shah269 0 #1 March 6, 2012 How do you forgive yourself? I made a rather sizable mistake in my life. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. Sadly I was very wrong. And now I have to serve my time as penance for my mistake. I'm looking at 5-10 years before I am free to start my life over on my own terms. And this has manifested itself as frustration and that frustration becomes anger. In my case this anger is directed towards engineers....though they did nothing wrong. After having spent many hours speaking with those who know better than I do regarding this frustration of being trapped and it becoming anger at others, the only first step I have to not eating myself from the inside out is to forgive myself. And I'll be honest, I have no clue where to begin on this one. I've often been of the mindset that ignorance was never a viable excuse for anyone. And now I'm sitting looking at myself and marveling at how ignorant I was in having blind trust in another person and putting their life ahead of my own. You guys and gals seem to be more zen than I, how do you go about forgiving yourself for stupid things you may have done in the past? Thank youLife through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #2 March 6, 2012 QuoteHow do you forgive yourself? I made a rather sizable mistake in my life. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. Sadly I was very wrong. And now I have to serve my time as penance for my mistake. I'm looking at 5-10 years before I am free to start my life over on my own terms. And this has manifested itself as frustration and that frustration becomes anger. In my case this anger is directed towards engineers....though they did nothing wrong. After having spent many hours speaking with those who know better than I do regarding this frustration of being trapped and it becoming anger at others, the only first step I have to not eating myself from the inside out is to forgive myself. And I'll be honest, I have no clue where to begin on this one. I've often been of the mindset that ignorance was never a viable excuse for anyone. And now I'm sitting looking at myself and marveling at how ignorant I was in having blind trust in another person and putting their life ahead of my own. You guys and gals seem to be more zen than I, how do you go about forgiving yourself for stupid things you may have done in the past? Thank you The PAST is gone d00d, worrying about it just fucks up the present...which is the foundation for the future. Failure isn't the end of the story unless you want it to be...it's just a chapter in the book, turn the page and keep writing. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #3 March 6, 2012 Move on life's too short. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #4 March 6, 2012 Quote How do you forgive yourself? I made a rather sizable mistake in my life. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. Sadly I was very wrong. And now I have to serve my time as penance for my mistake. I'm looking at 5-10 years before I am free to start my life over on my own terms. And this has manifested itself as frustration and that frustration becomes anger. In my case this anger is directed towards engineers....though they did nothing wrong. After having spent many hours speaking with those who know better than I do regarding this frustration of being trapped and it becoming anger at others, the only first step I have to not eating myself from the inside out is to forgive myself. And I'll be honest, I have no clue where to begin on this one. I've often been of the mindset that ignorance was never a viable excuse for anyone. And now I'm sitting looking at myself and marveling at how ignorant I was in having blind trust in another person and putting their life ahead of my own. You guys and gals seem to be more zen than I, how do you go about forgiving yourself for stupid things you may have done in the past? Thank you Drink until you can't feel feelings anymore... then have 2 more and when you wake up out of your coma the next morning, you'll forget all about it... mostly because it'll feel like gia's hitting you in the head with a 10lb. sledgehammer.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #5 March 6, 2012 QuoteI'm sitting looking at myself and marveling at how ignorant I was in having blind trust in another person and putting their life ahead of my own. Quotehow do you go about forgiving yourself Well for one, you could put away your passive aggressiveness and stop blaming others, as veiled as it is. Perhaps you could start by forgiving her first.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,150 #6 March 6, 2012 Put the energy you spend blaming yourself towards a short-term goal. Doesn't have to be a permanent goal, just short-term. When you achieve that goal, you'll find that a lot of the blame goes away too. E.g. decide you'll ride a 100 mile bike ride for charity (not a giant goal unless you're disabled). Once that's achieved, you'll have the satisfaction of accomplishment to go with the feeling of penance. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #7 March 6, 2012 Quote Put the energy you spend blaming yourself towards a short-term goal. The problem is that I don't think he's blaming himself...I think he's just found another way to feel sorry for himself and gain the pity of others. I'm a pro when it comes to deception, especially self deception.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #8 March 6, 2012 QuotePerhaps you could start by forgiving her first. I'm sorry this will never happen. First off I'm Persian, we are not big on the forgiving or forgetting those who have wronged us. In my case, my failure was to be more vigilant and more selfish and to protect myself from infidelity and theft. If I had exercised just a little bit of caution and had been smarter I would not be serving my 5-10 year sentence. And I'm having a very hard time with forgiving myself for not having been smart enough. I mean for fucks sake, I have patents, I got good grades, I'm darn good at solving problems....and better at preventing them. Both mechanical and social! How the hell did I miss this! How could I have been so blind to the theft and even more blind to the sucker punch? As for the volunteering thing, yeah I do it all the time note the FIRST thing. For me it's just a function of life. And I'm not a big fan of the pharmaceutical solution of finding absolution. I don't know...I'm even thinking...going to a house of warship and seeing where things go? Have vacations ever worked for you guys? I haven't had one in about 4 years? Maybe time away? I don't know?Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #9 March 6, 2012 Quote Quote Perhaps you could start by forgiving her first. I'm sorry this will never happen. First off I'm Persian, we are not big on the forgiving or forgetting those who have wronged us. Well then, you're fucked.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaVinciflies 0 #10 March 6, 2012 Quote Quote Quote Perhaps you could start by forgiving her first. I'm sorry this will never happen. First off I'm Persian, we are not big on the forgiving or forgetting those who have wronged us. Well then, you're fucked. Yep. If that's your attitude, you are fucked. I've never heard anything so pathetic. You are doing this for attention. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rick 67 #11 March 6, 2012 QuoteQuoteI'm sitting looking at myself and marveling at how ignorant I was in having blind trust in another person and putting their life ahead of my own. Quotehow do you go about forgiving yourself Well for one, you could put away your passive aggressiveness and stop blaming others, as veiled as it is. Perhaps you could start by forgiving her first. ----------------------------------------------------------- exactly the feeling I got from this post Shah doesn't sound like your blaming yourself for anythingYou can't be drunk all day if you don't start early! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #12 March 6, 2012 Quote And I'm having a very hard time with forgiving myself for not having been smart enough. I mean for fucks sake, I have patents, I got good grades, I'm darn good at solving problems....and better at preventing them. Both mechanical and social! It doesn't matter how smart you are...It doesn't matter if people like us have a slightly above average/respectable IQ because we're emotionally retarded.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #13 March 6, 2012 No I am, it was 100% my fault. I should have been smarter, more vigilant and more aware. And usually I am a very vigilant and aware person. I wish I was like some who can have life's missteps roll off their back, but I'm too critical of myself. I don't know......... Maybe more volunteer work and maybe an overdue vacation? If I can't forgive myself maybe I can forget? I'm not looking for pitty i'm looking for valid suggestions.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #14 March 6, 2012 QuoteI'm not looking for pitty i'm looking for valid suggestions. There is only one way, and I'm afraid you have rejected it multiple times in multiple ways.Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #15 March 6, 2012 Quote Yep. If that's your attitude, you are fucked. I've never heard anything so pathetic. You are doing this for attention. Bwhaaaaaaa ..... came to the wrong place tonight did our Mr Shah (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #16 March 6, 2012 QuoteQuoteI'm not looking for pity I'm looking for valid suggestions. There is only one way, and I'm afraid you have rejected it multiple times in multiple ways. To forgive the fucker who fucked me over? Would you forgive someone who dammed you for 5-10 years of your life? Not to mention stole money from you? As well as your ability to trust? Do I look like freaking Jesus? No I'm Shah. Maybe a vacation will do......... I'm out of ideas.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rick 67 #17 March 6, 2012 I can see where you are coming from. I am more the type to roll with the punches but I know plenty of people that beat themselves up over everything. You got to realize you cannot control everything or everybody. Maybe control isn't the right word. You had a vision in your head of how your life was going to be. Your ex didn't stick to the plan. Is that your fault?? Is that something you should have seen coming?? Maybe not You can't be drunk all day if you don't start early! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Heatmiser 0 #18 March 6, 2012 Yeah Shah, I would forgive. I have forgiven. Wrongs most would say make what you're going through trivial, (not that it is). Carrying hatred for her ONLY does you harm, in reality, she couldn't give a shit. Forgive. When hatred wells back up, forgive again. Eventually, the pain lessens, you heal. Or you can carry around that burden like an ass carrying a load to heavy for it, and it WILL crush you. You can't forgive yourself in the middle of this, unless you forgive her, because it took BOTH of you to make the situation. That'll be 150, and I'll see you next week. What you say is reflective of your knowledge...HOW ya say it is reflective of your experience. Airtwardo Someone's going to be spanked! Hopefully, it will be me. Skymama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #19 March 6, 2012 Are we talking about a new problem or the same one/ones you have been dribbling about here for 2 fucking years? I'm betting the latter. If you had fucking filed bankruptcy and moved when you first started whining about this you'd be half way out of it by now and possibly living a happier life along the way. You did notice I said possibly, I'll let you figure on my choice of words. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #20 March 6, 2012 True, very true, like i said 100% my fault.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #21 March 6, 2012 To forgive the fucker who fucked me over? Quote Nope...ya just don't think about them AT ALL. When you think about someone you give them power, in your case that's a negative process...stop doing that. The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference. Ya don't need to forgive yourself or anyone else just keep moving forward. Can't see where you're going if ya keep looking back d00dly! Consider it a life lesson and move on. Oh and going on vacation...I'll bet you would just pack your problems and take 'em with ya, sort out the baggage now and toss what you don't need anymore! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coreece 190 #22 March 6, 2012 Quote To forgive the fucker who fucked me over? Would you forgive someone who dammed you for 5-10 years of your life? Not to mention stole money from you? As well as your ability to trust? Hey, I'm not saying it's easy...you can't be forced to just forgive someone. You're looking for a quick fix...there are none. A good place to start is by understanding Human Depravity Godspeed!Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #23 March 6, 2012 Quote To forgive the fucker who fucked me over? So if I read this right, you feel fucked because of the fucking fucker that fucked you. I reply with a simple solution... Fuck the fucking fucker.Metaphorically or literally... that's up to you... or you could do both. Quote Would you forgive someone who dammed you for 5-10 years of your life? You mean like a voodoo curse?!?Just go pee in her cheerios.Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 1 #24 March 6, 2012 Did you forgive yourself for smacking yourself into the ground awhile back? This is no different. Stop being a drama queen, let it go and move on. She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #25 March 6, 2012 QuoteDid you forgive yourself for smacking yourself into the ground awhile back? NoLife through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
