Farts: Threat, or just a menace?

[grue 1]

Australia might not have Independence Day, but if there'd been an open flame anywhere near my desk a moment ago there might have been fireworks anyway.

We all know that rides to altitude are where the worst farts are, but what are your horrible ground fart stories?

Actually, in the spirit of completeness, feel free to share the in-plane gas chamber stories as well.

cavete terrae.

[rifleman 61]

A supervisor in a warehouse I worked in many moons ago pissed off one of the forklift drivers (IIRC the driver in question was fairly mild mannered and it took a lot to wind him up to the point of retaliation).

The end result was that the day after the works BBQ (plenty of beer and chilli) the fork lift driver went into the supervisor's office, opened his nice, airtight tupperware sandwich box and farted in it then quickly sealed the lid again.

When the lid came off at lunchtime, the supervisor went green and puked in his waste basket.

Atheism is a Non-Prophet Organisation

[Krip 2]

Knew a guy in Oregon his dz nickname was Butt juice

He thought he had a gas stinker on the climb to altitude he let it rip with gusto.

See the dudes nickname what he thought was going to be a gas was actually in a liquid form but still a stinker

One Jump Wonder

[vanair 0]

One time years ago when his wife got out of bed to go to the bathroom, my brother sat on her pillow and let out a huge one, then pretended to be asleep. Took her a second after laying back down but then all hell broke loose. Still married, go figure.

[NorrinRadd 0]

I have a friend who lets rip with assassin farts. He will puff one out, and the people nearest to him will smell nothing. But a person on the other side of the room will keel over, choking from the stench. His farts literally creep around the room and pounce on unsuspecting people.

Why drive myself crazy trying to be normal, when I am already at crazy?

[JerryBaumchen 1,050]

Hi Robert,

Quote

Knew a guy in Oregon his dz nickname was Butt juice

All true; he was a very good friend of mine.



JerryBaumchen

[Krip 2]

JerryBaumchen

Hi Robert,

Quote

Knew a guy in Oregon his dz nickname was Butt juice

All true; he was a very good friend of min

JerryBaumchen[/quote

Hi Jerry

Then you knew his mom.

Cool lady I met her when she had maybe 50 jump.

Of course I couldn't leave without introducing myself to buttjuices mom so I just walled up and introduced myself, told her my dz name, maybe intoduced her Karen .

I asked that nice women if she was buttjuices mom if that meant she was Ms Buttjuice She bowed her head giggled and said yes

I don't even know the guys real name, his side kick with the ***moustache

were both great guys, fun to be around, great attitude.

The next time i met buttjuice and his dz buddy was on the plane on the way to Bali for the islands first boogie, it was a international crowd and Im still calling the poor guy buttjuice.

He was so nice that he asked me to just call him BJ Buttjuice was gone and was replaced by BJ

I would like to call them both my friends but we never saw them after bali. if you see them again, please them I (Dz name) said hi.
R

One Jump Wonder

[riddler 0]

Enough of a threat to call the cops.

Quote

A well-meaning Michigan woman called 911 after overhearing what sounded like a violent argument coming from her neighbors' house. She heard a woman shouting "Stop! No!," each cry punctuated by a loud noise. But when officers arrived, they discovered that the woman in question was being terrorized by … her boyfriend's farts. The man was apparently assaulting her with his earsplitting ass music as she yelled at him to stop it. After discovering the source of the sound (and, we're guessing, the smell), the officers wrote "Cleared the scene expeditiously" in their report. "It's quite often that we respond to things that have a funny twist to them," police chief Harry Anderson said. "This was definitely one for the books."

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[Krip 2]

Fart wars:

Warning do not try this unless you want to break off with your bed mate, or even worse remember payback is a bitch.

If you wake yourself in the middle of the night because you let one rip in your sleep and your stinking yourself out. Don't panic
If the person next to you is still asleep. Pull the covers over their head so they get the full undiluted effect of the stinker.

If that doesn't run off your bed partner, better sleep with one eye open and wear a snorkel because payback is a bitch and your next.

Or blame it on the dog.

One Jump Wonder

[3mpire 0]

I dropped a bomb in the tunnel once sitting on the bench. People flying in the tunnel could smell it.

Cool thing about recirc is your fart hits them in the face at 75% and then comes back around and hits them again.

You have to admit that's some serious hang time if even two turbine fans can't blow your stench away ;)