gonzalesna 0 #1 October 17, 2007 What Norris funnies do you know? Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #2 October 17, 2007 Chuck had a top-ten list on one of the nightly shows. The video clip link was posted on here a while back. "Chuck doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down.""Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
countzero 7 #3 October 17, 2007 chuck norris: the reason Mona Lisa is smiling.diamonds are a dawgs best friend Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psipike02 0 #4 October 17, 2007 My 5 favorites...ha Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris has two speeds, Walk and Kill. Once while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now "The Islands." Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. NO ONE fools Chuck Norris.Puttin' some stank on it. ----Hellfish #707---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #5 October 17, 2007 Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nessvegas 0 #6 October 17, 2007 I have to ask.....and believe me I understand I should not have to ask, but I got into skydiving later in life and have never understood the "Chuck Norris" love fest that seems to be such a strong underlying aspect of the skydiving community. Please help me to understand.........? _________________________________________ I married the right one......it just took me 2 times! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #7 October 17, 2007 QuoteI have to ask.....and believe me I understand I should not have to ask, but I got into skydiving later in life and have never understood the "Chuck Norris" love fest that seems to be such a strong underlying aspect of the skydiving community. Please help me to understand.........? Chuck Norris doesn't like you . . .I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #8 October 17, 2007 Quote I have to ask.....and believe me I understand I should not have to ask, but I got into skydiving later in life and have never understood the "Chuck Norris" love fest that seems to be such a strong underlying aspect of the skydiving community. Please help me to understand.........? Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Does that clear things up?Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nessvegas 0 #9 October 17, 2007 Ummmm.........Not really but I am a slow learner.....? _________________________________________ I married the right one......it just took me 2 times! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
homer 0 #10 October 17, 2007 If an episode of "Walker Texas Ranger" changed your life... You might be a redneck. CSA #699 Muff #3804 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyNerd87 0 #11 October 17, 2007 Chuck Norris once got into a who-has-more-testciles contest with Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris won by five.aka Wag-Tail, ChangoEnLosPantalones Rodriguez, Sonic Skyjew "Just remember... don't fuck up." Shake 'n Bake! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
millertime24 8 #12 October 17, 2007 When Chuck Norris gets drunk he doesn't throwup he throws down. Chuck Norris tear's cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.Muff #5048 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psipike02 0 #13 October 17, 2007 Quote I have to ask.....and believe me I understand I should not have to ask, but I got into skydiving later in life and have never understood the "Chuck Norris" love fest that seems to be such a strong underlying aspect of the skydiving community. Please help me to understand.........? If you have to ask...you'll never know. Just embrace it and join the fun... He's just a bad ass... Giraffes were created because Chuck Norris uppercutted a horsePuttin' some stank on it. ----Hellfish #707---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #14 October 17, 2007 Quote Quote Giraffes were created because Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyD 0 #15 October 17, 2007 When Superman goes to bed at night he wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #16 October 17, 2007 Quote When Superman goes to bed at night he wears Chuck Norris pajamas. AND he can kick Superman's ass! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #17 October 17, 2007 Quote Quote When Superman goes to bed at night he wears Chuck Norris pajamas. AND he can kick Superman's ass! And when the Boogieman goes to sleep...he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cashmanimal 0 #18 October 17, 2007 Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.It's all fun and until someone loses an eye... then it's just a game to find the eye Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #19 October 17, 2007 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #20 October 17, 2007 Quote How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Damn, now THAT is a mouthful! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madison 0 #21 October 18, 2007 Funny thread, thanks, I needed a good laugh--here's some more: What's Helen Keller's favorite color?...............Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about fight club. Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hair, because hair can't grow on steel. Chuck Norris & Mr.T walked into a bar, then it exploded, because that level of awesomeness can't be contained in just one building. Chuck Norris got an erection while walking down the street...there were no survivors. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in. Chuck Norris can speak Braille. April Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #22 October 18, 2007 Chuck Norris went back in time, saving JFK Jr. by deflecting all 3 shots with his beard. Unfortunately, JFK Jr. died when his head exploded out of sheer amazement.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nessvegas 0 #23 October 18, 2007 I have embraced the Chuck Norris love.......I will buy the next T-Shirt I see........Do I need to watch Texas Ranger? Buy the Soundtrack? So much to learn! _________________________________________ I married the right one......it just took me 2 times! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #24 October 18, 2007 Quote I have embraced the Chuck Norris love.......I will buy the next T-Shirt I see........Do I need to watch Texas Ranger? Buy the Soundtrack? So much to learn! Yes... also shipping will cost $49.97Please send it to me and I will forward it to the appropriate peopleSome people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gweeks 1 #25 October 18, 2007 Chuck Norris got pissed at Iceland one day so he roundhouse kicked it. A chunk flew off and sank the Titanic. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
