Cheating......Oops?

[Jasmin 0]

OK, most people have stuffed up at some point in their lives, and so I wanted to ask what the average skydiver thought on this one:
1) What constitutes cheating? Is it only sex?
2) Under what circumstances MUST one confess? (and if you do confess, should you tell them who with?)
3) "What happens on the DZ, stays on the DZ..." Is this a true sentiment?

[jtval 0]

I guess the LEGALITY of it is...
(if you know jeff foxworthy this may sound familiar)
you may be a cheater if;
you and your G/F(B/F) had made a commitment to each other and only each other and you fool around....then it is cheating.
you may be a cheater if;
You led the other person to believe that you would ONLY be with them.
you may be a cheater if;
the incident in question involves someone youre married to.(DUH)
but in a "seeing each other" do as YOUR heart desires!

Have fun, Live free, SKYDIVE!!
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[ChrisDykstra 0]

oh no, you are nuts!!!
well here are my thoughts.
1. sex = cheating.....kissing = i dont think so and if you dont want anyone to find out, do it in freefall.
2. well some people would say that you should confess immediately. i wonder about that and naturally it depends on the circumstances in which the "cheating" took place and how well you know the person and what impact it may have and will you be happy with the outcome....sometimes people have a bit of innocent fun induced by alcohol....i mean blame the drug before you blame anything else!
If my partner were to cheat i guess that i would rather not know about it, so long as it wasn't a regular occurance...i mean shit happens doesn't it.
3. on the dz....well nothing has happened yet!!! it just depends on how much you trust people i guess..

[fasterfaller 0]

1 According to Bill Clinton,oral does not count,I tend to agree with him.
2 Only when caught or the sheep follows you home.
3 It depends on who caught you on video.
I on the other hand would never cheat,and no one can prove it that I know of and if you can how much for the video?

[lummy 4]

Well, I'm just plain ole backwards and believe in fidelity in an equal commited relationship... But to each their own.. I don't care what anyone else does to whom and if it's some one I'm involved romantically with , then I won't be involved with them.
I don't beleive in confessions either. confessions are stupid and pointless. They only make your guilty conscience feel better and hurt someone else. Lieing isn't right either, if asked, then you need to be honest...
Like I said, this is what I live by, not judge by..... Your mileage may vary
See nothing hear nothing say nothing....
One shot... HEY!!! Mas Tequila!!!! Two Shots HEY HEY!!!! Three Shots.......

[AndyMan 7]

I've got a pretty strict definition.
In my mind, cheating is SO much bigger then just sex. It's an emotional thing. (hypothetically), If you've made a commitment to somebody, I'm pretty sure you meant more then "I promise I'll only sleep with you". You probably meant, "I promise you're the only one I love".
In my mind, you can be cheating by having just a friend of the opposite gender (asuming hetero's), if you're closer with that friend then you are with your SO.
In my mind, your SO should be your strongest bond of the opposite gender. If that isn't the case, there's something wrong that you need to fix.
And yes, cheating is also everything inbetween. Kissing, oral-sex, sex, making out, etc.
_Am
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[Vallerina 2]

Warning: I have skewed thoughts due to my disbelief in monogomy
1. Kissing and a little groping don't count as cheating; it's more of an accident (especially while intoxicated).
2. The confession of cheating should only happen if feelings are involved with the person they messed around with. Why confess something that meant nothing?
3. Sure! I like to modify that statement to "Whatever happens on the location I'm at stays on the location I'm at!" Somehow, that doesn't always work.
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind; got my paper, and I was free

[MrHixxx 0]

Quote

OK, most people have stuffed up at some point in their lives, and so I wanted to ask what the average skydiver thought on this one:
1) What constitutes cheating? Is it only sex?
2) Under what circumstances MUST one confess? (and if you do confess, should you tell them who with?)
3) "What happens on the DZ, stays on the DZ..." Is this a true sentiment?

#1 If you are in a commited relationship, this is up to the couple: could be sex, could be intimacy without sexuality.
#2 Depends on your own standards and ethics... I would immediately. If I have chosen to be intimate with someone else, I am no longer in the other relationship and my previous partner has a right to know out of simple respect.
#3 Bullshit
I think I sound a little old fashioned here...
-Hixxx
"Woman... Wu -mon... Whoa - man! She stole my heart and my cat"

[Jasmin 0]

Firstly, if a boy cheats on me, I'd honestly prefer not to know.
However, that is on the conditions that 1) its a once off, honest mistake, never going to happen again; and 2) that its not with someone i'm close too, ie best mate. In that case she and I have issues and that needs to be dealt with.
If he feels some emotional bond for her, then its over.
If you truly love someone, there isn't room for another....if you say you love both, then you honestly love neither.

[jtval 0]

ok this is the psychobabbled end of it.
you asked us for a reason. you believe whatever you did was cheating...so it is...to you.
if you didnt have guilt about it this question wouldnt have been asked and none of us would have the opportunity to blur the lines to fit OUR definition.
if you have a guilty conscience then, to YOU, it is wrong.
and that is really the only person you HAVE TO LIVE WITH. if you can live with your conscience then you are not guilty. if your partner has a different set of standards..lets say
your partner is crazy and thinks that just looking at another is cheating...
1) ditch em they are still in high school and you could get arrested2) they are not mature enough to deal with a mature relationship.
3) they are insecure (some/most WHUFFO'S?) and it will just fall apart anyway.
4) the best person you can rely on is yourself...but if you can find someone whois a CLOSE second. date them! it'll be fun!(by this I mean If your DATEE can be somewhere else for any period of time and you or the DATEE does not wonder what the opther is doing then you got something good. if when you two are reunited the DATEE has anything (not materialistic) to offer you then keep that person happy. but not at the expense of your own happiness. in any relationship you have some give and take but if it isnt equalized...CUTAWAY and save yourself!
Have fun, Live free, SKYDIVE!!
http://community.webshots.com/user/jtval100

[jtval 0]

Quote

Firstly, if a boy cheats on me, I'd honestly prefer not to know.
However, that is on the conditions that 1) its a once off, honest mistake, never going to happen again; and 2) that its not with someone i'm close too, ie best mate. In that case she and I have issues and that needs to be dealt with.
If he feels some emotional bond for her, then its over.
If you truly love someone, there isn't room for another....if you say you love both, then you honestly love neither.

so you'd rather live a lie then get REAL best mates and S.O.?
here's what II meanif your S.O. is cheating on you....why would you want them.
no matter what you personal philosophy, when you use the word CHEAT it means you are hurting.
so if you S.O. is hurting you and you dont know about it doesnt that hurt you more? and if its with a BEST FRIEND/mate...then maybe you need to change your group of friends. b/c if that is the best you have then they are real scumbags. IMHO!
I would rather be physically abused from my girlfriend then emotionally. at least if she hits me I can see it coming, know when its over, and know that I will heal fast.
just so you know where I stand...If a girlfriend ever hit me I would totally walk away from her AT THAT MOMENT! that is the END!
so If i found out I was cheated on "while or after we made a committment to each other then it is worse then her hitting me, b/c of the lies that she lived while she was covring up her infidelity. and how many ppl watched and knew about it.? how many ppl have you seen have no clue about a person who is cheating on them. they look foolish dont they?
(this is of course only in a Committed relationship. I prefer to have casual relationships. they are so much more fun!)
Have fun, Live free, SKYDIVE!!
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[Jasmin 0]

I would count it if it was intimate. Many friends beg to differ over the definitions.
I did "confess" as I wasn't sure what he would class as cheating.
As for everything else, "nyet", I have no idea what to think! Its just amuing to see what people classify as cheating. I've asked this question of sooooo many people over the years, and I never get two answers the same!
As for guilt, I always feel guilty: be it coz I'm eating that left over pizzia and the last choc biscuit, or coz I've spent money out drinking that I should have saved for books/uni/clothes blah blah blah. Deal with it, I say!

[Jasmin 0]

Honey, it was by its nature, a casual relationship. I'd not been with anyone else during that time, and in that sense it was a commitment of sorts. But I can honestly say (as can he) we're not talking about love!
As for hitting your SO, that s*** is not on! I publicly embarassed (we were working on TV together at the time) the only guy who's ever hit me, and then ended it to boot! If you can hurt the person you love (emotionally, physically or mentally) you don't really love them.

[jtval 0]

that pretty much my piont. I brought physical violence into this b/c most ppl are outraged by the thought of getting hit but dont think about walking all over someone emotionally. there isnt much of a difference.
Have fun, Live free, SKYDIVE!!
http://community.webshots.com/user/jtval100

[canopycudler 0]

Ahhh.. what a topic for tonite... it was one year ago today that I found my x husband cheating. X being the key word here.. my thoughts are...
cheating does not techicnally have to be sex, or kissing or whatnot... when your with your significant other, you have not only given them your body.. but your whole self. Your heart and your soul.... when you then give that to another person, instead of your spouse or girlfriend. that is cheating.... maybe not physically, but nonetheless, cheating. That goes back to the age old question... it is worse to know that your spouse is in love with another person.. or would it be worse to know that they have only cheap meaningless sex... but no feelings for each other?
Soooo.. this can be reversed... if you sneak a kisspass on the dz.. its all in good fun.. no harm done.. then NO that is NOT cheating... but if you give the kiss... in hopes of kindling a fire.. then yes.. that is cheating....
just my .02..
good skydives, good friends and good beer.. thats what its all about.
..

[lummy 4]

Quote

... if you sneak a kisspass on the dz.. its all in good fun.. no harm done.. then NO that is NOT cheating... but if you give the kiss... in hopes of kindling a fire.. then yes.. that is cheating....

Well Said Anne ;)
giggling hysterically
One shot... HEY!!! Mas Tequila!!!! Two Shots HEY HEY!!!! Three Shots.......

[SBS 0]

It seems to me that this is very personal between 2 people. It's based on the relationship that they have. Some people have relationships in which they sleep with other people, in which case, sex would not be cheating.
I think the best way to know the answer is if you have to ask the question. If you wonder if you have cheated or not, you probably have. If you cannot come straight out and tell your significant other what you have done, then you have cheated the relationship that you have.
I, for one, am against hiding things from a significant other. The irony, I think, is that the reason for telling lies is to keep the relationship intact, but if you have a relationship in which you lie, what kind of relationship is it in the first place? It's not between 2 people, it is between the alter egos that they have formed through their deceit.
As far as what happens at the drop zone staying there, the drop zone is a place like any other. If there is the understanding in the relationship that things may happen there, and the other does not want to know about them, then so be it. If not, though, this sounds to me like someone's attempt to justify infidelities.
But as you can tell, I have no opinion on the subject.
:-)
Steve

[jtval 0]

is this the kind of kindling your talking about...(see attchment)
Have fun, Live free, SKYDIVE!!
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[AndyMan 7]

Quote

Well Said Anne ;)

I just had to quote this, so you couldn't change it.
You're in BIG trouble... ;)
_Am
ICQ: 5578907
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AIM: andrewdmetcalfe
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[ChrisDykstra 0]

well i guess if you are married then it is a totally different story altogether. if you make a commitment to get married then you obviously know that "this is the one" for you, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to get married in the first place. if you are married and you cheat then the only place for you to go is out the door.
if you are in a serious relationship and happen to mess everything up then it is up to you to deal with the consequences. sometimes the mind just can't decide and when faced with temptation, some of us get excited whereas some of us can quite easily walk away resisting the temptation altogether!

[Lindsey 0]

Well....I totally believe in Karma. That's all I have to say about that right now.....
Peace~
Lindsey
Ya' know Smack-water Jack he bought a shotgun
'cause he was in the mood for a little con-fron-ta-tion

[jtval 0]

since I started jumper I used the word alot too...Karma!
Have fun, Live free, SKYDIVE!!
http://community.webshots.com/user/jtval100

[Jasmin 0]

Marriage is a totally different matter. They are "the one"; therefore infidelity and betrayal of trust, body and emotion is adultery! You stuff that one up, have your bags packed and start praying....
I agree but the question is about dealing with an inability to resist a temptation.
So who is guilty? The person in the realtionship, the one who isn't, or both?

[lummy 4]

Oh!! I had NO intention of changing it at all :)
One shot... HEY!!! Mas Tequila!!!! Two Shots HEY HEY!!!! Three Shots.......

[SBS 0]

But whether you are in a marriage or not, you have to be true to yourself and your morals, and those who have given you their trust. I think that stands true with any relationship that you have with another human being, dating or marriage, romantic or friendship, etc.
Steve