Squeak 17 #26 August 22, 2008 Quote thanks for all your words of encouragement and even those that werent so helpful... I'm dealing with this in my own way... I'm not revisiting this thread. Maybe next time when you start a thread about your private life, ask for SUPPORTIVE THOUGHTS ONLYYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mamajumps 0 #27 August 22, 2008 QuoteQuotedepressed or not, 8 years of it is enough... It sounds like you've made up your mind already. exactly... with that frame of mind, counseling is a waste of time and money... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #28 August 22, 2008 QuoteQuoteQuotedepressed or not, 8 years of it is enough... It sounds like you've made up your mind already. exactly... with that frame of mind, counseling is a waste of time and money... ..and of both he'll need enough for the divorce.. contracting a killer should be significantly cheaper tough, i heard the guys from russia only charged something like 50$ a pop.. a pop“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
birdlike 0 #29 August 27, 2008 QuoteQuotei'm just asking for your thoughts on my situation Ok...here's my thoughts: Looking at your other posts on this, it seems to me like you're going into the counseling and your relationship problems already convinced that it's going to fail. I saw it that way too. My first reaction was that any couple in a situation where they are not getting along must, before they do anything, decide whether they still love each other. If they do, then blast away at the problems knowing that each one wants to get back to that. If you know that your goal is to return to the state of loving each other without all the other crap, then you can do it. But if the love is gone, there won't be any heart put into the fight to pull the marriage back together. I went through a two-year relationship that fell apart as we grew apart. It became clear that there wasn't enough love to hold it all together, so we went our separate ways. Sometimes that just happens. Good luck, Bloody Trauma. I wish you the best.Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #30 August 27, 2008 And now for your standard Bonfire answer... Dude do her in the butt if she stays keep her, if not at least you got the balloon knot. Now for the more serious... I like happythoughts suggestion. Although it is hard to want to work something through when the other partner has given up a long time ago. Does she take medication for depression? I am not saying that meds is a cure all, but it can help get over the hump until she can find that which makes her happy. Find an activity the both of you can enjoy together, and try it, perhaps renting a bicycle built for two might be kinda fun.Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #31 August 27, 2008 I've been through marriage counselling 3 times with 2 husbands, so have a little experience here. #1 was with my ex. The counsellor told me there was something wrong with me as a woman because I did not want children of my own and I needed to seek independent help to 'fix' me in that regard (It didn't matter that ex knew this from day one and was ok with it until he changed his mind 4 years later). That was my one and only session with that shrink and that husband. #2 was 3 years ago with my husband. He's not a very outwardly emotional man, he's very non-feeling. That's just how he is. Shrink decided that he was the broken one and had to be fixed. To Chad's effort, he really did bust his ass to try to be what the shrink wanted him to be, but was going insane in his own head trying to be something that he's not. The sessions consisted of an hour of shrink grilling Chad while I just sat there hoping to get something out of it and feeling sorry for my husband. After a few months of this, Chad just mentally broke and couldn't do it any more. #3 was also with Chad. We met him initially for PTSD, but it morphed into marriage counselling. This guy was absolutely phenominal. He worked with both of us and who we are as people, and helped us learn to communicate better with each other. We went every week for about 6 months and our marriage is infinitely better for it. He didn't put blame on either of us, he let us be ourselves and showed us the things we did right as a couple and the things we needed to improve on, then gave us exercises to help practice. It's been a year since then, and things are great. The point is, you both have to want to be there, you have to both realize that the state of a marriage is in both of your hands (not one person's 'fault'). In order to fix it, you both need to make changes in yourselves. You will never change another person, only yourself. Once you understand that and work on your own weaknesses as she works on hers, the changes really can be amazing. And the right counselor makes a huge difference in the success of the sessions. My first two were idiots, the third one phenominal. If it wasn't for him, we probably wouldn't still be together. Seeing just how happy we are again, even better than the beginning of our relationship, it was worth the work, stress, and humility. Good luck. Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mdrejhon 8 #32 August 27, 2008 #1 and #2 sounds terrible. #3 sounds like my counsellor. The counsellor's approach makes a massive difference. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
