Adopted?

[matt1215 0]

I owe my existance to a pair of 15 y/o kids doing what felt good.

My folks caught a redeye from LA to Detroit. They had a 3 or 4 hour layover before their return-flight during which they met biomom's sister & dad at the airport.

I met my bioparents 25 years later, and that was a trippy experience.

Anyone else?

[irisheyes 0]

Not adopted myself, but I am in the process of facilitating my first adoption, (I'm a family law attorney) and it is one of the very few cases I look forward to working on each day.

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[2fat2fly 0]

Yeah, I met my biomom on my way to Sun-N-Fun. Luckily, Psycho Bob was available to help me drink my way past it

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[NWFlyer 2]

"the incubator"... that's a great term!

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[skinnyshrek 0]

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Yeah, I met my biomom on my way to Sun-N-Fun. Luckily, Psycho Bob was available to help me drink my way past it

If you are hanging out with bob your not right..Don't feel bad i am in the same situation except for the adopted parent thingy

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[2fat2fly 0]

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"the incubator"... that's a great term!

I figure that "Mom" came to camp and got me when I had my appendicitis attack, "Mom" spent all night making me a karate costume out of bedsheets when I forgot to tell her about international day in 3rd grade. I appreciate the lady that decided not to abort me, but "Mom" is a title earned.

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[NWFlyer 2]

Absolutely. I'm not adopted but my friends who are (or any who were raised by someone other than the person who gave birth) share your sentiment.

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[happythoughts 0]

My mom divorced her first husband when their girls were young. He showed up 14 years later, drunk. No cards, support for 14 years.

Next time, he showed up was 30 years later. Getting ready to die of liver problems.

He introduced himself as, "Hi, I'm George, the girls father."
My oldest sister responded (with as much venom as is verbally possible), "That's my FATHER over there."

People celebrate heroes for one big event.
Parents get up and face life every day.

[matt1215 0]

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Absolutely. I'm not adopted but my friends who are (or any who were raised by someone other than the person who gave birth) share your sentiment.

Absolutely!! My mom & dad were with me growing up, and still. I owe them everything. I carry their name, and proudly so.

Still I was curious to meet people I resemble and find out about my genetics. I met both bioparents, and feel far more comfortable around him. She's poisoned herself with many years of drug abuse, isn't mentally all there, and looks quite old. He's looks like my older brother.

The only thing she really ever did for me, other than not aborting me as a fetus, was ask my folks not to have me circumcised. They didn't agree with her request, but they honored it, and I saw fit to express my gratitude.

[Nightingale 0]

I've never bothered to look for my birth parents. I have, however, made myself very easy to find if someone is looking for me and has the right information. I've also signed a confidentiality waiver with the agency, so they can give my birth parents my info if they want it. I only bothered with all that because a friend of mine was looking for her birth parents, and I saw the agony she went through because of a need to know, and her birth father had been searching for her also. I didn't want anyone to go through unnecessary trouble just to find me.

If someone contacts me, cool. If not, I don't care. I've got a family, they're wonderful, I love them, and they love me. Genetics don't define family. Feelings define family. There are five adopted kids in my family, including my brother, myself, and three cousins, and nobody's treated any differently than the biological kids. It's really cool to know how much my parents wanted me; that they wanted a kid so much that they went through home inspections, interviews, and expense just to have my brother and me in their lives.

[2fat2fly 0]

and nobody's treated any differently than the biological kids.

A few years ago the family was all together and I was picking on my older sis (my parents bio-kid) and I said "Mom, how did you have two kids so different?" Mom didn't miss a beat, she said "Well, we got to choose you"

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[bigway 4]

I met my birth mum.
Went and stayed with her and my birth sisters for about 9 months in oz.
She came to visit me a year later in New Zealand and told me she had won lotto. 25 people shared 23 million dollars. She gave me $100 towards my $800 root canal.

Cool lady but, I am very happy with the parents that adopted me. Have had a good life.

Can't wait to meet my father who has no idea he has a son.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[jonstark 8]

I have an adpted son who is now seven. He and I are very close. He used to throw out the "I want my birth-mom" "You're not my real dad" thing and it cuts to the bone.

He asks often to see his birthmom and I wonder when would be a good time to see her. I wonder how confusing it would be. I wonder when to tell him certain other details. Man, it is a lifelong endeavor adopting a baby.

jon

[shaiziel 0]

Adopted here. Parents tried to get me when I was less than a year old, my bio-mom took off shortly after and kept me for the next 4 years.

Just under 5 years old, my parents finally got me. My last impression of the situation was that I was going to spend the night!

My mom and bio-mom had apparently been friends in the past. Mom was a paranoid schizophrenic who had a history of drug problems and was into prostitution at one point.

I don't resent anything about the situation and I don't really blame my bio-mom. Shit happens but good things came from it. I've been able to see my bio-mom for a few years now but I haven't had the real desire to. When I was 10-13 I hung out with my bio-grandmother and that was really cool. I sometimes think to call her up but I've never got around to it. I don't really know how I feel about the situation, I just don't think about it much.

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6.8% - Almost there!

[safari1957 0]

I am on the other end - Due to family pressure my girlfriend placed a male child for adoption in 1978 in Mississippi. I wanted to get married, but her family was against that idea. Odd thing is that three years later we did get married and had a second child a wonderful daughter. Family interference and youthful mistakes on my part ended the marriage. My daughter knows that she has a full blood brother somewhere in this world [or possibly the next]. I have registered on several sites in case the child wants to meet me - but I believe that it would not be right for me to intrude into his life at this point as I do not consider for even a second that I am in any way a "father" to that child - however, I am a great father to my daughter. I think of the child every year on March 3rd - his birthday and hope that his parents provided him with a great home. If anyone out there was born 3/3/1978 in Mississipp, you may have an absolutely wonderful sister....

Pax,
Kelly

A foolish consistancy is the hobgoblin of little minds -Ralph Waldo Emerson

[bigway 4]

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I have an adpted son who is now seven. He and I are very close. He used to throw out the "I want my birth-mom" "You're not my real dad" thing and it cuts to the bone.

He asks often to see his birthmom and I wonder when would be a good time to see her. I wonder how confusing it would be. I wonder when to tell him certain other details. Man, it is a lifelong endeavor adopting a baby.

jon

I use to do that too, It is a shame to hear he does it at such a young age, it will get worse for you through the early teenage years.

If i can give you a bit of advice....

DO NOT get counselling cause then it WILL get worse cause he will lose trust in you and believe you are against him.

Do NOT give him what he wants when he starts saying things like that cause you will not give him what he wants.

When he is 18 try and find his mum. He sounds like me, will meet his mum and then realise how good of a family he has and start treating you right.

No matter what, he does love you, he does feel bad every time he says those things to you when he calms down. Tell him a story of his mum being homeless or something, anything that will put him off wanting to meet his mum for a few years but DO NOT ever let him think his birth mother did not love him.

I say this, cause what you described is how i was. I love my family and relaise what i meant to them when they adopted me.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[bigway 4]

This whole thread is a very sad thread.

Never try to find your child. The reason i say this is cause i am adopted, as is my adopted brother and my non adopted sister.
My brother does not like to talk about being adopted and he is perfectly fine with our mother. we were both adopted when about 2 days old. My brother was furious when i told one of his mates that we were both adopted. If you came in to his life and he was embarrassed or did not want to know you could ruin it, you could really fuck his life up.

I hope for you though that he looks for you one day, i hope he has also always known he is adopted.


Someone said adopting a child is a life long thing, well it is not a life long hard work. it will get easier when he comes to turn with it.

Adopted kids that shout that at their parents that they are not their real parents are seeking attention and to get what they want, they know it hurts you and if you give them what they want you know like i do they come to you and apologise for saying it. It is hard growing up being adopted and knowing it.


I know one thing. I will never adopt a child nor will i ever give one up.

The shit i put my parents through and the horrible thoughts i use to have taught me this.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
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[Nightingale 0]

It never occurred to me to tell my parents "you're not my real mom". My parents explained to me and my brother really young that a mom or dad is someone who loves you and takes care of you, and it doesn't matter at all who gave birth to you. It didn't occur to us to question that definition until we were old enough to know that saying stuff like "you're not my real mom" wouldn't accomplish anything and just cause a lot of hurt feelings.

[airtwardo 6]

He used to throw out the "I want my birth-mom" "You're not my real dad" thing and it cuts to the bone.


***

We have three that we adopted from Russia 8 years ago...they're now 14-15 & 15

It funny that only our daughter says that when she gets angry, and does so more for the reaction than 'really' wanting to see her bio-mom / dad.

The two boys look at her like she's 'nuts', saying the 'real' parents only stuck around for the 'easy' part!
Our sons have NO interest in even talking about their bio folks. They actually have MORE interest in going back to the orphanage sometime and finding out what happened to the kids they were in there with.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[EricaH 0]

I gave a boy up for adoption when I was 16 yrs old. We found a friend of a family friend's. I came to their home to meet them & make sure their life is one I'd want to give my child into. Then I lived with them the last 3 months of my pregnancy, we use to live 1500 miles apart. They took me to the hospital & they were my support system while in labor.

Now, I live 20 minutes away from them. The mom is only 7 years older than me & we're actually good friends now. The boy has always know he "came from my belly" (early childhood wording) and the fact that his parents chose them cause they wanted a perfect boy & couldn't have one of their own.

The mom & I hang out alone on occasion, shopping or dining or whatever. Every now & then this now almost teenag boy wants to chat with me typically to see if a particular trait he has is from me since his parent's don't have it, to take a personality text he's recently taken or just to wonder about his back-ground. For instance, he & I are both extreemly literal & don't take bull from anyone; while his partents are given to not-literal behavior. Or anything like that. I do not push myself into his life - but rather he comes to me on occasion.

That family is so great, I almost wish they would adopt me as their sister or something - but that'd be weird. All in all, we have a marvelous & fairly unique situation that is wonderful for all parties involved. Well, all but the bio-father, only god knows where he is. At first we started on this way for health reasons, incase anything came up in the future. Now I have a wonderful family as my friends.

I know this isn't your question, I just felt like sharing from the other side.

There is no can't. Only lack of knowledge or fear. Only you can fix your fear.

PMS #227 (just like the TV show)

[matt1215 0]

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and nobody's treated any differently than the biological kids.

A few years ago the family was all together and I was picking on my older sis (my parents bio-kid) and I said "Mom, how did you have two kids so different?" Mom didn't miss a beat, she said "Well, we got to choose you"

Amen to that!!! My folks made very clear to me that they were far more excited to get me than when they had my sister (their biokid). They wanted another child very badly and due to health issues, didn't have the means to make their own.

[matt1215 0]

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I have an adpted son who is now seven. He and I are very close. He used to throw out the "I want my birth-mom" "You're not my real dad" thing and it cuts to the bone.

He asks often to see his birthmom and I wonder when would be a good time to see her. I wonder how confusing it would be. I wonder when to tell him certain other details. Man, it is a lifelong endeavor adopting a baby.

jon

I use to do that too, It is a shame to hear he does it at such a young age, it will get worse for you through the early teenage years.

If i can give you a bit of advice....

DO NOT get counselling cause then it WILL get worse cause he will lose trust in you and believe you are against him.

Do NOT give him what he wants when he starts saying things like that cause you will not give him what he wants.

When he is 18 try and find his mum. He sounds like me, will meet his mum and then realise how good of a family he has and start treating you right.

No matter what, he does love you, he does feel bad every time he says those things to you when he calms down. Tell him a story of his mum being homeless or something, anything that will put him off wanting to meet his mum for a few years but DO NOT ever let him think his birth mother did not love him.

I say this, cause what you described is how i was. I love my family and relaise what i meant to them when they adopted me.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes!!! Everything he said!!!

I did the same myself, probably at 10 or 11. I felt so guilty about that for a really long time. I was unable to accept their help in locating my bioparents when I was 18, I had to take that journey alone at 25.

Jon, the best you can do for your boy is reassure him that his curiousities are natural. That they will be addressed at an appropriate time, but not today. That you will answer his questions to the best of your abilities in the meantime.

[matt1215 0]

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Agreed. My bioparents really wanted to know me, still do, but it was essential to meet them on my own terms

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My folks told me before I was old enough to understand, and for that I'm SOOOO thankful.

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Amen!!!!

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It is tough, but not knowing would've royally fucked things up between my parents and I.

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I've been there too

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[matt1215 0]

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My biomom thought about the same thing, which is why I was born in Detroit, rather than a 20min drive away in CA. She ran away and went to stay with her sister when she was pregnant. Bioaunt reasoned with her that adoption was the best course of action, and my folks got me at a week old.

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[matt1215 0]

I found so many things out about myself meeting my bioparents. It's kind of fun to see personality traits that are genetic and those that are a product of my upbringing.