They try to understand but can't

[psipike02 0]

Ok, I know I've seen the thread many times about parents not understanding why we, as skydivers, do what we do and the various reasonings behind it.

I thought my dad & stepmom were always cool about it. They support me in it, but they feel that I should keep my priorities in order, which I do. I always pay whatever bills I have (on time) and take care of other expenses and then use the extra or what I have left for skydiving.

Everytime i'm on the phone with my dad talking about expenses, which usually ends in an argument or just being upset, he says "you want to have your cake and eat it too."

Me: What does that mean?

From the tone of it, I inferred that my parents feel I spend too much money on skydiving. They see it as something thats just fun like anything else. They don't see it the same way I do. I've mentioned before that they're coming out to Colorado for my birthday to watch me, but not sure if that will do anything.

They don't understand that this is a sport that I truly feel myself becoming better at and that i want to be good at. I wouldn't be investing my time or money in it if I didn't like it. I don't think they can understand why i'm paying to be in an adult tunnel league or why I jump so much or am in the tunnel so much. I told them that if I wasn't doing this, I would pick up another hobby or sport that I would invest my time and money in to be good at, but they said thats different.

I bring up the example that if i was playing basketball and wanted to become good enough to be in the NBA, he wouldn't say anything. He then counters to say that if I was in the NBA, i would be making the money to throw away needlessly.

That statement right there said to me that he thinks i'm throwing my money away needlessly. I don't know, maybe i'm reading too much into it. I'm almost to the point of not bringing it up anymore, even though I enjoy telling them about it. I just can't get them to see the positive. There are MANY other things I could be doing (good and bad) but i'm doing something that makes me happy, something that has caused me to make great friends, and something that I am becoming and will continue to practice to become good at.


I'm sorry i'm rambling...

I don't know what to say anymore....I don't wanna say its a generational thing...but I can't describe to them why this is so important and why i'm ok with spending my money on it. Yes I do have fun and that is part of it, but if it wasn't fun wasn't part of it, would I do it?

I'm sure there are others with this problem....I don't want to not talk about it with them, but its driving me to that....what am i supposed to do?

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----

[inzite 0]

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I always pay whatever bills I have (on time) and take care of other expenses and then use the extra or what I have left for skydiving.

If you're still paying your bills (on time, even), you're not a real skydiver

[Jaden 0]

Most people just don't get it. You work for money to spend on your interests & passions. You have meaning in your life. Skydivers have a better understanding of life because we've done this before. We are capable of seeing the big picture...Try not to get frustrated with them. We all have our flaws. IMO Have a good one.

[unformed 0]

My parents never said much to me because I always made it clear that if I make my own money; I'll spend it how I wish. Regardless, what I did to help them understand, was on Christmas, every family member of mine got a tandem jump.

Yeah, it was expensive, but it was worth it. For one, now they understand, and as well, it's their crazy story, since I come from a very traditional low-key Indian (from India, not native) family.

Help them understand. They won't on their own, and they won't spend the $200 for a tandem for themselves.

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[NWFlyer 2]

Are your parents still supporting you financially?

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[yoink 321]

Some people earn money to hoard it for a rainy day. Some people earn money to spend it on a sunny one.

Those two types will never see eye-to-eye on something like skydiving, which at best to whuffos is 'just a hobby'.

If you're not dependant upon them, it's not really your parents problem is it?

[unformed 0]

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I always pay whatever bills I have (on time) and take care of other expenses and then use the extra or what I have left for skydiving.

If you're still paying your bills (on time, even), you're not a real skydiver

Hey man, give him some credit. He's only at 27. By the time he's at 100, he'll realize it's either bills or jumps, and we all know the answer that question.

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[psipike02 0]

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Are your parents still supporting you financially?

As far as school and stuff goes, yeah they help as they can. My parents just bought a new house and just sold my dad's old house and my stepmom's old house, so for a bit they were paying three mortgages. They give me money when I need it, but I've been trying to make my own and not ask as much from them. During school, its not uncommon for me to have about 5 different jobs.

Unformed: Yeah, I think my dad would do a tandem, but my stepmom won't. It's crazy to them. The closest I might get is to get them in the tunnel.

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----

[unformed 0]

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Are your parents still supporting you financially?

As far as school and stuff goes, yeah they help as they can. My parents just bought a new house and just sold my dad's old house and my stepmom's old house, so for a bit they were paying three mortgages. They give me money when I need it, but I've been trying to make my own and not ask as much from them. During school, its not uncommon for me to have about 5 different jobs.

Unformed: Yeah, I think my dad would do a tandem, but my stepmom won't. It's crazy to them. The closest I might get is to get them in the tunnel.

You don't ask them if they would like to go. You buy them a tandem and tell them they're going. Simple as that.

This ad space for sale.

[lawrocket 3]

I'll take the position of your pops. Like it or not, what skydivers do for fun is an entirely illogical and unreasonable thing. Paying a lot fo money to risk death and serious injury for the fun of it just doesn't make sense in a logical world.

I compare skydiving to doing drugs (caveat - I've never done drugs, but I think they are pretty similar). Doing drugs usually costs money and makes you feel good. Eventually, however, with many drugs you begin to become dependent on them and need a continuing fix. Note here - it's how whuffos see it, too. Drugs can kill you, as can skydiving.

However, he seems not to be so interested in the death or injury aspect as in the amount of money you spnd on it. Does your father have any hobbies? Is there nything he has that you would say, "I wouldn't spend my money on that! It's ridiculous." Things like a $5,000 entertainment center. Or a luxury car. Does he spend money on a nice garden? Does he have anything "custom?"

If so, you may wish to say, "That Mercedes you drive. Why on earth would you purchase a car like that when you can get something that will get you from place to place for half tha price? I know why. Because you wanted it. You enjoy it. It brings you pleasure and happiness. Sure, the monthly payments are a bitch, but to you it's worth it."

Maybe he's got a 3,000 square foot house - much more than he needs. Maybe he's got land he doesn't use or need. Maybe he's got clothes he buys from high-end stores instead of Costco.

Let him know that you understand why he does what he does. Let him know that probably ALL skydivers understand that what is good for one is not good for another. While you understand that he spends money on stuff that you'd never even consider spending money on, you'd just like him to understand or at least acknowledge, "My son isn't in to the stuff I'm into."

It almost always helps to tell someone that he/she is right and that the logic of the statement is undeniable. It lowers the tone.

Me? I am on a hiatus from skydiving until I have the proper financing and until I am at the point where I can say I made an impact on my son's life. I understand your dad's concerns. I also understand your viewpoint because I've been there. But that's applying my values to the judgment, and my values are mine and nobody else's.

edited to add: by the way, they cannot understand skydiving any more than you can understand what it means to be pregnant. Until you have been, you can't ever understand it. And no guy ever will. Maybe your dad never will, either, which is his right.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[lawrocket 3]

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They give me money when I need it, but I've been trying to make my own and not ask as much from them.

Um, here's where my values say that you are doing the wrong thing. If you are still accepting money from them, and you are spending money on things that they find to be objectionable, then they have every right to be upset or even pissed off.

DO NOT ACCEPT ANY MONEY FROM THEM WHEN YOU SKYDIVE. DO NOT ASK FOR MONEY FROM THEM IF YOU WILL SPEND ANY MONEY ON SKYDIVING.

Skydiving is a luxury. And if you are asking for money, then it is a luxury that you literally and figuratively cannot afford. If you've got 5 jobs and are asking for money, then I'd suggest you get 6 and stop asking for money. No offense, and I don't mean to be harsh, but that to me seems a little too selfish.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[NWFlyer 2]

Then, unfortunately, they still have more influence than you would like.

Even if they weren't supporting you financially, you're at an age when a lot of people start down the path of financially fucking up. Credit is ridiculously easy to come by and it's easy and desirable to spend beyond your means. Your folks are probably trying to make sure that you are carefully managing your financial decisions and thinking both long-term and short term. They're trying to advise you as best they can, and a lot of it is probably very good advice.

But some of it may also come from a different generation/different attitude towards finances (note that I'm not saying right vs. wrong, just different). I know that when I decided to go back to graduate school at 24 and take out student loans to pay for the whole thing, my parents had some concerns; I think that regardless of how good an investment in my future it was, they were worried about me having to manage that much debt. They didn't try to stop me, but I could hear the concern in their voices. I still chose to do it, but then again, at that point I was completely financially independent of them, so they didn't have a lot of sway over my decisions.

So if my parents were nervous about me spending the amount of money I spent on grad school, imagine how yours must feel about skydiving.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Jaden 0]

Well said...Thank you.

[psipike02 0]

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They give me money when I need it, but I've been trying to make my own and not ask as much from them.

Um, here's where my values say that you are doing the wrong thing. If you are still accepting money from them, and you are spending money on things that they find to be objectionable, then they have every right to be upset or even pissed off.

DO NOT ACCEPT ANY MONEY FROM THEM WHEN YOU SKYDIVE. DO NOT ASK FOR MONEY FROM THEM IF YOU WILL SPEND ANY MONEY ON SKYDIVING.

Skydiving is a luxury. And if you are asking for money, then it is a luxury that you literally and figuratively cannot afford. If you've got 5 jobs and are asking for money, then I'd suggest you get 6 and stop asking for money. No offense, and I don't mean to be harsh, but that to me seems a little too selfish.

Its not harsh and I understand what you're saying. But i think there was a misunderstanding. The money they give me, I dont take and spend on skydiving AT ALL. I only use my money to skydive with. My tuition is $32,000 a year and being 4 states away from them, sometimes you run out.

How can I have 5 jobs and no money? Easy. Fraternity bills, food, books, Rent, Gas, Tuition, CC bill, Groceries, Haircuts, small living expenses during school. Also my 5 jobs, aren't happening every day. My spring break job works on commission, which I use to pay for me to go on spring break for the past 3 years. My sorority bus boy job is like 4 hours a week @ 7.00/hr. if that.
Most of my jobs are like that. I work as a campus tour guide for incoming freshman. Once a week during the fall for 2 hours and then once maybe twice in the winter for 5.5, which is when the tours start.

Any money they give to me, is mostly spent on food, haircuts, or other school necessities. They really don't give me money during summer because right now I'm making my own. I knew that when I started AFF last year, that if this was something I ended up liking and wanting to get into, that I would support myself because its something I want for me.

I NEVER spend any money they give me on skydiving. With the exception of last year when they bought me an AFF jump for my birthday. All tunnel time, jumps, gear I get all comes from my own personal income. I even got a job at my DZ here in colorado on the weekend in conjuntion with my 45 hour/week internship in order to have extra money for jumping and tunnel time and stuff of that nature.

And NWflyer, I definately understand what you're saying about credit. Its something that they've taught that you can fuck up very fast, thats why jumping comes second to everything as far as bills go.

And please don't get me wrong, its not that I go and blatently ask for money, my dad also have access to my checking account and if he sees that I'm low, he'll by his own choosing, put some money in there for me to have. That isn't like a weekly, bi-weekly thing either, so I don't wanna give the impression that I'm asking for money from them and not using it for necessities, because thats definately not me.
There's alot of kids at my school who do do that (such as buy $500 of Cristal at the bars because there parents gave it to them) but I don't do that....

I understand what you're both saying and you guys are right. But my question still is, how is this different from anything else i were to do?

If I were rock climbing (you can be killed doing that too) or if I wanted to get heavy into cycling or something....doesn't every hobby/sport start out by investing time and money into it?

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----

[monkycndo 0]

The other sports/interests you mentioned might have an initial high start up cost, but don't have a per use cost like skydiving. The rock and the road are free.

50 donations so far. Give it a try.

You know you want to spank it
Jump an Infinity

[NWFlyer 2]

Yes, but there's a pool of money that goes towards meeting your expenses. Sounds like most of that you earn, some of that your parents provide.

Regardless of whether you are directly taking money from your folks and spending it on skydiving, indirectly, you are. Or they could at least see it that way.

Sounds like you're fairly responsible and managing a big load of expenses / jobs fairly well. But ... as long as you take money from your parents, they've still got some say in how you live your life. Trust me, I went through this battle with my folks when I was in college; I thought I could make all my own decisions because I was 18, but the fact was, I couldn't, unless I was willing to walk away from their financial support as well. And I wasn't.

My parents were skeptical about me skydiving when I started (but I was 33 and had long been financially independent), and when I ran into some early roadblocks, my dad actually recommended that I quit, but he prefaced it by saying "You probably don't want your old man telling you what to do." He knew he could only recommend as a friend, not demand as a parent. And I know it was out of love. Now, we've kind of reached a middle ground where I don't talk all that much with them specifically about jumping; it makes it easier for everyone involved. Then again, I'm to the point where I don't talk all that much about jumping with anyone outside the sport.

[lawrocket 3]

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The money they give me, I dont take and spend on skydiving AT ALL. I only use my money to skydive with.

It's tough to say, "I use the money my parents give me for school and only the money I make for skydiving." It can't be said honestly, because you simply cannot trace it.

Here's the question - if you gave up skydiving, would you ever need to ask for money from pops? If the answer is "No" then you are using that money for skydiving. Period. If he didn't provide that money, you would have less jumps/tunnel time, etc., because you'd have less money.

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If I were rock climbing (you can be killed doing that too) or if I wanted to get heavy into cycling or something....doesn't every hobby/sport start out by investing time and money into it?

Cycling and rock climbing have start-up costs, but don't cost you $100 per day for 5 iterations of a rock climb or a cycling. It's why 6 year-olds get bicycles - kids can afford to use them.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[psipike02 0]

But in actuality, I would say yes to that statement.

Even before i was skydiving in my sophomore year and freshman year and even junior year, I would need money.

I dont understand how I can't trace it. I do keep up with my funds. I make $21/hr with my internship and $7.50/hr with my DZ job. I get a discount with jumps since I work there. Most of my internship money is used for saving for rent for school.

I'm not trying to argue at all, just trying to understand what you're trying to say
And NWflyer, thanks for that, i'm trying to be responsible and you're right since they are providing they do have some say so and I respect that. I guess I should try to find some kind of middle ground or agreement or something to work out.

Thanks guys for your help thus far....

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----

[lawrocket 3]

What I'm trying to say is that if you accept any money from any source to do anything, it is impossible to state what money came from where and was used for what.

All the money is pooled. Let's say I make $4k per month. Let's say my wife makes $4k per month. We put all of our money into a joint checking account. From that, I write the $3k check for the mortgage every month, as well as the $800 check for the car payments. She writes the other checks and pays for everything else.

I cannot say with any accuracy that all of the money for the house and the cars came from my paychecks. The wife has just as good of an argument that the money came from her paychecks as mine. Because the money was commingled to fulfill the purposes of both.

With you, all of the money you have serves to your benefit. The money you have used in skydiving is money that you would not otherwise have had. This means that if your dad supplies 1/10 of the money that you received, he has provided 1/10 of your skydiving money, book money, frat money, beer money, etc. You cannot divide where the money goes.

Does that make sense?

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[psipike02 0]

Yeah that makes sense now.....

I'm hoping i'm not irritating anyone or upsetting anyone as thats not my intent....its just a different perspective being 21 and trying to understand everyones view points...

I do appreciate everyones comments and help...

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----