gonzalesna 0 #51 February 17, 2012 Quote Quote It's not just kids of today, remember Aristotle /Plato et al. were banging on about how kids (mis)behave - same old same old. Quote "I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint" (Hesiod, 8th century BC). See attached! Thanks for the quote. Didn't ancient greece fall to the Romans, later to resurface and go into economic turmoil?Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #52 February 17, 2012 Shows that we don't learn from history (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J-S 0 #53 February 17, 2012 Quote I'll try to keep to the facts... Soon to be 19 year old: - living at home; free room and board - attends private art college (cost is approx. $5500 every 10 weeks) - does not work, nor has he ever. Pushes back when addressed about it - does not cook, nor know how - does not clean, nor know how - does not pay own cell bill, and exceeds minutes almost monthly - does not pay own auto insurance - does not register for his own classes - does not order / nor pay for his books / supplies - does his own laundry - does have attitude - does spend a good portion of his free time playing video games Does feel we as the parents are too hard on him... WTF is wrong with kids these days... Damn. Someone needs to teach that kid survival skills, cause hes just set up for failure in the real world. Growing up on the poorer side of town in Jersey if I ever wanted anything I had to work for it. Preteen I was delivering newspapers at 4:30 in the mornings 7 days a week, even in the brutal winters. Then before school I would walk to the local bakery, help the old guy load up his truck for the days deliveries for $5. Wash dishes after work at the restaurants. Shovel sidewalks and driveways in the winter. The local hardware store would hook us up with free bags of salt and sand if we shoveled a few of the older neighborhood seniors walkways for free (and out of respect). Teen years I started working in a woodshop after school and on the weekends learning a trade. I knew the rents couldnt afford to send me to school. And thats how it was for people in my neighborhood. The elders looked out for the young ones and we would help out where we could, teaching us early to work hard and the value of a dollar. Moved out when I was 17, went to night school to finish my diploma, and worked full time. Everything that was taught to me by the older Irish and Polish blue collars, and my parents tough love made me the self made man I am today. And let me say the first night I had my apartment and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was the best damn sandwich I ever ate. Guppie01, toughin' that kid up! Make him a man, obviously no one previously had tried to. The longer you let him catch a ride for free the more youll be paying financially and the harder to break him. Be a role model, not a friend. The best to you and your situation! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lurch 0 #54 February 17, 2012 Yo Twardo... Right on. You remind me of my dad. Reading about this 19yo I'm shaking my head like "man. I thought -I- was messed up then." At 19 I'd been out of the house for over a year already, was on my third job, (carny) had bought and replaced 2 crappy 300$ cars and was acquiring my 3rd car which lasted me a decade and made me a serious mechanic. By 19 I'd been on my own a year already. Won't say I was doing "fine", but ya gotta start somewhere. My dad managed to communicate that he was willing to be last ditch emergency safety net and if I'm in trouble don't hesitate to call, but this ain't reality TV and you're on your own kid. I decided that really meant I HAD no safety net and acted accordingly just because I figured I wasn't gonna make my dad come rescue my cocky ass from anything unless I really took on something too big and was about to get eaten. A couple times I hit the edge... just about out of options, cash and resources... once, called my dad from some pay phone, depressed, discouraged, few bucks left, car disintegrating around me in the middle of the wastelands in Wyoming. Told my dad I think I chose badly there was a good chance in the next 12 hours I was gonna be sitting by the side of the highway in an immobilized wreck with a stripped out drivetrain, out of parts, cash, gas, options, everything. Cause I was down to my last couple hundred bucks and the hardware was not gonna survive another 2,500 miles of this. The best dads let you fly, PUSH you to fly... and let you know they're still waiting to catch you if you fall. Mine did. Told me if you don't make it, I'm here, gimme a call and you'll have backup. Its amazing what knowing your dad's got your back can do for you. I had no idea how Pop was gonna get cash or assistance to whatever gas station I'd finally grind to a halt in, but I had total faith that he would somehow. Of course that just made me that much more determined not to call on that promise so I got back under the hood, refused to give up, kept the car together with pure mojo and duct tape and a couple days later called my dad triumphant from a friend's house on the east coast instead... "I made it!!!" Landed a job and a place within days. Couple years after that I wash up on his doorstep again, still looking like a feral raccoon but with a huge grin, total turnaround, top of the world, got money, got job, got cars, got my first rig... "Hey Dad I'm a licensed skydiver!" Paid for every bit of it the hard way one 12 hour factory shift at a time. I suppose I could have just asked, and if I had, maybe he even would have funded it, but where's the fun in THAT? I figured it'd be far more valuable to me if I did it the hard way by choice. When it was obvious that I had already succeeded, was a fully functional 50 jump wonder and never gonna quit, my dad says "Well, is there anything you need, son?" I was still borrowing student Pro-tecs off my fortunately-tolerant DZO, so I says "Yeah, a helmet. I got everything else handled but its gonna be awhile on that." He says go get the finest helmet you can buy, price no object, this one's on me, son. Proud of you. I did. 9 years later I'm still jumping it. I may replace it someday but I will never sell it or get rid of it. Its like a carbon fiber hug from Dad. Best thing a parent can do for their kids is let em know they're on their own but you got their back, and they can achieve anything. -B Live and learn... or die, and teach by example. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,146 #55 February 17, 2012 Quote couple days later called my dad triumphant from a friend's house on the east coast instead... "I made it!!!" The best parents let their kids challenge themselves while they can still be backup if really really necessary. Which means that they pull the tough love thing early instead of late. Yeah, I know that it started a long time ago. Can your husband and his ex talk sensibly about this at all? This is their son's future that you're talking about, and you want him taking risks where the cost of failure is recoverable, which means he has to take some of those risks earlier instead of later. If they really can't talk about it, even with a mediator to help the conversation along, then it's going to be harder. Because your stepson is being set up to not know how to handle failure, and that's a bad thing. If he burns down the kitchen boiling water, tell him where the cleaning materials are . Don't punish him for risks he takes, just let him deal with the consequences. That's life. And yeah, for the serious stuff you have his back. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyjumpenfool 2 #56 February 17, 2012 Quote Quote That's good that you'll be a safety net. Hell, you love the kid, right? But you were smart not to let him use it for a hammock. BTW, we taught all of our kids to cook at a very early age. That and how money works are two of the best lessons you can give them. Proud papa update...he got a job he tried for yesterday. Foreman @ LawnPro, starts tomorrow! Can't keep a good man down!! That's how welfare is suppose to work! If your going thru a rough time, welfare should be there to help you out... short term. Welfare is short term, not a way of life?? Twardo for secretary of HUD!!! Birdshit & Fools Productions "Son, only two things fall from the sky." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #57 February 17, 2012 QuoteQuit writing the checks, ordering the books, registering for classes and doing everything for him! I think Gia stated that it's his birth mom enabling him like.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lurch 0 #58 February 17, 2012 Guppie: Just a thought... if this kids not gonna get off ass you could do what my dad did when I cut loose. He equipped me with $2000 in postdated checks, set for $100 a week to guarantee my survival for the first six months, the postdating serving to protect me from any impulse bad judgement such as a possible choice to cash in half of it at once to buy some toy. Other than that, anything I want, toys clothes phone, car, basic survival beyond eating, I had to work for. When I was trying to save up a few hundred bucks on minimum wage, 4.25$/hr at the time, my brother thought I was being stupid and I should have defeated my dad's safety mechanism by selling the checks at a pawnshop or something to get my hands on the cash all at once, and use it to buy the car I couldn't really afford. I decided my brother could go on thinking I was stupid cause my dad had gone to the trouble to create that safety net and I'll be damned if I was gonna disrespect his judgement by deliberately defeating that net and pissing it away. What if the car breaks? Even if I'd cashed in everything I had left, $1400 still doesn't buy you much of a car. Then I'll have no car AND no money. I let the car I really wanted to buy go, bought one within my means, and made that safety net last the full term it was intended to, kept me eating when I was in between jobs while my brother was spending the rent and food money on a nice new Pioneer head unit for the car he'd bought that was fated to last less than 6 months anyway. So if the kid keeps copping an attitude, tell em "If you think -we're- being hard on you, try the world. There's the door, heres some cash so you don't starve, its all you get so make it last, piss it away and you get to choose from a fine selection of dumpsters to sleep in. Have fun." And see if the kid mans up. It worked for me. -BLive and learn... or die, and teach by example. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #59 February 17, 2012 @ Lurch and J-S, well done gent's, and you are the kind of fine men that I hope my Step-son turns into. Thanks for sharing your life stories - RESPECT! @ Skymama, correct Bio-Mom is enabling him... g "Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #60 February 17, 2012 I'm too lazy to read your novel. Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #61 February 17, 2012 Quote I'm too lazy to read your novel. bwahaha Gonzo, don't you have something you need to blow up! Miss ya! g"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #62 February 17, 2012 Quote Quote I'm too lazy to read your novel. bwahaha Gonzo, don't you have something you need to blow up! Miss ya! g I'm blowin' up all the forums right now.How you been, you feisty lil' midget?Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #63 February 17, 2012 Quote Quote I voted Boobies...for your husband. As for the Brat. I second Skymama's approach. If that doesn't work. I will happily knock him into next week for you. I was on my own at 16. Art Student pfft . Let me at 'im. You might want to let him read some of these posts.... He might find out how lucky he is to have you as a step-mom!! I'm just saying? I was actually thinking it may be more productive to have his Mother read them... although knowing her it'd probably backfire and she wouldn't get the point, she'd just yell at the kid. g"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lurch 0 #64 February 17, 2012 "Art Student pfft" Thats what I was thinking. Coddled. Ivory tower entitlement baby. I'd say the kid ought to voluntarily take a year off, grab some tools and jump into the ring, get some experience in the harsh and gritty Mosh Pit of Life. But as an art student he'd probably call it a "sabbatical" or something and it wouldn't help cause he'll believe he can bail back to Mommy's purse strings whenever he feels like it or the going gets rough. If its just a simulation and he knows it, it ain't gonna help. If he believes its ok to wuss out, he will. Damn glad I was NOT a trust fund kid. You don't learn squat when all your needs are provided for you. If he doesn't learn the law of the jungle now, he will later and its gonna hurt a whole lot more because he'll be under the illusion that the art degree was supposed to make sure that can't happen. -BLive and learn... or die, and teach by example. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Krip 2 #65 February 17, 2012 Hi Lady G. Some people said the "M" word "Military". If he goes that far there is no safety net. Even without a conflict going on someplace if he is really spoiled, and pampered he can get the scarlet letter "DD" for life.There is no safety net in the military unless his bio mom is someone very special or he's lucky or man's up. If you think this is bad wait until the young man starts reproducing and your the new baby sitter. GG.R.I.P. R. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
guppie01 0 #66 February 17, 2012 Quote If you think this is bad wait until the young man starts reproducing and your the new baby sitter. GG. PMM in the house... FUCK THAT SHIT!!! Military... hahah Yeah, I don't think he'd last a day in boot camp... g"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?" Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU OMG, is she okay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
