

She grilled the hell out of my brother and he claimed he heard it at school and had no idea what it meant, so he got off with a lecture about piss being a bad word and he is not to use it every again.

He told me later he knew exactly what it meant and that he was just being a wiseass.

Bastard--I ought to go piss all over him!

When I really should have pissed all over him was the time he stuck a dart in my lower leg. I never have been the brightest person around nor have I ever had any common sense, so I was a perfect target for him.

One day he claimed that if I stood about three feet away from him, he could throw a dart and stick it in the ground right next to my foot.

Who the hell would be stupid enough to say, "Oh yeah? Prove it!!!!"

Yes I am that much of a moron.

He threw the dart and stuck it directly in my shin.

Walt

[mnealtx 0]

We were visiting the granparents one year... I think I was 6 or 7.

First night there, my older brother and I were playing darts in the garage. We go to pull our darts out and he "accidently" dropped one on my head, drawing blood.

Game's on!!

We also had one of the bb guns that also shot the little darts...later that night, after we'd changed into our pajamas, I shot him right in the a$$ with one of the dart things.

A few nights later, woke up in the middle of the night and had to go pee... the downstairs bathroom was attached to the Grandparents bedroom. I go shuffling into the room, and see something in the corner. I move closer..... and freak out.

It was Grandpa's prosthesis. I had no idea!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[Andy_Copland 0]

Because my old chap was in the forces we moved around quite al lot. It was hard to fit in as it was without being tought scottish words.

First time i ever went around a school mates house his mum asked me if i was hungry and i asked for a piece in jam, took me ages explain its two pieces of bread with jam in the middle. I really did look at her like a nutter thinking "as if she doesnt know what that is." Years later i realised it was the fact that i'd been tought all these scottish words that the english didnt know

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[jumpjunkie2004 0]

When I was little (about 2), my mom sent me to my grandmother's house for the summer. I was newly potty trained and my mom told me that grandma didn't like to deal with "messes". She went on to say that I needed to make sure I cleaned myself really well. "Use plenty of toilet paper."

So on my first day there, my grandmother calls my mom to tell her that I spent an hour in the bathroom. She was concerned and came to check on me.

When she entered the bathroom, she discovered that I had toilet paper wrapped around my hand and up to my elbow. I had wiped myself really well, but I couldn't figure out how to get the toilet paper off - so I just sat there :(

To this day, I still use entirely too much toilet paper.

Jump, Land, Pack, Repeat...

[Andy_Copland 0]

Thats fucking hilarious!!

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[waltappel 1]

Quote

It was Grandpa's prosthesis. I had no idea!

As in an artificial limb? That's hilarious!!!!

Walt

[Andy_Copland 0]

This one was when i was about 19 which makes it even funnier.

I'd had some fat taken out of my arse which resulted in a good 6 inch scar (they needed the fat to rebuild my eye socket, differant story.) Anyway the doctor wants to check on the scar and see how its healing so takes me into a room. He then asks if i'd mind a student watching and this fine asian girl came in and im thinking "oh yea, time to flex those butt cheeks." The next thing i know the room is filled with about 3 girl students and 8 men. I was thinking it wouldnt be so bad pulling the back of my trousers down but the scar being big and people needing to see it was a case of the doctor pulling my trousers and boxers down to my kness. It was strangly exciting in a wanting to die kind of way

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[mnealtx 0]

Yup...Grandpa's wooden leg... all I knew what that he used a cane and walked with a limp...woke up the whole house!!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[malboy 0]

one christmas, when i was about 6, we were having christmas dinner at my grandparents house. wed had a great dinner, and we were getting to the last course, which was was my grandmothers famous trifle, served in a big glass bowl. everyone made appreciative noises, saying how much they were looking forward to it, when my high piched six year olds voice cut through the conversation

'urgh, i dont want any of that, it looks like someones puked in a bowl!' i helpfully supplied

the silence, and the stares everyone gave me were pretty memorable

www.ewancowie.com
www.facebook.com/ewancowiephotography

[waltappel 1]

Quote

one christmas, when i was about 6, we were having christmas dinner at my grandparents house. wed had a great dinner, and we were getting to the last course, which was was my grandmothers famous trifle, served in a big glass bowl. everyone made appreciative noises, saying how much they were looking forward to it, when my high piched six year olds voice cut through the conversation

'urgh, i dont want any of that, it looks like someones puked in a bowl!' i helpfully supplied

the silence, and the stares everyone gave me were pretty memorable

That is badass!!!!


Walt

[caz 0]

this is one of my embarrassing stories

~~~ London Skydivers ~~~

[jumpjunkie2004 0]

Quote

Thats fucking hilarious!!

My grandmother even had to laugh about it and she was one of those women that NEVER laughed. We called her "granny grumps".

Jump, Land, Pack, Repeat...

[abelizegirl 0]

I grew up on a farm as a kid and around the age of 6 I first witnessed the miracle of birth. My uncle very patiently explained the facts of life to me, but in trying to understand everything I saw and listen to what he was telling me, I got things just a little confused. Eager to prove how grown up I was, I made certain that everyone who would listen to my story heard of how Daisy, our best milk cow, got a little baby bull heffer the other night and I saw it pop right out of her butt.

It's all Jimmy Buffet's fault.

[ROK 0]

This one still makes me shudder.

I got home early one day, and was in about to use the bathroom and noticed that there was one square of toilet paper left. I stood up shuffled with my pants around my ankles out into the hall to get another roll of paper out of the closet. Started back, and as I passed the laundry room door my neighbor opened it and stepped in, right in front of me. It startled me, my pants caught when I tried to turn and I fell on the ground. She started howling with laughter and didn't move one inch.

Apparently she called my girlfriend and got permission to come over and borrow something that I don't remember.

[Andy_Copland 0]

Thats a great story

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[wightout 0]

So, back in the early 90's, I'm a big BYU fan, Ty Detmer and Mark Brunell were both big pre-season Heisman hopefulls, and my brothers and I loved arguing football. My family are all Univ of WA fans, and Brunell was their starter.

We were at the Goodwill Games in Tacoma, WA, in Aug, and my brothers and I were going back and forth who was better, who would win the Heisman, on and on. I remember saying some NOT VERY NICE things about Brunell.

After we had been going on for 15 min. or so, this guy sitting in front of us (had been there the whole time), turned around and stuck his hand out to me and said "Hi, I'm Mark Brunell."

WTF...of all the people in the world that could of been sitting in front of me...it was him!!! What are the odds of that???

Now, I would have thought he was bull shittin' me, except the shocked looks on my brothers faces. When they started pulling out paper and pens to get an autograph, I knew I had stuck my foot in my mouth like never before.

Just to remind all...Detmer won the Heisman that year...so I WAS right!!!
(But Brunell has had a better NFL career!!)

I met Ty Detmer several years after this happened (mutual friend), and told him what I did, and he got a kick out of it!!

To borrow a line from Squeak...MY LIFE ROCKS!! HOW'S YOURS??!!!

[skydivermom 0]

I can't believe I'm posting this


My mom and I were out shopping one day just after the birth of my first son. I was still nursing and the typical three-hour mark had come and gone. I had forgotten to wear my nursing pads and my "milk letdown" happened before I could feed the baby.
So I guess you could say I wet myself, but in a different place That was a trade-off for having a temporary rack.

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[grue 1]

Back home in Australia, a good friend of mine and his sister came over to hang out. I'd had a HUGE crush on his sister for about 2 years at this point. She was a year younger than me, about 5'8", brown hair, blue eyes... basically just about the more perfect woman I'd ever seen.

Anyway, another of my friends called, and I happened to take it on speakerphone while we were all watching the TV. He asked what I was up to, and I said something along the line of "Watching TV with Dima and Natasha", and he, not knowing I'm on speakerphone, says "Is she the one you said if you don't hook up with, you'll consider your life a waste?"

She went BRIGHT red, and I almost had a coronary on the spot. Dima, meanwhile, gave me the "you touch my sister and I'll murder your entire family" stare

cavete terrae.

[Jumpah 0]

In college (10 yrs ago) I worked in the computer center doing user support. A cute girl came to the desk with trouble, so I went to her computer. There were two other cute girls there. They couldn't pull a particular statistics file off the floppy disk. I tried, and tried, but it was corrupted and could not be read.

Finally, I gave up and said "I'm sorry...I just can't get it up for you". The laughter amongst my peers was long and strong.

[akarunway 1]

Embarrassing for the nurse. Not me. was in the delivery room for the birth of my youngest son. Was soothing my wife in the final moments when the nurse said "look, he's coming. I can see his head." I went to take a peek and saw a BIG TURD coming out her butt. I laughed and said. "Damn. I can see he's gonna be a real shithead". Was the nurses 1st delivery I think. And by god he's a shithead to this day thanks to his mother

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[JustaBill 0]

Quote

Back home in Australia, a good friend of mine and his sister came over to hang out. I'd had a HUGE crush on his sister for about 2 years at this point. She was a year younger than me, about 5'8", brown hair, blue eyes... basically just about the more perfect woman I'd ever seen.

Anyway, another of my friends called, and I happened to take it on speakerphone while we were all watching the TV. He asked what I was up to, and I said something along the line of "Watching TV with Dima and Natasha", and he, not knowing I'm on speakerphone, says "Is she the one you said if you don't hook up with, you'll consider your life a waste?"

She went BRIGHT red, and I almost had a coronary on the spot. Dima, meanwhile, gave me the "you touch my sister and I'll murder your entire family" stare

Well did you hook up with her??

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I've done so much, with so little, for so long
I'm now expected to do everything with nothing forever