What's your damage?

[jumpjunkie2004 0]

I can lose weight, but when I will look into the mirror I see a fat person. People can tell me that I look great, but I can't see it. It's not that I'm trying to fish for compliments - I really don't see what they see.

When I look in the mirror, I see a chubby girl. My dad used to call me "Fatty".

So...what's your damage?

How did your parents (or family and environment) screw you up?

Jump, Land, Pack, Repeat...

[Mostly_Harmless 0]

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I can lose weight, but when I will look into the mirror I see a fat person. People can tell me that I look great, but I can't see it. It's not that I'm trying to fish for compliments - I really don't see what they see.

When I look in the mirror, I see a chubby girl. My dad used to call me "Fatty".

So...what's your damage?

How did your parents (or family and environment) screw you up?

You look fine!

_________________________________________
www.myspace.com/termvelocity

[skybytch 259]

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How did your parents (or family and environment) screw you up?

They didn't. I managed that all by myself.

Even if they had, blaming them for it would be waste of energy that would be better spent on self-improvment.

[martinmcsh 0]

dont be so hard on ya self girl lighten up smile b happy not sad
blue skys

[kbordson 8]

My dad once questioned when my sisters took my share of cleavage.... (not that I'm too so very flat - 36B is fine.... but my sisters have a bit more than their share)

[waltappel 1]

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When I look in the mirror, I see a chubby girl. My dad used to call me "Fatty".

Send naked pics and I'll give you the official verdict!

Walt

[jumpjunkie2004 0]

I'm not sad. I'm damaged : ) There's a difference.

Jump, Land, Pack, Repeat...

[weegegirl 2]

My brother was a little shit. Love him to death now. Must have been the sibbling rivalry thing growing up. He used to call me a cow 50 times a day. Was pretty tough on me. Took me years to get over it. But that's what brothers are for, right?

[NWFlyer 2]

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You look fine!

"I'll take missing the point for $800, Alex."

jumpjunkie2004 - I definitely can empathize with being dissociated with how your body actually looks. MOstly relates to being a certain weight for most of my life and now weighing a lot less than that. And now that I've put some weight back on, I see myself back at my highest weight even though I know I'm nowhere close. Doesn't matter what anyone says, I see what my mind sees.

But like Lisa said, most of that is of my own design. I've never been one to blame my parents for stuff I haven't been able to get over as an adult; that stuff is all mine now and I have to own it to really be able to deal with it.

The one thing I have had to get over (and I'm in pretty good shape on it now) is trying to *make* people like me. Stems from YEARS of trying to make my older brother like me. He didn't for years. We now get along okay, but I took that behavior out into the world with me.

My attitude now is all I can do is be a likeable person. Whether anyone actually likes me is up to them, not to me.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[jumpjunkie2004 0]

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My dad once questioned when my sisters took my share of cleavage.... (not that I'm too so very flat - 36B is fine.... but my sisters have a bit more than their share)

You seem to have gotten my point.

Jump, Land, Pack, Repeat...

[wildblue 4]

d8+5

it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

[livendive 8]

On the trivial side of things, I spent most of my childhood in poverty, and we ate like it. My mother's version of meatloaf was about 60% oatmeal and I put milk and sugar on top of popcorn plenty of times for "cereal" in the morning. As a result, I rarely eat meatloaf now, and have to force myself to eat what I perceive as "poor people food" (cheap fillers like pasta, beans, rice, potatoes). I'll routinely eat just a large, good quality steak for dinner, with nothing on the side but a nice bottle of wine.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[PLFXpert 0]

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blaming them for it would be waste of energy that would be better spent on self-improvment.

Nicely put!

I went through a whole "I-can't-believe-you-did-such-and-such-to-me" blah, blah, blah phase before I came to that epiphany.

And thank goodness I did b/c I have a great relationship with my parents now.

Now, for the body image issue: See a therapist.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[PLFXpert 0]

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I'm not sad. I'm damaged : ) There's a difference.

Not so much. "Damaged" is a metephor unless you are actually talking about a broken bone or something.

If you're using a metaphor such as "damaged" to describe yourself I can't imagine it comes from a happy place, but rather a sad one.

Sounds like you have some friends here that want you to be happy. Perhaps seeking out ways to be so is a good idea.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[posterunknown 0]

i used to like M&Ms when i was growing up, and my dad used to constantly tell me if i didn't stop eating them, then i would start to look like an M&M. I think i started to believe that when my mom told me that I was fat, ugly, and stupid, and would never amount to anything (that was 4th grade). I'm not fat, and i'm not stupid, but i still see a 'fat female' behind everything.

Also, although my brother and I are friends, it didn't help that when i was growing up, my hair used to be pretty wavy... not curly not straight, my brother used to make fun of my 'wavy' hair, and i was always self conscious of it. It's okay now though, but growing up it sucked!

[PLFXpert 0]

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I rarely eat meatloaf now, and have to force myself to eat what I perceive as "poor people food" (cheap fillers like pasta, beans, rice, potatoes). I'll routinely eat just a large, good quality steak for dinner, with nothing on the side but a nice bottle of wine

You get it!!!

Treat yourself, people, and do so often!!!

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[livendive 8]

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I'm not sad. I'm damaged : ) There's a difference.

You're only as damaged as you let yourself be. My early to mid childhood sucked, and I doubt many people would be surprised if I let some of it define who I am. I simply cut the ties to that part of my life and try to not let it affect me. Life mirrors skydiving in that once you've started, you can't pause or start over. You have to get over what happened earlier in your life/skydive and deal with what's coming up next.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[guppie01 0]

My ex. husband was so anti-fat and I was terrified of gaining an ounce while we were married. He used to make comments like "don't ever let your ass get that big!" or "your family is a little on the fat side, I hope you don't have that trait!" Every time I looked in the mirror I was fat... I was constantly on a diet - 10-15 pounds to lose. I look back now and I was thin, I really didn't have anything to stress about. I've gained weight, I'm happy with me. Health wise I know I should shed some weight, but I'm not nearly as freaked out about it. I like food!
g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

[lawrocket 3]

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How did your parents...screw you up?

Well, being 50 percent my mom and 50 percent my dad certainly has screwed me up, but only because I know I'm half and half.

I look at how my parents (especially my dad) screwed up. I guess the real think was not having a fatherly model on how to be, but rather having someone show me how NOT to be.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Lindercles 0]

I've been known to say things like "damn, your ass looks big." The difference is, I mean it as a compliment.

"Don't ever let your ass get that big" is just psychological abuse.

[PLFXpert 0]

One of the most important things I've learned in my time spent observing people (and I quite seriously for research purposes had to literally sit and watch people) is the grass is never greener.

Everyone--rich, poor, tall, short, thin, obsese, black, white, whatever--deals with things. One might think, "Well, I'd rather deal with that.," but until one has actually been in that person's shoes, one not only does not know that to be true, but is likely wrong altogether.

And people often only let you see what they want you to see. You never, ever know what someone is dealing with/has dealt with privately.

If I find myself a little jealous of a friend who just went on a big Greek island vacation, I stop myself and remember not everything is at it seems. I mean, sure they went and had an amazing time (I saw pictures.) but you never know what's going on behind the scenes and might even later be revealed...

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[jumpchikk 0]

One of my brothers would make fun of my ears (they stick out) and so does my other brother's ears. We inherited it from my dad's side of the family. My mom even went so far as to say she would pay for me to have plastic surgery on my ears and I refused. It used to bother me a lot especially in junior high, you know the time when anyone and everyone would point out even the smallest flaw. I've grown to love myself and to not let those things bother me. We are all different, all beautiful in our on way. If we all looked alike, think of how boring that would be.

[masterblaster72 0]

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So...what's your damage?

I was born damaged -- social anxiety in group situations.

Been that way as far back as I can remember, worked on it heaps but still it hasn't changed a whole lot.

One of the many reasons I like hanging out at the dz -- people let me be the quiet and aloof guy I am without giving me much sh.t about it.

Be humble, ask questions, listen, learn, follow the golden rule, talk when necessary, and know when to shut the fuck up.

[jumpjunkie2004 0]

By the way, I'm not mad at my dad about it. He was ignorant about the effect that it would have on me.

Now, I am not fat now and I'm not thin. I'm at a weight that is just right - according to the scale. However, I don't see that in the mirror.

I wonder if I should go and see a hypnotist. Maybe he could make my brain see what's really there (or not there).

Jump, Land, Pack, Repeat...

[PLFXpert 0]

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people let me be the quiet and aloof guy I am without giving me much sh.t about it.

Ooooo, I'm on aloof like white on rice.

Seriously, it intrigues me..

Talk about being born a certain way: One of my mutti's favorite stories about me is in preschool when the teacher was repeatedly sending me home with "Carrie talks too much." discipline slips. One day (as the story goes from the teacher to my mutti) I was sat in-between "the twins" who had hardly uttered a word for weeks in the preschool environment. By the end of the day, "The Twins" were being sent home with a "Talks too much" discipline slips, too.

I just can't help myself.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.