tinfoil

Tried calling RI? My experence with their customer support has been great, and most of the experences posted on this forum have been the same. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

http://www.dpreview.com/ is a very good web site for review, and helping you find what camera might work best for you. Others are www.epinions.com and www.cnet.com. I was in your shoes a few weeks ago, and I went with the sony DSC-V1, had everything I wanted, and found it at an ok price. And what do you mean outgrown a camera? “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Oh man, there is nothing worse then holding a razor so close to your balls. But you don't need to keep it shaved, trimming gets me very positive reviews. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

There is another thread about the openings here. I'll throw in my solution to. Jumping a Saber2 150, loaded at about 1.15. First I make sure all the nose cells are very neat, then I roll the nose cells once, not all the tightly. Works very well, openings take about 800 ft and are on heading, and if I forget to roll the nose the openings are 45-360 degrees off. Maybe I should stop rolling the nose, cause the 360's are fun

Damn, though it would take more then a minute. One more: "He sells reproductions! His furniture's as fake as my orgasms!" “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

feeling up high schools girls.... Wait, I still do that! Nevermind. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

"So, you're not gonna go to law school? What do you wanna do then?" "I wanna dance!" “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

I don't have much, but I hope it will do. The current chief pilot of my DZ only flies us once or twice a year. This year he buzzed the landing area ( his daughter, and the DZO's) low enough you can see his smile on the video, then throw in a low turn to avoid the wind sock. Has also put a DC3 low enough he had to pull up hard to miss some telephone poles. Crazy bugger, some of the old timers still talk about the time he put our 182 under some telephone poles “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Couldn't this also prevent lawsuits against manufactures that make say a cheap weapons with large capacity that end up being used to take out a small portion of a former employer? I know that sounds very harsh, but I couldn't find another way to put it. Please don't flame me for it. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Now now, Ivan was right, he just replied to the wrong post, mine was a repost. But is it so wrong to put something back in the spot light? Once a thread hits two pages or so people lose interest, it fades and dies in the archives. Reposting something just allows new people to give their opinions, or lets the older folks laugh again. But I did like the link Ivan posted, hehe, comparing George W to Animal Farm But this is getting off topic. Kennedy: Sure it should be include gay marriages. It would just be something along the lines that you can't discriminate and that I have a right seek happiness especially when it doesn't affect anyone except the people involved. But I don't have to deal with any of that, I'm Canadian! Same sex marriages have been legal in Ontario for a few months. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

The Bill of NO Rights The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA. We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal, bed wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights. ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy. ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat. ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

just added it up and i wish i hadn't about 11 000 CAD for all but 3 of my jumps, new gear, aif fair to ZHills. Next year I have to be like firstime, and start scrimping. And by that I mean I'll just get the 1/2 foot Subway subs

I'll throw in another mini review of the Neptune. I've put about 40 jumps on my Neptune (damn Canadian winters!) as an audible. So far the biggest problem I've had is that on one jump, it didn't beep until 1500 ft, but worked fine on the way down. Nice and loud, easy to use, and great customer support. Updating it is very easy, but it may take a few minutes to get it right, no big deal, you just need get the knack. And the IR ports can be had on eBay for 10 USD. My only wish would be some way to mount the Neptune in the Z1 where a pratrack would usually go, or maybe for the training modes to work, but that would just be for my own fun. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

How about [url http://www.supershuttle.com/htm/cities/tpa.htm]Super Shuttle? Cheap, quick, and nice people are what I get when I used it. But beware, don't ask the DZ to help you! Or if you do, know exactly what the driver will charge you. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Its up to you, both have pro's and con's. They have been writen about in length already on the board, should be able to find them with a quick search. One person to talk to though might be a forum user, kimgriffin, she is the sales manager for Vigil USA. good luck “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

This is a speach that was given by Guy Kawasaki (Apple computer guru) to a graduating high school class in Palo Alto, California some time in 95 I think. I always though it a lot of them were nice words to live by following high school, and they've worked well for me. I hope those who take the time to read it enjoy it. Speaking to you today marks a milestone in my life. I am 40 years old. 22 years ago, when I was in your seat, I never, ever thought I would be 40 years old. The implications of being your speaker frightens me. For one thing, when a 40 year old geezer spoke at my baccalaureate ceremony, he was about the last person I'd believe. I have no intention of giving you the boring speech that you are dreading. This speech will be short, sweet, and not boring. I am going to talk about hindsight today. Hindsight that I've accumulated in the 20 years from where you are to where I am. Don't blindly believe me. Don't take what I say as "truth." Just listen. Perhaps my experience can help you out a tiny bit. I will present them ala David Letterman. Yes, 40-year old people can still stay up past 11. 10: Live off your parents as long as possible. When I spoke at this ceremony two years ago, this was the most popular hindsight-except from the point of view of the parents. Thus, I knew I was on the right track. I was a diligent Oriental in high school and college. I took college-level classes and earned college-level credits. I rushed through college in 3 years. I never traveled or took time off because I thought it wouldn't prepare me for work and it would delay my graduation. Frankly, I blew it. You are going to work the rest of your lives, so don't be in a rush to start. Stretch out your college education. Now is the time to suck life into your lungs-before you have a mortgage, kids, and car payments. Take whole semesters off to travel overseas. Take jobs and internships that pay less money or no money. Investigate your passions on your parent's nickel. Or dime. Or quarter. Or dollar. Your goal should be to extend college to at least six years. Delay, as long as possible, the inevitable entry into the workplace and a lifetime of servitude to bozos who know less than you do, but who make more money. Also, you shouldn't deprive your parents of the pleasure of supporting you. 9: Pursue joy, not happiness. This is probably the hardest lesson of all to learn. It probably seems to you that the goal in life is to be "happy." Oh, you maybe have to sacrifice and study and work hard, but, by and large, happiness should be predictable. Nice house. Nice car. Nice material things. Take my word for it, happiness is temporary and fleeting. Joy, by contrast, is unpredictable. It comes from pursuing interests and passions that do not obviously result in happiness. Pursuing joy, not happiness will translate into one thing over the next few years for you: Study what you love. This may also not be popular with parents. When I went to college, I was "marketing driven." It's also an Oriental thing. I looked at what fields had the greatest job opportunities and prepared myself for them. This was brain dead. There are so many ways to make a living in the world, it doesn't matter that you've taken all the "right" courses. I don't think one person on the original Macintosh team had a classic "computer science" degree. You parents have a responsibility in this area. Don't force your kids to follow in your footsteps or to live your dreams. My father was a senator in Hawaii. His dream was to be a lawyer, but he only had a high school education. He wanted me to be a lawyer. For him, I went to law school. For me, I quit after two weeks. I view this a terrific validation of my inherent intelligence. 8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is to accept the known and resist the unknown. You should, in fact, do exactly the opposite: challenge the known and embrace the unknown. Let me tell you a short story about ice. In the late 1800s there was a thriving ice industry in the Northeast. Companies would cut blocks of ice from frozen lakes and ponds and sell them around the world. The largest single shipment was 200 tons that was shipped to India. 100 tons got there unmelted, but this was enough to make a profit. These ice harvesters, however, were put out of business by companies that invented mechanical ice makers. It was no longer necessary to cut and ship ice because companies could make it in any city during any season. These ice makers, however, were put out of business by refrigerator companies. If it was convenient to make ice at a manufacturing plant, imagine how much better it was to make ice and create cold storage in everyone's home. You would think that the ice harvesters would see the advantages of ice making and adopt this technology. However, all they could think about was the known: better saws, better storage, better transportation. Then you would think that the ice makers would see the advantages of refrigerators and adopt this technology. The truth is that the ice harvesters couldn't embrace the unknown and jump their curve to the next curve. Challenge the known and embrace the unknown, or you'll be like the ice harvester and ice makers. 7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports. Learn a foreign language. I studied Latin in high school because I thought it would help me increase my vocabulary. It did, but trust me when I tell you it's very difficult to have a conversation in Latin today other than at the Vatican. And despite all my efforts, the Pope has yet to call for my advice. Learn to play a musical instrument. My only connection to music today is that I was named after Guy Lombardo. Trust me: it's better than being named after Guy's brother, Carmen. Playing a musical instrument could be with me now and stay with me forever. Instead, I have to buy CDs at Tower. I played football. I loved football. Football is macho. I was a middle linebacker-arguably, one of the most macho position in a macho game. But you should also learn to play a non-contact sport like basketball or tennis. That is, a sport you can play when you're over the hill. It will be as difficult when you're 40 to get twenty-two guys together in a stadium to play football as it is to have a conversation in Latin, but all the people who wore cute, white tennis outfits can still play tennis. And all the macho football players are sitting around watching television and drinking beer. 6: Continue to learn. Learning is a process not an event. I thought learning would be over when I got my degree. It's not true. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once you're out of school because it's easier to see the relevance of why you need to learn. You're learning in a structured, dedicated environment right now. On your parents' nickel. But don't confuse school and learning. You can go to school and not learn a thing. You can also learn a tremendous amount without school. 5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself. I know a forty year old woman who was a drug addict. She is a mother of three. She traced the start of her drug addiction to smoking dope in high school. I'm not going to lecture you about not taking drugs. Hey, I smoked dope in high school. Unlike Bill Clinton, I inhaled. Also unlike Bill Clinton, I exhaled. This woman told me that she started taking drugs because she hated herself when she was sober. She did not like drugs so much as much as she hated herself. Drugs were not the cause though she thought they were the solution. She turned her life around only after she realized that she was in a downward spiral. Fix your problem. Fix your life. Then you won't need to take drugs. Drugs are neither the solution nor the problem. Frankly, smoking, drugs, alcohol-and using an IBM PC [sic] -are signs of stupidity. End of discussion. 4: Don't get married too soon. I got married when I was 32. That's about the right age. Until you're about that age, you may not know who you are. You also may not know who you're marrying. I don't know one person who got married too late. I know many people who got married too young. If you do decide to get married, just keep in mind that you need to accept the person for what he or she is right now. 3: Play to win and win to play. Playing to win is one of the finest things you can do. It enables you to fulfill your potential. It enables you to improve the world and, conveniently, develop high expectations for everyone else too. And what if you lose? Just make sure you lose while trying something grand. Avinash Dixit, an economics professor at Princeton, and Barry Nalebuff, an economics and management professor at the Yale School of Organization and Management, say it this way: "If you are going to fail, you might as well fail at a difficult task. Failure causes others to downgrade their expectations of you in the future. The seriousness of this problem depends on what you attempt." In its purest form, winning becomes a means, not an end, to improve yourself and your competition. Winning is also a means to play again. The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the unlived life is not worth examining. The rewards of winning-money, power, satisfaction, and self-confidence-should not be squandered. Thus, in addition to playing to win, you have a second, more important obligation: To compete again to the depth and breadth and height that your soul can reach. Ultimately, your greatest competition is yourself. 2: Obey the absolutes. Playing to win, however, does not mean playing dirty. As you grow older and older, you will find that things change from absolute to relative. When you were very young, it was absolutely wrong to lie, cheat, or steal. As you get older, and particularly when you enter the workforce, you will be tempted by the "system" to think in relative terms. "I made more money." "I have a nicer car." "I went on a better vacation." Worse, "I didn't cheat as much on my taxes as my partner." "I just have a few drinks. I don't take cocaine." "I don't pad my expense reports as much as others." This is completely wrong. Preserve and obey the absolutes as much as you can. If you never lie, cheat, or steal, you will never have to remember who you lied to, how you cheated, and what you stole. There absolutely are absolute rights and wrongs. 1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone. This is the most important hindsight. It doesn't need much explanation. I'll just repeat it: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone. Nothing-not money, power, or fame-can replace your family and friends or bring them back once they are gone. Our greatest joy has been our baby, and I predict that children will bring you the greatest joy in your lives-especially if they graduate from college in four years. And now, I'm going to give you one extra hindsight because I've probably cost your parents thousands of dollars today. It's something that I hate to admit too. By and large, the older you get, the more you're going to realize that your parents were right. More and more-until finally, you become your parents. I know you're all saying, "Yeah, right." Mark my words. Remember these ten things: if just one of them helps you, this speech will have been a success. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Some random info that was at the end of the story. WHO’S IN HELL Even the underworld has its social circles. And according to 14th-century poet Dante Alighieri, there are nine of these circles, or levels, each one lower, hotter, and more torturous than the last. Here’s a partial listing of who’s frying on which floor. Anyone you know? Circle One Both Darrin Stephenses Fourth-grade gym teachers who made you shower even after square dancing. Benedict Arnold’s mom Circle Two Anyone who doesn’t like pirates Amish people who watch TV when no one’s looking Bosses who use nautical expressions like "Welcome aboard" and "I like the cut of your jib." Circle Three People who take part in Civil War reenactments Anyone named "Hans" Men who, through no fault of their own, resemble Saddam Husein Abba (just the guys) Circle Four Anyone with a vanity plate Jerry Springer The younger of the two brothers Grimm Toto (the dog and the band) Circle Five The richest guy at your high school reunion Every "hombre" Clint Eastwood shot in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Balloonists Circle Six People who have consumed human flesh…more than once Everyone who has ever appeared on Jerry Springer The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band Carpetbaggers Circle Seven Men who cry when they haven’t actually been kicked in the balls U.S. citizens who smoke Cuban cigars (they’re illegal, you know) John Philip Sousa People who know their resting heart rate Circle Eight Anyone Charlton Heston doesn’t reall, really like The guy who’s always blatantly picking his nose at traffic lights People who watch Jerry Springer Circle Nine Anyone who votes for Dan Quayle in the next election People. People who need people Every person who ever had sex with Milton Berle All the Who’s in Who-ville Readers of Details HELL AT A GLANCE • Temperature: .00000001 degrees hotter than you could possibly stand • Total square miles: Never mind…there’s always room for one more • Highest point: The steel spike driven into Wilt “Hey, I’m Not Dead Yet” Chamberlin’s head • Form of government: Totalisadism • Legal holidays: National “Your Balls Swell Up to the Size of Schnauzers but Remain Inside Your Sac” Day Festival of a Thousands Paper Cuts Shin-Bashing Week • Unit of currency: The scream • Major exports: Wet dreams, murderous thoughts, and novelty Valentine’s Day Candy • Major imports: You “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Guess I just have a dramatic flair. This is a short story that was in Maxim magazine Oct 98. Though I would post it here because most people who read it seem to like it. If anyone can give the the authors name, it would be nice, thanks. hope you enjoy Go To Hell! The hottest travel destination in the universe during the Halloween season is none other than Satan’s stomping grounds. We sent an unsuspecting writer down this fiery lakeside resort to check out the sights, sounds, and giant bloated flies. Maxim, October 1998 “You want me to go where!?!” I had been called to the Maxim editorial office to do what they loosely referred to as a travel story. But the particulars, like where I was going, had not been mentioned until now. “We’d like you to go to Hell and interview Satan,” the editor calmly repeated. “But…but I’m not dead,” I argued. “Maybe you guys haven’t thought this through.” The editor responded by picking up his phone and whispering, “Hold my calls.” Then everything happened really fast. One guy reached over, slammed my head down on the desk, and held me there. Another went to a closet and pulled out the biggest ax I’d ever seen, with the Maxim logo imprinted on its blade. They both started chanting something that sounded like the theme song from The Patty Duke Show backward. Then the bastards cut off my head Hello! My Name Is Xghzqtk The first thing I see when I wake up in the under-world is my headless body on the ground. Then I see who is holding my head. Neither is a pretty sight. “MY NAME IS XGHZQTK,” the demon says in a thunderous voice, “I AM SATAN’S PUBLICIST.” Xghzqtk is nine feet tall, with Teflon scales and a head shaped like four megaphones pointing north, east, south, and west…each with a five-foot tongue hanging out of it. His other distinguishing feature is a right hand so large that when he makes a fist, it’s as big as a prize watermelon. He’s a little touchy about his name and threatens to punch me in the face every time I mispronounce it. Unfortunately, Xghzqtk is impossible to say correctly unless your throat is lined with fully opened Swiss army knives. I expect to be punched quite a bit in this trip. Me-owwwwwwwwww “LET’S GET YOU FIXED UP,” says Xghzqtk. My headless body is lying on what, oddly enough, appears to be steaming-hot kitty litter. Darkness surrounds us, the only light a faint bloody glow emanating from the demon. In the background I think I hear the sound of cats meowing. Xghzqtk picks my body up, sticks my head back on it, and, using his massive fist like a hammer, drives a three-foot nail straight down through the top of my skull with the expertise of a carpenter. He tells me that during the French Revolution, he was the busiest demon in Hell. Wistfully he asks if there is any chance the guillotine may come back into vogue as a means of capital punishment. To cheer him up, I lie and say that Texas is considering it. With my head firmly (if somewhat painfully) in place, the next order of business is some light to travel by. It’s now that the mystery of the meowing is solved. Xghzqtk stalks off into the gloom and returns seconds later with two cats skewered on poles. He quickly sets them on fire and hands me one of the poles, and we make our way across the kitty-litter plain by the light of their burning fur. We walk for miles, heading toward a faint, distant light: the ferry port. It’s hotter than Death Valley and pretty damned smoky from those cats. There is an occasional breeze, but it smells so bad, you can hardly call it a relief. Xghzqtk informs me that to the north sits a demon the size of the moon who eternally feasts upon dark beer and baked beans. His name is Flatulus The closer we get to our destination, the more roadside vendors we see. One yells, “Last chance to but aspirin before the Gates of Hell!” I stop for a quick purchase at Xghzqtk’s suggestion. Another offers to sell me racy photos of what my wife’s doing now that I’m dead. We pass a pathetic-looking Italian man dressed in aged, shit-stained medieval garb who holds a sign saying WILL RHYME FOR FOOD. Two burly guys in togas are giving him a wedgie. Slow Boat to Hell Rush hour at the ferry port is well…pretty bad. Millions of people, no information booth, 75-mile-long ticket lines, and there’s only one bathroom, which has been occupied for the last 2,500 years by a demon named Urinicon…the Bladder of Satan. Luckily, Xghzqtk knows which palms to grease with human fat, and before you can say “Ozzy Osbourne” we’re boarding. The boat is a human turd, two miles long, 100 yards wide, with some benches on top. I’m about to sit down when I notice that they are covered with six-inch spikes honed to the finest points possible. “I can’t sit here,” I complain to the Ferryman. “Damn right!” he exclaims. “This is first class.” Xghzqtk leads me back to coach, where I immediately sink straight down to the bridge of my nose in turd and remain that way for the 15 years it takes to reach the other side. Free Willy is the in-voyage movie. It plays over and over again, 27,345 times. As relaxing as I usually find boat rides, it is with some degree of relief that I sight the port of Pandemonium, Hell’s capital city. Xghzqtk is kind enough to agonizingly yank my head around so that I can see the statue of Charles de Gaulle standing on its own little island at the mouth of Hell’s harbor. Much like the Statue of Liberty, this monument was a gift of appreciation from the French people and is truly a magnificent sculpture. General de Gaulle stands a good 1,729 feet high, Gallic sneer on his face as he lifts his middle finger skyward. The plaque at his feet is eloquent in its simplicity. IF YOU THINK FRANCE TREATS VISITORS LIKE CRAP…JUST WAIT Hell ’n’ Ready I’ve been half expecting to see a huge three-headed dog guarding the Gates of Hell, but Xghzqtk says that when Satan succeeded the Greek god Hades, he got rid of the mutt because it kept humping his leg. Now a thousand-armed demon stands in front of the gates, passing out buy-one-get-one free coupons and club passes. I score one for a free kick in the balls with every one purchased. “LUCKY YOU,” comments Xghzqtk enviously. The actual Gates are in reality a series of pillars 100 feet in diameter, stretching up to infinity, and composed entirely of mouths. Some mouths moan, some snicker, and some sing Helen Reddy tunes off-key. But, unfortunately, most of them just spit on you as you walk by. Once we’re through the gates, I just con’t resist a souvenir photo. They have cardboard likenesses of Satan and Jesus, with a hole cut out where Satan’s head was so your face can be on the devil’s body. I choose the one where Satan is tying Jesus’ shoelaces together, but the one where he’s taping a KICK ME sign on His back is pretty funny, too. “COME ONE,” says Xghzqtk impatiently, “WE’VE GOT A SCHEDULE TO STICK TO.” Then he hauls off and punches me incredibly hard in the face…but in a playful, good-natured sort of way. Who says that demons don’t like to kid around? Sin City Although Hell is boundless, everyone who’s anyone makes their home in Pandemonium. Satan’s palace is here. Beelzebub, Mammon, Belial, and the other top-ranking demons all have mansions up in the trendy Canker Sore Canyon area. Pandemonium is also where you’ll find Hitler, Stalin, Genghis Khan, Judas, and loads of other famous beasts from the past. Just about everyone in the music industry is here, too, as well as most New Yorkers…and the guy responsible for those annoying Mentos commercials. It’s a good thing I have Xghzqtk with me, because even the most experienced world traveler would find Pandemonium challenging to navigate. First, since intersections resemble crosses, there are none. Roads stop, start, swirl, snake, and circle but never meet. It can takes years to get somewhere no more than 200 yards away. The second problem is that every night, Pandemonium completely rearranges itself, so the next day even people who have lived there for centuries wake up totally lost. Not that there is a next day. It’s always night in Pandemonium, but it’s hardly depressing, because the city is alight with the flames of a million burning-cat street-lamps. Everything is open all the time; misshapen people run naked through the streets, laughing psychotically, screaming in pain, and occasionally stopping to fornicate joylessly in huge orgiastic dog piles or to hawk their souvenir THIS SHIRT HURTS T-shirts. We are standing in an open-market square, but there’s no time for shopping, as Xghzqtk is already hailing us a cockroach. We hop aboard the 20 foot-long insect and scuttle off to my lodgings. Three hotel chains cater to the tourist trade here in Pandemonium. The Hellton is by far the best, offering amenities such as a wake-up whip for business travelers who need to make early meetings. For the midrange pocketbook, Holiday Sin is not a bad deal. But they tend to book 60 to a room, and there’s something of a giant-fly problem. Unfortunately, Maxim has me booked into Motel 666: Hell’s economy-class lodging. We go to the front desk, and I reach for my wallet. But Xghzqtk stays my hand. “EARTHLY MONEY WILL BUY YOU NOTHING HERE, FOOL.” “Well, what form of currency do you use?” I ask. “THE SCREAM.” Before I can move, the manager hauls me over the counter and beats 70 screams out of me, going rate for a room. Then the bellhop leads me to a wall with a tiny three-inch-wide crack in it. “Your room sir.” He picks me up and shoves my entire body into the crack, headfirst. “Will that be all, sir?” “Yes.” Saturday Night in Hell Xghzqtk stops back a few hours later to pull me out of my room. “BAD NEWS,” he says while bludgeoning my three-inch body back into shape. “THE MASTER CAN’T SPEAK TO YOU UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT. HE’S GOT A GIG.” It turns out that despite all the unimaginably sick and decadent ways one could spend a Saturday night in Pandemonium, everyone in fact does only one thing: listens to Satan tell ready bad jokes. It’s mandatory…and it goes on all night. On the way over to the AAAAAAAAAAAAHmphitheater, we make one fast stop at the strip mall (and I do mean strip mall) to check out a few topless bars. The one we go into is called Ladies First. Onstage is a decrepit ld woman dressed in Colonial-era split-crotch panties and tassels that looks disturbingly like Dolly Madison. “NOTHING BUT FIRST LADIES OF THE UNITED STATES,” chuckles Xghzqtk. “I JUST LOVE THESE THEME JOINTS.” We stay for a few minutes, but when the announcer asks us to give a very warm welcome to Eleanor Roosevelt, I look at my watch and tell a disappointed Xghzqtk that we’d better catch a cockroach if we don’t want to be late. Although admission to the show is a little steep (2,00 screams), the place is packed…because it’s mandatory. We take our seats and I can_sq_t believe my good luck. Sitting to my right is Jim Morrison of the Doors. He’s wearing a powder-blue tux and his hair is cut short, but it’s definitely The Lizard King. Apparently his gig in Hell is to play in a bad bar mitzvah band for eternity. The lights go down and the MC comes out. “Let’s have a big hand for the guy that God Himself loves to hate. Your eternal tormentor and mine…SA-A-A-A-A-A-TAN!” I’d love to say that it’s the best show I’ve ever seen, but, again, that wouldn’t be Hell. For the next 12 hours, the most evil entity in the universe stands up there and tells horrible knock-knock jokes. “KNOCK, KNOCK.” “Who-o-o-o’s there?” screams every last damned and tortured soul in Hell. “LUCY.” “Lucy who?” “LUCI-FER, YOUR LORD AND MASTER THROUGHOUT ETERNITY. HAHAHAHAHA.” And then 5,000,000 volts of electricity run through every seat in the house…Satan’s idea of an APPLAUSE sign. My Dinner with Satan Sunday’s in Hell aren_sq_t much better than Saturday nights. Everyone is forced to go to Our Lady of I-Told-You-So Cathedral for a nine-hour high mass in Latin that won’t do anyone a bit of good, since thay’re already damned. Behind each infernal parishioner stands an enormous hairy demon in a nun’s habit wielding a 17-foot-long concrete ruler, which applies frequently. But at long last the moment comes. I’ve been in Hell a little longer than I Planned, and I’m eager to do this interview and get back to Earth. So here I am at a table for two in Satan’s favorite bistro, the Mug o’ Snot, waiting for Nick. Suddenly the place is swarming with Infernal Service agents with one hand to their ears, speaking into tiny microphones. They secure the area for The Big Red One’s imminent arrival. He appears suddenly, impeccable in a dark pinstriped Brioni double-breasted. His handshake is firm, if somewhat scalding. Easing himself into a seat, he offers me a cigar and asks if I’m enjoying my stay in Hell. We make small talk about the weather (it is currently raining feet) and the food (unfortunately, the name of the restaurant is also the menu). Then I hit him with my questions: “So, was pride really why you got cast out of Heaven?” “NOT AT ALL. THE TRUTH IS THAT WHEN WE WERE ALL LITTLE ANGELS, ME AND MY FRIENDS USED TO BEAT UP GOD’S SON ON THE PLAYGROUND. WHO KNEW DADDY WAS SO DAMNED PROTECTIVE?” “A lot of actors have portrayed you in movies. Any particular favorites?” “JACK NICHOLSON. HE’S THE ONE WHO LOOKS AND ACTS THE MOST LIKE ME…ESPECIALLY OFF-CAMERA. I’LL HAVE TO THANK HIM WHEN HE GETS HERE.” “You’ve had a lot of what you would probably consider successes in you career: the Garden of Eden, the Black Death. What are you most proud of?” “CD CLEANERS. THEY DON’T REALLY WORK. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Why do good things happen to bad people?” “I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU A PHILOSOPHICAL REASON…BUT HONESTLY? BECAUSE IT’S SO DARNED FUNNY.” “What’s the worst torture you’ve ever devised?” “DID YOU HAPPEN TO MEET JIM MORRISON WHILE YOU WERE HERE?” “Uh, yeah. You’re a cruel entity. How about Armageddon? Has Don King asked for pay-per-view rights when you and God finally duke it out?” “LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME AND DON KING TOGETHER IN THE SAME ROOM?” “No. Do you mean…?” “THAT’S ALL I’M GOING TO SAY ON THAT SUBJECT.” “Can you tell me when the Armageddon will occur?” Unfortunately, right at that moment one of Satan’s assistants whispers into his ear. “SORRY. SOMETHING JUST CAME UP, AND I’VE GOT TO GO.” “But I’ve spent 15 years riding on a turd just to talk to you.” Satan turns to me, and his eyes begin to glow like two tiny Chernobyls. I decide not to press my luck. “Well, thanks for your time. Maybe you could have Xghzqtk [Satan reaches over and punches me in the face] show me back to the boat, so I can get home to file this story.” “OH, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. MAXIM SAID I CAN KEEP YOU AS LONG AS THEY GET YOUR NOTES. HAND THEM OVER.” A couple of brawny demons then haul me off and install me in my own little slice of eternal damnation. But as they walk away, I just have to know: “Will I be getting a byline?” “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Hehe, I feel lucky. Went through Detroit and Tampa airports, I put my rig through the metal detectors, and they screeners didn't even flinch, didn't open the bag it was in, nothing. It was only when I was in Canada did they take everything out of my bags, bomb wond, screener getting nervous as he picks my rig up by the reserve flap and asks "What's this?", and a mini conference with the airline to see if rigs were allowed. But a few minutes later the screeners were asking me if I was a base jumper . “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Forget that, check out the sellers other auctions. My neighbour was telling me just last week how impossible it is find 2 million feet of fiber optic cable, a steal to at only 4.4 million “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

From the BBC: Police chief says legalise heroin Personally I think this is a great idea and this this police officer is very brave. If here were in the US, I can imagine he would have already lost his job. It would mirror what the UK had up until the 70's I think, and the US had into the 20's. Legalized Heroin was at one time given with a prescription. Junkies could go and get their fix once a day or so, and then live a normal life. They didn't have to find ways to support their lifestyle; they became useful members of society It also kept the number of addicts down. If I remember, a few years before the US got involved in the UK's drug program, the number of addicts doubled from 3000 to 6000 in a decade or so. While there were an equal number of addicts living in New York. No risk of infection either. But then the US got involved and it all went to hell. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

9 people? that a roomy car, I could throw crap in the backseat all winter and it would only be half full! sweet “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

My Saber2 started to get much easier to pack around 60 jumps, I would say don't worry too much. As for care, stay out of the sun. But that's kinda messed because skydiving is something you can only do on sunny days “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Oh shit, now I remember, Alti-2 is sent my Neptune back to me via UPS... like a week ago. Aww, I'm sure it will be ok “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”

Horror stories of UPS, gosh there are alot. I stopped using UPS after they charged me an extra $175 to get something shipped to me from the states. This was ontop of the shipping already paid, and they never said there would be additional fees. Now its FexEx if the package is worth more then my car, or Canada Post for everything else. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ”