How much $ is too much for it?

[Trafficdiver 8]

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So basically, a guy is paying for sex. The form of payment is dinner, movie, etc., but it is still consideration for a personal service. If the woman does not perform that service by the time the man considers it paid in full, the man will find another vendor.

Other than the fact that the service is not guaranteed at the outset, how does this vary from regular ol' prostitution?

Looking at it all wrong IMHO. Instead of spending a lot of money , time and thoughts on one person, why not spend less on several people?

The more women you date at a time, the more attracted each will become on you because they can sense that they are not the only one and feel a challenge, to the point of fighting over you.

I know it sounds counter intuitive, but focusing on one girl will kill your game and she will sense it. If you are only going after one girl, you'll wonder why she doesn't call back immediately and start thinking too much about it.

Dating a few girls at once and then you almost appreciate not getting a call right back because you're busy with other girls. When they all call back and want to hang out at once i creates a problem, but that's a good problem.

As for money on a first date, $50 that's it. She could be only worth 10, I'd rather lose 40 than 190.

[Muffie 0]

[replyThe more women you date at a time, the more attracted each will become on you because they can sense that they are not the only one and feel a challenge, to the point of fighting over you.

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This can backfire on you, though. Personally, if I get a vibe that some guy is playing the field and I'm just one of many that he has in rotation, I'm gone. The guy I mentioned above was seeing a few girls when I met him (hence his no kissing thing). He told me about it and told me he was going to wrap things up and focus on me. I gave him a few weeks to work it out and when he didn't I dropped him. I deserve better.

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[airdvr 197]

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Admittedly, I probably handled the situation poorly, though.

I would've probably done the same. From my experience, if a guy is a spender (someone who likes to buy really expensive meals or give lots of gifts, etc.) he's going to be all weird about it if you ask him not to. So, you can either go along with it or walk away.

Airdvr - in response to your question to Nightingale. I dated a guy like that for about a month who didn't even try to kiss me but probably took me out to nice restaurants about three times a week, bought me clothes, wanted to buy me a GPS for my car, etc. We had many discussions about his attitudes around all this. His view was he had the money and liked to spend it. It always made me feel weird (esp. the non-meal purchases), but every time I tried to pick-up a meal here or there or refused to let him buy me something it made things feel even more weird. So, I went back to avoiding those types even though I really liked him otherwise.

There's something missing here...you say you really liked him otherwise. He took you nice places, bought you nice things. What happened?

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[Muffie 0]

See my post directly above. He said he was tying up loose ends with a few other girls. I gave him some time to do so. He didn't. I ended it.

[airdvr 197]

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See my post directly above. He said he was tying up loose ends with a few other girls. I gave him some time to do so. He didn't. I ended it.

Sorry. I didn't realize it was the same person.

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[davelepka 4]

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When he emailed me, the places he was suggesting to go were all a couple hundred bucks. Completely freaked me out, and I never called him even though one of the places he suggested is probably my favorite restaurant (he doesn't know that). Places like that are for a special occasion.

Since you knew this guy previously, you may have known better, but if he was a 'stranger' to you, isn't there the chance that those are the restaurants he goes to all the time anyway?

I know it's a tough call to make because some guys will go all out to try and impress a woman, and sometimes that creates hard feelings if things don't 'work out' between the two of you. I can see how you would want to avoid that situation, but be open to the idea that the guy regularly eats as those types of places, and is just asking you out to 'dinner'.

[JohnMitchell 14]

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I know it's a tough call to make because some guys will go all out to try and impress a woman, and sometimes that creates hard feelings if things don't 'work out' between the two of you. I can see how you would want to avoid that situation, but be open to the idea that the guy regularly eats as those types of places, and is just asking you out to 'dinner'.

That's why I long ago gave up on "impressing" dates (when I was dating.) Since then I've been very successful at being unimpressive.

Works for me.

Seriously, if you try to hard, it smells of desperation, and that is a huge turnoff to women.

[skybill 19]

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Davjohns I'm liking you more and more the way you respond to these things.

In answer to the question by the OP:
Keep in mind that I play these things conservatively, but as a woman, the more a man tries to spend on me early on the less likely he is to get it anytime soon. So, pool, some beers, and trashy food at a diner at 2 am and everything else is clicking there's definitely a good night kiss in the picture. Show up at the door with a dozen roses and take me to Morton's and I'll spend the night wondering who you think you asked out and why you're trying so hard. Not that I don't like Morton's, just that no one should be trying that hard on a first date and I don't like it when I feel like some guy is trying to "buy me".

Admittedly, I'm weird and not normal.

Hi Muf,
So, where's "Morton's???" The only one that I know of is located in Madisonville, LA on the Tchefuncte River. Great Seafood Restaurant!! BTW, this 06MAR the Sunday before Mardi Gras the Krew of Tchefuncte is hosting their Mardie Gras Boat Parade at 2PM on the Tchefuncte at Madisonville and it will all be happening right in front of "Morton's!!" So, another "Morton's" for your list!!

SCR-2034, SCS-680

III%,
Deli-out

[davelepka 4]

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That's why I long ago gave up on "impressing" dates (when I was dating.)

if you try to hard, it smells of desperation, and that is a huge turnoff to women

True. The other problem is that if you pretend to be something you're not, sooner or later the 'real you' will be revealed. What then? The woman who was interested in the 'impressive' you might have no interest in the everyday you. It's much easier to just be yourself, and let the chips fall where they may.

That said, if the 'real you' eats at a five-star restaurant every week, that's probably where you would want to take a date. I'm not a five-star guy, but I do avoid chain restaurants like the plague and like to eat good food. I wouldn't choose Applebees or Fridays anyday even if I was eating alone, so why would I want to take a date there?

[Nightingale 0]

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When he emailed me, the places he was suggesting to go were all a couple hundred bucks. Completely freaked me out, and I never called him even though one of the places he suggested is probably my favorite restaurant (he doesn't know that). Places like that are for a special occasion.

Since you knew this guy previously, you may have known better, but if he was a 'stranger' to you, isn't there the chance that those are the restaurants he goes to all the time anyway?

I know it's a tough call to make because some guys will go all out to try and impress a woman, and sometimes that creates hard feelings if things don't 'work out' between the two of you. I can see how you would want to avoid that situation, but be open to the idea that the guy regularly eats as those types of places, and is just asking you out to 'dinner'.

I know for sure that they're not places he goes to regularly. Even if he did, though, it's not something I would be comfortable with for a first date.

[davelepka 4]

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I know for sure that they're not places he goes to regularly. Even if he did, though, it's not something I would be comfortable with for a first date.

That's why I mentioned your previous knowledge of the guy. If you knew he was 'upping the ante', I don't blame you for blowing him off and skipping the date.

Beyond that, if you're not comfortable at the places a guy is suggesting, it might be a sign that you wouldn't be a match for him anyway. If you're comfortable anywhere, you should at least consider that the guy is just looking for a good meal if he's going out to eat. Date or no date, he's still going out for a meal, so he might as well get what he wants as opposed to 'dumbing it down' to 'un-impress' a woman.

[Muffie 0]

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Hi Muf,
So, where's "Morton's???" The only one that I know of is located in Madisonville, LA on the Tchefuncte River. Great Seafood Restaurant!! BTW, this 06MAR the Sunday before Mardi Gras the Krew of Tchefuncte is hosting their Mardie Gras Boat Parade at 2PM on the Tchefuncte at Madisonville and it will all be happening right in front of "Morton's!!" So, another "Morton's" for your list!!

The one I was referring to is a high-end chain restaurant that probably runs $150+ for a couple if you get any sort of alcohol. The type of place that doesn't have prices on the menu and brings out visual representations of all of the food on offer. I've been to locations in Denver, Miami, DC, and New York. (Lots of business travel).

Yours sounds like a hell of a lot more fun. I have a few friends who are members of one of the NOLA Mardi Gras Krewes. Serious good times!

[Muffie 0]

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See my post directly above. He said he was tying up loose ends with a few other girls. I gave him some time to do so. He didn't. I ended it.

Sorry. I didn't realize it was the same person.

No worries. Rose colored glasses sometimes.

In furtherance of the discussion - I have a buddy who got divorced about five years ago who also has issues about the amount he spends on dating women and getting nothing tangible in return. Not sure he has a set limit, but I know it can suck sometimes to be paying out money you may not have (esp. after a divorce) and having nothing come of it. He tends to get a little blinded by how attractive a woman is and fails to note any other positive or negative qualities. So, in that instance sometimes it is best to have a line you draw because attractive women who have learned to and like to use men can be very, very damaging to a guy's wallet and ego.

[Conundrum 1]

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So I wanted to find out if the sex was going to be any good rather quickly before I invested a ton of money.

LOL @ "invest". You're obviously a bitter person about your divorce.

This is a relationship, not Wall Street. Get over yourself.

[airdvr 197]

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So I wanted to find out if the sex was going to be any good rather quickly before I invested a ton of money.

LOL @ "invest". You're obviously a bitter person about your divorce.

This is a relationship, not Wall Street. Get over yourself.

I was absolutely bitter over my divorce. I'll take a wild guess and say most people in that situation would be. I don't understand the 'get over yourself' comment. you sound bitter too. Are you divorced?

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[davelepka 4]

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because attractive women who have learned to and like to use men can be very, very damaging to a guy's wallet and ego.

And we finally have a winner.

If you look at the entire spectrum of possibilities, and you factor in a couple of the above mentioned man-users, and then the 'normal' percentage of dates that just don't create a 'match' for more honest reasons, you can see where a guy can spend quite a bit of time and money going on several dates with nothing to show for it.

Again, does 'nothing to show for it' just mean 'no sex to show for it'? No, not at all, but that's one facet of having a significant other (a pretty good facet at that) and one more thing to lament not having, along with the company/companion ship a man is seeking while out there in the dating world.

Let's face it, as much as some people want to feel like sex is a lowly aspiration, and that they are 'above' that in terms of relationship seeking, they need to get real. While an emotional connection is an important part of a healthy adult relationship, so is sex. Just like people have emotional needs that drive them to socialize and seek companionship, there is an undeniable physical drive to seek a sexual partner(s) that needs to be recognized. The healthy, succesful adult relationship is a combination of emotional and physical connections.

Of the two, the phyical connection is far easier to recognize or catagorize than the emotional one. If there is physical attraction, and you are acting on it, then it's plain to see that the physical connection is alive and well.

Recongnizing or confirming the emotional connection can he harder and take longer than the physical. Some people are much slower to make (or admit to) that emotional connection, and even those who come upon it more readily, you really need to spend time with someone to see it the connection is really there. You need to interact with someone through some lows and some highs to really see what they are emotionally made of, and if that fits with your own personality.

So it's no surprise that some men use sex as a 'barometer' of how things are going, and react to the lack of it.

[davjohns 1]

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So basically, a guy is paying for sex. The form of payment is dinner, movie, etc., but it is still consideration for a personal service. If the woman does not perform that service by the time the man considers it paid in full, the man will find another vendor.

Other than the fact that the service is not guaranteed at the outset, how does this vary from regular ol' prostitution?

Looking at it all wrong IMHO. Instead of spending a lot of money , time and thoughts on one person, why not spend less on several people?

The more women you date at a time, the more attracted each will become on you because they can sense that they are not the only one and feel a challenge, to the point of fighting over you.

I know it sounds counter intuitive, but focusing on one girl will kill your game and she will sense it. If you are only going after one girl, you'll wonder why she doesn't call back immediately and start thinking too much about it.

Dating a few girls at once and then you almost appreciate not getting a call right back because you're busy with other girls. When they all call back and want to hang out at once i creates a problem, but that's a good problem.

As for money on a first date, $50 that's it. She could be only worth 10, I'd rather lose 40 than 190.

I can almost see the scoring system that goes along with this line of thinking. As long as all players know they are in a game, I suppose that's fine.

I have no 'game' when it comes to women. I'm sure that's why I'm single. I'm OK with that.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[Conundrum 1]

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So I wanted to find out if the sex was going to be any good rather quickly before I invested a ton of money.

LOL @ "invest". You're obviously a bitter person about your divorce.

This is a relationship, not Wall Street. Get over yourself.

you sound bitter too. Are you divorced?

Nope, I just think it's funny that you spending money on or with someone is an "investment". You invest time, not money, into a relationship. If you want to spend money and get fucked on the first date, go hire a hooker.

[Trafficdiver 8]

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[replyThe more women you date at a time, the more attracted each will become on you because they can sense that they are not the only one and feel a challenge, to the point of fighting over you.

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This can backfire on you, though. Personally, if I get a vibe that some guy is playing the field and I'm just one of many that he has in rotation, I'm gone. The guy I mentioned above was seeing a few girls when I met him (hence his no kissing thing). He told me about it and told me he was going to wrap things up and focus on me. I gave him a few weeks to work it out and when he didn't I dropped him. I deserve better.

Ummm, How exactly did you find out this guy was seeing a few other girls? Did you walk up to him, shake his hand and ask how many sexual partners he had within the last 6 months?

I'm just asking because I've almost never been asked this and if I were, I'd be glad that I had other options.

Also would you rather date a boring unattractive guy who had no other women on the line, or a fun guy that you like who may be dating other people?

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[billvon 2,402]

>the more a man tries to spend on me early on the less likely he is to
>get it anytime soon.

I've never really thought about it in that way - that 'spending too much' would be a negative thing. First dates for me have ranged to "go across the street to the bar" to "rent a plane and fly to Danbury to have dinner in the fancy restaurant." Has more to do with what I think she'd appreciate.

[airdvr 197]

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So I wanted to find out if the sex was going to be any good rather quickly before I invested a ton of money.

LOL @ "invest". You're obviously a bitter person about your divorce.

This is a relationship, not Wall Street. Get over yourself.

you sound bitter too. Are you divorced?

Nope, I just think it's funny that you spending money on or with someone is an "investment". You invest time, not money, into a relationship. If you want to spend money and get fucked on the first date, go hire a hooker.

And therein lies the $200 limit. I don't go to hookers but I figured that if I reached the $200 mark I could have just bought myself a piece of ass. If the relationship wasn't progressing towards being more intimate it was time to cutaway. Thank you for demonstrating the issue.

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[JohnMitchell 14]

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"rent a plane and fly

That alone would be a great date.

[Conundrum 1]

Define "progressing". Would a kiss on the second date be progression? Feeling her up? her sucking your dick? fucking?

[airdvr 197]

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Define "progressing". Would a kiss on the second date be progression? Feeling her up? her sucking your dick? fucking?

Depending on the person I would say all of the above.

Why are you so bitter about this topic? Are you thinking that perhaps some time in your past you might have unknowingly exceeded someone's limit?

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[Southern_Man 0]

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Define "progressing". Would a kiss on the second date be progression? Feeling her up? her sucking your dick? fucking?

Personally, I always figured the physical stuff should progress at the same rate as the emotional/social/intellectual connection did. Getting ahead of yourself physically just seems to cause problems and be not fulfilling. I don't think you can really put a time table (or a price tag) on that. But I do think if the relationship is not progressing in a direction that the parties want, it is beneficial to call it quits at some point before you go too far down the road.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"